Category Archive

That’s the name of a guy I met tonight. My aunt took me along to a potluck at Sugar Land Chinese Baptist Church off of Cash Road. We were a bit late so half of the food was gone, but there was enough (there is always enough in God’s house, haha). She ushered me in to sit with the kids. They were either in middle or high school or just finished with high school. It’s considered a small church, and I was told that most people my age see the paucity of a social life and thus attend FBCC instead.  Freedom was a very friendly guy, trying to make us newcomers feel welcome. Most of the regulars all spoke fluent Chinese.  The other “newcomers” were a girl in her senior year of high school and her two younger brothers, Abraham and..forgot. They recently (like a week ago?) moved here from Brazil (”from the Amazon”) so they speak Portuguese fluently, then English, and barely any Mandarin (their heritage is Chinese). She says she used to be in school in California, then went to Florida, then returned to her family in Brazil and settled into a Christian school but now she’s a bit irked since her family moved up here to Texas. She’s thinking her prospects of getting into a good college are now very slim, but she says she’s trusting God that this is in His plan, though she admits it’s hard for her to trust God in that.  

To celebrate Father’s Day, after dinner, they had the fathers and their children play games in the open area.  They played a game where something is stuck to their foreheads and everyone tries to get the others to do/say what is on their forehead (and thus lose).  For example, a boy had “you’re welcome” on his forehead so people would say thank you to him to hopefully prompt him to say that.  Freedom actually had “clap hands” on his forehead and so, without anyone trying to get him to do it, he inadvertently clapped his hands when someone performed well, and thus he got a new card on his forehead, haha.  My aunt cooked up some black soy bean drink to share with a friend of hers who has a little daughter and an older son (who attends the Chinese school at FBCC). The younger children played rock band in the back room; so funny with the little drum set and guitars.

Afterwards, Linton informed me that Melvin was at his house and asked if I’d like to join them.  Phoebe and Chris were already there as well when I arrived around 9:30 pm.  Melvin just caught us up with his life, about trading his dream car that his dad got him for a Fit for its fuel efficiency and hatchback usability, how he came down to ask Pei-Jean’s parents for her hand in marriage (when did Vickie and I talk about this with Jacky and Nathan Kim and Linton around?), how he’s getting ready to get his Master’s degree in teaching (for the sole purpose of a pay raise because otherwise he’s heard it’s useless), Pei-Jean’s job at CDC re: MRSA, the possibilty of finding a new school in Atlanta, GA, etc.  James showed up with his stinky tofu, then Peter, then Hannah came quite later.  Melvin then went around the room asking how we’ve been.  Chris says he hates his job, Linton says his job is okay and he’s thinking of getting a Master’s in the near future (e.g. business, engineering, or something else), I told him I just finished school and will be taking the licensing exam soon, and Phoebe talked about her social work academia.  Melvin showed us his LED flashlight, we reminisced on Melvin’s Facebook profile picture, and Melvin taught Phoebe how to work the Rubix cube.  Bubba that Phoebe bought from Hong Kong was splatted onto the ceiling that it looked like it was coming down through it!  It was also hilarious because they moved it and then later on Linton pointed it out to Phoebe, saying that it had moved by itself.  James took a group picture of us (haha, with Peter in it), then left (after we admired Melvin’s new car).  The rest of us played Loaded Questions:

• What is most important to you in a relationship: looks, humor, personality, or mutual interests? (By the way, it’s mutual interests with an “s”, so it doesn’t mean liking each other back or financial holdings hahaha.) Hannah, James, and Chris said personality, Linton said mutual interests, and Peter said humor.
• What would a tough guy never do? James said strip, Peter said cry, Chris said back off, Hannah said say “aw”, and Linton said pass up an opportunity to protect another.
• What is your most feminine quality? Peter likes Princess Bride, James is emotional, Chris has many shoes, Linton is needy, and Hannah has a motherly instinct

Afterwards they planned on going to IHOP (they ended up buying pancake mix instead), but I left for home.  Remember when I said that it was getting a little easier to say “yes” to the better over the good? Well, I am highly gullible prideful. I used to think I was a good listener, and then I gradually admitted I wasn’t all that with that skill, such as actively responding and gently prodding. Then I thought, well, at least I know I’m patient, and that was obviously not true as I found myself with a short fuse, holding things in, and taking things into my own hands when things weren’t going to turn out exactly as I wanted it to look. I never outright thought I was humble, but I thought of myself many times self-righteously superior in others, and hahahahahaha heh, that is the original sin. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself (Galatians 6:3). Actually, during Loaded Questions, one of the other people asked what is it that you don’t like to share with others (a question to that effect).  After awhile, I scribbled something about not talking about my weaknesses.  I definitely tricked myself so much, I can’t even tell anything anymore. It’s so ironic that back in the day when my classmates were incredulous about the heinous acts during the Holocaust, I spoke up and said that I knew that if I were in their place, I woudln’t be surprised if I acted in that way, either.  It would be horrendous, but not surprising.  Indeed, I am really nothing, or rather, being “found in him,” I do not have “a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith” (Philippians 3:9).  So the irony is that this previous prideful attitude actually prevents one from truly reaching the level of holiness where one thinks s/he is at.

So, I knew that it was late but wanted to finish the game (around 2 am).  I figured my mom would probably have called, but I rationalized that if I didn’t look at my cell phone, then maybe she had fallen asleep and didn’t even know I was still out.  Turns out, as I was driving out back towards the house, she had just turned into Linton’s neighborhood to get me.  In fact, she saw me turn left onto Avenue E and was in such a frantic rush to follow me that she almost got into a car accident (didn’t bother to check to see the car coming from her right) and revved up to 70 mph to follow behind me (this is a woman who normally drives 50 mph on the freeway when you can go 70).  I was wondering who was following me, hah (I actually made an extra loop to “lose” my pursuant in case, even though I didn’t know what “they” would want of me).  Then I went straight to my room.  My mom politely came in and asked me to tell her next time.  I said, “Yeah.”  Then I went to bed.  Thoughts whirled through my head, a debate really.  So I finally got out of bed, went to my mom, and apologized.  She asked if I heard her calls.  I said my cell was on silent, and was going to leave it at that, but realized that it was another excuse on my part, and added, “but I should have called you.”  My mom, as always, as a mom is, nicely accepted and forgave, and we went to sleep.

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives (1 John 1:5-10).

“My wife’s pain is my pain.”  I realize that I am the one who causes the most grief in this family.  My brother is respectful of my parents and calls them whenever he is (or we are) out when he visits from out of town.  Before he moved out, he helped wash the dishes without asking.  Now that he has, he thinks fondly of my parents and buys them gifts that are useful for certain special days.  He tells me about his relationships (or lack thereof), and I’m like, whatever.  Plus, I…do nothing for my parents.  Or rather, I do..worse for them.  If I cannot honor my parents now, I will not be able to submit to my husband in the future, and especially not to the Most High God. I know it sounds cliche, but it’s so true that the more one turns towards God, the more one knows God is, well, GOD, and that you are the dust of the earth, and the only thing fitting after finding this out is to give Him praise.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:12-14).

Freedom.  What a name.  What a promise.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free (John 8:32).

Amen.

This past Wednesday James called for dinner and I joined them after FBCC Ladies night (we discussed Chapter 6).  I was expecting only guys as usual, but found to my pleasant surprise that Phoebe, Hannah, and even Diana were there!  Jonathan, Linton, and Peter were there as well.  And I met Sam Tarng, who is currently living where Jing used to live and used to know the twins when they were still in Lubbuck.  He grew up in Plano, TX.  He’s interning here (businnes, accounting..?) for three? months.  Cafe 101 had a drink/appetizer special for $5, so Hannah simply added an appetizer to her drink order. 

Today/Saturday, after going to the library, I came back home to eat lunch (my parents had left to visit Mom’s mom).  Then I drove over to Pastor Dick and Carolyn’s house that they’re renting to help them move.  Daniel and Jeffy were already there, loading up the van to go over to the house the Lee family had bought.  Jamie and Andrew were already there as well, boxing and wrapping dishes.  I helped with the less delicate kitchenware (ie. tupperware).  Then I got the job of emptying the pantry.  We ate leftover vanilla and chocolate cupcakes from “the Quad” from this morning (I’ve no idea what they were talking about).  We snacked on garlic green beans (tasty).  Janet and BJ showed up later, as did Joe.  At the end, we all loaded up our cars and headed to the house to check it out.  It’s 25 years old (the kids will eventually go to Clements High School) but it was nicely revamped recently (the paint was white, with well-done wallpaper for each room, nice kitchen, outside gas line for grilling, large backyard for a pool/gardening/play–Daniel was envious lol).  They were talking about going to the Kee couple’s in Pearland at 4:30 (I guess they didn’t have a full list of the fellowship so I didn’t know about it, but I was too tired anyway to drive to Pearland).

