Tom Lin

http://www.tomandnancylin.com/bio/

Risk-Taking: Holy Investment Challenge
Luke 19:12-27
targeted to college and career

Doing risky business with

1. Our opportunity to be students
             Those who go off to college often find themselves in a different life stage than the rest of us who are workin, building marriages, and raising children.  They have the opportunities to build close friendships (how many say their life friends were made in college), study academics with vast resources around them, to talk late into the night.  Examples of those who have taken advantage of this include a trash outreach in one of the biggest dorms in the nation.  “We are Christians who just wanted to serve in a small way.  Would you like us to take out your trash?”  Some wanted to pay them, others gave them even more trash, but by the end of the night four joined them to see what they were about.
2. Our money and possessions
             John Ortberg wrote a book titled When the Game Is Over It All Goes Back in the Box.  What do you win that you get to keep?  We need to invest what we have before it all goes back into the box, before we leave this earth, before the Master returns.  A college friend of the speaker’s barely had enough to pay rent.  But whenever JP would come upon some cash he would immediately celebrate by spending it with a friend.  He’d want to play tennis with the speaker so JP would use the money to buy a racquet.  He bought a television set for his roommate.  He’d give (not sell back) his books to incoming students.  And sure enough, there would always be enough by the end of the month.  A couple in their thirties wrote the speaker a $10,000 check because they believed God’s work through his ministry and wanted to invest in that.  A group in Harvard donated $20 each and then used that combined amount to serve their classmates on campus with free coffee during finals week.  The speaker himself, at his initial job, would hold a raffle at his desk to give away free stuff.  Coworkers would congregate around his desk and eventually they built personal bonds.
3. Our social networks
            Instead of sticking to the same subjects (e.g. weather, daily routine, television shows), we need to risk conversations.  The speaker said that one time the Spirit prompted him to ask his nonbelieving roommate about God.  “Anybody but him!  He’s my roommate!  I have to live with him!”  But eventually he finally asked, “What do you think about Jesus?”  “I’m glad you asked.  I was just thinking about the time I had this near-death experience in a car crash.  I told God if he saved me I would start seeking him.  I went to church for a little while but eventually stopped….”
4. Time
             We start out all the same, as the parable demonstrates.  Instead of imitating the attitude of the third servant, who knew the minas weren’t going to be his soon anyway and thus did not pay much attention to it, we need the attitude of Schlinder in Schlinder’s List.  At the end he still realized that he had not done all that he could have (e.g. his pin and car).  “Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.”  Being trustworthy in a small matter, the first servant was given more.  The command is to invest (not to make as much as possible). 

What prevents us from risk taking?

• Fear (of the Master, of what others think, of failure, of a language barrier..).  ”Do not fear” is mentioned 366 times in the Bible, perhaps due to our cowardliness in investing what God’s given us?
• Asian adverseness for risk.  We recall what our parents tell us essentially: “We took those risks so you won’t have to.”  We’re encouraged to keep a low profile so as to not make waves. 

Pastor Dick asked what we thought of this idea:  He would give everyone in the congregation $5 (financial risk for the leaders) and ask us to give it to the kingdom in some way (social risk for us congregants).  Maybe we want to take someone out, maybe we could pool the money and do something bigger.

Middle of Nowhere: Mongolia 2002 - 2006
I Kings 19:1-19
targeted to the English congregation

Elijah’s Gobi Desert experience:

• Beersheba is a desert
• he left his servant behind
• he made an additional day’s journey deeper into the desert
• broom tree is only about ten feet high
• suicidal

Speaker’s desert experience

• sixth and eighteenth months were the hardest
• strained marriaged
• declared he’d buy plane tickets back to the States
• issues unresolved from the States were brought up in Mongolia

Our own dry isolation experience

• Quarterlife transition.  We moved away to attend college and miss the familiar community we had at home.  We’ve moved back and find everything different.
• Family transition.  We recently became engaged, married, had children….
• Tragedy.  A loved one is severely ill or has died.  No one understands.  We’ve experienced loss and disappointment.  “Where are You, God?”
• ‘Dry’ spiritual life.  The spiritual connection with God is not felt.

