Category Archive

Last night, to follow up from the Astros Run, I went to Borders to meet up with Christina Tam, who drove me to Khon-Whey’s apartment, where Ted was waiting.  Actually, since we were a bit early, she wanted to stop by Walgreens to buy some food (Gatorade, Starbucks, and Airheads), so with her suggestion I also got a big bottle of Gatorade.  JT and Heidi arrived, so Khon-Whey drove them and his fiancee in one car, while Ted drove the two of us in another car, following his white car.  As we headed closer to Minute Maid Park, the parking went up to $20.  We headed backwards and saw Jacky walking, LOL.  We ended up parking in the lot for $5 (part of Ernst and Young?) where Hannah took us that time when we checked out Discovery Green for the first time.  We waited as Ted went to pick up his ticket (originally Denver and Sandra were going to drive us from Chili’s off of Buffalo Speedway, but then they weren’t going to go, so Jacky asked Ted to drive us, so Ted didn’t go home and just picked up Denver’s ticket). 

We were a bit late (7:05 game), and apparently the Texas Rangers had already scored on us Houston Astros in the first inning!  As we were quickly walking, we bumped into Jacky LOL!  We found our seats, and after another inning they all went to get food (I just went to use the restroom from all that Gatorade).  Christina “snuck” her food in (the guy who checked her bag let her go since she was like, “So what am I supposed to do?”).  Jacky stayed to watch all our belongings.  It was a pretty relaxing game since we were always ahead.  Ted had to leave early, then the couples left around the seventh inning.  Jacky suggested we go to the bottom to watch the remainder of the game, and then we hear a large commotion.  We watch the television screen and apparently the Rangers had scored two more on us!  Oh no!  Or as Christina said, “Me and my big mouth.”  We were antsy and sat at the very bottom.  Good thing they didn’t score any more on us.  So we finished 4-3 (without playing the bottom of the ninth inning).

During an hour-plus of the time, Jacky asked me borrow my phone in order to call T-Mobile since he figured out that his SIM card didn’t work.  Jacky took Christina and me back to her car, parked in Khon-Whey’s apartment complex.  Jacky also handed me a Yellow Magazine (I didn’t even know this existed), which featured a picture of us from the dragon boat racing, and two more Astros tickets.  He said he originally was going to go with a friend, but that he and his friend couldn’t make it.  He said I’d have company:  Jonathan and Perry.  Little did I know that by the time of the game tonight, I’d feel like I was set up on a date!  I found it hilarious and amusing because it sure wasn’t on purpose for either of us:

I called Diana since she had expressed interest before (”If you can’t find anyone to go with you, I’d love to go”).  She said she’d call me back.  Eventually I called her again because if she wasn’t going to go I sure needed time to find another.  She confirmed my suspicions, that she wasn’t going to go.  I asked the girls at FBCC, and a few other females.  My dad said he liked watching baseball since it was slow.  I wasn’t sure how to respond, because I don’t really care to watch another game, but I did tell him that he would be sitting next to Jonathan and Perry.  My dad is funny; he said it wouldn’t be awkward since it’s not like he knows them.  True, but with him sitting next to the guys, the guys will definitely go and find out who this married couple is!  And I guess I would feel awkward.  I admit I didn’t try too hard to find somebody to go to the game since last time I did I felt I gave a lot more trouble to myself than needed.  This time I figured, if no one comes with me, that’s okay. 

I went to get some errands done, such as dropping off Food Bank food for a relative (seriously, that house is jacked up).  The husband was sleeping with the television on, so he didn’t hear us knock.  Also, there was a watermelon in the jungle of a backyard.  We stopped by an “optical” but it is closed on Wednesdays, go figure.  Then I dropped off some articles of clothing to mend (exactly $20).  Finally, we headed into Foodarama to buy two dozen eggs for $2 after $10 purchase, so we bought some Cascade dishwashing powder, glazed walnuts and almonds, etc. (not Pearl soymilk because the price went from $0.50 to $1.99).

Jonathan calls and informs me that Perry had called him to cancel.  Jonathan asks me to call James, who tells me to call Chris.  James said he has dinner with someone and then is accompanying Michael to Fry’s, while Chris says he’s tired.  Since Jonathan works less than ten minutes from where I live, he picked me up to go to the game.  HAHA, can you imagine if I had invited my mom and dad?  Date with Jonathan, and meet the parents, too!  No taking it slow for me, LOL!  Anyway, this time we were on time, so we got the free fan item (but it was simply a piece of cardstock with info about the Hall of Fame) and were able to participate in the national anthem and some preliminary family fun.  We watched the first pitch, and just like last night, the Rangers got a run in the first inning, and we got two in the second. 

Jonathan was really nice and stayed with me to watch the beginning (since I missed it yesterday) before we headed off to get food (I had already eaten dinner at home).  He offered to buy me some food, but I declined.  Still, he bought me $4 Dasani water, which was much appreciated (thirsty thirsty!).  He ordered a foot-long hot dog and also got himself some water.  This game was more nerve-wracking because the Rangers got two more runs later on.  Jonathan, as always, has endless facts up his sleeve and informed me of different details while the game played out.  One time three Rangers tried to catch a foul ball that an Astros batter hit, but like in volleyball no one called it and it fell to the ground.  They learned from their mistake, and the Astros took that cue and made sure they called their future balls.  I forgot what it’s called when there’s 3 balls and 2 strikes, meaning that something is going to happen next, either with the batter walking to first base or off the field.  There were many double plays, but there was also a double out by tagging on both sides near the end.  Unfortunately, there were many times when we were close, especially when Ty Wigginton made a double in the ninth inning, but we couldn’t get that last run to tie the game.  Baseball is definitely a team sport.

After two hours, James called and said he’d like to come.  I think there was miscommunication because he sounded pretty hazzled or anxious or something.  Somehow, I felt guilty (I’m beginning to realize that many times after interacting with him I come away feeling I did something wrong, but I don’t know what) and I wanted to tell him to calm down.  But I simply handed the phone back to Jonathan (I missed his call on mine, oops).  Eventually, James joined us.  I have to say, if I felt like I was on a date before, now I felt like I was on some sort of “crash the date” deal with James on my left and Jonathan on my right.  After the third hour (Jonathan says this game was faster than last night’s, since Jacky had called him around 10:30 last night), we left.  James said he had already eaten and was quite tired, so Jonathan took me home.  As he was about to round the U-turn after exiting Southwest Freeway/US-59, Jonathan’s phone rang.  Again.  “I bet you $5 that’s James.”  Ha.  Anyway, by the time he drove up the driveway and dropped me off, coincidentally my parents had just arrived home as well, with the garage door going down.

So I’ve had my non-date with James and my pseudo-date (as Phoebe calls it) with Jonathan. 

Good night.

That’s the name of a guy I met tonight. My aunt took me along to a potluck at Sugar Land Chinese Baptist Church off of Cash Road. We were a bit late so half of the food was gone, but there was enough (there is always enough in God’s house, haha). She ushered me in to sit with the kids. They were either in middle or high school or just finished with high school. It’s considered a small church, and I was told that most people my age see the paucity of a social life and thus attend FBCC instead.  Freedom was a very friendly guy, trying to make us newcomers feel welcome. Most of the regulars all spoke fluent Chinese.  The other “newcomers” were a girl in her senior year of high school and her two younger brothers, Abraham and..forgot. They recently (like a week ago?) moved here from Brazil (”from the Amazon”) so they speak Portuguese fluently, then English, and barely any Mandarin (their heritage is Chinese). She says she used to be in school in California, then went to Florida, then returned to her family in Brazil and settled into a Christian school but now she’s a bit irked since her family moved up here to Texas. She’s thinking her prospects of getting into a good college are now very slim, but she says she’s trusting God that this is in His plan, though she admits it’s hard for her to trust God in that.  

To celebrate Father’s Day, after dinner, they had the fathers and their children play games in the open area.  They played a game where something is stuck to their foreheads and everyone tries to get the others to do/say what is on their forehead (and thus lose).  For example, a boy had “you’re welcome” on his forehead so people would say thank you to him to hopefully prompt him to say that.  Freedom actually had “clap hands” on his forehead and so, without anyone trying to get him to do it, he inadvertently clapped his hands when someone performed well, and thus he got a new card on his forehead, haha.  My aunt cooked up some black soy bean drink to share with a friend of hers who has a little daughter and an older son (who attends the Chinese school at FBCC). The younger children played rock band in the back room; so funny with the little drum set and guitars.