Instead, Linton called at 5:30 to eat dinner at Black Walnut Cafe in Sugar Land with Hannah, Phoebe, Jennifer Yu, Matt Lee, Joanna Yu, and Jennifer Lin.  I went to his house, where we carpooled to pick up Phoebe.  The three of us went to Walnut, where Hannah and Jennifer Lin were waiting.  We got our tables connected then ordered.  I gave Jennifer Yu a couple of birthday envelopes; she gave Hannah some of her wedding invitations to pass out.  I ate at 4pm so wasn’t that hungry.  Joanna listened intently as Phoebe explained social work, which is changing the environment to help people (probably butchered it, sorry!).  It’s really broad, and people can work in both direct and “indirect” services.  Joanna was also thinking of (she currently has a management degree from UT Austin) public affairs.  It’s just that when she initially got her current job she was amazed at how she could be paid for doing what she was doing, yet also helping out with a respected organization.  But now, she is bored out of her mind only working one hour a day.  She spends the rest of the time watching TV and movies on her computer.  Joanna also told Linton about her three-year relationship with Mark.  We stopped by Barnes and Noble then headed to Linton’s house (the Yu sisters and Matt left for a potluck at his church).

James, Sam, and Chris joined us at Linton’s house.  We hung around deciding what to do: Rock Band (Chris already left his apartment and it would’ve been a hassle anyway), a movie, board games….  Sam performed some magic card tricks (the magnet to red/black, slapping with one card remaining, etc).  He learned and perfected them before he went to Mexico on a mission trip.  Phoebe also played “This is the game of snaps” with Hannah and Linton as the guessers (the rest of us observed in curiosity and amazement).  Phoebe was craving a float, and Jennifer Lin was craving cookies, so we went to HEB to buy alcohol, cookies, ice cream, and soda.  We gathered around the table.  Sam and Chris apparently lived pretty close to each other back in Plano and also knew quite a number of the same people (Chris used to go to ACPC?).  They both complained of Houston not having a zoning ordinance, so that commercial buildings are built right next to apartments and houses, which are right next to dilapidated rundowns.  Chris is quite bothered with people asking him for money on the streets.  I found it interesting that the conversation was mostly carried on by the guys (especially Sam) while the girls sat quietly nearby. 

It was quite difficult because I always stay until the very end.  But I had told God I was going to put forth more effort and that I desired to be back on track and all, and that of course definitely included my parents.  ”Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is the first commandment with a promise.”  I had told my mom that I would be home around twelve.  Plus, I wanted it for myself, to sleep on a regular pattern.  I knew that either I was sacrificing time with my friends, or sacrificing again some part of my relationship with my parents and indefinitely with God.  I had to make my choice, so I finally left when the clock hit 12 midnight.  I felt quite uneasy, but I knew it was the right decision.  In fact, I think next time it will be a little easier to choose the better over the good:

• Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—”that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1-2).
• “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12).
• “Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you” (Deuteronomy 5:16).

Not the television series season finale tonight.  That’s just how I describe how I’ve been feeling for quite some time.  And that’s what I’ve been telling people.  Like I wrote in an email three weeks ago when asked for a prayer request:  “On a personal note, I still feel lost, but it’s not this big suffocating weight and desperation, and I don’t really think it’s a bad thing either.  Still, I think what was said at Bible study was right on target, I really don’t even know what to specify except that I really haven’t touched that Bible in forever.  I used to read it every day.  So that is a step.  But just everything is on my mind really, like counseling and church and career and stuff….”  Before, it was this feeling of desolation that would be the catalyst of a stampede of thoughts that no one cares (e.g. second-guessing my friends and family, perceiving past gatherings from under the shadow of a dark cloak).  Just as Phoebe knows her fear of the stage is irrational, I know these thoughts are irrational, but it still doesn’t much help with untangling that knot during the deer-in-headlights moment.  Depression is irrational!  Or is it?  I remember Hannah made a comment after watching Lifting the Veil, saying she somewhat believes that some who have depression are more in tune with reality than us “normal” people because we “ignore” the atrocities and stick with an “illusion” of rosiness in order to not go “crazy.”

“Keep Breathing”
by Ingrid Michaelson

The storm is coming but I don’t mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that i know is I’m breathing now.

I want to change the world…instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I’m breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that I know is I’m breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

Anyway, I guess this is as good a time as any to at least sort a smidgen in my mind/heart/spirit:

COMMUNITY
Genesis 35:11

Last Thursday I drove my parents to Austin to pay a last visit before my brother left for one week (to visit his former roommate), to give him his luggage (so he can pack), and to clean out his fridge (because he can leave food on the stove and not ever eat or clean it out).  My brother and I are very close.  We grew up with the same parents and familial history, in the same household, went to the same school for awhile, even were in the exact class and period for a class or two in high school (personal tutor, baby!).  We initially hung out with the majority of the same acquaintances (and lack thereof) and shared in the same struggles regarding church and friends and connectedness that we still discuss to this day, many times while in his room chatting up to the wee hours of the night/morn and our parents would come and say time to go to bed!  We are considerably different when you meet us, no doubt, as I am more like our mother and he is more like our father.  And in fact since high school we have led very different lives and rarely hang out or even talk with the same people, friends, or each other.  Nonetheless, during those occasional phone calls, I would say that I still feel close and  would still reveal much embarrassing/humbling/shameful things to him.

By the way, he had moved into a new apartment (from the urgings of his currently ex-girlfriend) and bought some furniture.  Where did they come from?  The famous Craigslist.  I have never been to the site, but many many people have made references to it.  From my understanding, it’s a virtual (that sometimes eventually leads to a physical) place where people can sell and exchange practically anything, from sofas and endtables to jobs, pets, and discussions.  It reminds me of Facebook and Myspace, two sites which Jennifer Garcia is part of and asked me if I was as well (I’m not, and actually most people in FBCC don’t have Facebook).  I’m not part of Craigslist, either, but is it something to BE a part of?  But those in Facebook and Myspace are still part of that network since they are still signed up in it, right?  Am I still part of Xanga if I decide I won’t write in it anymore (no activity), even if I have two blogs hosted on it?  You used to need an account to leave a comment, but now you don’t.  Do those who have never signed up part of Xanga if they leave a million comments on others’ Xanga blogs?  What does it mean to be part of a community?  What does it mean to be part of a church, and to be part of His Church?

FELLOWSHIP
Acts 2:42-47

I have been faithfully attending church services on Sundays since childhood.  But this past January, since I’ve always hated it (since middle school and El Paso, and even in Austin), I made a conscious decision to just stop going.  I made no effort to wake up earlier than usual, and even if I did, I didn’t even consider the possibility of perhaps attending.  Not until I figure out which church to attend regularly (do I want to stick with FBCC with its new chapter?), why I feel the way I do about it (is it the environment, the specific social situation?), and my reasons for going.  Three Sundays ago, I told Tiffany that though I haven’t really been communing with God lately, and though I have never ever exactly lauded FBCC, I have come to the conclusion to return to FBCC.  Now I have to dissect what that entails.

Regardless of its vagueness, it was a difficult decision.  Vickie is in San Antonio, so that’s why she says she continues to attend WHCC (her default).  However, she says that when she returns to a more permanent stay in Houston, she’ll move to Access, which is where Phoebe and Linton are fellowshiping now.  Access is starting out as a small but highly committed group.  When it grows in size, how will it look like?  Are people still going to connect?  To start off last fall, Pastor Ted asked his congregants to read The Celtic Way of Evangelism: How Christianity Can Reach the West…Again by George G. Hurton III.  In it, the key to evangelism is through understanding and living as a fellowship among the people, and in time they will open their hearts to the God who knows them.  The old Roman way was for people to believe before they can belong, while the new Celtic way is for you to belong and eventually believe.  In other words, the community and not an individual brings you to Christ.  In many ways, it’s easier to tell someone the Gospel than it is to take someone where s/he consistently experiences the Gospel.