Four stages of desert life:

1. Stripping process.  Elijah, by leaving his servant behind, he was declaring that he quit his job of being a prophet for God.  There appeared to be external successes but he still felt like a failure inside.  There was the incredible demonstration by God on the altar and yet Jezebel is still unrepentant and wants him dead.  Victory after victory and yet there is still failure. 
2. Wrestling with God (v. 10).  We complain to God.  “I’ve done all this for You, and there’s nothing still.  It’s unfair!”  The critical decision comes down to this:  Do you give up on God, or go deeper with God?  Coming to this point is a given, but it is especially keenly felt among leaders.  The only question is WHEN (not if) this point will come.  Horeb, the mountain of God, is actually only a seven-days journey from Beersheba, yet it took Elijah the “long time” of forty days, probably because he was wandering and wrestling with God.  Note that though Elijah gave up, God did not give up on Elijah.  God helped Elijah continue to wrestle.
3. Intimacy with God.  “Angel” in the text means a messenger from God.  This can be a human being who is doing God’s work, or simply feeling the presence of God.  In other words, God doesn’t always come “supernaturally.”  Intimacy is God meeting us at a time of great need.  Sometimes you wonder if it was right that you moved, that you were supposed to be here.  The place where you are now is not a mistake but the very place where God has brought you to meet Him.  Elijah didn’t run away to Horeb; God brought Elijah to Horeb.  And then God asks, “What are you doing here?” (v. 9).  Why did God bring you here?
4. Transformation and release. 
   1. From self-seeking confidence to dependence on God and others.  In verse 14, Elijah speaks as if he is the only hope for God’s redemption of Israel.  For the speaker, he was doing pretty well in the States.  But in Mongolia, the children made fun of his since he couldn’t speak Mongolian.  It was quite clear that God would be doing the brunt of the work there.
   2. From being a lone ranger to a community participant.  We think we’re all alone, very unique, but we’re not. 
   3. From an old identity to a new identity.  Other Biblical examples include Moses and even Jesus.  Moses was a prince but had to go into the desert before returning as God’s prophet.  Jesus went into the desert for forty days and forty nights.
   4. Only then did God told Elijah what to do next.

Practical suggestions for going through the desert:

• Be honest.  This is so hard!  Especially for us, with our emotions.  We need to admit that we have an issue with God.  We need to bring our burning questions to God.
• Determine ahead of time to go deep with God.  Our temptation is to seek a thing, an action, another person to fill the loneliness and void.  That’s what the Israelites did by making the golden calf.
• Rest with the other 7,000 (v. 18).  If you don’t know who else is in a similar situation as you, maybe your pastor would know and bring you two together.  If you can’t discern God’s voice, ask another fellow believer to help you hear God’s Word and see why you are going through this desert.  Don’t wait; initiate.

Mamma Mia!

That’s what I watched after eating lunch at home.  Carol wanted to watch the movie, so she invited the ladies from FBCC to join her.  I was “late” the the early time set to meet (1:15) but still joined Carol, Jamie, Charlene, and Jessie at AMC 24 First Colony before the previews started (at 1:30).  I didn’t know anything about the movie thus had no desire to watch it, but it really turned out to be quite fun.  It was a good girls night out, though Alex and Andrew Fong had wanted to watch it as well (Carol didn’t think the guys would want to since her husband Eric didn’t want to see it).  Additionally, apparently Jessie’s dad had seen the musical live in the past and had danced in the aisles to the ABBA music!  The music was definitely a hit with me, too, or maybe it was helped with Meryl Streep and the rest of the cast having the time of their lives.  They really seemed to have a blast making the movie. 