Afterwards, Linton informed me that Melvin was at his house and asked if I’d like to join them.  Phoebe and Chris were already there as well when I arrived around 9:30 pm.  Melvin just caught us up with his life, about trading his dream car that his dad got him for a Fit for its fuel efficiency and hatchback usability, how he came down to ask Pei-Jean’s parents for her hand in marriage (when did Vickie and I talk about this with Jacky and Nathan Kim and Linton around?), how he’s getting ready to get his Master’s degree in teaching (for the sole purpose of a pay raise because otherwise he’s heard it’s useless), Pei-Jean’s job at CDC re: MRSA, the possibilty of finding a new school in Atlanta, GA, etc.  James showed up with his stinky tofu, then Peter, then Hannah came quite later.  Melvin then went around the room asking how we’ve been.  Chris says he hates his job, Linton says his job is okay and he’s thinking of getting a Master’s in the near future (e.g. business, engineering, or something else), I told him I just finished school and will be taking the licensing exam soon, and Phoebe talked about her social work academia.  Melvin showed us his LED flashlight, we reminisced on Melvin’s Facebook profile picture, and Melvin taught Phoebe how to work the Rubix cube.  Bubba that Phoebe bought from Hong Kong was splatted onto the ceiling that it looked like it was coming down through it!  It was also hilarious because they moved it and then later on Linton pointed it out to Phoebe, saying that it had moved by itself.  James took a group picture of us (haha, with Peter in it), then left (after we admired Melvin’s new car).  The rest of us played Loaded Questions:

• What is most important to you in a relationship: looks, humor, personality, or mutual interests? (By the way, it’s mutual interests with an “s”, so it doesn’t mean liking each other back or financial holdings hahaha.) Hannah, James, and Chris said personality, Linton said mutual interests, and Peter said humor.
• What would a tough guy never do? James said strip, Peter said cry, Chris said back off, Hannah said say “aw”, and Linton said pass up an opportunity to protect another.
• What is your most feminine quality? Peter likes Princess Bride, James is emotional, Chris has many shoes, Linton is needy, and Hannah has a motherly instinct

Afterwards they planned on going to IHOP (they ended up buying pancake mix instead), but I left for home.  Remember when I said that it was getting a little easier to say “yes” to the better over the good? Well, I am highly gullible prideful. I used to think I was a good listener, and then I gradually admitted I wasn’t all that with that skill, such as actively responding and gently prodding. Then I thought, well, at least I know I’m patient, and that was obviously not true as I found myself with a short fuse, holding things in, and taking things into my own hands when things weren’t going to turn out exactly as I wanted it to look. I never outright thought I was humble, but I thought of myself many times self-righteously superior in others, and hahahahahaha heh, that is the original sin. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself (Galatians 6:3). Actually, during Loaded Questions, one of the other people asked what is it that you don’t like to share with others (a question to that effect).  After awhile, I scribbled something about not talking about my weaknesses.  I definitely tricked myself so much, I can’t even tell anything anymore. It’s so ironic that back in the day when my classmates were incredulous about the heinous acts during the Holocaust, I spoke up and said that I knew that if I were in their place, I woudln’t be surprised if I acted in that way, either.  It would be horrendous, but not surprising.  Indeed, I am really nothing, or rather, being “found in him,” I do not have “a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith” (Philippians 3:9).  So the irony is that this previous prideful attitude actually prevents one from truly reaching the level of holiness where one thinks s/he is at.

So, I knew that it was late but wanted to finish the game (around 2 am).  I figured my mom would probably have called, but I rationalized that if I didn’t look at my cell phone, then maybe she had fallen asleep and didn’t even know I was still out.  Turns out, as I was driving out back towards the house, she had just turned into Linton’s neighborhood to get me.  In fact, she saw me turn left onto Avenue E and was in such a frantic rush to follow me that she almost got into a car accident (didn’t bother to check to see the car coming from her right) and revved up to 70 mph to follow behind me (this is a woman who normally drives 50 mph on the freeway when you can go 70).  I was wondering who was following me, hah (I actually made an extra loop to “lose” my pursuant in case, even though I didn’t know what “they” would want of me).  Then I went straight to my room.  My mom politely came in and asked me to tell her next time.  I said, “Yeah.”  Then I went to bed.  Thoughts whirled through my head, a debate really.  So I finally got out of bed, went to my mom, and apologized.  She asked if I heard her calls.  I said my cell was on silent, and was going to leave it at that, but realized that it was another excuse on my part, and added, “but I should have called you.”  My mom, as always, as a mom is, nicely accepted and forgave, and we went to sleep.

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives (1 John 1:5-10).

“My wife’s pain is my pain.”  I realize that I am the one who causes the most grief in this family.  My brother is respectful of my parents and calls them whenever he is (or we are) out when he visits from out of town.  Before he moved out, he helped wash the dishes without asking.  Now that he has, he thinks fondly of my parents and buys them gifts that are useful for certain special days.  He tells me about his relationships (or lack thereof), and I’m like, whatever.  Plus, I…do nothing for my parents.  Or rather, I do..worse for them.  If I cannot honor my parents now, I will not be able to submit to my husband in the future, and especially not to the Most High God. I know it sounds cliche, but it’s so true that the more one turns towards God, the more one knows God is, well, GOD, and that you are the dust of the earth, and the only thing fitting after finding this out is to give Him praise.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:12-14).

Freedom.  What a name.  What a promise.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free (John 8:32).

Amen.

I’ve been pretty ravenous about media consumption this past week.  Monday I watched The Day the Earth Stood Still (directed by Robert Wise) from Elliot.  I finished A Wrinkle in Time on Thursday (after reading a few pages to start me off the day before from waiting at Walmart while my dad switched out his bicycle).  It was my first time reading it, and it wasn’t too bad at all (my caveat was that Meg annoyed me:  “Just shut up already!” was what I was thinking haha).  Yesterday I watched His Girl Friday (suggested by/borrowed from Elliot) with Hannah.  It’s not your typical romantic comedy (1940).  Charm (Cary Grant) really does win girls over, even when we know it involves all that trickery.  But the way they showed it, of course, made it feel like harmless fun and teasing.  Sometimes you gotta watch out for those old movies.  Yesterday I also ended up typing up an inventory of my books.  A bookshelf really reveals the interests and life of another, or at least I found that it does me. 

This morning, Hannah invited me to the monthly booksale put on by the First Colony Library: $1 hardbacks and $0.50 paperbacks unless otherwise priced.  I ended up with a bunch of books in my arms, including The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron.  I’ve started it and I think I like it better than The Introvert Advantage by Marti Laney.  It’s not books that are, omg! that I would go around raving.  But, they are right for me at this point in my life.  I was pretty beat up in El Paso–what with the Mexican culture, the predominating extroverts loving bars (which I hate)–definitely feeling out of sorts.  So I guess this week I’ve just non-planningly been doing the things I enjoy: books, movies, stories, art, and spirituality.  I’ve said before that I think that I’ve never felt angry towards God (not only because I probably deny and trick myself) because I’ve never really felt close to Him (even though I’ve always known, and it’s obvious looking around, that He definitely hasn’t abandoned me but instead has continued to bless).  But I’m pretty content right now.  I really wish I could impart to you just how satisfied I feel this instance.  I’m enjoying the moment.  “So happy.”

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

Not the television series season finale tonight.  That’s just how I describe how I’ve been feeling for quite some time.  And that’s what I’ve been telling people.  Like I wrote in an email three weeks ago when asked for a prayer request:  “On a personal note, I still feel lost, but it’s not this big suffocating weight and desperation, and I don’t really think it’s a bad thing either.  Still, I think what was said at Bible study was right on target, I really don’t even know what to specify except that I really haven’t touched that Bible in forever.  I used to read it every day.  So that is a step.  But just everything is on my mind really, like counseling and church and career and stuff….”  Before, it was this feeling of desolation that would be the catalyst of a stampede of thoughts that no one cares (e.g. second-guessing my friends and family, perceiving past gatherings from under the shadow of a dark cloak).  Just as Phoebe knows her fear of the stage is irrational, I know these thoughts are irrational, but it still doesn’t much help with untangling that knot during the deer-in-headlights moment.  Depression is irrational!  Or is it?  I remember Hannah made a comment after watching Lifting the Veil, saying she somewhat believes that some who have depression are more in tune with reality than us “normal” people because we “ignore” the atrocities and stick with an “illusion” of rosiness in order to not go “crazy.”