How do we belong?  I sure feel like I belong to WHCC and HCC more than FBCC.  I know I am at fault for not terribly trying much, but even though I don’t really try, I get invited to their birthday parties, their holiday celebrations, and their event gatherings.  They even apologize profusely for forgetting to add me onto their list and making sure I am included next time.  On the flip side, I try the hardest with FBCC (but not my hardest in general) by calling and emailing them to contact me to hang out, and instead I’ve come to expect voicemail and oh yeah, this is what we’re doing right now, if you want to come.  Is it because at least one or two people keep track of me at WHCC and HCC, but no one does here at FBCC?  That could make all the difference.  Or is it that I expect more (and keep a record of wrongs?) because I have decided to be included at FBCC but I am nonchalant with whether I am invited to WHCC or HCC?  I remember back in January there was a slew of WHCC birthdays, and then in February there was a slew of FBCC birthdays.  Somehow, I ended up going to the WHCC ones but not the FBCC ones as much; I don’t remember now, but at the time was it due to scheduling conflicts or did I finally decide to attend the WHCC ones because I was more comfortable with them?  What does it mean to expect the worse but hope for the best?  How do you have high expectations but….? 

When I entered college, I checked out a handful of Christian gatherings.  I joined a small group that was part of the then-called Chinese Bible Study because it was the thing to do and everyone kept emphasizing them.  Our group fell apart,one by one, until it was just the Bible study leader, me, and this girl who was highly committed and hadn’t yet accepted Jesus.  I felt sorry, but that wasn’t going to cut it, so I left highly disappointed and joined CCC.  Later, I learned that one of the girls who wasn’t that much of a believer became good friends with Kara and eventually made an amazing transformation through His grace.  The thing is, though you can encourage group ownership, it sure can’t be forced.  Anyone knows nagging doesn’t work, although we find ourselves doing it.  Haven’t you noticed with some you just click instantly and with others you don’t?  Some people find you dull, while others find you exciting, or at least around them somehow you light up.  Even if you give all the time you can, with all the sincerity and effort, with both of you seeking, even if you lived near each other.  Reminds me of that girl from Chicago: we had an affinity towards each other so we’d decide to meet up and all, but anyone can tell from our conversations that somehow we just weren’t clicking.  Eventually we both decided without words to call it off.  She was a smart and pretty girl; I wonder where she is now after UT Austin pre-pharm classes.

Maybe we’re defining incorrectly.  Back in high school, I was elected to be the Science Club president, with a new teacher sponsor.  It bothered me that our definition of a member was someone who paid the fee.  There were those who were super dedicated, coming and helping at every single event, while others never showed up but they did pay the money.  I didn’t enjoy being president, so for me to keep everything running was as good as it was going to get, not trying to change their pre-existing system.  Magnificat has an application process but afterwards you’re in for life.  Even with years of hiatus you are always wlecome to come back and use the resources.  I met Annie Shen at an HCC gathering, and she says she hangs out with HCC, serves in her home Asian church, and then attends a more American (or African-American?) church on Sunday mornings.  Seems fragmented and yet, is that something I want to imitate?  In a way, her method demonstrates that we together are the Bride of Christ.  Vickie’s always running around hanging out with all these groups because we are all interconnected (actually, if left to my own devices, I really don’t care to make new friends). 

Indeed, it is impossible to know everyone, even within a single church building (”Abandon Committees, Skip Teams, and Embrace Communities” by George Bullard), so is there significance in “choosing” a church?  Are we to attend, serve, and gather within one?  What does the modern-day “fellowship of the believers” look like?  I think my problem would be choosing, because many times events have been booked for the same weekend.  Do I even it out?  Or instead, focus?  Still, I remember in the past when someone at FBCC needed a bone marrow transplant due to leukemia; the whole church gathered together.  We have also drawn together to fundraise for missions we support.  And the Chinese churches have gathered together for events as well (although it appears that FBCC does that less than the others).  Our mechanic, dentist, realtor, and family physician all were borne from the network of these Chinese churches.  It’s like “The New Science of Networks” by Albert-Laszlo Barabasi (who wrote it after reading “The Strength of Weak Ties“ by Mark S. Granovetter).

Still, when I went to RecWeek it was a big deal since I didn’t commit myself to InterVarsity but to CCC:EPIC (who has their own similar conference: DWC)–the IV leader went to the CCC leader to make sure they knew about me and it was okay with them!  Actually, it is the close relationships I formed in EPIC, not IV, that continue to live on.  I’ve still visited Josh, sent a card to Jonathan Le, had a few meals with prayers and talks of our spiritual struggles with Marie when she stops in town, and exchanged sparse emails with Iris.  Which reminds me: before the birth of EPIC, Alice and I were part of a CCC cell group.  The concept is that, as it grew, it would split and thus multiply.  We had to decide who we wanted to go with: Ophelia or Kristen.  I couldn’t decide at all.  Eventually, on the Jester steps, Iris poured out her heart and tears and basically begged me to be part of the one she had chosen.  I don’t remember if I had chosen one yet at this point, or if I ended up choosing the one that she asked me to be a part of, but I just remember this particular heart-wrenching moment.  I’ve never felt so loved and accepted.  And then, even leaving a comment on a random Xanga where they just started their own EPIC, I never would have imagined that eventually she would pray for my sins, and then point me (with Rudi) to spent one night of our two-week road trip at a stranger’s apartment.  Not only did this sister in Christ open her place for us and provide hospitality, she also prayed for and over us.

FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS
Luke 15:1-7

Perhaps Josh had a better glimpse of how this all operates when he wrote his journal entry on seasonal friendships.  On the snowboarding trip, not only did I reinforce previous friendships but also forged new ones.  Liz prayed for me when she didn’t even know me, only because she knew I needed the spiritual support.  Now we still exchange postcards and emails.  I haven’t spoken to Ruth since I’ve moved back from El Paso; she was a wonderful roommate.  During the student orientation at UT Austin, somehow I ended up hanging with a Hispanic girl and an African-American guy.  I remember the incident when we were eating some free food in a large banquet hall, and he said that he really stood out.  “Because we’re under the skylight?”  “No, because I’m the only black person in this room.”  It was really nice to not be alone and to share the experience with others in the same boat.  I remember her waving at me later, and he visited my dorm freshman year, but now I don’t even remember his or her names (or faces….).  When we graduated, Sapna gave me an old photograph of when the three of us (including Reena) were in second grade? and I had played this detective game with them by planting clues: ”It takes a long time to grow an old friend.”  Back in high school, Carla Ortiz gave me this:  “Thanks for being my friend & for being the caring person that you are to me.  Your the GREATEST friend.  Happy B-day to a friend that means ALOT to me.”  I remember thinking, this is so out of nowhere!  I don’t recall any conversations we’ve had in the past, and ever since I have not a clue what’s going on with her.  She says I’m such a great friend to her, but how?  I know many times I’m nice to those I really would prefer never to hang out with again, but with her it wasn’t even that….

I remember back in Austin, Timmy Chui wrote about The Atomic Tiers of Friendship haha; wonder where he got his ideas.  Phoebe and Hannah have been gone for a week in Hong Kong and will be gone for another week.  I have been contemplating our relationships since I’ve been back at my parents’ place for the time being.  Phoebe and I grew close first semester of freshman year and then agreed to an accountability relationship thereafter until I moved to El Paso.  Hannah and I gelled a connection after her 22nd birthday while exchanging deep, dark, familiar yet unsimilar, privacies.  We’ve hung out I think usually once a week together on the weekends, but of course it’s not like before.  I think other acquaintances (not “friends”) know more about them than I do at this point.  I’m not exactly pining for the days gone by but rather how to take those spontaneous moments along into the future, how to cultivate the environment for our older selves in new stages, for the sake of the gospel, for our children.

I mentioned that we should be neighbors so our kids can play together.  Linton said, “But you don’t even have a boyfriend!.”  Indeed, I’m not even close to marrying, let alone having children.  I never really got to know my neighbors, but it turns out that I know a little more (thanks to my dad) than Phoebe and Hannah do about theirs (they say they’re new).  Linton has to feed their dog Missy, but it seems that in the past (or at least in media), the neighbor usually handles that role.  As I drive towards Dulles Avenue, I always pass a driveway packed with boys who have grown tall and lanky!  I don’t know who lives there, but I’ve seen African-American guys, Asian-American guys, and white guys all playing basketball together.  When Gilmore Girls first came out, what drew me was not only the intelligent banter but the concept that they lived in a (too) close-knit town.  Everyone would eat at the local Luke’s Diner, and then people could hang out on their front porches and say hello to those walking by.  But they sure had a lot of gossip.  (And, as Phoebe said, when Dean made love to Rory, we were shocked.  So much for a clean series.)  I absolutely adored the neighborhood playground my brother and I frequented as children.  Okay, so maybe this concept is now dangerous in this day and age.  Then you can have those “gated communities” that Jessica/Robert/Rosemery (and my brother) are in (compare with the med center condos that Alison/Wilson/Cindy live in).

