One of the areas that is particularly impacted by our view of God is our view of ourselves.  If we do not see Him as He really is, invariably, we will have a distorted view of ourselves.  If we have an impoverished view of God, we will become impoverished ourselves. 

7.  “I’m not worth anything.”

More than 42% of the women we surveyed indicated that this is a lie they have believed.  Sometimes the input and opinions of others are accurate and helpful.  But if, for some reason, the person we are listening to is looking through a defective “lens,” his or her vision will be distorted.  Some of us have lived all our lives in an emotional prison because we have accepted what a false, “broken” mirror said about us about ourselves.  Even when the input is true, the Deceiver can use that data to put us in bondage.  For example, a playmate may accurately observe, “You’re fat!”  That little girl will one day find herself in bondage if she grows up drawing false conclusions:  “Therefore…”

• I’ll always be fat
• Nobody could ever like me or want me to be her friend
• I’m worthless
• I have to be the life of the party in order to be liked or accepted by others

These women are letting others determine their self worth.  Jesus’ sense of worth was determined, not by what others thought of him–good or bad–but by the Truth as expressed by His heavenly Father (I Peter 2:4, chosen by God).  It is conceivable that someone who did not recognize or appreciate fine art would toss a masterpiece into the trash.  Would that make the painting less valuable?  The true worth of the art would be seen when an art collector spotted the painting and said, “That is a priceless piece, and I am willing to pay any amount to acquire it.”  When God sent His only Son Jesus to this earth to bear your sin and mine on the cross, He put a price tag on us–He declared the value of our soul to be greater than the value of the whole world.  Whose opinion are you going to accept?

8.  “I need to learn to love myself.”

“Low self-esteem” is one of the most common diagnoses of our day.  Mental health professionals diagnose it in their clients; teachers diagnose it in their students; people diagnose it in themselves.  The lies represented in ads are not the polar opposite but rather distortions of the Truth.  In reality, we were created in the image of God, that He loves us, and that we are precious to Him.  However, we do not bestow that worth on ourselves.  The Truth is that we do love ourselves–immensely.  Jesus tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves (Ephesians 5:28-29).  Some of us get hurt easily not because we hate ourselves but because we love ourselves!  If we did not care so much about ourselves, to be accepted and cherished, we would not be so concerned about being rejected, neglected, or mistreated.  Our malady is our low view of God, our “poor God-image.”  We need to deny ourselves, receive His incredible love for us, and accept His design and purpose for our lives.  We will no longer have to compare ourselves to others; we will not focus on “self” at all.  Instead, we will become channels of His love to others.

9.  “I can’t help the way I am.”

Perhaps you relate to one of these women: “You’ll be just like your parents–it’s hereditary”, “I had a weight problem because all my dad’s family is fat.  No use trying–it just comes back anyway.  I blame them for my bondage to food”, “It’s that time of the month”, “I’ve never had a model to show me how to raise my kids”, or “My family never dealt with problems so to this day, I can’t really confront issues.”  The implication of all these is that others have made us the way we are–we are merely victims, reacting to wounds inflicted on us.  However, as we reflect on Eve’s story, we discover that it was not a man who ruined her life–contrary to the insistence of modern-day feminism that men are largely responsible for our problems as women.  Eve made a simple, personal choice–there was no one but herself to blame.  The lie makes us into helpless victims with no more control over who we are and what we do than a marionette.  This leaves us without hope that we can ever be different.  The Truth is that we do have a choice.  We can be changed by the power of God’s Spirit.

10.  “I have my rights.”

“Certain unalienable rights”…”Have it your way”…from the Declaration of Independence to fast food, this has been a watch cry of Western civilization.  The modern-day feminist movement was birthed in the 1960s and has been sustained by persuading women to march:  the right to vote; the right to be free from housework; the right to equal employment and wages; the right to control our own bodies; the right to be free from a husband’s name and from every other form of “male domination.”  After all, “If you don’t stand up for your rights, no one else will!”  Today it is assumed that

• you have a right to be happy
• you have a right to be understood
• you have a right to be loved
• you have a right to a certain standard of living, to an equitable wage, and to decent benefits
• you have a right to a good marriage
• you have a right to companionship and romance
• you have a right to be treated with respect in the workplace
• you have a right to be valued by your husband and appreciated by your children
• you have a right to time off and a certain number of vacation days
• you have a right to a good night’s sleep
• you have a right to have your husband pitch in with the household chores

And most important, if any of your rights are violated, you have a right to protest, to be angry, to take action, to insist on your rights!  However, the claiming of rights has produced much, if not most, of the unhappiness women experience today.  The Old Testament prophet Jonah illustrates the natural human tendency to claim rights and become angry when those “rights” are violated.  Jonah felt he had a right to dislike the Ninevites, to minister where he wanted to minister, to see the Ninevites judged by God.  When God acted differently, Jonah became angry with an emotional temper tantrum that resulted in suicidal thoughts (Jonah 4:1).  When God responded, He didn’t sympathize with his wounded feelings or stroke his ego.  “Have you any right to be angry?” (Jonah 4:4).  Jonah refused to answer the question.  Instead, he went to the city’s outskirts and built a temporary shelter to see if God would change his mind.  God provided a vine (Jonah 4:6), and Jonah was happy, but when it was gone, he begged to die again.  “Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?” (Jonah 4:9).  “I do….I am angry enough to die” (Jonah 4:9).  Jonah felt he had the right to control his own life and environment, to have things go the way he wanted them to go, and to be angry when they didn’t.  If I am staking out my own rights, even the smallest violation of those rights can leave me feeling and acting moody, uptight, and angry.  The fact is, successful relationships and healthy cultures are not built on the claiming of rights but on the yielding of rights. 