“Keep Breathing”
by Ingrid Michaelson

The storm is coming but I don’t mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that i know is I’m breathing now.

I want to change the world…instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I’m breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that I know is I’m breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

Anyway, I guess this is as good a time as any to at least sort a smidgen in my mind/heart/spirit:

COMMUNITY
Genesis 35:11

Last Thursday I drove my parents to Austin to pay a last visit before my brother left for one week (to visit his former roommate), to give him his luggage (so he can pack), and to clean out his fridge (because he can leave food on the stove and not ever eat or clean it out).  My brother and I are very close.  We grew up with the same parents and familial history, in the same household, went to the same school for awhile, even were in the exact class and period for a class or two in high school (personal tutor, baby!).  We initially hung out with the majority of the same acquaintances (and lack thereof) and shared in the same struggles regarding church and friends and connectedness that we still discuss to this day, many times while in his room chatting up to the wee hours of the night/morn and our parents would come and say time to go to bed!  We are considerably different when you meet us, no doubt, as I am more like our mother and he is more like our father.  And in fact since high school we have led very different lives and rarely hang out or even talk with the same people, friends, or each other.  Nonetheless, during those occasional phone calls, I would say that I still feel close and  would still reveal much embarrassing/humbling/shameful things to him.

By the way, he had moved into a new apartment (from the urgings of his currently ex-girlfriend) and bought some furniture.  Where did they come from?  The famous Craigslist.  I have never been to the site, but many many people have made references to it.  From my understanding, it’s a virtual (that sometimes eventually leads to a physical) place where people can sell and exchange practically anything, from sofas and endtables to jobs, pets, and discussions.  It reminds me of Facebook and Myspace, two sites which Jennifer Garcia is part of and asked me if I was as well (I’m not, and actually most people in FBCC don’t have Facebook).  I’m not part of Craigslist, either, but is it something to BE a part of?  But those in Facebook and Myspace are still part of that network since they are still signed up in it, right?  Am I still part of Xanga if I decide I won’t write in it anymore (no activity), even if I have two blogs hosted on it?  You used to need an account to leave a comment, but now you don’t.  Do those who have never signed up part of Xanga if they leave a million comments on others’ Xanga blogs?  What does it mean to be part of a community?  What does it mean to be part of a church, and to be part of His Church?

FELLOWSHIP
Acts 2:42-47

I have been faithfully attending church services on Sundays since childhood.  But this past January, since I’ve always hated it (since middle school and El Paso, and even in Austin), I made a conscious decision to just stop going.  I made no effort to wake up earlier than usual, and even if I did, I didn’t even consider the possibility of perhaps attending.  Not until I figure out which church to attend regularly (do I want to stick with FBCC with its new chapter?), why I feel the way I do about it (is it the environment, the specific social situation?), and my reasons for going.  Three Sundays ago, I told Tiffany that though I haven’t really been communing with God lately, and though I have never ever exactly lauded FBCC, I have come to the conclusion to return to FBCC.  Now I have to dissect what that entails.

Regardless of its vagueness, it was a difficult decision.  Vickie is in San Antonio, so that’s why she says she continues to attend WHCC (her default).  However, she says that when she returns to a more permanent stay in Houston, she’ll move to Access, which is where Phoebe and Linton are fellowshiping now.  Access is starting out as a small but highly committed group.  When it grows in size, how will it look like?  Are people still going to connect?  To start off last fall, Pastor Ted asked his congregants to read The Celtic Way of Evangelism: How Christianity Can Reach the West…Again by George G. Hurton III.  In it, the key to evangelism is through understanding and living as a fellowship among the people, and in time they will open their hearts to the God who knows them.  The old Roman way was for people to believe before they can belong, while the new Celtic way is for you to belong and eventually believe.  In other words, the community and not an individual brings you to Christ.  In many ways, it’s easier to tell someone the Gospel than it is to take someone where s/he consistently experiences the Gospel.

How do we belong?  I sure feel like I belong to WHCC and HCC more than FBCC.  I know I am at fault for not terribly trying much, but even though I don’t really try, I get invited to their birthday parties, their holiday celebrations, and their event gatherings.  They even apologize profusely for forgetting to add me onto their list and making sure I am included next time.  On the flip side, I try the hardest with FBCC (but not my hardest in general) by calling and emailing them to contact me to hang out, and instead I’ve come to expect voicemail and oh yeah, this is what we’re doing right now, if you want to come.  Is it because at least one or two people keep track of me at WHCC and HCC, but no one does here at FBCC?  That could make all the difference.  Or is it that I expect more (and keep a record of wrongs?) because I have decided to be included at FBCC but I am nonchalant with whether I am invited to WHCC or HCC?  I remember back in January there was a slew of WHCC birthdays, and then in February there was a slew of FBCC birthdays.  Somehow, I ended up going to the WHCC ones but not the FBCC ones as much; I don’t remember now, but at the time was it due to scheduling conflicts or did I finally decide to attend the WHCC ones because I was more comfortable with them?  What does it mean to expect the worse but hope for the best?  How do you have high expectations but….? 

When I entered college, I checked out a handful of Christian gatherings.  I joined a small group that was part of the then-called Chinese Bible Study because it was the thing to do and everyone kept emphasizing them.  Our group fell apart,one by one, until it was just the Bible study leader, me, and this girl who was highly committed and hadn’t yet accepted Jesus.  I felt sorry, but that wasn’t going to cut it, so I left highly disappointed and joined CCC.  Later, I learned that one of the girls who wasn’t that much of a believer became good friends with Kara and eventually made an amazing transformation through His grace.  The thing is, though you can encourage group ownership, it sure can’t be forced.  Anyone knows nagging doesn’t work, although we find ourselves doing it.  Haven’t you noticed with some you just click instantly and with others you don’t?  Some people find you dull, while others find you exciting, or at least around them somehow you light up.  Even if you give all the time you can, with all the sincerity and effort, with both of you seeking, even if you lived near each other.  Reminds me of that girl from Chicago: we had an affinity towards each other so we’d decide to meet up and all, but anyone can tell from our conversations that somehow we just weren’t clicking.  Eventually we both decided without words to call it off.  She was a smart and pretty girl; I wonder where she is now after UT Austin pre-pharm classes.

Maybe we’re defining incorrectly.  Back in high school, I was elected to be the Science Club president, with a new teacher sponsor.  It bothered me that our definition of a member was someone who paid the fee.  There were those who were super dedicated, coming and helping at every single event, while others never showed up but they did pay the money.  I didn’t enjoy being president, so for me to keep everything running was as good as it was going to get, not trying to change their pre-existing system.  Magnificat has an application process but afterwards you’re in for life.  Even with years of hiatus you are always wlecome to come back and use the resources.  I met Annie Shen at an HCC gathering, and she says she hangs out with HCC, serves in her home Asian church, and then attends a more American (or African-American?) church on Sunday mornings.  Seems fragmented and yet, is that something I want to imitate?  In a way, her method demonstrates that we together are the Bride of Christ.  Vickie’s always running around hanging out with all these groups because we are all interconnected (actually, if left to my own devices, I really don’t care to make new friends). 

Indeed, it is impossible to know everyone, even within a single church building (”Abandon Committees, Skip Teams, and Embrace Communities” by George Bullard), so is there significance in “choosing” a church?  Are we to attend, serve, and gather within one?  What does the modern-day “fellowship of the believers” look like?  I think my problem would be choosing, because many times events have been booked for the same weekend.  Do I even it out?  Or instead, focus?  Still, I remember in the past when someone at FBCC needed a bone marrow transplant due to leukemia; the whole church gathered together.  We have also drawn together to fundraise for missions we support.  And the Chinese churches have gathered together for events as well (although it appears that FBCC does that less than the others).  Our mechanic, dentist, realtor, and family physician all were borne from the network of these Chinese churches.  It’s like “The New Science of Networks” by Albert-Laszlo Barabasi (who wrote it after reading “The Strength of Weak Ties“ by Mark S. Granovetter).