MARRIAGE
Ephesians 5:22-33

I always say that I feel more comfortable around guys than girls (verus for Linton he says he grew up feeling more comfortable around girls than guys).  The past few weeks I wonder how I came to that conclusion, both mentally and subconsciously in how I act.  I mean, I hung out with both while in school (and senior year it was a table of all females during lunch, man I miss Arlene and oh, her birthday was this past Sunday), and at church it wasn’t like the guys in my class treated me better than the girls.  I would also say that I have more guy friends than girl friends, yet if I lost my guy friends I would be sad but not as devastated as if I were to lose a friendship with a girl. 

Chris Sun is a prime example.  In fact, I’m almost hesitant to call him a friend.  Is he more of a…frequent acquaintance?  Seriously, the only reason we hang out is through Linton (and satellite friends).  I have a [funny] birthday card that he gave me freshman year.  Little did I know then how rare that is.  Yet he’s probably going to be one of Linton’s groomsman, and I did invite him to my birthday dinner, I guess to even it out.  I also invited Nathan Kim, and we rarely talk.  In fact, we just see each other at football and usually don’t even exchange words.  But I know if I am in need of prayer or other help, he will respond, as he always emails back amidst his numerous activities.  And then there are Andrew, Nathan, and Inch.  Well, I haven’t been in contact with them for quite a long time now, but it’s okay.  I think I feel closer to them than the other people I’ve met from football simply because I met them through Vickie, and somehow that changed the dynamics in how I associate with them, like sending them Christmas cards.

Haha, remember when Tina Chen thought that David Kalloor and I were dating because he’d come over so often freshman year before either of us made many new friends?  It never occurred to me, and I never ever did/will have that thought concerning him.  Whereas with Siwei we, I have no idea how, hit it off right off the bat (where/when/who).  I could tell him everything that I tell my brother–that’s how close I felt with him.  But I barely met him.  At first I clung to thinking, “What does it mean to know my husband?” but like friendships, there are those you just click with and those you don’t.  So I’ve let go of that.  When I said no in Austin to a sweet guy who asked me out, he asked if it was because he didn’t believe in God.  “No, I’m just not attracted to you.”  Somehow, I didn’t feel it.  

Although, I think that has to do with our current culture.  If parents don’t approve of your choice nowadays, that’s usually overlooked instead of trying to reconcile.  In past customs (like the dowry) and in prevailing traditions (like the father “giving away” the daughter) though, it’s really a relationship between the two families, if not also between/within churches (The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony by Pamela Paul), dating with the approval of your community, who is in the place to help you weigh in the other factors of values and also keep you accountable.  That’s probably why Erwin and I are somewhat okay when thinking about arranged marriages.  I think the problem occurs when they make matches due to affluence and distinguishment, etc, as all humans end up messing up good systems.  My question to myself is, “If a guy I highly respect were to ask me but I just wasn’t feeling it, even after multiple extended rendezvous, would I accept?”  I think this is the wisdom I need to ask God about: the ability to discern whether an obstacle is the result of the need for discipline/perseverance (hurdle) or is the result of the need for a detour/fork (wall).  That’s what I’ve been trying to consider about waking up early, memorizing verses, personality in socializing, planning (using a planner works great for me, but Jennifer Lin says it doesn’t help her at all), kit with relatives, exercising, friendships as mentioned above, love languages….

PURPOSE
John 17:4

Last Wednesday, we met for FBCC Ladies’ Group.  The overall concensus was, we have no idea where we are headed and how our stories will end on earth and continue in heaven.  Many are figuring out whether to change to an entirely new area of study, or at least a new job within their current finished schooling.  The competition rises each year it seems among valedictorians/salutatorians, and I am amazed at just how ambitious and passionate they appear to be; you wonder if they will reach it, and if they will find satisfaction in reaching it.  As the dark clouds slowly dissipate, at times an epiphany or some clarity will shine through, but then it quickly disappears and I’m in a fog again, but still in a better state for seeing it.  I’m usually at peace when I think that I will be married while going about the house, how I’ve always vaguely but contentedly imagined it, helping supporting supplementing whatever he endeavors.  Despite that, Proverbs 31 had always bothered me, but even now the Proverbs 31 woman is now a celebration and challenge.  This always-wife desire and this in-the-Bible-but-doesn’t-seem-right disenchantment is finally coming together.  I guess I didn’t realize that it made me feel intimidated, incompetent, hopeless, exhausted (in my own power) like reading the goals of the graduates.  Instead, as God is making us perfect, as women He is making us her (His power with our participation), in our own unique ways. 

Of course, having “peace” doesn’t always mean I’m on the right track, but again you can’t discount it either.  I get restless when I think that I have been blessed beyond what I could’ve asked or imagined and with that comes the stewardship of making great strides for His kingdom (and thus even before believing but being raised in church, missions was always attractive to my naive eyes).  The thing is, ultimately we are to obey and glorify, NOT to change the world.  I think it is in this that I am transitioning from abstractness into something more pragmatic, as I am slowly lifted out and glean the gems that can only be understood from coming out of trip-ups, temptations, and trials.  I was all tangled up in my buzz words of community/friends/romance/vulnerability/missions/reconciliation/prayer, I’ve forgotten to “look up!”  I’ve been trying to figure out what God has given me a gift in, where God has placed my passions in, and how it could all work in this current culture, but conclusively regardless of techniques and training, the umph will be from God.  

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.  Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.  For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! (Philippians 3:7-16, Romans 11:36).

AMEN.

I am woman; I am invincible; I am tired (Helen Reddy). 

18.  “I don’t have time to do everything I’m supposed to do.”

70% found themselves believing this.  Women feel overwhelmed by how much they have to do and how little time they have to do it.  As a result, many are breathless, frazzled, discouraged.  Years ago, I read that the average woman today has the equivalent of fifty full-time servants, in the form of modern, timesaving devices and equipment.  So why are our lives more harried and hurried?  The Lord Jesus Himself was given only a few short years on earth to accomplish the entire plan of redemption.  Yet at the end, Jesus was able to lift His eyes to His Father and say, “I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do” (John 17:4).  That is the secret.  Jesus didn’t finish everything His disciples wanted Him to do (overthrow the Roman government).  He didn’t finish everything the multitudes wanted Him to do (there were still people sick, lonely, and dying).  But He did finish the work that God gave Him to do.  There is time for me to do everything that is on God’s “to do” list for my day, for my week, and for my life!  The frustration comes when I attempt to take on responsibilities that are not on His agenda for me.  When I establish my own agenda or let others determine the priorities for my life, rather than taking time to discern what it is that God wants me to do, I live with guilt, frustration, and haste.

God’s “to do” list for my life is not the same as His list for anyone else’s life.  Jesus said, “I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.”  Further, there are different seasons of our lives, and God’s assignment for me in my forties will not be exactly the same as what He gave me to do as a teenager.  By the way, there is another, related lie that women in our generation have bought into.  In a sense, it is the opposite: “I can do it all.”  Frustration is the by-product of attempting to fulfill responsibilities God does not intend for us to carry.  Freedom, joy, and fruitfulness come from seeking to determine God’s priorities for each season of life, and then setting out to fulfill those priorities, in the power of His Spirit, realizing that He has provided the necessary time and ability to do everything that He has called us to do.

Once I realized that I have enough time to do what God has given me to do, then I had to admit that I was attempting to do things He has not assigned to me.  I am starting the process of removing things from my life as I discover what doesn’t belong and finding things I can delegate.  I am also learning to communicate with my husband so he can release me from things he doesn’t care about and be clear about what he does care about.  This is only happening with the guidance and grace of the Lord.

19.  “I can make it without consistent time in the word and prayer.”

Nearly 48% of the women who completed our survey admitted that they have believed this.  In fact, this lie ranked #4 in frequency.  The essence of Satan’s deception is that we can live our lives independently of God.  The Enemy doesn’t care if we “believe” in God, if we are doctrinally orthodox, or if we fill our schedules with a lot of “spiritual activities,” as long as he can get us to run on our own steam, rather than living in conscious dependence upon the power of the Holy Spirit.  That independent, self-sufficient spirit is an expression of pride (James 4:6).  We also become more vulnerable to deception in every area of our lives.  On the other hand, “God gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6, I Peter 5:5).  Six times in the Old Testament we are told that David “inquired of the Lord” (I Samuel 23:2, 4; 30:8; II Samuel 2:1, 5:19, 23).  The first thing he did every morning was to turn his heart toward the Lord in prayer (Psalms 5:3, 119:147).  The Truth is, apart from “abiding in Him”–living in constant, conscious union with and dependence on Him–I cannot do anything of spiritual or eternal value.  Oh, I can create a lot of activity, I can make a lot of decisions, but I will end up having nothing of real value to show for my life.  The Truth is, it is impossible for me to be the woman He wants me to be apart from my spending consistent time cultivating a relationship with Him, in the Word and prayer.

