Monthly Archive

SLANT 8: Bold Asian American Images
Friday, May 30, 8pm
Filmmaker Soham Mehta and curator Melissa Hung in attendance

This program of experimental and narrative films weaves together the humorous and the poetic.  Some films tackle stereotypes, while others travel through memory and longing.

Synesthesia | Larilyn Sanchez
Texas premiere | 2006 | Video | 2 mins
Senses come alive, creating impressions, when a woman goes dancing in the dark.

Drive | Ahree Lee
World premiere | 2007 | Video | 4 mins
An experimental take on driving turns multiple trips on the same road into a transcendent experience.

Cookies for Sale | Wes Kim
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 3.75 mins
A little girl selling cookies door-to-door engages in a battle of wills with a very grumpy neighbor.

Souvenirs From Asia | Joyce Wong
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 12.5 mins
Hanjoo feels like an alien in her suburban neighborhood. It doesn’t help that her adoptive mother is clueless about race and history.

Manoj | Zia Mohajerjasbi
Houston premiere | 2007 | Video | 12 mins
Written by comedian Hari Kondabolu, Manoj is a mockumentary about in-your-face comedian Manoj, who is more than happy to use stereotypes for a laugh.

Suicide Piece | Yu Araki
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 3.5 mins
It is mid-day in a major city when this performance piece begins. How will passerbys react to a man and a banana?

Released | Soham Mehta
Houston premiere | 2007 | 16mm presented on Video | 8.5 mins
Three years ago, a brutal hate crime sent Kaustabh to the hospital. Today his assailant will be released from prison and Kaustabh wants revenge.

The Nothing Pill | Yu Gu
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 6 mins
In the year 2110, on an Earth nearly depleted of resources, a scientist struggles to find a cure for loneliness.

Dan Carter | Alison Kobayashi
Texas premiere | 2006 | Video | 15 mins
Dan Carter donated his answering machine to a second-hand store. Dan Carter didn’t remove the tape. This story of a love affair, re-imagined and performed by the filmmaker, is based on those messages.

A Thousand Words | Ted Chung
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 4.5 mins
A train passenger forgets her camera, or did she leave it on purpose? A stranger finds the camera and takes a chance to connect.

Embarcadero Blues | Dino Ignacio
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 3 mins
In this music video, songwriter Goh Nakamura sings a love song for San Francisco and anyone who has worked in the service industry.

The Best of Slant Vol 1 features a collection of short films culled from 7 years of Aurora Picture Show’s annual Slant: Bold Asian American Images festival. Slant curator Melissa Hung is the founding editor of Hyphen, a magazine about Asian American culture.  Films in the Compilation include:

1. How to do the Asian Squat by Daniel Hsia - or is it the Chinese squat? ;-)
2. Lilo and Me by Kip Fulbeck
3. Maritess vs the Superfriends by Dino Ignacio 
4. A Little Bit Different by Lynn Okimura 
5. Profiles in Science by Wes Kim 
6. I Pie (A Love Story) by Nobu Adilman 
7. How to Make Kimchi According to My Kun-Uma by Samuel Kiehoon Lee
8. Slip of the Tongue by Karen Lum - spoken word by Adriel Luis

Talking about Asian-Americans, here are some more links:

• CNN special focus:  http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2007/asian.american/
• blog:  http://www.reappropriate.com/
• blog:  http://www.slanteyefortheroundeye.com/

Not the television series season finale tonight.  That’s just how I describe how I’ve been feeling for quite some time.  And that’s what I’ve been telling people.  Like I wrote in an email three weeks ago when asked for a prayer request:  “On a personal note, I still feel lost, but it’s not this big suffocating weight and desperation, and I don’t really think it’s a bad thing either.  Still, I think what was said at Bible study was right on target, I really don’t even know what to specify except that I really haven’t touched that Bible in forever.  I used to read it every day.  So that is a step.  But just everything is on my mind really, like counseling and church and career and stuff….”  Before, it was this feeling of desolation that would be the catalyst of a stampede of thoughts that no one cares (e.g. second-guessing my friends and family, perceiving past gatherings from under the shadow of a dark cloak).  Just as Phoebe knows her fear of the stage is irrational, I know these thoughts are irrational, but it still doesn’t much help with untangling that knot during the deer-in-headlights moment.  Depression is irrational!  Or is it?  I remember Hannah made a comment after watching Lifting the Veil, saying she somewhat believes that some who have depression are more in tune with reality than us “normal” people because we “ignore” the atrocities and stick with an “illusion” of rosiness in order to not go “crazy.”

“Keep Breathing”
by Ingrid Michaelson

The storm is coming but I don’t mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that i know is I’m breathing now.

I want to change the world…instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I’m breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that I know is I’m breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

Anyway, I guess this is as good a time as any to at least sort a smidgen in my mind/heart/spirit:

COMMUNITY
Genesis 35:11

Last Thursday I drove my parents to Austin to pay a last visit before my brother left for one week (to visit his former roommate), to give him his luggage (so he can pack), and to clean out his fridge (because he can leave food on the stove and not ever eat or clean it out).  My brother and I are very close.  We grew up with the same parents and familial history, in the same household, went to the same school for awhile, even were in the exact class and period for a class or two in high school (personal tutor, baby!).  We initially hung out with the majority of the same acquaintances (and lack thereof) and shared in the same struggles regarding church and friends and connectedness that we still discuss to this day, many times while in his room chatting up to the wee hours of the night/morn and our parents would come and say time to go to bed!  We are considerably different when you meet us, no doubt, as I am more like our mother and he is more like our father.  And in fact since high school we have led very different lives and rarely hang out or even talk with the same people, friends, or each other.  Nonetheless, during those occasional phone calls, I would say that I still feel close and  would still reveal much embarrassing/humbling/shameful things to him.

By the way, he had moved into a new apartment (from the urgings of his currently ex-girlfriend) and bought some furniture.  Where did they come from?  The famous Craigslist.  I have never been to the site, but many many people have made references to it.  From my understanding, it’s a virtual (that sometimes eventually leads to a physical) place where people can sell and exchange practically anything, from sofas and endtables to jobs, pets, and discussions.  It reminds me of Facebook and Myspace, two sites which Jennifer Garcia is part of and asked me if I was as well (I’m not, and actually most people in FBCC don’t have Facebook).  I’m not part of Craigslist, either, but is it something to BE a part of?  But those in Facebook and Myspace are still part of that network since they are still signed up in it, right?  Am I still part of Xanga if I decide I won’t write in it anymore (no activity), even if I have two blogs hosted on it?  You used to need an account to leave a comment, but now you don’t.  Do those who have never signed up part of Xanga if they leave a million comments on others’ Xanga blogs?  What does it mean to be part of a community?  What does it mean to be part of a church, and to be part of His Church?

FELLOWSHIP
Acts 2:42-47

I have been faithfully attending church services on Sundays since childhood.  But this past January, since I’ve always hated it (since middle school and El Paso, and even in Austin), I made a conscious decision to just stop going.  I made no effort to wake up earlier than usual, and even if I did, I didn’t even consider the possibility of perhaps attending.  Not until I figure out which church to attend regularly (do I want to stick with FBCC with its new chapter?), why I feel the way I do about it (is it the environment, the specific social situation?), and my reasons for going.  Three Sundays ago, I told Tiffany that though I haven’t really been communing with God lately, and though I have never ever exactly lauded FBCC, I have come to the conclusion to return to FBCC.  Now I have to dissect what that entails.