Still, when I went to RecWeek it was a big deal since I didn’t commit myself to InterVarsity but to CCC:EPIC (who has their own similar conference: DWC)–the IV leader went to the CCC leader to make sure they knew about me and it was okay with them!  Actually, it is the close relationships I formed in EPIC, not IV, that continue to live on.  I’ve still visited Josh, sent a card to Jonathan Le, had a few meals with prayers and talks of our spiritual struggles with Marie when she stops in town, and exchanged sparse emails with Iris.  Which reminds me: before the birth of EPIC, Alice and I were part of a CCC cell group.  The concept is that, as it grew, it would split and thus multiply.  We had to decide who we wanted to go with: Ophelia or Kristen.  I couldn’t decide at all.  Eventually, on the Jester steps, Iris poured out her heart and tears and basically begged me to be part of the one she had chosen.  I don’t remember if I had chosen one yet at this point, or if I ended up choosing the one that she asked me to be a part of, but I just remember this particular heart-wrenching moment.  I’ve never felt so loved and accepted.  And then, even leaving a comment on a random Xanga where they just started their own EPIC, I never would have imagined that eventually she would pray for my sins, and then point me (with Rudi) to spent one night of our two-week road trip at a stranger’s apartment.  Not only did this sister in Christ open her place for us and provide hospitality, she also prayed for and over us.

FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS
Luke 15:1-7

Perhaps Josh had a better glimpse of how this all operates when he wrote his journal entry on seasonal friendships.  On the snowboarding trip, not only did I reinforce previous friendships but also forged new ones.  Liz prayed for me when she didn’t even know me, only because she knew I needed the spiritual support.  Now we still exchange postcards and emails.  I haven’t spoken to Ruth since I’ve moved back from El Paso; she was a wonderful roommate.  During the student orientation at UT Austin, somehow I ended up hanging with a Hispanic girl and an African-American guy.  I remember the incident when we were eating some free food in a large banquet hall, and he said that he really stood out.  “Because we’re under the skylight?”  “No, because I’m the only black person in this room.”  It was really nice to not be alone and to share the experience with others in the same boat.  I remember her waving at me later, and he visited my dorm freshman year, but now I don’t even remember his or her names (or faces….).  When we graduated, Sapna gave me an old photograph of when the three of us (including Reena) were in second grade? and I had played this detective game with them by planting clues: ”It takes a long time to grow an old friend.”  Back in high school, Carla Ortiz gave me this:  “Thanks for being my friend & for being the caring person that you are to me.  Your the GREATEST friend.  Happy B-day to a friend that means ALOT to me.”  I remember thinking, this is so out of nowhere!  I don’t recall any conversations we’ve had in the past, and ever since I have not a clue what’s going on with her.  She says I’m such a great friend to her, but how?  I know many times I’m nice to those I really would prefer never to hang out with again, but with her it wasn’t even that….

I remember back in Austin, Timmy Chui wrote about The Atomic Tiers of Friendship haha; wonder where he got his ideas.  Phoebe and Hannah have been gone for a week in Hong Kong and will be gone for another week.  I have been contemplating our relationships since I’ve been back at my parents’ place for the time being.  Phoebe and I grew close first semester of freshman year and then agreed to an accountability relationship thereafter until I moved to El Paso.  Hannah and I gelled a connection after her 22nd birthday while exchanging deep, dark, familiar yet unsimilar, privacies.  We’ve hung out I think usually once a week together on the weekends, but of course it’s not like before.  I think other acquaintances (not “friends”) know more about them than I do at this point.  I’m not exactly pining for the days gone by but rather how to take those spontaneous moments along into the future, how to cultivate the environment for our older selves in new stages, for the sake of the gospel, for our children.

I mentioned that we should be neighbors so our kids can play together.  Linton said, “But you don’t even have a boyfriend!.”  Indeed, I’m not even close to marrying, let alone having children.  I never really got to know my neighbors, but it turns out that I know a little more (thanks to my dad) than Phoebe and Hannah do about theirs (they say they’re new).  Linton has to feed their dog Missy, but it seems that in the past (or at least in media), the neighbor usually handles that role.  As I drive towards Dulles Avenue, I always pass a driveway packed with boys who have grown tall and lanky!  I don’t know who lives there, but I’ve seen African-American guys, Asian-American guys, and white guys all playing basketball together.  When Gilmore Girls first came out, what drew me was not only the intelligent banter but the concept that they lived in a (too) close-knit town.  Everyone would eat at the local Luke’s Diner, and then people could hang out on their front porches and say hello to those walking by.  But they sure had a lot of gossip.  (And, as Phoebe said, when Dean made love to Rory, we were shocked.  So much for a clean series.)  I absolutely adored the neighborhood playground my brother and I frequented as children.  Okay, so maybe this concept is now dangerous in this day and age.  Then you can have those “gated communities” that Jessica/Robert/Rosemery (and my brother) are in (compare with the med center condos that Alison/Wilson/Cindy live in).

MARRIAGE
Ephesians 5:22-33

I always say that I feel more comfortable around guys than girls (verus for Linton he says he grew up feeling more comfortable around girls than guys).  The past few weeks I wonder how I came to that conclusion, both mentally and subconsciously in how I act.  I mean, I hung out with both while in school (and senior year it was a table of all females during lunch, man I miss Arlene and oh, her birthday was this past Sunday), and at church it wasn’t like the guys in my class treated me better than the girls.  I would also say that I have more guy friends than girl friends, yet if I lost my guy friends I would be sad but not as devastated as if I were to lose a friendship with a girl. 

Chris Sun is a prime example.  In fact, I’m almost hesitant to call him a friend.  Is he more of a…frequent acquaintance?  Seriously, the only reason we hang out is through Linton (and satellite friends).  I have a [funny] birthday card that he gave me freshman year.  Little did I know then how rare that is.  Yet he’s probably going to be one of Linton’s groomsman, and I did invite him to my birthday dinner, I guess to even it out.  I also invited Nathan Kim, and we rarely talk.  In fact, we just see each other at football and usually don’t even exchange words.  But I know if I am in need of prayer or other help, he will respond, as he always emails back amidst his numerous activities.  And then there are Andrew, Nathan, and Inch.  Well, I haven’t been in contact with them for quite a long time now, but it’s okay.  I think I feel closer to them than the other people I’ve met from football simply because I met them through Vickie, and somehow that changed the dynamics in how I associate with them, like sending them Christmas cards.

Haha, remember when Tina Chen thought that David Kalloor and I were dating because he’d come over so often freshman year before either of us made many new friends?  It never occurred to me, and I never ever did/will have that thought concerning him.  Whereas with Siwei we, I have no idea how, hit it off right off the bat (where/when/who).  I could tell him everything that I tell my brother–that’s how close I felt with him.  But I barely met him.  At first I clung to thinking, “What does it mean to know my husband?” but like friendships, there are those you just click with and those you don’t.  So I’ve let go of that.  When I said no in Austin to a sweet guy who asked me out, he asked if it was because he didn’t believe in God.  “No, I’m just not attracted to you.”  Somehow, I didn’t feel it.  

Although, I think that has to do with our current culture.  If parents don’t approve of your choice nowadays, that’s usually overlooked instead of trying to reconcile.  In past customs (like the dowry) and in prevailing traditions (like the father “giving away” the daughter) though, it’s really a relationship between the two families, if not also between/within churches (The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony by Pamela Paul), dating with the approval of your community, who is in the place to help you weigh in the other factors of values and also keep you accountable.  That’s probably why Erwin and I are somewhat okay when thinking about arranged marriages.  I think the problem occurs when they make matches due to affluence and distinguishment, etc, as all humans end up messing up good systems.  My question to myself is, “If a guy I highly respect were to ask me but I just wasn’t feeling it, even after multiple extended rendezvous, would I accept?”  I think this is the wisdom I need to ask God about: the ability to discern whether an obstacle is the result of the need for discipline/perseverance (hurdle) or is the result of the need for a detour/fork (wall).  That’s what I’ve been trying to consider about waking up early, memorizing verses, personality in socializing, planning (using a planner works great for me, but Jennifer Lin says it doesn’t help her at all), kit with relatives, exercising, friendships as mentioned above, love languages….