I thought I’d have some time to rest but I headed straight to FBCC to attend Carolyn Sun’s second “obligatory” reception, lol.  She and Jimmy Su married at EVFREE in Austin and had their reception there, but some of the ladies in the fellowship wanted to share in the joy and thus bugged and offered Mr. Sun that they’d do all the preparations for another reception held here in Houston.  Carolyn came down the aisle with her husband (after their honeymoon in Europe) in her wedding dress and sat in the front under a huge heart laced with fake pink flowers.  They played the video recording of the wedding, then they showed the slide show of both of them as they grew up, met, and hung out together.  Jimmy’s parents and grandparents came and sat on our left side, and the Carolyn’s parents sat on the right side.  Carolyn thanked her “church family” for helping her as she grew up, Jimmy’s dad was spontaneously asked to make a speech, then Mr. Sun gave a speech as well and asked Carolyn to bow to her Sunday school teachers, et al.  Afterwards we ate and Gloria Cheng’s dad took pictures as people went up to the couple to congratulate them. 

I ate first then when it seemed the crowds were no longer up at the front, I went up to wish the couple well, too.  I waited as Pastor Dick and his wife Carolyn chatted a bit with the couple.  I really was happy for Carolyn, knowing a hint of the deep struggles in her love life when she was younger.  I also shook Jimmy’s hand and said, “I’ve heard about you through Meson.”  Yeah, embarrassing.  No wonder Jimmy was like, “Meson?”  Good thing Christine and Stacy Chu saved me and asked to take pictures with the couple, so I took a picture for them.  Also, I forgot her name, but she said hello to me.  She’s a sophomore in college now, wow, studying chemical engineering.  She said that she would feel offended if she was studying what she loved, something else, and the other persons didn’t find the subject as “impressive.”  Haha, and I’m all trying to defend, saying that well, you don’t often hear many females going into chemical engineering.  I just needed to go back to my food….

Instead, Ben Miu’s mom was there, so I sat down and said hello for a bit.  She said she’s already been here for six weeks and next week she’s returning to Taiwan.  She was sitting next to her mother (Ben’s grandmother), who recently moved into an older-persons community (which Ben’s mom said she herself could even join since the age requirement is only like 55 or something like that).  Ben’s grandmother said it was okay, hehe.  Christine/Stacy/Jeremy’s parents came and said hello as well.  I finally sat back down between my mom on the right and my dad on the left and finished my food.  Sitting next to Mom was a lady who apparently used to room with Mom and Mom’s sister (my aunt) back before my aunt’s current house.  This was news to me, as I always thought of my aunt living in the house she lives in currently.  Then I went over and chatted a little with Christine.  She’s doing the paperwork at the Emergency Room, if I remember correctly.  She says her husband used to take blood, but then one person died on him and so he stopped doing that.  I acknowledged Jeremy Lau and his parents. 

As I left, Sam Kwan was coming in.  I didn’t say hi until the last minute as he passed me and he recognized me because my contact was frustrating me. I went to my car to retrieve some saline solution, but it was hot! temperature-wise.  Wow.  I put up with it until I got home, at which I took a two-hour nap (6:30 pm to 8 pm).  That of course wasn’t such a great idea.  I spent the next hours trying to feel better, and then around 11 pm I had the urge to revamp my room.  Well, my room’s the smallest in the house, but somehow whenever we have guests (i.e. my Dad’s sister, my aunt) they sleep in my room.  It has storage of my two aunts’ items, and my own (too much) things.  I moved two additional bookshelves into my room (for a grand total of three bookshelves), added the extra closet shelf (accordion-style when folded up), and now I am so much happier.  One tall shelf holds all my OT books and binders (which really helps my studying since previously I would move boxes down to retrieve a book, look for the information, then return it to the box and put the things atop the box again - much hassle).  A couple of the shelves on the two shorter bookshelves holds my personal books and binders, and the rest hold the other things so that I actually have floor space again.  I got rid of five boxes and have a much better idea of where items are.  The environment really helps with uncluttering of the soul.