Regardless of its vagueness, it was a difficult decision.  Vickie is in San Antonio, so that’s why she says she continues to attend WHCC (her default).  However, she says that when she returns to a more permanent stay in Houston, she’ll move to Access, which is where Phoebe and Linton are fellowshiping now.  Access is starting out as a small but highly committed group.  When it grows in size, how will it look like?  Are people still going to connect?  To start off last fall, Pastor Ted asked his congregants to read The Celtic Way of Evangelism: How Christianity Can Reach the West…Again by George G. Hurton III.  In it, the key to evangelism is through understanding and living as a fellowship among the people, and in time they will open their hearts to the God who knows them.  The old Roman way was for people to believe before they can belong, while the new Celtic way is for you to belong and eventually believe.  In other words, the community and not an individual brings you to Christ.  In many ways, it’s easier to tell someone the Gospel than it is to take someone where s/he consistently experiences the Gospel.

How do we belong?  I sure feel like I belong to WHCC and HCC more than FBCC.  I know I am at fault for not terribly trying much, but even though I don’t really try, I get invited to their birthday parties, their holiday celebrations, and their event gatherings.  They even apologize profusely for forgetting to add me onto their list and making sure I am included next time.  On the flip side, I try the hardest with FBCC (but not my hardest in general) by calling and emailing them to contact me to hang out, and instead I’ve come to expect voicemail and oh yeah, this is what we’re doing right now, if you want to come.  Is it because at least one or two people keep track of me at WHCC and HCC, but no one does here at FBCC?  That could make all the difference.  Or is it that I expect more (and keep a record of wrongs?) because I have decided to be included at FBCC but I am nonchalant with whether I am invited to WHCC or HCC?  I remember back in January there was a slew of WHCC birthdays, and then in February there was a slew of FBCC birthdays.  Somehow, I ended up going to the WHCC ones but not the FBCC ones as much; I don’t remember now, but at the time was it due to scheduling conflicts or did I finally decide to attend the WHCC ones because I was more comfortable with them?  What does it mean to expect the worse but hope for the best?  How do you have high expectations but….? 

When I entered college, I checked out a handful of Christian gatherings.  I joined a small group that was part of the then-called Chinese Bible Study because it was the thing to do and everyone kept emphasizing them.  Our group fell apart,one by one, until it was just the Bible study leader, me, and this girl who was highly committed and hadn’t yet accepted Jesus.  I felt sorry, but that wasn’t going to cut it, so I left highly disappointed and joined CCC.  Later, I learned that one of the girls who wasn’t that much of a believer became good friends with Kara and eventually made an amazing transformation through His grace.  The thing is, though you can encourage group ownership, it sure can’t be forced.  Anyone knows nagging doesn’t work, although we find ourselves doing it.  Haven’t you noticed with some you just click instantly and with others you don’t?  Some people find you dull, while others find you exciting, or at least around them somehow you light up.  Even if you give all the time you can, with all the sincerity and effort, with both of you seeking, even if you lived near each other.  Reminds me of that girl from Chicago: we had an affinity towards each other so we’d decide to meet up and all, but anyone can tell from our conversations that somehow we just weren’t clicking.  Eventually we both decided without words to call it off.  She was a smart and pretty girl; I wonder where she is now after UT Austin pre-pharm classes.

Maybe we’re defining incorrectly.  Back in high school, I was elected to be the Science Club president, with a new teacher sponsor.  It bothered me that our definition of a member was someone who paid the fee.  There were those who were super dedicated, coming and helping at every single event, while others never showed up but they did pay the money.  I didn’t enjoy being president, so for me to keep everything running was as good as it was going to get, not trying to change their pre-existing system.  Magnificat has an application process but afterwards you’re in for life.  Even with years of hiatus you are always wlecome to come back and use the resources.  I met Annie Shen at an HCC gathering, and she says she hangs out with HCC, serves in her home Asian church, and then attends a more American (or African-American?) church on Sunday mornings.  Seems fragmented and yet, is that something I want to imitate?  In a way, her method demonstrates that we together are the Bride of Christ.  Vickie’s always running around hanging out with all these groups because we are all interconnected (actually, if left to my own devices, I really don’t care to make new friends). 

Indeed, it is impossible to know everyone, even within a single church building (”Abandon Committees, Skip Teams, and Embrace Communities” by George Bullard), so is there significance in “choosing” a church?  Are we to attend, serve, and gather within one?  What does the modern-day “fellowship of the believers” look like?  I think my problem would be choosing, because many times events have been booked for the same weekend.  Do I even it out?  Or instead, focus?  Still, I remember in the past when someone at FBCC needed a bone marrow transplant due to leukemia; the whole church gathered together.  We have also drawn together to fundraise for missions we support.  And the Chinese churches have gathered together for events as well (although it appears that FBCC does that less than the others).  Our mechanic, dentist, realtor, and family physician all were borne from the network of these Chinese churches.  It’s like “The New Science of Networks” by Albert-Laszlo Barabasi (who wrote it after reading “The Strength of Weak Ties“ by Mark S. Granovetter).

Still, when I went to RecWeek it was a big deal since I didn’t commit myself to InterVarsity but to CCC:EPIC (who has their own similar conference: DWC)–the IV leader went to the CCC leader to make sure they knew about me and it was okay with them!  Actually, it is the close relationships I formed in EPIC, not IV, that continue to live on.  I’ve still visited Josh, sent a card to Jonathan Le, had a few meals with prayers and talks of our spiritual struggles with Marie when she stops in town, and exchanged sparse emails with Iris.  Which reminds me: before the birth of EPIC, Alice and I were part of a CCC cell group.  The concept is that, as it grew, it would split and thus multiply.  We had to decide who we wanted to go with: Ophelia or Kristen.  I couldn’t decide at all.  Eventually, on the Jester steps, Iris poured out her heart and tears and basically begged me to be part of the one she had chosen.  I don’t remember if I had chosen one yet at this point, or if I ended up choosing the one that she asked me to be a part of, but I just remember this particular heart-wrenching moment.  I’ve never felt so loved and accepted.  And then, even leaving a comment on a random Xanga where they just started their own EPIC, I never would have imagined that eventually she would pray for my sins, and then point me (with Rudi) to spent one night of our two-week road trip at a stranger’s apartment.  Not only did this sister in Christ open her place for us and provide hospitality, she also prayed for and over us.

FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS
Luke 15:1-7

Perhaps Josh had a better glimpse of how this all operates when he wrote his journal entry on seasonal friendships.  On the snowboarding trip, not only did I reinforce previous friendships but also forged new ones.  Liz prayed for me when she didn’t even know me, only because she knew I needed the spiritual support.  Now we still exchange postcards and emails.  I haven’t spoken to Ruth since I’ve moved back from El Paso; she was a wonderful roommate.  During the student orientation at UT Austin, somehow I ended up hanging with a Hispanic girl and an African-American guy.  I remember the incident when we were eating some free food in a large banquet hall, and he said that he really stood out.  “Because we’re under the skylight?”  “No, because I’m the only black person in this room.”  It was really nice to not be alone and to share the experience with others in the same boat.  I remember her waving at me later, and he visited my dorm freshman year, but now I don’t even remember his or her names (or faces….).  When we graduated, Sapna gave me an old photograph of when the three of us (including Reena) were in second grade? and I had played this detective game with them by planting clues: ”It takes a long time to grow an old friend.”  Back in high school, Carla Ortiz gave me this:  “Thanks for being my friend & for being the caring person that you are to me.  Your the GREATEST friend.  Happy B-day to a friend that means ALOT to me.”  I remember thinking, this is so out of nowhere!  I don’t recall any conversations we’ve had in the past, and ever since I have not a clue what’s going on with her.  She says I’m such a great friend to her, but how?  I know many times I’m nice to those I really would prefer never to hang out with again, but with her it wasn’t even that….