20.  “A career outside the home is more valuable and fulfilling than being a wife and mother.”

Half a century ago, concepts such as virtue, chastity, discretion, domesticity, submission, and modesty were largely eliminated from our vocabulary, and replaced with choice, divorce, infidelity, and unisex lifestyles.  The daughters and granddaughters of that generation have never known any other way of thinking.  One of the most devastating objectives and effects of this “new” view of womanhood has been to demean marriage and motherhood and to move women–both physically and emotionally–out of their homes and into the workforce.  Whoever expected we would have to live with

• pressure placed on women by their peers to “do more” than be “just a wife and mother”
• the status of a “homemaker” being devalued to something less than that of a serf
• millions of infants and toddlers being dropped off at day care centers before daylight and picked up after ark
• millions of children coming home from school to empty houses or being relegated to after-school child care programs
• mothers giving their best energy and time to persons other than their husbands and children, leaving those women perpetually exhausted and edgy
• families that seldom sit down and have a meal together
• children subsisting on frozen dinners and fast food eaten on the run
• emotional and physical affairs being fanned by married women spending more quality time with men at work than they do with their own husbands
• women gaining enough financial independence to free them to leave their husbands
• women being exposed day after day to coarse language and behavior and sexual innuendos in the workplace
• women who don’t have the time or energy to cultivate a close relationship with their children and who end up permanently estranged from their grown children
• children spending countless hours being entertained by videos, TV, electronic games, and computers
• inadequately supervised children becoming exposed to and lured into pornography, alcohol, drugs, sex, and violence
• elderly parents having to be placed in institutions because their daughters and daughters-in-law are working full-time and can’t manage their care

Why did God make woman?  What is His purpose and mission for our lives?  God created the woman to be a helper to the man (Genesis 2:18), to complete him, to be suited to his needs. Her life was to center on his, not his on hers.  She was made from the man, made for the man, and given as God’s gift to the man.  Her relationship with her husband was the first and primary sphere in which she was to move and serve.  Her husband was responsible to work to provide for their material needs.  She was to be his helper and companion in reflecting the image of God, taking dominion over the earth, and reproducing a godly seed.  The woman was uniquely designed and equipped–physiologically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually–by her Creator to be a bearer and nurturer of life.  She was endowed with the ability to add life, beauty, richness, fullness, grace, and joy to the family unit.  There is no greater measure of her worth or success as a woman than the extent to which she serves as the heart of her home.

Paul spelled out several things that had to be true before widows were entitled to be cared for by the church (I Timothy 5:9-10).  Paul was obviously addressing women who had been married.  However, according to I Corinthians 7:32-35, women who are unmarried are still called to be “homemakers,” though in a different sense.  They are to devote their energies and efforts to building the household of faith; they are to live selfless lives that revolve not around their own interests and aspirations, but around Christ and His kingdom.  The Scripture is clear that a married woman’s life and ministry are to be centered in her home.  This is not to suggest that it is necessarily wrong for a wife and mother to have a job outside her home–unless that job in any way competes with or diminishes her effectiveness in fulfilling her primary calling at home.  Further, it is important for women to evaluate their reason(s) for working outside their home and to identify any deception behind those reasons.  For example, it is widely assumed today that a family simply cannot make it without two incomes.  The Truth is that God gave to the man the primary responsibility to be the “breadwinner” for his wife and children.  It is the culture of “working moms”–at least in part–that has given rise to an increased divorce rate, more single moms, more affairs, more women on welfare, more teen violence, and more stressed-out, depressed, exhausted women.  As Dorothy Patterson reminds women:

It is true that many “perfect jobs” may come and go during the childrearing years, but only one will absolutely never come along again–the job of rearing your own children and allowing them the increasingly rare opportunity to grow up at home.

The family is at the heart of what really matters to all of us.  If things aren’t well at home, every other area of life is affected.  I looked at scores of women sitting like mother hens surrounded by their brood of young ones, and I felt an enormous sense of gratitude for the willingness of those women to be givers and nurturers of life.  “Life: What a Beautiful Choice.”  These women have chosen life by bearing children (something only a woman can do, I might add); and they are choosing life every day (eg. with every meal they prepare, with every dispute they arbitrate, with every encouraging word they speak).  Day in and day out, they are building a home; they are being life-givers; they are laying a foundation and building a memorial that will outlive them for generations to come; they are honoring their Creator in the greatest possible way.

AFFIRM the Truth:  Psalm 90:10-12, Matthew 6:25-34, Luke 10:38-42, I Timothy 5:9-10, Titus 2:4-5 (married), I Corinthians 7:29-35 (unmarried)

Wednesday, May 14, 2008.  The twins left this morning with their parents to visit Hong Kong for two weeks.  It’s the twins’ first time!  Phoebe was so sweet and sent me a postcard right before she left.  Linton called in the afternoon and asked if I wanted to hear a speaker talk about Darfur that evening.  Sure.  He called Vickie (still in San Antonio), and I called Elliot (visiting cousin).  Greg Wang and Chris came, too.  Later the three of us went to Two Rows to meet up with James and Peter to eat.  We didn’t get seated at a booth until 9:30 pm.  While waiting, James was on the phone and the three guys were chatting about who knows what.  They each ordered a Strawberry Blonde? beer in the meantime.  I was standing idly around awkwardly.  Then, the benches were empty so Linton and Chris sat down on one bench and Peter sat down next to me.  I picked up the Houston Press that was on the bench.  I flipped it open and the top said “Art” so I started reading.  He asked, “Do you you like art?”  I answered that I did, that I’ve had comments that I was pretty good at it (but I admit it’s only because I was copying), but I never thought to pursue it due to the influence of my upbringing.  Now that I’m out of college, I’ve starting contemplating the meaning of art, that it ISN’T a waste of time.  Peter agreed, saying that our parents push only for business, medicine, or law.  I said that they didn’t exactly push those specifics, but they DID push in their nondirect way for something that is likely to be viable soon out of college.  Somehow we segued into comedy.  He informed me of The Aristocrats (which initially I was imagining The Producers previews).  He said he wanted to be able to do that someday, just on-the-spot give a sparkling rendition of the joke.  I didn’t know that the Bob Saget was a well-rounded comedian, meaning that he also uses pretty foul language when not on family-friendly shows.  We discussed comedy in general, like cussing at every other word (or faking stereotypical accents all the time) is really desperation, not smart humor (this includes the Silk Mangos).  He tried to name a few that weren’t too sexual, but it was funny how Chris and James completely refuted them, saying that they were pretty bad.  After we were seated, Braden showed up with Jennifer Ma.  Jennifer didn’t remember Chris or me, but she did realize that she knew Peter.  I learned about Braden’s brother Daven’s marriage.  Jennifer left, Susan came later, then the couple left with like 5 beers ($1 during Wednesday Happy Hour).  I ordered the pot roast sandwich with beans, which the waiter recommended, but I got mushrooms, so I asked, and so I got to eat both, hehe.

Thursday, May 15, 2008.  James called to invite me to dinner at Yantze.  He said maybe Linton could pick me up, so I called.  I went to his house, then he drove us to Phoebe/Hannah’s to feed Missy (who’s 10 years old).  They turned off their water, so he had to scoop it up to distribute.  I’ve never really got a good look at her before.  It was cute that they gave her a big umbrella over her doghouse.  Linton told me not to mess with a hole in the ground, which is a favorite spot of hers–interesting.  Linton says he usually gives her two doggie treats, and I got the preferred one (a red cylindrical stick), but I guess since I was a stranger to her she wouldn’t take it from me.  Then, she ate the other bone-shaped treat.  Linton finally said that I probably shouldn’t be taking pictures with the flash because she might be interpretting it as lightning.  Peter was at dinner as well (his Mandarin Chinese last name is the same as mine).  As we walked to decided between JuiceBox and Star Snow Ice and Teriyaki, we saw Jocelyn Chen and Nike eating at FuFu’s.  They joined us at Star Snow afterwards.  Originally it was going to be more people but turned out only the two of them showed up.  James and Jocelyn met him at the Meta retreat.  He got his name because his ex-girlfriend gave it to him.  He later found out that his sister ended up with the name Nike as well, and they were thinking of changing his name to Adidas since he has everything (sponsor) of that, but he didn’t change it.  When Linton found out that this 35-year-old used to be on some sort of official Chinese basketball team, he asked for his autograph (both English and Chinese).  This guy is trying to get his fifth degree (business, computer science, i forget…) and he says ideally he would be married at the age of 37, although he knows that might not be accomplished given that’s only two years away and he is still single.  Jocelyn commented that James really wants to get married soon, which James was embarrassed about.  They asked Linton how he and Phoebe got together.  Then, Jocelyn told Nike that Hannah’s still single/available.  On the drive home, somehow Linton and I ended up briefly discussing instant gratification, and how that has affected how our generation doesn’t seem to stay at a job too long, the rising divorce rates, etc.