Kite Runner

by Khaled Hosseini

• I became what I am today at the age of twelve, on a frigid overcast day in the winter of 1975. I remember the precise moment, crouching behind a crumbling mud wall, peeking into the alley near the frozen creek. That was a long time ago, but it’s wrong what they say about the past, I’ve learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out. Looking back now, I realize I have been peeking into that deserted alley for the last twenty-six years.
• I remember the day before the orphanage opened, Baba took me to Ghargha Lake, a few miles north of Kabul. He asked me to fetch Hassan too, but I lied and told him Hassan had the runs. I wanted Baba all to myself. And besides, one time at Ghargha Lake, Hassan and I were skimming stones and Hassan made his stone skip eight times. The most I managed was five. Baba was there, watching, and he patted Hassan on the back.
• Children aren’t coloring books. You don’t get to fill them with your favorite colors.
• Quiet is peace. Tranquility. Quiet is turning down the volume knob on life. Silence is pushing the off button. Shutting it down. All of it.
• War doesn’t negate decency. It demands it, even more than in times of peace.
• I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering it things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.
• I firmly believed that if I had picked up a rifle and gone on a murdering rampage, I would have still had the benefit of her unblinking love. Because I have rid her heart of its greatest malady. I had relieved her of the greatest fear of every Afghan mother: that no honorable khastegar would ask for her daughter’s hand. That her daughter would age alone, husband-less, childless. Every woman needed a husband. Even if he did silence the song in her.
• There was brotherhood between people who had fed from the same breast, a kinship that even time could not break.
• I brought Hassan’s son from Afghanistan to America, lifting him from the certainty of turmoil and dropping him in a turmoil of uncertainty.
• I looked down at Sohrab. One corner of his mouth had curled up just so. A smile. Lopsided. Hardly there. But there.  Because when spring comes it melts the snow one flake at a time, and maybe I just witnessed the first flake melting.
• There is a way to be good again.
• For you, a thousand times over.
• “You probably lived in a big two- or three-story house with a nice backyard that some gardener filled with flowers and fruit trees. All gated, of course. Your father drove an American car. You had servants. Probably Hararas. Your parents hired workers to decorate the house for the fancy mehmanis they threw, so their friends would come over to drink and boast about their travels to Europe or America. And I would bet my first son’s eyes that this is the first time you’ve ever worn a pakol.  Am I close?” He pointed to an old man dressed in ragged clothes trudging down a dirt path, a large burlap pack filled with scrub grass tied to his back. “That’s the real Afghanistan. Agha sahib. That’s the Afghanistan I know. You? You’ve always been a tourist here. You just didn’t know it.”
• Perhaps something, someone, somewhere, had decided to deny me fatherhood for the things I had done. Maybe this was my punishment, and perhaps justly so. It wasn’t meant to be, Khala Jamila had said. Or, maybe, it was meant not to be.
• I had been the entitled half, the society-approved, legitimate half, the unwitting embodiment of Baba’s guilt. I looked at Hassan, showing those two missing front teeth, sunlight slanting on his face. Baba’s other half. The unentitled, under-priveleged half. The half who had inherited what had been pure and noble in Baba. The half that, maybe, in the most secret recesses of his heart, Baba had thought of as his true son.
• Now, no matter what the mulah teaches, there is only one sin, only one.  And that is theft.  Every other sin is a variation of theft.  When you kill a man, you steal a life.  You steal his wife’s right to a husband, rob his children of a father.  When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth.  When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness.  There is no act more wretched than stealing.  A man who takes what’s not his to take, be it a life or a loaf of naan.  I spit on such a man.
• Some things mattered more than the truth.
• True redemption–when guilt leads to good.
• Time can be a greedy thing–sometimes it steals all the details for itself.
• It always hurts more to have and lose than not to have in the first place.