PURPOSE
John 17:4

Last Wednesday, we met for FBCC Ladies’ Group.  The overall concensus was, we have no idea where we are headed and how our stories will end on earth and continue in heaven.  Many are figuring out whether to change to an entirely new area of study, or at least a new job within their current finished schooling.  The competition rises each year it seems among valedictorians/salutatorians, and I am amazed at just how ambitious and passionate they appear to be; you wonder if they will reach it, and if they will find satisfaction in reaching it.  As the dark clouds slowly dissipate, at times an epiphany or some clarity will shine through, but then it quickly disappears and I’m in a fog again, but still in a better state for seeing it.  I’m usually at peace when I think that I will be married while going about the house, how I’ve always vaguely but contentedly imagined it, helping supporting supplementing whatever he endeavors.  Despite that, Proverbs 31 had always bothered me, but even now the Proverbs 31 woman is now a celebration and challenge.  This always-wife desire and this in-the-Bible-but-doesn’t-seem-right disenchantment is finally coming together.  I guess I didn’t realize that it made me feel intimidated, incompetent, hopeless, exhausted (in my own power) like reading the goals of the graduates.  Instead, as God is making us perfect, as women He is making us her (His power with our participation), in our own unique ways. 

Of course, having “peace” doesn’t always mean I’m on the right track, but again you can’t discount it either.  I get restless when I think that I have been blessed beyond what I could’ve asked or imagined and with that comes the stewardship of making great strides for His kingdom (and thus even before believing but being raised in church, missions was always attractive to my naive eyes).  The thing is, ultimately we are to obey and glorify, NOT to change the world.  I think it is in this that I am transitioning from abstractness into something more pragmatic, as I am slowly lifted out and glean the gems that can only be understood from coming out of trip-ups, temptations, and trials.  I was all tangled up in my buzz words of community/friends/romance/vulnerability/missions/reconciliation/prayer, I’ve forgotten to “look up!”  I’ve been trying to figure out what God has given me a gift in, where God has placed my passions in, and how it could all work in this current culture, but conclusively regardless of techniques and training, the umph will be from God.  

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.  Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.  For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! (Philippians 3:7-16, Romans 11:36).

AMEN.

Vickie returns to Houston during the weekends then heads back to San Antonio Monday evenings to work at HealthSouth (”make money to hang out”).  She’s been hearing so much praise concerning Iron Man that she invited some people to watch it with her at 4:50 in Angelika.  I, unfortunately, got lost and ended up driving in circles until 6 pm, at which time I parked then walked to the theatre.  (Now I know to turn left into the underground parking garage, park in the green section there, then bring my movie stub to be validated and turn that in for free parking.)  I sat outside on the bench for awhile, then went inside.  Roger, Grace (JoJo’s wife), and some other people came out, then I finally saw Vickie.  She went to get her parking validated then dropped me off at my car then left for UTHSCSA.  She reports that the movie was indeed good.

Jonathan Eng called me when he got home from work, during which time he read the email regarding Iron Man.  I said it’s over and I’d call him back since I had to drive out of downtown.  When I did, I asked if I could come over to watch the season finale of House, MD, heh.  His sister left to show a future bride her bridesmaid dress that came in.  He was by himself and was about to ride his bike (after a hiatus after the BP MS150), but he stayed with me to help with the antennae.  Then we went to Subway to eat dinner.  He had a bad day at work, boo.  He also told me he had joined Michael (and Steve?) at the gun show this past weekend, and he just let me know his view of the whole deal.

I had mentioned before I left for Iron Man that I was probably going to miss seeing the season finale of House, MD on FOX.  My dad recroded it on his UPS drive for me.  Isn’t that amazing?

Last Monday, we had gone to the “park” (Brooks Lake) near Fluor for the first time.  We saw two guys with their truck fishing for catfish!  I also expressed my desire to be back for House, M.D., so I drove there, quickly walked to the end when it reached a road, then returned.  I didn’t drive particularly superfast, but we were right on time (even my dad was surprised).  It’s definitely closer (and quicker) than going to Oyster/Lost Creek Park.

Yesterday afternoon, my parents and I went a second time.  As we started, the wind was a higher chill factor than I anticipated, so I turned around and grabbed my jacket.  It’s also probably why there weren’t any mosquitoes as I had though (since it had rained earlier in the day and I tend to get bit, I sprayed repellant but my parents declined).  We went all the way to the end, where the trail ends.  We saw more people this time (a guy on a bike, another guy on a bike with a dog, a woman with a dog.  We also saw a large black vulture-like (to me haha) bird picking at something in the water at the edge of the lake.  At first I just thought it was cloth or plastic (i.e. litter).  On approach, I saw scales and fins.  Uh, I think it was a catfish, although I never saw the head, which is was made me feel on edge.  There were two families of ducks: one mom with nine teenage ducks and another with six elementary-age ducks.  I went to check out the cross with many Bible verses on it (I Corinthians 9:19, 22-23; I Peter 3:15; II Corinthians 5:11; Colossians 4:2-6; John 3:16; John 14:6; Matthew 5:16; I Peter 4:8; II John 1:6; Matthew 28:18-21; Psalm 139:17-18; Zephaniah 3:17; II Chronicles 16:9; Jeremiah 29:11-13; Ephesians 5:1-2; Acts 2:42-47; Proverbs 27:17; and Acts 4:32-35).  Then we headed back. 

Mom wanted to go down Fluor Daniel, so we turned onto the bridge but then turned left (straight would take us into the engineering complex).  We passed some new gated communities, and Dad asked if I wanted to check out the Open House (they’ve done so before).  So I turned in (I always like to observe anything art-related, and that includes arthitecture and interior design).  This took another hour.  These houses are big (with arched large heavy wooden-looking doors like in castles) and fancy (one unfinished one even had a dome and inside balcony - the one that sort of reminds me of Romeo talking up to Juliet or Rapunzel having to let down her hair).  There’s not much outdoors space, though, for gardening or anything like that.  We only saw one sold (they already had two of their fancy sporty cars parked in the garage).  I took pictures.

We finally left for home (my mom was quite tired, and I have to admit I was winded) at 5 pm and ate leftovers (shiaw goo-goo’s family’s leftovers of tender beef chunks).  I watched The Big Bang Theory (I simply love how Sheldon talks - of course not as my S.O. and it would probably get old/frustrating as a friend after awhile that he just doesn’t see things like we do, and vice versa), House, M.D., and CSI while doing the Sudoku and Jumble (gave up and used my handy-dandy dictionary at the end) in the Houston Chronicle newspaper.  Then off I went to bed, hoping to get into the groove of a more regular sleep pattern (instead of insomnia up until 3 am).

This early evening, we just went walking in the neighborhood.  I had another hairdo today, haha.  It reminded me of in the past where they really stack the hair up high atop the head.  I didn’t spray bug repellant, and I paid for it around both my knees (I knew it, since the weather is nicer than yesterday’s).  We checked out some of the custom homes, went by Andrew’s (not mine) former piano teacher’s house, and made a stop at the playground.  My dad called it the “castle,” and I had forgotten about that old nickname.  When we were kids, the playground was actually made entirely of wood (except some parts that is typically metal, such as the chains on the swings and the handle and glider of the sliding mechanism).  Practically all parts were connected, save the sandbox in the middle of the area.  Oh, how I loved to crawl through the tunnels on the bottom! and go through all the arches and teeny one-person “rooms”.  I really liked the sliding mechanism, they had a practice-your-balance beam, and there were a lot more swings (that were accessible to us kids). 

Due to safety restrictions and precautions, now everything is made of plastic, and any metal is covered in plastic (which is a good thing, like on the swings).  The sandbox is still there, as well as the baseball field in the back (right next to the Dulles track, but with a fence of course), the sand volleyball court (not very well kept, though), and the pool (popular in the neighborhood).  Everything on the playground is much more open (I guess so guardians can see their child at all times - including slides that aren’t completely cylinders) but also with less options to have fun with.  There’s an area for toddlers, and then an area for older children.  The playground equipments take up much less space.  They do try to include all of the old things, like a tire swing (much smaller, doesn’t look like a real tire as much - I think they covered it with plastic for safety as well) and swings (thank goodness - although they are so high all three of us had trouble getting on and starting). 

As I watch and read more news (and television series related to law enforcement), my heart sinks at how dangerous this society seems to be getting.  I don’t know, since I never lived back then, but did we have to be so cautious in earlier years?  Or because of more awareness we are taking more steps, and thus we can’t assume better things from people (instead always suspicious of others).  And yet, we really can’t prevent everything, because we are going to become at least acquaintances with our coworkers, neighbors, and meet new people and thus assume trust and thus build a new relationships.  That’s the beauty of moving and meeting new people.  You’re trying to change for the better, and so the new people don’t know your old self and can forgive you a couple more times than your old acquaintances, or they won’t hold back due to an old grudge that is past its expiration.  Just rambling…no spectacular closing statement….