11.  “Physical beauty matters more than inner beauty.”

I believe that our preoccupation with external apperance goes back to the first woman.  The fruit was “pleasing to the eye.”  The problem wasn’t that the fruit was “beautiful”–God had made it that way.  Nor was it wrong to enjoy and appreciate the beauty of God’s creation.  The problem was that Eve placed undue emphasis on external appearance than less visible qualities, such as trust and obedience.  From that moment on, Eve and her husband became self-conscious and ashamed of their bodies–bodies that had been masterfully formed by a loving Creator.  They immediately sought to cover up, afraid to risk exposure before one another.  This lie leaves both men and women feeling unattractive, ashamed, embarrassed, and hopelessly flawed.  Comparison, envy, competitiveness, promiscuity, sexual additions, eating disorders, immodest dress, flirtatious behavior–the list of attitudes and behaviors rooted in a false view of beauty is long.  Only the Truth (Proverbs 31:30, I Peter 3:3-5) can overcome the lies we have believed.

These verses do not teach that physical beauty is somehow sinful, or that it is wrong to apy any attention to our outward appearance.  One of Satan’s strategies is to get us to move from one extreme to another.  There is a growing aversion in our culture to neatness, orderliness, and attractiveness in dress.  Do you know who you are?  God made you a woman; accept His gift; don’t be afraid to be feminine and to add physical and spiritual loveliness to the setting where He has placed you.  You are a child of God; you are part of the bride of Christ; you belong to the King–you are royalty.  Dress and conduct yourself in a way that reflects your high and holy calling.  We as Christian women should seek to reflect the beauty, order, excellence, and grace of God thorugh both our outward and inner person.  The “virtuous wife” is physically fit and well dressed (Proverbs 31:17,22), a compliment to her husband.  If a wife dresses slovenly, she reflects negatively on her husband (and on her heavenly Bridegroom).  Further, if she makes no effort to be physically attractive for her husband, you may be sure another woman out there will be standing in line to get his attention.

When the apostle Paul wrote to Timothy about how things ought to be in the church, he took time to address the way women dress.  His instructions show the balance between the inner heart attitude and her outer attire and behavior (I Timothy 2:9-10).  The words translated “adorn” and “modest” in this text mean “orderly, well-arranged, decent”; they speak of “harmonious arrangement.”  The outward appearance is to reflect a heart that is simple, pure, and well-ordered; her clothing and hairstyles should not be distracting or draw attention to herself.  In this way, she reflects the true condition of her heart and her relationship with the Lord, and she makes the Gospel attractive to the world.  No sooner had I turned forty, than I started receiving catalogs promoting products guaranteed to combat the effects of aging.  However, the fact is, I am getting older.  There is a dimension of life that can grow richer and fuller (Proverbs 4:18), even as our outer bodies are decaying. 

12.  “I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings.”

Our society has bought into the philosophy that there is (or ought to be) a remedy (preferably quick and easy) for every unfulfilled longing.  We are encouraged to identify do whatever is necessary to get those “needs” met.  Take a quick look at the covers of women’s magazines at the checkout counter filled with offers that promise to satisfy.  This lie has led women to trade their virginity for a warm body and the promise of companionship.  It has led many young people down the aisle of a church to exchange wedding vows for all the wrong reasons.  And it has led a high percentage of those same couples down the aisle of a divorce court. 

First, we have to recognize that we will always have unfulfilled longings this side of heaven (Romans 8:23, Psalm 16:11, 34:8-10).  In fact, if we could have all our longings fulfilled down here, hearts would never long for a better place.  Our inner longings are not necessarily sinful in and of themselves.  What is wrong is demanding that those longings be fulfilled here and now, or insisting on meeting those longings in illegitimate ways.  God created the sex drive.  It is not wrong to fulfill that drive, as long as it is fulfilled in God’s timing and in God’s way–within the marriage covenant.  Likewise, it is not wrong to have hunger or to eat.  What is wrong is when we stuff ourselves in an effort to satisfy emotional and spiritual longings.  Until God provides the legitimage context to fulfill our longings, we must learn to be content with unfulfilled longings.  We must learn to accept those longings, surrender them to God, and look to Him to meet the deepest needs of our hearts.  The second Truth is that the deepest longings of our hearts cannot be filled by any created person or thing.  Every created thing is guaranteed to disappoint us.  Things can burn, break, be stolen, get lost.  People can move, change, fail, die.

AFFIRM the Truth:  Psalm 139:13-18, Ephesians 1:3-8, Romans 5:6-8, Romans 8:1-2, 13, 15-17