I remember back in Austin, Timmy Chui wrote about The Atomic Tiers of Friendship haha; wonder where he got his ideas.  Phoebe and Hannah have been gone for a week in Hong Kong and will be gone for another week.  I have been contemplating our relationships since I’ve been back at my parents’ place for the time being.  Phoebe and I grew close first semester of freshman year and then agreed to an accountability relationship thereafter until I moved to El Paso.  Hannah and I gelled a connection after her 22nd birthday while exchanging deep, dark, familiar yet unsimilar, privacies.  We’ve hung out I think usually once a week together on the weekends, but of course it’s not like before.  I think other acquaintances (not “friends”) know more about them than I do at this point.  I’m not exactly pining for the days gone by but rather how to take those spontaneous moments along into the future, how to cultivate the environment for our older selves in new stages, for the sake of the gospel, for our children.

I mentioned that we should be neighbors so our kids can play together.  Linton said, “But you don’t even have a boyfriend!.”  Indeed, I’m not even close to marrying, let alone having children.  I never really got to know my neighbors, but it turns out that I know a little more (thanks to my dad) than Phoebe and Hannah do about theirs (they say they’re new).  Linton has to feed their dog Missy, but it seems that in the past (or at least in media), the neighbor usually handles that role.  As I drive towards Dulles Avenue, I always pass a driveway packed with boys who have grown tall and lanky!  I don’t know who lives there, but I’ve seen African-American guys, Asian-American guys, and white guys all playing basketball together.  When Gilmore Girls first came out, what drew me was not only the intelligent banter but the concept that they lived in a (too) close-knit town.  Everyone would eat at the local Luke’s Diner, and then people could hang out on their front porches and say hello to those walking by.  But they sure had a lot of gossip.  (And, as Phoebe said, when Dean made love to Rory, we were shocked.  So much for a clean series.)  I absolutely adored the neighborhood playground my brother and I frequented as children.  Okay, so maybe this concept is now dangerous in this day and age.  Then you can have those “gated communities” that Jessica/Robert/Rosemery (and my brother) are in (compare with the med center condos that Alison/Wilson/Cindy live in).

MARRIAGE
Ephesians 5:22-33

I always say that I feel more comfortable around guys than girls (verus for Linton he says he grew up feeling more comfortable around girls than guys).  The past few weeks I wonder how I came to that conclusion, both mentally and subconsciously in how I act.  I mean, I hung out with both while in school (and senior year it was a table of all females during lunch, man I miss Arlene and oh, her birthday was this past Sunday), and at church it wasn’t like the guys in my class treated me better than the girls.  I would also say that I have more guy friends than girl friends, yet if I lost my guy friends I would be sad but not as devastated as if I were to lose a friendship with a girl. 

Chris Sun is a prime example.  In fact, I’m almost hesitant to call him a friend.  Is he more of a…frequent acquaintance?  Seriously, the only reason we hang out is through Linton (and satellite friends).  I have a [funny] birthday card that he gave me freshman year.  Little did I know then how rare that is.  Yet he’s probably going to be one of Linton’s groomsman, and I did invite him to my birthday dinner, I guess to even it out.  I also invited Nathan Kim, and we rarely talk.  In fact, we just see each other at football and usually don’t even exchange words.  But I know if I am in need of prayer or other help, he will respond, as he always emails back amidst his numerous activities.  And then there are Andrew, Nathan, and Inch.  Well, I haven’t been in contact with them for quite a long time now, but it’s okay.  I think I feel closer to them than the other people I’ve met from football simply because I met them through Vickie, and somehow that changed the dynamics in how I associate with them, like sending them Christmas cards.

Haha, remember when Tina Chen thought that David Kalloor and I were dating because he’d come over so often freshman year before either of us made many new friends?  It never occurred to me, and I never ever did/will have that thought concerning him.  Whereas with Siwei we, I have no idea how, hit it off right off the bat (where/when/who).  I could tell him everything that I tell my brother–that’s how close I felt with him.  But I barely met him.  At first I clung to thinking, “What does it mean to know my husband?” but like friendships, there are those you just click with and those you don’t.  So I’ve let go of that.  When I said no in Austin to a sweet guy who asked me out, he asked if it was because he didn’t believe in God.  “No, I’m just not attracted to you.”  Somehow, I didn’t feel it.  

Although, I think that has to do with our current culture.  If parents don’t approve of your choice nowadays, that’s usually overlooked instead of trying to reconcile.  In past customs (like the dowry) and in prevailing traditions (like the father “giving away” the daughter) though, it’s really a relationship between the two families, if not also between/within churches (The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony by Pamela Paul), dating with the approval of your community, who is in the place to help you weigh in the other factors of values and also keep you accountable.  That’s probably why Erwin and I are somewhat okay when thinking about arranged marriages.  I think the problem occurs when they make matches due to affluence and distinguishment, etc, as all humans end up messing up good systems.  My question to myself is, “If a guy I highly respect were to ask me but I just wasn’t feeling it, even after multiple extended rendezvous, would I accept?”  I think this is the wisdom I need to ask God about: the ability to discern whether an obstacle is the result of the need for discipline/perseverance (hurdle) or is the result of the need for a detour/fork (wall).  That’s what I’ve been trying to consider about waking up early, memorizing verses, personality in socializing, planning (using a planner works great for me, but Jennifer Lin says it doesn’t help her at all), kit with relatives, exercising, friendships as mentioned above, love languages….

PURPOSE
John 17:4

Last Wednesday, we met for FBCC Ladies’ Group.  The overall concensus was, we have no idea where we are headed and how our stories will end on earth and continue in heaven.  Many are figuring out whether to change to an entirely new area of study, or at least a new job within their current finished schooling.  The competition rises each year it seems among valedictorians/salutatorians, and I am amazed at just how ambitious and passionate they appear to be; you wonder if they will reach it, and if they will find satisfaction in reaching it.  As the dark clouds slowly dissipate, at times an epiphany or some clarity will shine through, but then it quickly disappears and I’m in a fog again, but still in a better state for seeing it.  I’m usually at peace when I think that I will be married while going about the house, how I’ve always vaguely but contentedly imagined it, helping supporting supplementing whatever he endeavors.  Despite that, Proverbs 31 had always bothered me, but even now the Proverbs 31 woman is now a celebration and challenge.  This always-wife desire and this in-the-Bible-but-doesn’t-seem-right disenchantment is finally coming together.  I guess I didn’t realize that it made me feel intimidated, incompetent, hopeless, exhausted (in my own power) like reading the goals of the graduates.  Instead, as God is making us perfect, as women He is making us her (His power with our participation), in our own unique ways. 

Of course, having “peace” doesn’t always mean I’m on the right track, but again you can’t discount it either.  I get restless when I think that I have been blessed beyond what I could’ve asked or imagined and with that comes the stewardship of making great strides for His kingdom (and thus even before believing but being raised in church, missions was always attractive to my naive eyes).  The thing is, ultimately we are to obey and glorify, NOT to change the world.  I think it is in this that I am transitioning from abstractness into something more pragmatic, as I am slowly lifted out and glean the gems that can only be understood from coming out of trip-ups, temptations, and trials.  I was all tangled up in my buzz words of community/friends/romance/vulnerability/missions/reconciliation/prayer, I’ve forgotten to “look up!”  I’ve been trying to figure out what God has given me a gift in, where God has placed my passions in, and how it could all work in this current culture, but conclusively regardless of techniques and training, the umph will be from God.  

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.  Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.  For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! (Philippians 3:7-16, Romans 11:36).

AMEN.