I drove over to get my long awaited haircut.  I had my hair in a ponytail, but the hairdresser gave my scrunchie back to me.  She didn’t speak a lot of English, so I was trying to tell her in Mandarin Chinese that I was donating the hair and it needed to be in a ponytail.  She understood - I just had so much hair that she cut it in chunks, then wrapped the rubber band around them, and then wrapped them in newspaper (very meticulous).  She asked me if I wanted the same haircut she was sporting, but I said no.  She asked me what I wanted, and I wasn’t sure (I’m not very helpful, am I).  I just knew I can’t work with a style that requires lots of maintenance, and I don’t want my eyes or neck to be all bothered.  So she said she’ll just give me something that she decides, and I said sure.  I figure a well-trained/skilled hairdresser will be able to incorporate your face shape, hair texture and tendencies, and current trends to determine a suitable hair style.  And goodness, I don’t even know what kind of face shape I have (square? oval?).  I never had a fashionable hair style so I figure this can’t go too wrong.  She had to spray water (as always) but then she also used the hairdryer and cut some more (I have a lot of hair).  But I have to say that during the process I was uneasy because it looked like I was going to have a ball of a haircut, even though I could tell that she was doing a good job.   The unveiling:

http://prayriefayrie.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/04-29-08.jpg

By the end, I kind of like it.  Still, after awhile, it sort of reminded me of those “fobby” Asian guys with their long hair.  Oh well, it’s like a unisex look (we’re all part female and male *ahem*).  I’m not disappointed; it’s a fresh look for me (this is the shortest I’ve had my hair I think, from longest to shortest).  And it’ll grow out.  My parents told me that maybe wearing earrings (my one and only non-hurting snap-on earrings) would help, but I also had to change into a better shirt (versus a T-shirt).  Thus unfortunately for me I now have to pay a bit more attention to what I’m wearing to come across as a female instead of a male.  What am I going to do when I play sports?  Another caveat for me is that I get a lot of comments that I look more like my dad than my mom, which isn’t a terrible thing, but with short hair, I’m just afraid I would look TOO much like him, since we both have thick black hair.  I know I won’t be going bald soon :-D

Monday, April 14, 2008.  We have five new patients today, so Rick helped out by reporting in rounds and taking over task group for me: Thanks!  I was able to meet with four of them.  At lunch, Jennifer was so sweet and bought an angel-food cake to celebrate Sally’s birthday.  Sally was gone for her birthday last week, so that’s why we celebrated today.  Jennifer had already cut it so that she could layer it with strawberries she had already cut and topped each layer with whipped cream.  Sally was excited and took a picture of the cake, and then with Janet and Rick, awww.  After work, I called Vickie to tell her that as I was walking from the BTPC through the hallway to the BTGH, I thought I saw Grace (JoJo’s wife) and waved, and I think she at least recognized my face.  Then I went to the MFAH. 

Tuesday, April 15, 2008.  I only had self-care group today, and good thing.  I had four discharges, and forgot one on Team C (we had traded, and I knew she was leaving, but I forgot since I was her therapist I had the responsibility to give her home instructions).  I performed two evaluations along with one home instructions.  Some common patterns among Team B patients:  if you’re a female then you have pseudocyesis (delusions of being pregnant), you have a past history of running naked in the streets, or you are somewhat malingering to stay here instead of to go “home.”

Wednesday, April 16, 2008.  Due to EPIC training, Theo preferred that Rick not be gone to his Patient Education Committee meeting that he has once a month.  I went by myself to present my brochure.  It was nice since I could go in a bit later since the meeting starts at 9 am.  I was the first one there, so I went to the restroom.  When I returned, the woman who last week presented on an already-published patient-education-worksheets packet regarding diabetes management sat to my right.  She’s quite outspoken about corrections, which helped me because I didn’t want to really say much by the end since I’m just sitting in for Rick.  For example, I wrote a certain correction on the sheet (Rick had printed out the materials for me beforehand) that we were sharing, so she spoke up and it was a good suggestion that everyone agreed upon (they were debating between two phrases, and I provided a third option).  When I went to my park, I had a parking violation (I had read the sign about only those going to Holly Hall, and I interpreted it wrong) but the police officer at the front desk from which I inquired from said that I didn’t have to pay a fine or anything, just that if I were to continuously do it I would be banned from parking there in the future.  Whew. 

To celebrate OT month, Theo offered to treat us out for lunch at Murphy’s Deli (we walked there).  It was interesting because she printed out the menu and indicated which ones on the menu we could pick from.  They had a salad bar, but Sally changed her mind about it and ordered the combo (sandwich, chips, drink).  Sammy stopped by to say hi, and Jennifer couldn’t make it because she felt sick (and interestingly enough, Theo didn’t schedule her for anything).  It was nice to have a break in the morning, but I had to catch up in the afternoon about the goings-ons.  I spent the rest of the afternoon administering two evalutions then writing up 5 of 7.  Rick had given me $10 to pay for parking; isn’t he generous?  I was happy that I could leave without waiting, but unfortunately I forgot where I parked so I walked for some good minutes before finding it, haha, sigh.  I really didn’t want to miss Ladies’ Group, but after mental calculation I knew that I just wouldn’t be able to make it, and missed it for the first time.  At home I made some last minute changes on the brochure (since the BTPC computers display it different from my home laptop) then went to eat dinner at Old Place Cafe at 7 pm with my parents.  They saw a dentist and his wife who they recognized; he was in Mississippi for six years with the army but is now retired and having a lot of enjoyment traveling.  Afterwards we went to Kinko’s to print out four brochures (very nice quality, and I paid for it - $12, for paper, ink, and time spent on the computer).  Then we went to Wel-Farm to buy potstickers (I figured dumplings would be nasty the next day being soggy and all).  We got home at 8:30 pm and turns out that potstickers are tricker to cook than dumplings.  We learned we could not cut corners (i.e. cook more than 7 at a time).  A plate dropped and shattered.  Dad ended up cooking the mass majority of them.  I printed out handouts (regarding where to get them printed at BTGH) and then went to bed past midnight.

Thursday, April 17, 2008.  I presented the brochure to the OT department.  Rick negotiated our groups for the day so I could have time in the afternoon to finish my paperwork; wasn’t that sweet?  And I did finish, so that I spent some time helping Elderine on Excel for her employee project (after Jennifer helped her for two hours).  I semi-re-learned about =average() and helped set up the chart so that she wouldn’t have to calculate by hand each time before inputting, but that all she had to do was input the number of people who attended and the number of people who were present.  Jennifer offered to take me home, so I asked Rick if it was okay that I left early with her at 4 pm.  He gave me permission, and in fact he himself stayed and administered an evaluation for Elderine (the patient spoke Spanish).

When I got home and checked my email, at 4:14 pm Linton had emailed asking if we wanted to watch When Autumn Sunlight Comes at 1915.  Linton picked up Elliot and me.  Afterwards we went to CiCi’s to eat.  I explained the Beacon to Elliot, if he wanted to join us in the future.  Told him about how the manager of the Beacon used to work for CiCi’s.  Elliot informed me that Chase Culpepper proposed to Lauren Drake!  She’s graduating tomorrow in Galveston, so they’re going to support/celebrate with her.  Somehow relationships popped into the conversation, so I mentioned about someone asking me out, back in November or something.  Linton asked if it was Robert Hwang, “the annoying loud guy” LOL.  No, it wasn’t.  I don’t think I had even met him at that point in time.  I told Vickie about this comment haha.

Friday, April 18, 2008.  Rainy morning!  Rick’s not here today, preparing to attend Dr. Barber’s wedding tonight.  In fact, it was just Elderine, Jennifer, and me, but it wasn’t as bad as I anticipated because they “closed downstairs” (i.e. outpatient appointments).  Since I’m the student, I helped with all three groups.  I helped give hurried home instructions to one patient (-Tuesday) because it seemed like she was going to leave (they were gathering all her belongings from her locker).  Turned out her parent (-Wednesday) didn’t pick her up until after we OTs were gone.  I tried to blow up the beach ball, but it didn’t work.  I was afraid to ask to leave early to try to watch Road to Partition since I had already left early yesterday, but I finally did (10 minutes early) and Elderine let me go (still got lost a bit in the parking garage).