• …in actuality more of a quiet surrender, not so much an acceptance as an act of relinquishment by one too weary to decide and far too tired to believe.
• They only let you be this happy if they’re preparing to take something from you.
• “But you want a real show, you should have been with me in Mazar. August 1998, that was.  We left them out for the dogs, you know.  Door to door we went, calling for the men and the boys. We’d shoot them right there in front of their families. Let them see. Let them remember who they were, where they belonged.  Sometimes, we broke down their doors and went inside their homes. And… I’d… I’d sweep the barrel of my machine gun around the room and fire and fire until the smoke blinded me.  You don’t know the meaning of the word ‘liberating’ until you’ve done that, stood in a roomful of targets, let the bullets fly, free of guilt and remorse, knowing you are virtuous, good, and decent.  Knowing you’re doing God’s work.  It’s breathtaking.  Door-to-door. We only rested for food and prayer.  We left the bodies in the streets, and if their families tried to sneak out to drag them back into their homes, we’d shoot them too. We left them in the streets for days. We left them for the dogs. Dog meat for dogs.
• I throw my makeshift jai-namaz, my prayer rug, on the floor and I get on my knees, lower my forehead to the ground, my tears soaking through the sheet. I bow to the west. Then I remember I haven’t prayed for over fifteen years. I have long forgotten the words. But it doesn’t matter, I will utter those few words I still remember: La illaha il Allah, Muhammad u rasul ullah. There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is His messenger. I see now that Baba was wrong, there is a God, there always had been. I see Him here, in the eyes of the people in this corridor of desperation. This is the real house of God, this is where those who have lost God will find Him, not the white masjid with its bright diamond lights and towering minarets. There is a God, there has to be, and now I will pray, I will pray that He forgive that I have neglected Him all of these years, forgive that I have betrayed, lied, and sinned with impunity only to turn to Him now in my hour of need, I pray that He is as merciful, benevolent, and gracious as His book says He is. I bow to the west and kiss the ground and promise that I will do zakat, I will do namaz, I will fast during Ramadan and when Ramadan has passed I will go on fasting, I will commit to memory every last word of His holy book, and I will set on a pilgrimage to that sweltering city in the desert and bow before the Ka’bah too. I will do all of this and I will think of Him every day from this day on if He only grants me this one wish: My hands are stained with Hassan’s blood; I pray God doesn’t let them get stained with the blood of his boy too.
• But he’s not my friend! I almost blurted. He’s my servant! Had I really thought of that? Of course, I hadn’t. I hadn’t. I treated Hassan well, just like a friend, better even, more like a brother. But if so, then why, when Baba’s friends came to visit with their kids, didn’t I ever include Hassan in our games? Why did I play with Hassan only when no one else was around?
• With me as the glaring exception, my father molded the world around him to his liking. The problem, of course, was that Baba saw the world in black and white. And he got to decide what was black and what was white. You can’t love a person who lives that way without fearing him too. Maybe even hating him a little.
• I’m not so sure it’s for us Afghans.  For one thing, they grow up and want to know who their natural parents are. Nor can you blame them. Sometimes, they leave the home in which you labored for years to provide for them so they can find the people who gave them life. Blood is a powerful thing, bachem, never forget that. Take Amir jan, here. We all knew his father, I know who his grandfather was in Kabul and his great-grandfather before him, I could sit here and trace generations of his ancestors for you if you asked. That’s why when his father—God give him peace—came khastegari, I didn’t hesitate. And believe me, his father wouldn’t have agreed to ask for your hand if he didn’t know whose descendant you were. Blood is a powerful thing, bachem, and when you adopt, you don’t know whose blood you’re bringing into your house.  Now, if you were American, it wouldn’t matter. People here marry for love, family name and ancestry never even come into the equation. They adopt that way too, as long as the baby is healthy, everyone is happy. But we are Afghans, bachem.
• No fart, no food.