As some of you know, I was valedictorian of Stafford High School in 2002.  I did not strive for this top spot but simply diligently performed (and definitely with my parents taking care of everything else, including chores and food and driving).  Sapna was the salutatorian, and then it was Henry, Sarah, and then Kuan I think.  During prom, he was voted as the male “Most Likely to Succeed”, as I was voted the female recipient.  I remember Elliot asking about success, and then eventually saying I would definitely succeed, not in money or wealth, but in life in however I see myself succeeding.  Elliot, always the one to think beyond the surface :)  I have to say it was pretty awesome to get it since, for example, Henry really wanted to be #1 LOL.  More importantly, I got some money from the state, and it was probably also the reason why I received the HLSR scholarship.  People congratulate me…but not to diminish the honor, I’m sure if I went to another school I wouldn’t have received it.  I mean, all four years I took P.E. (since I knew I wouldn’t exercise any other way) and my senior year I took a lot of office aid and basically blow-off classes, while in other schools you have to be cutthroat with the honors/AP/advanced classes to the very end.  If it was between Hannah and me, it would’ve been Hannah ;-)  I didn’t really do much extracurricular either, although I guess I looked pretty good on paper:  NHS historian, Science Club president, secretary, PR, and I volunteered a lot with Mansi.  I probably would’ve gotten into Rice, too, since Sapna got in (I didn’t apply; I just figured save the hassle since I knew I’d automatically get into UT Austin and I didn’t want to live too close to home :-P).  One thing for sure, though, that I knew school was nothing like work.  Also, I really don’t have ambitions.  If asked about my career choice or my goals for the future, I would not have been able to answer anything, let alone how specific some of the following local chron.com valedictorians/salutatorians this year have answered:

• “To become a doctor and go back to the Philippines and volunteer a couple months of my time to help hospitals in need.”
• “To one day be appointed to a federal judge position. I want to prove to my family and others from single-parent households that anything to which they set their minds can be achieved no matter their socio-economic or cultural circumstance.”
• “To get a co-op with NASA and eventually work there.”
• “While a career in politics seems increasingly intriguing and isn’t completely impossible in my future, my main goal at the moment is receive a masters in art history and to return to Houston’s Menil Collection. I simply adore their varied collection of art and would be deeply honored to work there later in life.”
• “I want to write for a major paper or go to med school.”
• “I want to go to medical school to become a craniofacial surgeon.”
• “I will try to come back to my community and help out the people that supported me. I want to help my parents and start a college fund for my younger sister.”
• “I believe in giving back to the community that gave to me. I would like to thank my parents. They have driven me to succeed in life.Without them I wouldn’t be the person that I am today.”
• “To be accepted into medical school to become a doctor.”
• “I want to attend Texas A&M and own my own business.”
• “College, in preparation for a successful business career.”
• “College, then a career including psychology and social work.”
• “Attend college, pursue a career in human resource/management, have a family, and become involved in my church and community.”
• “I would like to someday write musical scores for film and television”
• “I want to be a pharmacist.”
• “I want to be a doctor of internal medicine.”
• “I plan to major in psychology or fine arts (graphic design).”
• “I want to go to medical school. My career goal is to be a surgeon and make a difference in the world.”
• “I want to attend law school focusing on corporate law. My goal is to be a lawyer for a major corporation.”
• “To work at a chemical company and eventually become the plant manager.”
• “I want to graduate from University of Texas in Austin, and hope to make it into the prestigious Baylor College of Medicine to become a cardiac surgeon.”
• “I hope to develop programs that will benefit others and improve the quality of their lives.
• “I want to graduate from college and be a successful engineer.”
•  ”I want to teach music at the college level.”
• “I want to be successful in life and to be able to help as many people as I can.”
• “I want to obtain my bachelor’s and master’s degree on mechanical engineering, work for a large company and eventually be my own boss”
• To teach children with learning disabilities.
• To become a doctor of pharmacy and research and develop cures for diseases such as cancer, AIDS and diabetes.
• To work in finance and government.
• Attend graduate school, get a good job and start a family
• To live a happy life, start a family and make a difference in the world.
• To major in human biology and become an optometrist.
• To earn a doctorate in theoretical mathematics and statistical analysis and attend law school and to open a law firm in the Sudan and Afghanistan for oppressed women and children.
• Architecture or creative writing; “Establish myself in the University of Houston’s Honors College.”
• Finance; “To eventually run my own business one day.”
• General practitioner; Medical research.
• Registered Nurse Cardiothoracic; Excel in college, international field research.
• Bioengineering, pre-med track to medical school; To have an enjoyable job, surrounded by people I love and trust … living on the East Coast with at least two dogs.
• Finance or marketing; Get a job where I can help people, possibly a teacher and basketball coach, and have a family.
• Pediatrician; To find something that I really love that helps other people and makes a difference in our world.
• Science or medical field; Study abroad, graduate school, experience other cultures around the globe while applying my field of study and knowledge.
• Broadcast journalism; To work with a major television station.
• Biomedical or chemical engineering; To become a pediatric specialist, possibly in oncology.
• Orthopedic sports medicine; To work in a career I am passionate about. To continue to build valuable relationships with friends and family and have a positive impact on the lives of people I come in contact with.
• Doctor; To open a clinic for people with low income and find a cure for hepatitis C so that I can cure my mother of this disease.
• Computer science and electrical engineering; To create a high-tech company.
• To become a lawyer or work for Coca-Cola Co.
• Nephrology (surgery); To work with Doctors Without Borders, focusing on AIDS and kidney disease research.
• Biochemistry; To become a sports physician.
• Business; To open a non-interest bank.
• Optometry or dentistry; To open her own practice, and volunteer at hospitals and low-income health centers.
• Politics; To attend law school and specialize in constitutional or corporate law.

Other notes:

• “Past valedictorians talk about path to success in the real world“ by Cathryn Stout, Memphis Commercial Appeal, Sunday, May 25, 2008
• Lives of Promise: What Becomes of High School Valedictorians by Dr. Karen Arnold chronicles the lives of 81 Illinois high school valedictorians from the class of 1981.  Multipotentiality is the struggle to choose between passions.
• “Valedictorian madness” blogspot entry

Non-exhaustive, in no particular order:

1. its vision is to live a community (thus the name change from Fort Bend Chinese Church to Fort Bend Community Church), in grace
2. even with its name change and acknowledgement and goal to love people of different races, it still has a specialty in reaching those who come overseas
3. it seeks to grow God-centered believers who have a heart for missions, starting from youth
4. I can learn from the persevering wisdom and godly example of the women older than me
5. the senior pastor seeks to always preach from the Word, and use humble examples from his own personal applications and life struggles
6. it is where I grew up, it is who brought me up in the Truth
7. it is where I got baptized, to whom I proclaimed and asked for accountability in continuing to follow Christ
8. it is where I have seen new attendees come into salvation and baptism in His Name, after their friends (members of the church) extended invitations
9. it is where many people of different backgrounds (e.g. colleges, ethnicities, stage in life, journey of faith) still share their lives and stories and encouragement
10. it is where my parents serve, from the lunch service to the library to the Chinese school
11. it is where I have seen others grow from toddlerhood to maturity, and found encouragement as I see them shining their faith in their generation on their college campuses
12. it is where I have clumsily served beside another, who had so much faith
13. it is where I have been deeply hurt and yet found forgiveness and seen the change of Christ manifest in those I had grown up with, seeing how they are very much their uniques selves and yet been transformed by the amazing grace of Christ

I was trying to find this but instead stumbled upon the following email from an old EPIC friend dated Sunday, May 1, 2005 9:11 PM:

Well, I took long enough getting back to you.  How are you?  I read your last email, but there was so much to take in that I wound up not responding to any of it, haha.  You had a lot of really great thoughts.  I hope all is well, and although it was many, many weeks ago, I’m glad you enjoyed your trip to Austin.  I happen to enjoy visiting old places, but it is true that I end up very nostalgic because it isn’t the same as I remember.  I can relate to the thought of seeing familiar faces yet somewhat regretting not getting to know them better.  There are people from high school who I would love to see just because we connected for a semester back in high school, but at the same time, we weren’t really close either.  I call those relationships seasonal friendships.  In fact, not too long ago, I wrote a short journal about it:

This is a letter of gratitude and fondness for my seasonal friends.  Do you know the type I’m talking about?  There are always those really cool people in your life who you may only see once or twice a year–at best.  However, when you do happen to cross paths, you connect and click with them immediately.  A big smile spreads across your face, and you run to greet them.  You pick up where you last left off, and it’s as if you’ve never been apart.  You may not be keeping track of what’s going on in each other’s lives, but when you talk, you can still relate to what they say.  These are the people that don’t immediately pop into your head when you’re thinking about your friends, people that you may not think of at all until you meet again–and that’s ok.  Because when you meet, you can talk with them about everything and anything; you laugh and share for one night…and then not talk to them again for months.  To see them again is like a holiday surprise: it only happens once a year, but just that one evening is enough to satisfy you.  They float in and out of your life, tied to you by only one fond shared memory or experience–a single, thin thread, but one that is unbreakable.  They are the people you don’t realize how much you miss until you meet again.  Though we may not keep in touch very well, I want to thank you, my seasonal friends, for being the very cool and awesome people that you are.  I am SO glad that I met you, and I am very fortunate to have someone like you in my life.  I can’t wait until we meet again.