After the movie, I rushed out and ordered my usual burrito from Chipotle at the corner at 7pm.  Vickie called, so I told her where I was and what we were doing.  I barely made it to Magazine Gap Road that started at 1915.  I went in just as the WorldFest guy was making some announcements.  During that time Hannah had called me back (do’h, my phone was on silent), so I called her again, but I think by then she had put her phone on silent.  I was thinking that maybe they had gone to see another movie, since I didn’t see them.  Finally I just decided to go up to the seats, and good thing, they were all sitting on the bottom row on the left on the third tier: Phoebe, Chris Sun, Jennifer Yu, Hannah Kwan and her boyfriend? from WHCC?, and Hannah Lin.  Linton came when the movie ended.  He was debating as to what to do with it (watch another movie? give it to someone? refund?); I don’t know what he did with it.  We went to Grand Lux Cafe afterwards for dinner outside with their dim lighting and high heating.  I didn’t order anything, but finished up my burrito.  I went home.  Linton and Chris went to his apartment, then Linton took Chris out drinking, haha.

Dad left this morning (with Carolyn and Gloria Sun’s parents) to Austin to visit my brother.  I got up at 10 am, then I went with my mom from 1-3 pm to visit my grandmother (we first stopped at Welfarm on Highway 6 to order some boxed lunches).  When we came back, I took a nap.  Around 5:30 pm Elliot picked up Hannah and me to Thai Cottage (10001 Westheimer Road Suite 2124 / 77042).  Vickie, Linton, and Yeeland showed up shortly after (I guess Elliot and Yeeland met for the first time, since they shook hands).  Chris had assumed another Thai Cottage location, and Phoebe simply got lost so she arrived when we all finished eating.  Yeeland went the safe route and ordered Pad Thai, Linton ordered for Chris and Phoebe since they were running late, I got Sizzling Beef, and of course Elliot ordered his usual appetize/dessert combo.  We ate quickly then left for Hotel Very Welcome.

Afterwards we headed to Linton’s house.  We voted for what to play:  Elliot chose Pop 5 since he’s never played it and it’s a Cranium game, I chose Pop 5 because I figure everyone could be semi-good at one part, Linton chose Battle of the Sexes since we don’t usually play that game and we have an even number, Hannah chose B.., Vickie chose Imaginiff….but Battle won out.  The guys won very quickly so we started again and they were still winning well, and I didn’t even know the trivia that girls are to know, so Vickie spoke out and said that we needed to play another game. 

We switched to Imaginiff since she’s the guest of the weekend I guess.  I actually never realized just how revealing of a game it could be.  It’s a good game to see what people think of you and how you see yourself.  At this point I can’t remember all we went over.  If I could have a pet, what would it be?  Haha, Elliot chose a Pet Peeve for me (because it’s a creative answer).  Phoebe was the only one who got my greatest fear (from the multiple choice): being a parent.  Chris was like, being a parent?!  As if that was odd.  I guess it is, since most girls want to be moms, right?  Most people chose speaking to an assembly.  They asked how come I wasn’t scared of that.  I said that speaking in front of people isn’t too bad, although I know I probably won’t speak well!  Chris is a sundial (because of his last name, versus a stopwatch, for sports), and ESPN (haha, Hannah and I thought that perhaps he wouldn’t watch ALL sports, that maybe some other news such as politics would be included). 

I’ve never taken the time for politics.  I don’t think I could really get it without extreme exertion, which I cannot afford right now.  I have no idea what the candidates stand for.  And I only know that the primaries are voting starting on Tuesday since Elliot is going to help at the polls (he has those heavy things in the back of his jeep and in his house).  But I have heard that Clinton and McCain keep rapping on Obama for having less experience than they do.  I don’t know if it matters, but here’s an interesting article (which of course is biased being it’s from TIME, although again I am ignorant as to which slant it has):

“The Science of Experience”
Would you prefer a doctor who has practiced medicine for 30 years or just 10?  Research into expert performance shows that the choice isn’t simple
http://205.188.238.109/time/health/article/0,8599,1717927,00.html 
John Cloud / Tallahassee

The 10-year rule was posited as long ago as 1899, when Psychological Review ran a paper saying it takes at least that long to become expert in telegraphy. The modern study of expert performance began in 1973, when American Scientist published an influential article by researchers Herbert Simon and William Chase saying chess enthusiasts had to play for at least 10 years before they could win international tournaments. (Bobby Fischer was an exception; he played for nine years before becoming a grand master at 16.)

It doesn’t guarantee success. As Anders Ericsson writes in the introduction to the 901-page Cambridge Handbook of Expertise and Expert Performance (2006), “The number of years of experience in a domain is a poor predictor of attained performance.” Ericsson, 60, is a professor at Florida State who moved to the U.S. from his native Sweden in 1976 to study with Simon, co-author of the seminal chess paper. (Simon went on to win a Nobel Prize in economics for his work on decision-making.) Today Ericsson runs Florida State’s Human Performance Laboratory, where Thomas and Monica participated in the robot simulations.

Experts tend to be good at their particular talent, but when something unpredictable happens — something that changes the rules of the game they usually play — they’re little better than the rest of us. Ericsson’s primary finding is that rather than mere experience or even raw talent, it is dedicated, slogging, generally solitary exertion — repeatedly practicing the most difficult physical tasks for an athlete, repeatedly performing new and highly intricate computations for a mathematician — that leads to first-rate performance. And it should never get easier; if it does, you are coasting, not improving. Ericsson calls this exertion “deliberate practice,” by which he means the kind of practice we hate, the kind that leads to failure and hair-pulling and fist-pounding.

Take figure-skating. For the 2003 book Expert Performance in Sports, researchers Janice Deakin and Stephen Cobley observed 24 figure skaters as they practiced. “All skaters spent considerably more time practicing jumps that already existed in their repertoire and less time on jumps they were attempting to learn.” In other words, we like to practice what we know, stretching out in the warm bath of familiarity rather than stretching our skills. Those who overcome that tendency are the real high performers.

Experience is not only insufficient for expert performance; in some cases, it can hurt. Highly experienced people tend to execute routine tasks almost unconsciously, rarely pausing to apply rules. Driving is a good example. In a 1991 paper in the journal Ergonomics, a team of researchers found that while new drivers and truly expert drivers (members of Britain’s Institute of Advanced Motorists) checked their mirrors often and applied their brakes early, regular drivers with 20 years’ experience rarely checked their mirrors and braked much later. Experience in a particular task frees space in your mind for other cognitive pursuits — but those things can distract you. Experience can also lead to overconfidence: a study in the journal Accident Analysis & Prevention found that licensed race-car drivers had more on-the-road accidents than controls did.

The Cambridge Handbook concludes that great performance comes mostly from deliberate practice but also from another activity: regularly obtaining accurate feedback. In a 1997 study published in the journal Medical Decision Making, researchers found that only 4% of interns had known a group of elderly patients for more than a week; by comparison, nearly half the highly experienced attending physicians had known the patients for more than six months. But even with the advantages of years of medical experience and months of knowing the patients, the attending physicians were no more accurate than the interns at predicting the patients’ end-of-life preferences, a crucial factor in determining whether a patient has a good death. It was attention to the patients’ feelings and values that mattered, not having more knowledge of their diseases. And in the end, determining which of the presidential candidates pays more attention to your concerns requires not adding up their years of experience but a far more complex calculation: deciding what their experiences have led them to truly value.

New medical students arrived this week, so I guess subconsciously I’ve taken it as a new start (i.e. more collaborative with them, asking about family meetings (and since they know I want to know, when they have one they invite me, etc).  There’s James ?, Adam Myer, and Matt McCurdy?  Adam went to HISD then A&M, worked for three years, then went to Baylor Medical School.  He prefers acute care over mental health because it’s “so frustrating.”  He reminds me of Josh Winata not because of looks but because of some of his mannerisms, voice, and sense of style.  Anyway, collaborating with the treatment team outside of our morning rounds definitely makes a big difference.  This setting is really helping me develop skills that will help me anywhere in life besides occupational therapy.  I guess students in the past had my same difficulty because according to the weekly objectives I stayed with six patients this week–good thing. 