Excerpts (even new to me since they condensed the version on the five audio CDs):

“Would I ever lie to you, Amir agha?” Hassan asked Amir, upon being suspected of misleading them away from the victory kite.  Suddenly I decided to toy with him a little. “I don’t know. Would you?”  “I’d sooner eat dirt,” he said with a look of indignation.  “Really? You’d do that?”  He threw me a puzzled look. “Do what?”  “Eat dirt if I told you to,” I said. I knew I was being cruel, like when I’d taunt him if he didn’t know some big word. But there was something fascinating–albeit in a sick way–about teasing Hassan.  Kind of like when we used to play insect torture. Except now, he was the ant and I was holding the magnifying glass.  His eyes searched my face for a long time. We sat there, two boys under a sour cherry tree, suddenly looking, really looking, at each other. That’s when it happened again: Hassan’s face changed. Maybe not changed, not really, but suddenly I had the feeling I was looking at two faces, the one I knew, the one that was my first memory, and another, a second face, this one lurking just beneath the surface. I’d seen it happen before–it always shook me up a little. It just appeared, this other face, for a fraction of a moment, long enough to leave me with the unsettling feeling that maybe I’d seen it someplace before. Then Hassan blinked and it was just him again. Just Hassan.  “If you asked, I would,” he finally said, looking right at me. I dropped my eyes. To this day, I find it hard to gaze directly at people like Hassan, people who mean every word they say.  “But I wonder,” he added. “Would you ever ask me to do such a thing, Amir agha?” And, just like that, he had thrown at me his own little test. If I was going to toy with him and challenge his loyalty, then he’d toy with me, test my integrity.  I wished I hadn’t started this conversation. I forced a smile. “Don’t be stupid, Hassan. You know I wouldn’t.”  Hassan returned the smile. Except, his, didn’t look forced. “I know,” he said.  And that’s the thing about people who mean everything they say.  They think everyone else does too.

I tore the sealed envelope. Inside, I found a Polaroid photograph and a folded letter. I stared at the photograph for a full minute.  A tall man dressed in a white turban and a green-striped chapan stood with a little boy in front of a set of wrought-iron gates. Sunlight slanted in from the left, casting a shadow on half of his rotund face. He was squinting and smiling at the camera, showing a pair of missing front teeth. Even in this blurry Polaroid, the man in the chapan exuded a sense of self-assuredness, of ease. It was in the way he stood, his feet slightly apart, his arms comfortably crossed on his chest, his head titled a little toward the sun. Mostly, it was in the way he smiled. Looking at the photo, one might have concluded that this was a man who thought the world had been good to him. Rahim Khan was right: I would have recognized him if I had bumped into him on the street. The little boy stood bare foot, one arm wrapped around the man’s thigh, his shaved head resting against his father’s hip. He too was grinning and squinting.  I unfolded the letter. It was written in Farsi. No dots were omitted, no crosses forgotten, no words blurred together–the handwriting was almost childlike in its neatness. I began to read:

In the name of Allah the most beneficent, the most merciful, Amir agha, with my deepest respects,

Farzana jan, Sohrab, and I pray that this latest letter finds you in good health and in the light of Allah’s good graces. Please offer my warmest thanks to Rahim Khan sahib for carrying it to you. I am hopeful that one day I will hold one of your letters in my hands and read of your life in America. Perhaps a photograph of you will even grace our eyes. I have told much about you to Farzana jan and Sohrab, about us growing up together and playing games and running in the streets. They laugh at the stories of all the mischief you and I used to cause!

Amir agha,

Alas the Afghanistan of our youth is long dead. Kindness is gone from the land and you cannot escape the killings. Always the killings. In Kabul, fear is everywhere, in the streets, in the stadium, in the markets, it is a part of our lives here, Amir agha. The savages who rule our watan don’t care about human decency. The other day, I accompanied Farzana Jan to the bazaar to buy some potatoes and _naan_. She asked the vendor how much the potatoes cost, but he did not hear her, I think he had a deaf ear. So she asked louder and suddenly a young Talib ran over and hit her on the thighs with his wooden stick. He struck her so hard she fell down. He was screaming at her and cursing and saying the Ministry of Vice and Virtue does not allow women to speak loudly. She had a large purple bruise on her leg for days but what could I do except stand and watch my wife get beaten? If I fought, that dog would have surely put a bullet in me, and gladly! Then what would happen to my Sohrab? The streets are full enough already of hungry orphans and every day I thank Allah that I am alive, not because I fear death, but because my wife has a husband and my son is not an orphan.