I don’t know if that’s the kind of feeling you meant.  It funny how much a single shared memory can tie you to to someone for life. 

People come into your life
for a reason,
a season,
or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you experience of peace or make you laugh. They may
teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real!  But… only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway), and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of our life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.
The PRESENT is the gift from God that you receive when he puts someone in your life.

God may put someone in your life for
five seconds,
five years,
five decades.

God doesn’t promise us any certain time with someone and it’s what we make of that time that is our gift from God. That’s why we call it the PRESENT So enjoy the PRESENT from God.
Thank you for being a part of my life. May God hold you in the palm of His hand and angels watch over you.

Sunday.  My parents came back from church to provide me lunch (FBCC doesn’t provide lunch during the summers since estimation of who’s in town is futile).  Afterwards, I went to meet up with Linton, Chris, and Vickie.  They didn’t want to shoot around, so instead they decided to join those BASIC members who were free that afternoon.  I read in the car (so hot!) while I waited for them to get ready (e.g. for Chris to grab his bowling shoes).  The four of us decided to get started and played two games.  I’m not partial to bowling, but I have to admit that with the three of them I had a great time.  I just told Vickie I look at the tick marks on the bowling alley and she went from 53 in the first game to 111 in the second game, breaking 100 for the first time in her life.  It was so monumental that I found myself jumping up and down in sharing her happiness LOL.  I bowled my average (88 in the first game and 97 in the second).  Linton ended up being the top scorer in the first game (95) by ending with a spare and strike using the rotating method, but somehow he dropped to last place in the second game (87).  His usual method is like having a mini track run up to the edge of the alley and then throwing the ball until it crashes and rolls towards the pins (you have to see it in person haha).  Chris improved his technique and, with some competition from Vickie, bowled a 116 by the second game.  It was so much fun seeing how that ended (”yeah!”). 

The guys left but Vickie stayed since enough BASIC people arrived for them to start playing.  I was formally introduced to Shawn Yu who apparently used to be the roommate of Vincent Tao, George Wu, and Kenny Lew.  I read.  Then they browsed the Barnes and Noble down the street.  Jeff made a pledge at DWC to go on STIM after college, so that’s how he knows Josh Peng.  He says, “And now I’m herein the secular world.  It’s very different.”  He was browsing the management section, saying eventually he would want to start his own.  He’s moving out of Texas the first week of June.

For dinner I joined Linton, Chris, Michael and Eveline, Jonathan, and James (7:30).  It was funny, I ended up right behind James who was driving Jonathan, and they waved hello through the rearview mirror.  At first we were going to eat at FuFu’s, but since it was full we decided to go elsewhere.  Taking forever (but I can’t complain since I wasn’t making any decision either) walking down the block back an forth, Vickie decided to join us after all (she wasn’t hungry but she was hungrier that the BASIC people since they had eaten a big, late lunch).  She suggested East Wall, so we walked over.  We ordered seven dishes (8:30), and the waitress was somewhat pressing for us to order another entree.  I’m not sure if she was concerned about the superstitioun that eight is complete for luck, or if she was using that as an excuse for us to order one more dish, or if she thought we wouldn’t have enough to eat.  Peter joined us later. 

We headed to James’ condo and eventually decided to play Monopoly, with a drinking element.  I had assumed I wasn’t playing since I wouldn’t be drinking alcohol, but they slapped a handful of money in front of me.  So many people talking at once that people kept asking how many of each bill was needed, that eventually Linton a bit frustratingly repeated himself.  Eveline was studying for her pharm tech exam on Wednesday, but she ended up being the banker by the end.  Peter (hat) convinced Chris (’Das boot!’) to give him the yellow properties for a complete set, so Peter eventually won.  For a few moments I think he was thinking he may need to form an alliance, since we were ganging up on him, and tried to do so with Vickie, Jonathan, and then me.  I didn’t land on any property I could buy until near the end, with New York Avenue.  Linton didn’t have much more luck, only ending up with the Electric Company and a purple, which he ended up having a complete set after trading some railroads.  He was advocating for me so much, saying that someone rich needed to donate something for me, so I could at least build something and feel part of the game.  Awwwwww.  In response, James just suddenly said, “Here, donation” and dropped the Water Works property in front of me LOL.  Man, you just had to be there. 

Chris had no idea the consequences of his trade (he had initially wanted to make the deal sweeter to give Vickie a blue property (not cyan, as Linton pointed out haha!) with some railroads so that she would give him orange-red property, but she declined).  Eventually Chris traded with Jonathan so he finally had his complete orange-red set and Jonathan had his green set.  James had the cyan set after trading (he at first was saying how little possibility it was to end up having a complete set - been a long while since he’s played, eh?) with Michael (to have a complete purple-red set), who was quite quiet.  He didn’t drink either.  They had decided about drinking during landing on houses, hotels, jail, luxury tax, and income tax.  In the beginning, Vickie left briefly and when she returned and rolled her dice, she accidentally knocked down a couple of people’s playing pieces, so that they decided she had to drink for that (and eventually many more for others in the course of the game).  They also randomly decided for peopel to drink when people made “stupid” comments or asked “stupid” questions, when they spilt alcohol, or etc etc.  It went so out of hand that James at one point said, “Because I feel like it” and drank along with Linton and Chris, I think, hahaha.  At times they’d get so riled up, everyone would be standing, and I would try to push Jonathan and James to sit down.  Peter said, “I’ve never played Monopoly with a group that was so anal about rules and all.”  Wow, what a game. 

We decided to stop at 2 a.m.  Peter and then Chris left at 3 a.m.  James fell asleep on his bed in his room.  Vickie (loveseat) and Linton (couch) ended up sleeping over.  I read Acts 15-16 and Psalm 37 with Jonathan on the laptop.  Afterwards he checked Facebook and his email.  Then he said that sometimes when he has time or is bored, he’d check on houses so he’d get a better sense of prices, etc. when he eventually does decide to own a home.  He says that he’d like to work for this smaller company that’s located in northwest? Houston.  Finally we went to sleep on the floor (found a sleeping bag in the closet for me to use–not sure what he did) around 4 a.m. 