Monday, March 3, 2008.  We had rounds in the morning, so Rick reminded me to delegate the evaluation’s questionnaires to the COTAs (on the back of the evaluation are a few questions for the patient to fill out).  One patient I evaluated and then discharged as she went down the elevator with her fiancee.  We felt she needed just a couple of more days but since she is voluntary we couldn’t keep her.  Turned out that over the weekend Vickie had asked me about some funding for children and I had helped her with finding a couple of sites and so this lady had kids who needed the same services and so since that was fresh on my mind I printed out the information.  Yay, help more than one person (while initially I was telling myself, why am I giving myself more work by taking on someone else’s work?).  Apparently ECI is part of DARS, which Rick didn’t know either.  At home I was on the phone with Vickie for three hours - talking about I don’t remember now.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008.  Since shiaw goo-goo had to take her long-awaited nervous-inducing cititizenship test at the immigration office this morning, she dropped me off at the Westwood Park&Ride (she drove pretty fast and uptightly; she must’ve been worried about both studying and also not to make me late or something).  Thus I got to work a bit earlier and finished up the discharges and evaluation writeups.  I had task group in the morning (wow, it’s been awhile).  Rick ended up playing dominoes with one of the patients in group.  After lunch I tried to evaluation a new patient, this time with Daryl the LCDC (licensed chemical dependency counselor), with non success yet again.  LOL, in the afternoon I wanted to learn dominoes so one of the patients taught me and two others joined, making it a TPG/Leisure.  Elderine called it poaching (since it was her patient who was teaching me), accummulating more RVUs for Rick.  I felt bad, though, because one of Rick’s long-term patients (and he finally left today because he refused the rest of his ECT) had asked to play with me last week.   I asked him to join, but we were all beginners and he is pretty good.  Friday? I had said maybe later (since I was swamped with paperwork), and here I am playing (because I finally caught up! hallelujah!). 

Also, hallelujah! because shiaw goo-goo passed her citizenship exam.  Congratulations!  James Wei called as my mom picked me up to encourage me to come to the rodeo this time, but I didn’t want to go–I felt like last year (03/03/07) was enough.  Although, Elderine goes each year, so maybe I could give it another shot in the future.  My dad convinced me to go shoe shopping since my ballet flats I bought for work were giving me sores on both sides of my feet (due to having wide-ish feet).  We went to the DSW in Sugar Land.  I don’t particularly like shopping because I have to think about price, if I like it, how often I will wear it, is it appropriate, and if it fits (and I’m not even considering cheap labor issues or whatnot).  So thus I especially hate shoe shopping because fitting for that is crazy (it’s fortunate I have a lean body so clothes is easier, except my mosquito-bite-size boob factor ;-) lol).  I was also hungry, which usually means I am more prone to a grouchy mood.  One ray of light was coming across these heels–with the design of my plaid red cap/hat LOL!  I wanted to get them just to match hahaha, but of course I didn’t because it would’ve been useless (I would never wear heels that tall).

I finally gave up and gave the cue to eat.  I didn’t buy anything.  There were a few that seemed pretty good but they would still give me red areas after wearing them for a bit.  At first we went to CoCo’s, although one of my parents was telling the other that the restaurant is closed on Tuesdays.  Turns out, it’s usually not closed on Tuesdays, but it’s closed THIS Tuesday for some special reason.  So we went to Old Place Cafe.  We saw Mr. Sun with his wife there.  Haha, we also saw an Asian lady with her dyed-hair mom there that we had seen browsing DSW with us!  I spent the rest of the evening trying to find a template for my brochure I’m working on with Rick for our project.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008.  Rick was late this morning because the shuttle was late (they park in a lot far from the hospital and then ride the shuttle in).  He came in just as I was sitting down with a medical student interviewing one of the patients (their morning routine).  He let me know that was great, which was nice.  He’s really good at that, giving praises and criticism in a timely manner.  Tiffani’s been repeating an Orbit commercial for awhile, so I had to look it up this afternoon.  One of Elderine’s patients was hypersexual and kissed my hand when I extended it to shake.  The OT tech saved me: ”Amy, I need you to show me something.”  Rick said that I should have confronted him at that moment and let the patient know that that was inappropriate considering our therapist-patient relationship, and then let the doctors and nurses know (Dr. Coverdale took the matter in his hands because I think he was also somewhat aggressive - he ended up being on 1:1 for inappropriateness).  I also learned about trichotillomania, and reality orientation versus reality testing (the former is just who/when/where/what disease, while the latter is referring to delusions).   Yay, I got to leave at 4 pm.  An extra half-hour to rest because tonight, finally, the FBCC Career Ladies Group met to discuss Chapter One of  Lies Women Believe.  Cynthia Lay came (she’s always running around you know), and Jennifer Lin prepared us some snickerdoodles (but Janet and Cynthia were supporting each other in not eating sweets).

Thursday, March 6, 2008.   Very eventful day (so much for being caught up, right? haha, no, a man’s work is never done).  One patient escalated (initially we thought there was a fight) so she had to be dealt with by security.  We kept the other patients in our craft room (extending the time) until that situation calmed down.  Then, we also had a fire alarm due to someone having burnt toast on the first floor.  This always proves inconvenient because all the doors unlock and thus we have to stand guard at all the exit doors (in the past someone did run down the stairs and someone had to chase after him).  The rule is to evacuate horizontally before vertically (so all the patients were moved into the day area).  A new patient was mute and catatonic, so I tried a couple of times to evaluate her; Rick took the other new patient (thanks!).  He also gave me some feedback over the brochure.  Two patients left:  one was voluntary and I was surprised she decided to leave suddenly since she’s homeless and it was our worst day weather-wise (she was out on the street for a full two hours before she was in the emergency room again).  Rick, Sally, Janet, and Tiffani went out to eat lunch, but Elderine, Jennifer, and I stayed.  Elderine said she really should only eat vegetables, Jennifer wanted to milk her parking money, and I wanted to finish writing my progress notes since we were so busy.

Friday, March 7, 2008.  We were busy and didn’t do the weekly feedback form.  We had two patients scheduled to leave on Monday and a new patient in a wheelchair.  Two more patients left.  Whew!

Daylight Savings Time…*psi* we lose an hour! 

I’m at Jessica Ng’s house right now, and she just left to meet up with Katie Chong, so I have the entire house to myself and not a thing to bother my thoughts, except my thoughts.  This is the best time than any other to write/type, to get my thoughts straight and process through my anger and frustration and suffocation with my Dad and reflect on my first week so as not to become overwhelmed and get assignments done, but I’m too emotionally tired, making my body physically tired, and my mind unable to focus at all.  Maybe just sitting here in silence with cakes baking in the oven is what I need.  Pray for me.

Interesting that my clinical instructor (who’s Mexican) told my dad (when he picked me up) “Happy Chinese New Year”.  He brought tamales from Telles from San Antonio for the staff to eat at lunchtime.

However, “Spectacular fireworks have ushered in the Chinese New Year, but not everyone is celebrating. Millions of people are spending the holiday in miserable conditions, with power and essential services cut off by the worst weather in a century. Chinese leaders spent New Year’s eve visiting badly-affected areas. One city in the south of the country has been without power for three weeks. Scores of people died in snow-related incidents in the runup to this public holiday, with millions of people delayed as they tried to return home for celebrations. And it is not just power that has been cut off. “Everyday we use water from the fire hydrant,” said one woman in Chenzhou in Hunan province. “We carry five or six buckets of water up to our home every day. I hope the city government can do something about this. It’s so difficult.” Observers say many parts of the country simply were not prepared for such bad weather. Officials insist they are working hard to restore services” (http://www.euronews.net/index.php?page=info&article=468836&lng=1).

Still, you can celebrate in a traditional way by writing a wish on red paper, tying it to an orange, and then throwing it up into a tree.  If it sticks, then your wish is going to come true!  Well, the tree is supposed to be the Lam Tsuen Wish Tree, but I’m not about to travel to Hong Kong for that.  And in 2005 one branch was so laden with branches that it broke off, so now wishes are placed beneath the tree until recovery (http://www.jacekphoto.com/hong_kong/hk75.htm).

Super Bowl Sunday was quite an eventful day, both personally and in national sports.  As usual I went to play flag football and/or ultimate frisbee (although this time in Pearland because Rice has been kicking us off their fields and Kelvin’s having a party at his place afterwards).  Not many people showed up, so we all played football.  Unbeknownst to me, someone had already left due to an injury or accident.  Even if I know, however, I’m sure I would’ve stayed to play, whch I did.  David Zhao ended up