I wish you could see Sohrab. He is a good boy. Rahim Khan sahib and I have taught him to read and write so he does not grow up stupid like his father. And can he shoot with that slingshot! I take Sohrab around Kabul sometimes and buy him candy. There is still a monkey man in Shar-e Nau and if we run into him, I pay him to make his monkey dance for Sohrab. You should see how he laughs! The two of us often walk up to the cemetery on the hill. Do you remember how we used to sit under the pomegranate tree there and read from the _Shahnamah_? The droughts have dried the hill and the tree hasn’t borne fruit in years, but Sohrab and I still sit under its shade and I read to him from the _Shahnamah_. It is not necessary to tell you that his favorite part is the one with his namesake, Rostam and Sohrab. Soon he will be able to read from the book himself. I am a very proud and very lucky father.
Amir agha,

Rahim Khan sahib is quite ill. He coughs all day and I see blood on his sleeve when he wipes his mouth. He has lost much weight and I wish he would eat a little of the shorwa and rice that Farzana Jan cooks for him. But he only takes a bite or two and even that I think is out of courtesy to Farzana jan. I am so worried about this dear man I pray for him every day. He is leaving for Pakistan in a few days to consult some doctors there and, _Inshallah_, he will return with good news. But in my heart I fear for him. Farzana jan and I have told little Sohrab that Rahim Khan sahib is going to be well. What can we do? He is only ten and he adores Rahim Khan sahib. They have grown so close to each other. Rahim Khan sahib used to take him to the bazaar for balloons and biscuits but he is too weak for that now.

I have been dreaming a lot lately, Amir agha. Some of them are nightmares, like hanged corpses rotting in soccer fields with bloodred grass. I wake up from those short of breath and sweaty. Mostly, though, I dream of good things, and praise Allah for that. I dream that Rahim Khan sahib will be well. I dream that my son will grow up to be a good person, a free person, and an important person. I dream that lawla flowers will bloom in the streets of Kabul again and rubab music will play in the samovar houses and kites will fly in the skies. And I dream that someday you will return to Kabul to revisit the land of our childhood. If you do, you will find an old faithful friend waiting for you.

May Allah be with you always.
-Hassan

Thoughts pulled from other sites:

• Is forgiveness a conscious act or is it simply the result of time dulling the wound? Is there a cultural/class/religious divide that makes Hassan and Ali so accepting of abuse, so willing to forgive?
• Amir had never thought of Hassan as his friend, despite the evident bond between them, just as Baba did not think of Ali as his friend. What parallels can be drawn between Amir and Hassan’s relationship, and Baba and Ali’s? How would you describe the relationship between the two boys? What makes them so different in the way they behave with each other? What is it that makes Amir inflict small cruelties on Hassan?
• It is Amir’s dearest wish to please his father. To what extent does he succeed in doing so and at what cost? What kind of man is Baba? How would you describe his relationship with Amir, and with Hassan? How does that relationship change and what prompts those changes?
• After Soraya tells Amir about her past, she says “I’m so lucky to have found you. You’re so different from every Afghan guy I’ve met.”  What do you think of the reasons that Amir puts forward for this? Could there be others? How do Afghan women fare in America? Are they any better off than they were in Afghanistan before the Taliban seized power?
• After reading Amir’s story Rahim Khan writes to him: “the most impressive thing about your story is that it has irony.”  It is surely an irony that Hassan, whose ignorance Amir pillories, points out that there was no need for the man to kill his wife to weep tears, he could simply have smelled an onion. How important is irony in the book?
• How significant is the tale of Rostam and Sohrab? What does it mean to Hassan, and to Amir?
• http://discerningmind.org/?p=70
• http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9504E0DF123FF930A3575BC0A9659C8B63

Tashakor! (Thank You!)