Monday/Memorial Day.  Vickie and Linton left for home before 8 a.m.  Linton’s so sweet, asking me if I needed a ride back.  I decided against it and tried to fall back asleep, but i couldn’t so I got up and read.  Then James treated me to a Chinese breakfast at Classic Kitchen (soup wontons, egg-and-tortilla, and warm soy milk–yeah, don’t hate because I don’t know what they’re called).  Jonathan had left in the morning as well, watching a movie with his sister Susan and then working out at the gym.  James and I ended taking a nap again at 11 a.m.  Peter came at noon with crawfish (he woke up early to buy it and not without a search, finally at Viet Hoa) as well as onions and oranges.  James provided the sausage.  James put on I Am Legend, which was when Chris arrived in his motorcycle garb.  Then they watched Street Kings with Keanu Reeves, which I didn’t watch because I was eating crawfish.  Linton did, after he came with the spicy powder and sliced mushrooms.  Then they put on Curse of the Golden Flower (from Sony, which bought Paramount Pictures) after much objection from Eve.  After seeing it, I concur.  Bea left soon after, and then Vickie left at 8:30 to head back to San Antonio (first day of summer school tomorrow).  I decided to leave at 9 p.m.  There was still a whole pile left (Braden, Brian, and Steve had to work today, but Candace and JoJo showed up for this second consumption).  Eveline was still studying (using Peter’s book he had bought in the past but never took the test).  Eveline ended up speaking with Elaine on the phone because Jacky had dirty hands from peeling the crawfish, and it was so cute and sweet that they converse in Chinese, hehe.  Eve said that her current relationship is the longest she’s had (6 months), but her parents still think that the white guy is “just a friend.”  James had to take out the trash so he asked Peter to walk me to the car.  It seemed like a lot of work (especially after last night), so I asked if he enjoyed it.  He said, “Strangely, yes.”  I reported that I enjoyed hanging out with them, especially after hearing from people that UH is a commuter school.  He said, “Yes, we miss out on the dorm like and all that, but I like to think that we’re more grounded in reality.” 

That’s what I watched after I got up this morning.  Jessie had mentioned the movie (”You had the heart but not the feet; I have the feet but not the heart”) during our discussion this past Wednesday regarding Lies Women Believe About Priorities.  Janet, Charlene, Jennifer Lin and Szutu, and Tina Huang were there as well.  It was in response to “How can we discern what responsibilities God is assigning us and what is merely on our own ‘to-do’ list?”  We can ask God where our heart is.  Also, what are your negotiables?  “What is it I must do or I shall die?”  How can we go to bed saying, “Today I finished the work God gave me to do?”  Ask Him in the morning before your day starts.  The past discussions weren’t that profitable for me since I never had read the chapter.  After a few comments (e.g. Hilary Clinton running to be the leader of the country), I finally brought up my concerns regarding the author’s writings and interpretations.  “In a way I can understand what she’s trying to say, if you give her the benefit of the doubt, but chapter after chapter I leave with a bad feeling that something isn’t right with what she’s saying, although I can’t pinpoint or explain why right now.  She doesn’t use much Scriptural backing, and a lot of what does come out safe from the book can be much better conveyed in other books, I’m sure.”  I’m like, is it just me, since no one had ever mentioned this from previous chapters that I would have brought up if I had been up-to-date.  Am I that far gone off the straight-and-narrow path?  What a relief to find that I wasn’t the only one.  Each started agreeing in their own way about which sections really bothered them, like scribbling ”What the heck?!” in the margins and how they are really polarized/blanket black/white generalizations.  Someone said that we just need to look at the overview and overlook the details and explanations.  I expressed perhaps needing to find another book.  Still, one said that it’s good that it makes us think about what we really believe and enforce the reasons that we stick with what we do.  However, I feel like we spend so much time trying to glean the wheat out of the chaff, we can barely even consider how to keep the wheat afterwards.

Anyway, afterwards I headed off to Hector’s Memorial Day celebration.  As the host, he provided fajitas and we watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp on ABC Family (after the network presented a viewing of the original immediately before that).  BJ is so good natured, laughing at the ridiculousness of the movie.  I met Jerry, a UT friend’s of Hector’s, who grew up in Corpus Christi but now enjoys Houston (but of course Tokyo is his favorite - he used to travel quite a bit for his job before being settled here).  He ordered double of beef than chicken, and yet when I arrived there was only chicken left, that’s how popular beef is, haha.  Grace and Joe came later, and they took a picture of Steven on the floor making his stomach bulge to practically bigger than Jamie’s belly (she’s pregant)!  Some of them started playing Nertz since they didn’t want to watch the movie.

They headed to Tofu Village for dinner (as if that wasn’t enough food), but I met up with Vickie, Chris, and Linton at H Mart instead.  Inside, it has some Asian fast food establishments.  They ordered a pile of spicy and nonspicy fried chicken from Chicken & Joy (chicken en-joy hahaha).  They also randomly bought some milk/water concoction that reminds them of those mini Asian yogurts, and some “very light” Korean beer distributed from Los Angeles.  Linton asked me about Monday with Jonathan Eng, and then when I came back from the restroom, apparently they were asking Vickie if I had a romantic interest in him.  And the past year’s romantic…events.  These boys, psi, haha. 

When Jonathan met up with us after he ate dinner, we went to Memorial Mall to watch Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  Their treasure wasn’t gold, but knowledge.  Vickie loves these sort of movies, about adventure and mystery (like National Treasure).  I hadn’t seen Indiana for a very long time (I still remember that image after the bad guy drank the goblet and immediately turned into a skeleton and ash, and I was peeking over the sofa cushion I was holding over my eyes), but Linton pointed out that a broken box showed the Raiders ark, and the lady is the love interest from the first movie.  And everyone knows Mutt to be the guy from Transformers.  George Lucas and Steven Spielberg seemed give a different feel from the previous ones in the franchise.  It has some funny focuses on the groundhogs and baboons? as well as unlikely circumstances, such as surviving an atomic bomb.

• Father, God, Holy Spirit
• Lover, Beloved, Love
• Speaker, Word, Breath
• the One to Whom, the One by Whom, the One in Whom we offer our praise
• the God/One who Creates, Redeems, Sustains/Sanctifies/Gives Life
• Creator, Redeemer, Giver of Life/Sustainer/Sanctifier
• Overflowing Font, Living Water, Flowing River
• Compassionate Mother, Beloved Child, Life-givng Womb
• the Maker of all life, Jesus the Christ, the Spirit that is with us always
• Our Sun, Ray, Warmth
• Rock, Cornerstone, Temple
• the Sacred Three to save, shield, surround
• the Fire that Consumes, the Hammer that Breaks, the Storm that Melts Mountains

Wow, we had a large crowd today!  Even Hector’s father and younger brother came.  I came in with Bea and Emily, who couldn’t believe it was me (hadn’t seen each other in awhile, especially with my new haircut).  We played an icebreaker from Jessie where we hold up our ten fingers.  We went around the circle, saying what we had never done (e.g. “I’ve never been to Taiwan”).  Then whoever HAS done it puts down one finger.  The goal is to be the last one with fingers still up.  It’s supposed to be a get-to-know-you game but of course by the end the goals shifts to survival, with them telling me (since the three of us came in late we were the last ones standing) to say “I’ve never peed standing up” in order to eliminate Hector’s brother.  Joe led the study today, about How to Win Over Temptation:

CONNECT:  What kind of goals motivate you to persevere?  To be established and stable before marriage, to get a degree, to be good at a skill and be accepted into a “club,” to pass.  It feels different to achieve it versus to have it handed to you.

GROW

• Trials from God are designed to cause growth.
  Temptations from the devil are designed to cause sin.
• Be realistic, responsible, ready, reFOCUSed, and reborn.
• Steps used to deceive us:  desire, deception, disobedience, then death.
• Resources:  fellowship and His Word.
• Some pitfalls we face are (1) denying our vulnerability to temptation and (2) failing to take responsibility for our own actions.  We blame others, downplaying sins as not a sin/gray area/unimportant/not serious, rationalize in the moment when our thoughts/focus is already out of whack/warped.  “Well, if I give in, then the temptation is gone!”  Some people even marry to circumvent the physical temptation but then they never learned to deal with it and the temptation is still there….
• I John 2:16 describes the process of temptation as the lust of the flesh (to do), the lust of the eyes (to have), and the pride of life (to be).  They’re all interrelated.  What are some everyday examples?  “reading the menu but not ordering”, window shopping, digital gadgets, laziness and sleep, gossip.
• What can we do against temptation?  Replace impure thoughts with Bible verses and what committing the sin could truly bring (the severity of the consequences).