Friday, May 16, 2008.   Greg Wang replied that he was going to join us at Discovery Green (he planned to eat at the happy hour at The Grove but they didn’t have one so he had the cheap food at the LakeHouse which he says he wouldn’t recommend).  At the last minute I called Henry, who said he’d come.  I went to Elliot’s house, and he drove us to see if Charles was home.  He knocked and rang the bell, and I observed upstairs, but we didn’t notice a presence there (his car wasn’t there, either).  Then we went to Henry’s, who said he didn’t care if Elliot’s car didn’t have A/C.  However, Elliot did, so he consented.  Henry drove the three of us to Pappas BBQ (it was okay).  Henry got a half/half combo of sausage and beef slices with potato salad and cole slaw; I got pulled pork with potato salad and candied yams, and Elliot simply got a burger with fries (finally decided against a baked potato).  He also ate our breads that we didn’t eat, hehe, like a beggar. 

We caught the second half of the last UH act.  Henry went to explore the park for the first time since the dance didn’t interest him.  Elliot and I tried to understand but was at a lost.  There were certain patterns, such as their head movements and picking up someone and making a turn, but Elliot made this comment:  “I’m going to tell David [Kalloor] that I saw something he would’ve made.”  Greg said that this is the weirdest of all the acts he’s seen (since he was there on time).  “Green”, which was performed by the Travesty Dance Group, Karen Stokes’ company (she’s also the head of the dance department in the University of Houston School of Theatre and Dance), and the UH Dance Ensemble on the outdoor Anheuser-Busch Stage, was followed at 8:30 pm by a screening of The Cost of Living, presented by the Aurora Picture Show. The 34-minute movie takes place in a seaside town where street performers David and Eddie struggle to find work and romance. The film incorporates sharp humor about the notions of how the fit and unfit are supposed to act.  I loved it– what with their friendship, the hula-hoop girl, the “Believe” by Cher guy with his exaggerated movements, the ballet scene, the bar scene, the insanely hyperenergetic Eddie, the dancing after the rude video non-interview, the last beach scene….not so hot on the fondling and didn’t understand the restroom scene.  I also loved how they showed it, on a huge moon-walk-type screen, hehe!

• Trailer:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itDRZlc7d8U&feature=related
• Part 1:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDTYRbsKcoQ
• Part 2:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrxuexKFPOM
• Part 3:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyAVLc6t5Fg
• Part 4:  …http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcpcujComks
• Part 5:
• Part 6:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHBLrfs2pJc&feature=related
• Part 7:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGjR5h9kYFY
• Part 8:
• Part 9:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQkhQWBx6us&feature=related
• Part 10: 

Afterwards we somewhat played on the playground.  The design was interesting (what is the mound supposed to be? I took a picture of the two of them).  I didn’t know they had the gliding-across-on-a-handle!  We had that in the Sugar Creek park but they took it away.  Wow, Discovery Green even had two height levels.  Yes, Elliot, I relived my childhood memory :).  Linton had to drop off Rebecca at the airport so he couldn’t join us.  He started driving to join us, but the movie was so short so he went to James Wei’s place.  After dropping off Henry off, Elliot and I joined them, where Brian Hui and Chris were as well.  They never DID decide what to do (they ate at Kim Son at 7 pm).  We ended up just hanging around.  They were watching the basketball playoffs on James’s laptop.  Vickie IMed James, so Chris started typing on it, egged on by Linton.  I don’t know if Brian played a part in it, but they did get James to say out loud “Hey baby” LOL.  Then they called Vickie on the computer; she didn’t have a speaker but she could hear us.  She said she heard a female voice.  Linton said lots of girls were here, and Vickie said she’d tell Phoebe haha.  They said it was the TV, but Vickie then thought it was me so she called my cell.  I actually had no idea what was going on, just playing Sequence with Elliot (he got the first sequence, but then I got the last two - with a wild).  The four guys were drinking.  Chris many times had to put a barrier between him and Linton.  James was so tired he fell asleep.  They started doing push-ups with the bar stool, with one hand, two hands, triangle, and rolling on the floor (which James apparently does a lot of??).  I got back home around 1 am.  Linton and Chris left after the game ended; Chris had to work tomorrow and Linton had an Access meeting at 9:15 am.  On the news on the night news, they showed someone with excessive hair with his family and friends.  I couldn’t find the one mentioned on the news, but I did find someone who proudly calls himself the Wolf Man and others who also have Hirsutism / Hypertrichosis. Below are also some other people with rare diseases/disorders/conditions:

• Hand in Hand, choreography by Zhao Limin, performed by Ma Li and Zhai Xiaowei
• “Tree Man” Dede has Epidermodysplasia verruciformis or something related to HPV
• “Pig Baby“ needs support:  http://www.babymiracle.co.nz/ 
• “Elephant Man“
• Blind boy puts on eyes like contact lenses
• Eight-limbed Asian Indian girl Lakshmi Tatma believed by some to be the reincarnation of the multi-limbed Hindu goddess Vishnu

Saturday, May 17, 2008.  Dad left this morning with Gloria Sun’s parents to Austin (since she’s graduating) to drop off Andrew’s VISA to China.  Mom woke me up to join her in a free lunch at King Bo II to honor her dedication in teaching Chinese school at FBCC.  We took up three big round tables.  Stefi, Jennifer Lin, and Rosanna were there.  Stefi’s finishing up her junior year of college at A&M studying biomedical science.  She’s also getting ready for the MCAT, but “I need a backup plan.”  Jennifer worked on a 6×6 Rubik’s cube.  The Chinese ladies talked up a storm.  Howard’s mom, dad, and brother Brian (but not Howard) were also in the restaurant at a separate table.  In the evening, I went to Jing’s early birthday dinner at Goode Seafood Company.  James said there should be a couples table and a singles table, but Jocelyn wanted to sit with the couples, and I wanted to sit with at least one other girl.  It was awkward because Jing’s girlfriend Evelyn sat in front of me, then to my diagonal right was her friend Christine and thus her boyfriend Stephen sat to my right.  The other table had Steve, Will (who’s he?), Jonathan, Linton, Brian, Peter, and James.  Eve sat with her boyfriend, Eveline sat with Michael, and then it was Jocelyn and me and his girlfriend and friends.  Evelyn met Jing during their internships; she’s studying accounting at UT Austin.  Christine is a recent Rice graduate, and Stephen graduated from UT AUstin last year (May 2007?).  They’re pretty and polite but didn’t really converse with Jocelyn or me, only unless we asked questions.  They had their own thing going.  Evelyn does yoga 6x/week and is not interested in swing dancing.  Afterwards the four of them used the helium from the balloons on the table (it’s prom night) to talk high-pitched.  Linton, Jocelyn (4 in a row), and I took lots of pictures then dispersed.  After yes/no/yes/no/yes, Linton and I stopped by James’s place to “help” him pack for his week in Orlando, FL.  I read James’s binder out loud.  Linton drank a Shiner and chatted on IM with Chris (”hey baby cakes”) LOL.  “is this vicky?”  James asked, “Do you like Chris?”  I was lying on the couch but perked up and asked back, “What?”  I couldn’t imagine him asking that outrightly from me, and I was the only female in the room.  But he was asking Linton, so he answered, “Yes.”  That was odd….  James wanted to share “dark secrets” but ended up explaining his job to Linton on his work laptop.  Masturbation was spoken on, though; Vickie said, “I’m sorry you had to go through that [night]” haha.  Eh, I’m used to guys.

Sunday, May 18, 2008.  I talked with my brother on the phone for an hour.  I ate leftovers for lunch, wrote about the weekend, then watched Dead Like Me on TV.  Dad returned at 9:30 pm, as predicted by Mom.  Vickie went out to the UT Rec Fields to hopefully play another game (be recruited if they were missing players, which she was).  She gave me a call.  Dad walked with my mom, then returned and walked with me outside around the neighborhood at 11 pm (interesting that the street lights went off as we passed by, then as we crossed the street and turned around to give it another glance, it turned back on).