SERVE:  According to Matthew 26:41 and Ephesians 6:10-18, what can you do to avoid falling into temptation?  Which of these admonitions do you think is most important for you to be mindful of as you serve God and others?  watch/alert and PRAY with the armor.  Bathroom break - to pray.  If we deny our vulnerability, how can we get help?  but even in marriage, if shared, then there are not just one but at least TWO who are praying to overcome! and where one or two gathers, God is in the midst of them.  So much Scripture that the only words out of our mouths are verses!  wow!

SHARE:  When has another believer’s way of life been a real encouragement to your faith?

Jennifer Lin emailed this to the FBCC Ladies’ Group after we were discussing memorizing Bible verses last night:

Surrender to This Algorithm
by Gary Wolf
04/21/08  |  6:00 PM

SuperMemo is based on the insight that there is an ideal moment to practice what you’ve learned. Practice too soon and you waste your time. Practice too late and you’ve forgotten the material and have to relearn it. The right time to practice is just at the moment you’re about to forget. Unfortunately, this moment is different for every person and each bit of information. Fortunately, human forgetting follows a pattern. We forget exponentially. A graph of our likelihood of getting the correct answer on a quiz sweeps quickly downward over time and then levels off. This pattern has long been known to cognitive psychology, but it has been difficult to put to practical use.

Twenty years ago, Piotr Wozniak realized that computers could easily calculate the moment of forgetting if he could discover the right algorithm. SuperMemo is the result of his research. It predicts the future state of a person’s memory and schedules information reviews at the optimal time. The effect is striking. Users can seal huge quantities of vocabulary into their brains. But for Wozniak, 46, helping people learn a foreign language fast is just the tiniest part of his goal. As we plan the days, weeks, even years of our lives, he would have us rely not merely on our traditional sources of self-knowledge — introspection, intuition, and conscious thought — but also on something new: predictions about ourselves encoded in machines.  They will be able to tell us when to wake, sleep, learn, and exercise; they will cue us to remember what we’ve read, help us track whom we’ve met, and remind us of our goals. Computers, in Wozniak’s scheme, will increase our intellectual capacity and enhance our rational self-control.

The reason the inventor of SuperMemo pursues extreme anonymity, asking me to conceal his exact location and shunning even casual recognition by users of his software, is not because he’s paranoid or a misanthrope but because he wants to avoid random interruptions to a long-running experiment he’s conducting on himself. Wozniak is a kind of algorithmic man. He’s exploring what it’s like to live in strict obedience to reason. On first encounter, he appears to be one of the happiest people I’ve ever met.

In the late 1800s, a German scientist named Hermann Ebbinghaus made up lists of nonsense syllables and measured how long it took to forget and then relearn them. He discovered many lawlike regularities of mental life. He was the first to draw a learning curve. Among his original observations was an account of a strange phenomenon that would drive his successors half batty for the next century: the spacing effect.

Wozniak couldn’t help noticing that within a few months of completing a class, only a fraction of the knowledge he had so painfully acquired remained in his mind. The problem wasn’t learning the material; it was retaining it.  If students nonetheless manage to become expert in a few of the things they study, it’s not because they retain the material from their lessons but because they specialize in a relatively narrow subfield where intense practice keeps their memory fresh. As Wozniak later wrote in describing the failure of his early learning system: “The process of increasing the size of my databases gradually progressed at the cost of knowledge retention.” In other words, as his list grew, so did his forgetting.

The problem of forgetting might not torment us so much if we could only convince ourselves that remembering isn’t important. Facts can be looked up. When it comes to learning, what really matters is how things fit together. We master the stories, the schemas, the frameworks, the paradigms; we rehearse the lingo; we swim in the episteme.  The disadvantage is that it’s false. “The people who criticize memorization — how happy would they be to spell out every letter of every word they read?” asks Robert Bjork, chair of UCLA’s psychology department and one of the most eminent memory researchers.  Once we drop the excuse that memorization is pointless, we’re left with an interesting mystery. Much of the information does remain in our memory, though we cannot recall it. They were also curious about the paradoxical tendency of older memories to become stronger with the passage of time, while more recent memories faded.

Long-term memory, the Bjorks said, can be characterized by two components, which they named retrieval strength and storage strength. Retrieval strength measures how likely you are to recall something right now, how close it is to the surface of your mind. Storage strength measures how deeply the memory is rooted. Some memories may have high storage strength but low retrieval strength. Take an old address or phone number. Try to think of it; you may feel that it’s gone. But a single reminder could be enough to restore it for months or years. Conversely, some memories have high retrieval strength but low storage strength. Perhaps you’ve recently been told the names of the children of a new acquaintance. At this moment they may be easily accessible, but they are likely to be utterly forgotten in a few days, and a single repetition a month from now won’t do much to strengthen them at all.

One of the problems is that the amount of storage strength you gain from practice is inversely correlated with the current retrieval strength. In other words, the harder you have to work to get the right answer, the more the answer is sealed in memory. The most popular learning systems sold today — for instance, foreign language software like Rosetta Stone — cheerfully defy every one of the psychologists’ warnings. With its constant feedback and easily accessible clues, Rosetta Stone brilliantly creates a sensation of progress. “Go to Amazon and look at the reviews,” says Greg Keim, Rosetta Stone’s CTO, when I ask him what evidence he has that people are really remembering what they learn. “That is as objective as you can get in terms of a user’s sense of achievement.” The sole problem here, from the psychologists’ perspective, is that the user’s sense of achievement is exactly what we should most distrust.

The day I first meet Wozniak, we go for a 7-mile walk down a windy beach. Wozniak takes an almost physical pleasure in reason. He loves to discuss things with people, to get insight into their personalities, and to give them advice — especially in English. One of his most heartfelt wishes is that the world have one language and one currency so this could all be handled more efficiently. He’s appalled that Poland is still not in the Eurozone. He’s baffled that Americans do not use the metric system. For two years he kept a diary in Esperanto.

Wozniak’s chief partner in the campaign to reprogram the world’s approach to learning through SuperMemo was Krzysztof Biedalak, who had been his classmate at the University of Technology. The two men used to run 6 miles to a nearby lake for an icy swim. Biedalak agrees with Wozniak that winter swimming is good for mental health. Biedalak also agrees with Wozniak that SuperMemo produces extreme learning. But Biedalak does not agree with Wozniak about everything. “I don’t apply his whole technique,” he says. “In my context, his technique is inapplicable.”

“Piotr would never go out to promote the product, wouldn’t talk to journalists, very rarely agreed to meet with somebody,” Biedalak says. “He was the driving force, but at some point I had to accept that you cannot communicate with him in the way you can with other people.”  The problem wasn’t shyness but the same intolerance for inefficient expenditure of mental resources that led to the invention of SuperMemo in the first place. By the mid-’90s, with SuperMemo growing more and more popular, Wozniak felt that his ability to rationally control his life was slipping away.  Having turned over his mental life to a computerized system, he refuses to be pushed around by random inputs and requests. Naturally, this can be annoying to people whose messages tend to sift to the bottom. “After four months,” Biedalak says sadly, “you sometimes get a reply to some sentence in an email that has been scrambled in his incremental reading process.”

The Baltic Sea is dark as an unlit mirror. Wozniak and I walk along the shore, passing the wooden snack stands that won’t be open until spring, and he tells me how he manages his life. He’s married, and his wife shares his lifestyle. They swim together in winter, and though Polish is their native language, they communicate in English, which she learned with SuperMemo. Wozniak’s days are blocked into distinct periods: a creative period, a reading and studying period, an exercise period, an eating period, a resting period, and then a second creative period. He doesn’t get up at a regular hour and is passionate against alarm clocks. If excitement over his research leads him to work into the night, he simply shifts to sleeping in the day.  When he entrusts his mental life to a machine, it is not to throw off the burden of thought but to make his mind more swift. Extreme knowledge is not something for which he programs a computer but for which his computer is programming him.