I stopped by the basketball court to shoot some hoops.  I chatted with Elliot on the phone about agenda and movies.  Then I dropped by Ben and Jerry’s to see David Kalloor before he left back for Austin.  Chris, Hannah, Linton, and Phoebe were there.  Phoebe apologized profusely to me, and I accepted.  David gave hugs.

Then, I went to watch Vickie play her first and only flag football game in the tournament.  She’s on Robert Hwang’s team, the Roaring Tigers.  Wilson of course had his Titans going.  I snuck up on Tiffany, who complimented me on my haircut.  James waved hello.  I sat next to Karin, who was there with her brother John and kites.  I talked some with David Zhao’s girlfriend Tammy.  I ended up cheering for the Tigers because Tiffany Lin, David Zhao, Annie, and Vickie were on that team, plus they had never won a game yet.  Annie’s sister stood in until Cynthia showed up.  Cynthia picked Jeff Tang to play for the Titans since they were missing a player (they were missing a lot, actually).  Inch made some good runs.  I ran/walked two laps around the park with Lisa.  Then we sat on her baby-blue blanket from IKEA.  Vickie asked James Hsia about his car.  Ed’s wife (Kara Wong’s sister) commented on how shallow the conversation was, so James shared that he was reading/memorizing a passage, which he recited to Vickie.

I finally gave Wilson the magic cards, haha.  I thought I was going to leave then, but then Vickie and Ed’s wife (Kara Wong’s sister) said they only had ten plays left.  Well, the Open League’s teams played after the Closed League played (more girls).  Haha, Robert Chan stepped out because he’s not that into sports.  He (he says appears swollen even after two weeks) told Chi-Chi to ask me about her jammed finger.  Jeff Chen, Nathan Kim, and Erin Pang were all on the Open League, too.  In fact, Erin’s the only girl (Joanne Wei was, but when she realized how intense it was, she dropped out) on the team, and by the end of the day she had fractured her pinky finger.  I watched as Rosemery walked their newly owned young dog (”like having to take care of a child”) who was playing with another person’s dog.

We went to Fuddruckers.  Vickie and I arrived at the same time, coincidentally.  She ordered the long hot dog, and I got the S’room combo (I shouldn’t have gotten the fries after all, oh well, starving since I didn’t eat lunch).  I got my food fast, before those who ordered before me.  As I sat down, Aaron Fu introduced himself to me (after Vickie introduced herself to him).  He ended up talking much with Lindi, who sat to my right (he sat in front of her).  Actually, one time he leaned over and whispered something in her ear, to which Jasmine (who sat at the head of the table to my left) asked if they would share with us.  The two of them just smiled.  Aaron has traveled a lot growing up.  Alan Bennett sat in front of me.  I think the three of us had a decent conversation going: Alan says his family celebrates Chinese holidays but not all out, Jasmine asked me about how I met Jocelyn Chen, the two of them talked about.  To Lindi’s right sat Lisa, who was sitting next to Vickie, who were talking with Robert Chan, Chi-Chi, and the Jeffs.  Jeff Chen shared about him leading a small group.  There wasn’t enough room so Wilson, Robert Hwang, Cynthia, and Tiffany sat at a booth and James, John, and Karin sat at another booth.  I left before everyone, at 9:30 because Mom called.

To celebrate Mother’s Day, Mom invited her sister and mother out for Mother’s Day.  Mom had suggested two restaurants, but my aunt wanted to check out Yantze.  My parents picked up my grandmother to meet my aunt, who was already there and had gotten us six a round table.  The 4-person combo was horrible!  I tasted each of the six dishes, and there was much left over, and I really didn’t want to take anything home.  Even the fried chicken was horrid.  We dropped my grandmother off (she said she was going to take a nap and didn’t want us to come up nor did she want to go listen to a Chinese choir sing at Sugar Creek Baptist Church) then went home to eat watermelon “to wash away the toxins.”  My aunt had given us half of a seedless watermelon, which we consumed quickly.  I spent the rest of the afternoon watching Pangea Day videos.  In the evening, Linton drove the twins and me to James Wei’s place, where the six of us (with Vickie) carpooled in Linton’s Camry to Benjy’s.  On the way we asked if we could stop by Chris’s place (since all day he had rented a U-Haul to move in, and then let Chi-Chi use it to move her stuff in), but he said no.  Peter showed up, and then Chris and David Wen did as well.  We went through the restaurant entrance outside onto their balcony.  Eventually we gathered enough chairs and even moved over a table.  Hannah was to my right, then Vickie, Phoebe, Linton, Chris, David, James, and Peter.  David switched around and explained his media work at North____ Church in Austin to Phoebe and Vickie, who talked about what they’re doing right now (e.g. school and the new guy Access is considering hiring).  Chris dropped his hand sanitizer from his backpocket–I found that to be interesting.

I started a conversation with Peter by asking about his vague prayer request.  I feel he gave an appropriate answer, not really wanting to specify but still being able to share about himself (unlike Chris).  He says his problem is not work related (more personal related) and it doesn’t involve him moving away.  He goes to an Ascension Chinese Catholic Church.  He grew up at WHCC, went to a Catholic church, but when his parents found this one–the best of both worlds (Chinese and Catholic)–they switched over.  Initially the top people didn’t like him because he was outspoken about issues (e.g. budgeting), but now they want him, even though he’s sort of stopped serving for awhile.  He share about trying to stay away from smoking, drugs with his friends, coming out since it’s better than staying home since he can’t do anything about his situation.

We were hungry but since the restaurant was closed we couldn’t order the food.  After many drinks, we went to IHOP.  Initially, I heard Hannah asking a series of questions of David Wen.  It actually started with Chris who was sitting next to her, but of course Chris didn’t say anything.  Then, they said it should be one question at a time, etc.  So we started a question “game” where the person on the right asks the person on the left a question, and the questioner answers and the questioned answers as well.  So, starting with Hannah, she asked Linton what was something most of us don’t know about him.  Hannah says that she’s sometimes a bit OCD, wanting to make things symmetrical, like if she touches something on one side she has to touch the other side as well.  Linton said he’s pretty open, and then finally reported he had one hair on his chest.  Chris was hilarious, saying that in fact he did know that, and he wasn’t too keen in having Linton showing it off when they were roommates.  Linton asked Phoebe what she’s most afraid of.  She said she feared missing an opportunity.  Phoebe asked Vickie.  Vickie asked me about an embarrassing moment.  She said that freshman year she tried out for the rowing team but she hadn’t swam in a long time and almost drowned on the way back.  The coach/lifeguard Christian wasn’t expecting to dive in so he took off his shirt and saved him.  Being a hot guy, all the girls rushed to his side and offered their towels.  I couldn’t think of one, so Vickie said who’s a celebrity crush of mine.  I thought for awhile, killing the momentum of the game.  Vickie started giving prompts, like Brad Pitt.  Peter said he’d like George Clooney, etc.  Finally he said Batman, and I pointed at him and said, “Yeah!”  Then I was to ask him a question, and again a dead end.  At first I asked what his pet peeve was, recycling a question that Hannah had asked David, but we both couldn’t answer that.  I asked James if there was anything he’d like to know about Peter, and James said how much does he shave.  I said 0; Peter said daily.  That wasn’t much of a question, so James said to scratch that and ask about SAT score: me with 1360, he with 12– and 16– (he took it twice).  Peter asked James.  James asked David about the worst thing he did.  James shared that it was the time he keyed a truck then stuffed pizza in the handle of it.  David asked Chris what’s one flaw of his and what he will do to change it.  First David said that he mumbles sometimes so he has to talk clearer, and Hannah was nice and complimented on his good gesture use.  Chris then copied David and said that sometimes he mumbles, too.  Then Linton exclaimed that what Chris really needs to work on is his vulnerability, and we all agreed.  “Man…haters.”  Chris then asked Hannah about her favorite time in college.  Chris said it was his second semester of freshman year.  Hannah said it was the times she went with Jennifer Yu and Matt Lee to the Union to read the newspaper and simply talk and chill.  I got home at 3 am.

Last Monday, we had gone to the “park” (Brooks Lake) near Fluor for the first time.  We saw two guys with their truck fishing for catfish!  I also expressed my desire to be back for House, M.D., so I drove there, quickly walked to the end when it reached a road, then returned.  I didn’t drive particularly superfast, but we were right on time (even my dad was surprised).  It’s definitely closer (and quicker) than going to Oyster/Lost Creek Park.

Yesterday afternoon, my parents and I went a second time.  As we started, the wind was a higher chill factor than I anticipated, so I turned around and grabbed my jacket.  It’s also probably why there weren’t any mosquitoes as I had though (since it had rained earlier in the day and I tend to get bit, I sprayed repellant but my parents declined).  We went all the way to the end, where the trail ends.  We saw more people this time (a guy on a bike, another guy on a bike with a dog, a woman with a dog.  We also saw a large black vulture-like (to me haha) bird picking at something in the water at the edge of the lake.  At first I just thought it was cloth or plastic (i.e. litter).  On approach, I saw scales and fins.  Uh, I think it was a catfish, although I never saw the head, which is was made me feel on edge.  There were two families of ducks: one mom with nine teenage ducks and another with six elementary-age ducks.  I went to check out the cross with many Bible verses on it (I Corinthians 9:19, 22-23; I Peter 3:15; II Corinthians 5:11; Colossians 4:2-6; John 3:16; John 14:6; Matthew 5:16; I Peter 4:8; II John 1:6; Matthew 28:18-21; Psalm 139:17-18; Zephaniah 3:17; II Chronicles 16:9; Jeremiah 29:11-13; Ephesians 5:1-2; Acts 2:42-47; Proverbs 27:17; and Acts 4:32-35).  Then we headed back. 

Mom wanted to go down Fluor Daniel, so we turned onto the bridge but then turned left (straight would take us into the engineering complex).  We passed some new gated communities, and Dad asked if I wanted to check out the Open House (they’ve done so before).  So I turned in (I always like to observe anything art-related, and that includes arthitecture and interior design).  This took another hour.  These houses are big (with arched large heavy wooden-looking doors like in castles) and fancy (one unfinished one even had a dome and inside balcony - the one that sort of reminds me of Romeo talking up to Juliet or Rapunzel having to let down her hair).  There’s not much outdoors space, though, for gardening or anything like that.  We only saw one sold (they already had two of their fancy sporty cars parked in the garage).  I took pictures.

We finally left for home (my mom was quite tired, and I have to admit I was winded) at 5 pm and ate leftovers (shiaw goo-goo’s family’s leftovers of tender beef chunks).  I watched The Big Bang Theory (I simply love how Sheldon talks - of course not as my S.O. and it would probably get old/frustrating as a friend after awhile that he just doesn’t see things like we do, and vice versa), House, M.D., and CSI while doing the Sudoku and Jumble (gave up and used my handy-dandy dictionary at the end) in the Houston Chronicle newspaper.  Then off I went to bed, hoping to get into the groove of a more regular sleep pattern (instead of insomnia up until 3 am).

This early evening, we just went walking in the neighborhood.  I had another hairdo today, haha.  It reminded me of in the past where they really stack the hair up high atop the head.  I didn’t spray bug repellant, and I paid for it around both my knees (I knew it, since the weather is nicer than yesterday’s).  We checked out some of the custom homes, went by Andrew’s (not mine) former piano teacher’s house, and made a stop at the playground.  My dad called it the “castle,” and I had forgotten about that old nickname.  When we were kids, the playground was actually made entirely of wood (except some parts that is typically metal, such as the chains on the swings and the handle and glider of the sliding mechanism).  Practically all parts were connected, save the sandbox in the middle of the area.  Oh, how I loved to crawl through the tunnels on the bottom! and go through all the arches and teeny one-person “rooms”.  I really liked the sliding mechanism, they had a practice-your-balance beam, and there were a lot more swings (that were accessible to us kids). 

Due to safety restrictions and precautions, now everything is made of plastic, and any metal is covered in plastic (which is a good thing, like on the swings).  The sandbox is still there, as well as the baseball field in the back (right next to the Dulles track, but with a fence of course), the sand volleyball court (not very well kept, though), and the pool (popular in the neighborhood).  Everything on the playground is much more open (I guess so guardians can see their child at all times - including slides that aren’t completely cylinders) but also with less options to have fun with.  There’s an area for toddlers, and then an area for older children.  The playground equipments take up much less space.  They do try to include all of the old things, like a tire swing (much smaller, doesn’t look like a real tire as much - I think they covered it with plastic for safety as well) and swings (thank goodness - although they are so high all three of us had trouble getting on and starting). 

As I watch and read more news (and television series related to law enforcement), my heart sinks at how dangerous this society seems to be getting.  I don’t know, since I never lived back then, but did we have to be so cautious in earlier years?  Or because of more awareness we are taking more steps, and thus we can’t assume better things from people (instead always suspicious of others).  And yet, we really can’t prevent everything, because we are going to become at least acquaintances with our coworkers, neighbors, and meet new people and thus assume trust and thus build a new relationships.  That’s the beauty of moving and meeting new people.  You’re trying to change for the better, and so the new people don’t know your old self and can forgive you a couple more times than your old acquaintances, or they won’t hold back due to an old grudge that is past its expiration.  Just rambling…no spectacular closing statement….

This morning my dad went with shiaw goo-goo to Austin (they stayed with my brother) with shiaw goo-goo’s friend.  I could’ve joined/supported the NAMI Walk, but instead I drove to Jacky’s apartment to carpool to .  Jocelyn, JT, and Ted were already waiting.  He asked if I could drive since I was the only one with a four-door car.  Jacky sat in the passenger seat, JT sat on the right, Jocelyn sat in the middle, and Ted sat on the left.  We got lost briefly trying to find the Metro station, where we have permission and a permit to park for volunteering.  We waited for Jacky’s co-worker Andy? then headed towards the area (man, I forgot to take a picture of the metal see-through sign over the desolate grass area).  We passed an African-American with dreadlocks who was walking and also another man who was napping under the bridge but when he saw us (we were trying to take a picture of a family of ducks) he sat up and put on a shirt. 

After registration and getting our Tshirts, we were put to work doing random setup.  Jocelyn and I stuck together for the most part, trying to adjust/move the stage, transporting supplies to the media/vip area, transporting water.  The water was initially kept in this rundown building which had cool detached drawings of buildings on the white walls with black paint (I took pictures).  Shane Chen (a female), Jacky’s coworker who invited him and thus us to volunteer at this event, gave us special treatment.  We also got Astros tickets (unfortunately they gave us entrance to tomorrow’s and not Tuesday’s game), baby sunscreen, water, vegetable buns for breakfast (I know, sounds nasty in English), and overall better volunteering jobs than the other volunteers I think. 

We went walking around to the tents so that Jocelyn could say hello to Winston and Myrtle.  Myrtle is on the Houston Heat, as is Ying Yeung, my old piano teacher’s older daughter.  She says later I’ll probably see her dad since he’s coming as well.  Other people who I also ended up seeing were Jasmine and Annie from BASIC, John Hsieh (who gave me a large bottle of grean tea with lemon as well as a bbq pork bun), Rean, Christine Fung, and Susan Zhang.  Lol, Jocelyn ended up having to paddle for Lee High School.  I was pulled for Silver Eagle Distributors “Team Bud Light” because I was told one paddler had austism and had changed her mind, but the boat had already gone ahead so I didn’t have to.  I eventually ended up being the runner, meaning I would have to call the teams from wherever they were (usually at their assigned area under the bridge/tent) to get in line for their turn.  

On one trip of mine, I saw Robert C staying a little off from the crowd, on the sidewalk not close to the water’s edge, watching the race.  I went over and said hi, but he had this confused look on his face.  Not until he said, “You got a haircut” did I realize he probably didn’t initially recognize me.  We chatted, each telling the other why we were here.  He said that Joanne Wei (met on the football field, remet more firmly at David Zhao’s Chinese New Year party) had asked him to help out.  The RUCAA (Rice University Chinese Alumni Association) team consists of some current students and alumni, Joanne being one of them.  Another alumni, whom Robert introduced me to, is Ben Chu.  We both comment that each looks familiar to the other, but we have no idea how.  He graduated from Rice in 1995.  When I asked them if they were ready, Robert came up to me and said that actually they need 7 more paddlers.  I wasn’t sure if they’d be able to participate or be disqualified.  By the time they got their bracelets (they also forgot to register) to enter into the filtered area where current teams can be (and appropriate volunteers), they somehow could.  Turned out that they grabbed Jasmine, Annie, and John, and also roped in three Rice freshmen they had spotted.  One freshman came simply to watch her mom participate with the El Paso (Corporate?) Group, but now she has her own team to cheer on.

The guys (JT, Ted, Jacky, and Denver) were assigned to be dock helpers.  However, they are in a restricted area (and understandably so, because the people in charg