Wozniak gives close attention to the qualitative estimate of fatal risks. By graphing the acquisition of knowledge in SuperMemo, he has realized that in a single lifetime one can acquire only a few million new items. This is the absolute limit on intellectual achievement defined by death. So he guards his health. He rarely gets in a car.  His advice was straightforward yet strangely terrible: You must clarify your goals, gain knowledge through spaced repetition, preserve health, work steadily, minimize stress, refuse interruption, and never resist sleep when tired. This should lead to radically improved intelligence and creativity. The only cost: turning your back on every convention of social life. It is a severe prescription. And yet now, it occurs to me that the cold rationality of his approach may be only a surface feature and that, when linked to genuine rewards, even the chilliest of systems can have a certain visceral appeal. By projecting the achievement of extreme memory back along the forgetting curve, by provably linking the distant future — when we will know so much — to the few minutes we devote to studying today, Wozniak has found a way to condition his temperament along with his memory.  He is making the future noticeable. He is trying not just to learn many things but to warm the process of learning itself with a draft of utopian ecstasy.

Links mentioned in comments:

• Article:  http://www.wired.com/medtech/health/magazine/16-05/ff_wozniak
• Mnemosyne: http://www.nihongoperapera.com/spaced-repetition-memory-software.html
• Mac clone:  http://www.mindburn.com/
• for Linux:  http://sourceforge.net/projects/mnemosyne-proj/

After Ladies’ Group, I came home and watched the last hour of a 2-hour viewing of Depression on PBS:

• About the Program
• from NAMI Advocate Magazine
• Television review from Boston
• Television review from New York
• from HealthTalk Dr. Z’s blog

and the Truth That Sets Them Free
by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
(c) 2001 by Moody Publishers
foreword from Elisabeth Elliot

1. Foundations
2. Lies Women Believe…About God (He’s not really good, He doesn’t love me, He’s just like my father, He’s not really enough, His ways are too restrictive, He should fix my problems)
3. About Themselves (I’m not worht anything, I need to learn to love myself, I can’t help the way I am, I have my rights, physical beauty matters more than inner beauty, I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings)
4. About Sin (I can sin and get away with it, my sin isn’t really that bad, God can’t forgive what I have done, I am not fully responsible for my actions and reactions, I cannot walk in consistent victory over sin)
5. About Priorities (I do’nt have time to do everything I’m supposed to do, I can make it without consistent time in the Word and prayer, a career outside the home is more valuable and fulfilling than being a wife and mother)
6. About Marriage (I have to have a husband to be happy, it is my responsibility to change my mate, my husband is supposed to serve me, if I submit to my husband then I’ll be miserable, if my husband is passive then I’ve got to take the initiative or nothing will get done, sometimes divorce is a better option than staying in a bad marriage)
7. About Children (it’s up to us to determine the size of our family, children need to get exposed to the “real world” so that they can learn to function in it, all children will go through a rebellious stage, I know my child is a Christian because he prayed to receive Christ at an early age, we are not responsible for how our children turn out)
8. About Emotions (if I feel something it must be true, I can’t control my emotions, I can’t help how I resond when my hormones are out of whack, the answer to depression must first be sought in medication and/or psychology)
9. About Circumstances (if my circumstances were different then I would be different, I shouldn’t have to suffer, my circumstances will never change, I just can’t take any more, it’s all about me)
10. Countering Lies with the Truth
11. The Truth That Sets Us Free (22)

Coincidentally, the ladies of the post-college/career groups of both Houston Chinese Church and Fort Bend Community Church are studying this book.  I was offered to buy it at a discounted group rate, but I held off because I heard extreme conflicting opinions.  Well, Linton’s sister Rebecca lent me her copy (she had studied it at FBCC before she moved to Mosaic with Pastor Ed Lee) so I finally caught up to finishing Chapter 5 for when FBCC’s Ladies’ Group meets tonight.  Please go to the respective (attempted) summaries I typed up (links above) and give your feedback.  Keep in mind, I am only summarizing (oftentimes word for word from the book - I always go overboard), not agreeing with her.  I’m posting these entries so that other people considering buying the book can decide for themselves.

The back of the book also has a section titled “For Further Help” that includes resources regarding abortion, addictions, assurance of salvation, chemical imbalance, depression, domestic violence, food/eating disorders, forgiveness, homosexuality, infertility/loss of a baby, marriage, marriage to a nonbeliever, new believer, parents, parenting, pornography, role of women, sexual abuse, sexual purity, singleness, suffering, time management, and women’s issues (miscellaneous).

I am woman; I am invincible; I am tired (Helen Reddy). 

18.  “I don’t have time to do everything I’m supposed to do.”

70% found themselves believing this.  Women feel overwhelmed by how much they have to do and how little time they have to do it.  As a result, many are breathless, frazzled, discouraged.  Years ago, I read that the average woman today has the equivalent of fifty full-time servants, in the form of modern, timesaving devices and equipment.  So why are our lives more harried and hurried?  The Lord Jesus Himself was given only a few short years on earth to accomplish the entire plan of redemption.  Yet at the end, Jesus was able to lift His eyes to His Father and say, “I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do” (John 17:4).  That is the secret.  Jesus didn’t finish everything His disciples wanted Him to do (overthrow the Roman government).  He didn’t finish everything the multitudes wanted Him to do (there were still people sick, lonely, and dying).  But He did finish the work that God gave Him to do.  There is time for me to do everything that is on God’s “to do” list for my day, for my week, and for my life!  The frustration comes when I attempt to take on responsibilities that are not on His agenda for me.  When I establish my own agenda or let others determine the priorities for my life, rather than taking time to discern what it is that God wants me to do, I live with guilt, frustration, and haste.

God’s “to do” list for my life is not the same as His list for anyone else’s life.  Jesus said, “I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.”  Further, there are different seasons of our lives, and God’s assignment for me in my forties will not be exactly the same as what He gave me to do as a teenager.  By the way, there is another, related lie that women in our generation have bought into.  In a sense, it is the opposite: “I can do it all.”  Frustration is the by-product of attempting to fulfill responsibilities God does not intend for us to carry.  Freedom, joy, and fruitfulness come from seeking to determine God’s priorities for each season of life, and then setting out to fulfill those priorities, in the power of His Spirit, realizing that He has provided the necessary time and ability to do everything that He has called us to do.

Once I realized that I have enough time to do what God has given me to do, then I had to admit that I was attempting to do things He has not assigned to me.  I am starting the process of removing things from my life as I discover what doesn’t belong and finding things I can delegate.  I am also learning to communicate with my husband so he can release me from things he doesn’t care about and be clear about what he does care about.  This is only happening with the guidance and grace of the Lord.

19.  “I can make it without consistent time in the word and prayer.”

Nearly 48% of the women who completed our survey admitted that they have believed this.  In fact, this lie ranked #4 in frequency.  The essence of Satan’s deception is that we can live our lives independently of God.  The Enemy doesn’t care if we “believe” in God, if we are doctrinally orthodox, or if we fill our schedules with a lot of “spiritual activities,” as long as he can get us to run on our own steam, rather than living in conscious dependence upon the power of the Holy Spirit.  That independent, self-sufficient spirit is an expression of pride (James 4:6).  We also become more vulnerable to deception in every area of our lives.  On the other hand, “God gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6, I Peter 5:5).  Six times in the Old Testament we are told that David “inquired of the Lord” (I Samuel 23:2, 4; 30:8; II Samuel 2:1, 5:19, 23).  The first thing he did every morning was to turn his heart toward the Lord in prayer (Psalms 5:3, 119:147).  The Truth is, apart from “abiding in Him”–living in constant, conscious union with a