Relational therapy

Phoebe is so good and calls me to study with her.  I stop by HEB beforehand because I hear their gas is a tad cheaper, but it is actually a cent more per gallon than the Valero at Lexington/Dulles.  I get to Starbucks at around 2 pm.  It was hard for me to concentrate because they were playing music overhead (e.g. “Hit the Road Jack” and “Strangers in the Night”).  I was also a bit discouraged because the ‘easy’ section (”Professional Behaviors and Service Management”) wasn’t as easy as I had anticipated.  After a while both Phoebe and I needed a change of pace.  She pulled out Certain Women by..drumroll…Madeleine L’Engle!  Since I didn’t bring an alternative, she instead updated me on some of the events in her life and of course her thoughts and feelings.  While we were chatting, Alice came and said hi!  She reminded me to call her if I was going to play sports this coming Sunday.  Alice left with her drink and we talked some more until Phoebe had to go home to eat dinner and then go to her Access ladies’ group.  I got gas at Lexington ($3.88/gal for total $27.87 at 5:08 pm) then made a stop at Mamie George Branch Library.

I scoped it out to see if it was a good study location.  It was cold (so I would need to bring a jacket if I went) but with ample space and generally quiet, although it depends on the people there.  Actually, since there was only a group of four girls chatting quietly, it was a bit more distracting than compared to many groups chatting and the noise blending into a indistinguishable murmur.  I browsed their DVDs (e.g. Psycho by Hitchcock and a few films with Cary Grant) and apparently they had a comic book section with a number of Batman-related books, like The Guide to the Animated Series, and graphic comics (the REAL ones, right? I never realized how gruesome those were since I grew up with the “Animated Series”, not until I went to New Jersey and saw them while eating brunch with Siwei).  I also browsed the other aisles to see if anything caught my eyes, such as The Handbook of American Indian Games.  I almost left my sunglasses (but I drove back to retrieve them).  I finally checked out (using my old library card that the librarian had to renew because it had been so long) the following:

• Yotsuba&! 4 by Kiyohiko Azuma (creator of Azumanga Daioh) from A. D. Vision
• American Born Chinese by Gene Luen Yang
• The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, five audio CDs read by the author
• Lies My Teacher Told Me (2nd edition) by James W. Loewen

Legacy

Monday, I went over to Diana’s house (met her aunt and uncle briefly) to accompany her as she packed her clothes.  Their driveway was full of vehicles.  She had told us before that her father was nobility back in Korea.  I wonder what he does now.  We met up with Susan for dinner at the Chili’s near Kirby, went to Berripop afterwards, then sang some worship songs (she played her guitar) back at her house.

Thursday/Tonight, Peter wanted to watch Mongol so Jonathan, James, Elliot, and I joined him at the Angelika at 7:30 pm.  Elliot says Henry looks up to a lot of rulers (such as Alexander the Great) and the top of his list is actually Genghis Khan, so Elliot will report to Henry about this movie.  I picked up Elliot and got to the area early but spent a good half hour finding where to park (the entrance that I had used before when I tried to meet with Vickie for Iron Man was blocked off with cones).  We finally find an entrance (thanks Elliot for stopping a valet parker) but the lady collecting the money is grinning way too much.  I asked about the free parking through going to Angelika.  She cuts me off saying, “Nope, $6 please” with this huge grin.  That is one of my pet peeves!  People are way too happy about a situation that doesn’t call for that.  You can be politely smiling but not ear-to-ear, making me feel my plight is no concern of theirs or is not of any concern.  Grrr.  I still keep asking and she perkily says quickly with the same plastered grin that it would be $6.  She goes as far to say that do we not have the money or something.  We pay (or rather, Elliot does, since I have no cash).  Well, we finally realize that when we buy our ticket, they take the parking fee off (thus Elliot only paid $1 since he used his student ID as well ($7)).

Afterwards, thankfully having Peter here, we quickly decided where to eat.  He is good at offering many choices, and then if no one speaks up he’ll make a decision and see how we react.  We decide on a place near the restaurant where a guy was shot to death.  It was closed at this time of the day, so they called me (I drove Elliot) to meet at Cafe 101.  I ask why they chose that place, and it was a compromise, meaning it was a place no one wants to go, lol!  See, Jacky was waiting outside the first choice restaurant but didn’t try to go in.  So when the other guys arrived and tried to go in, they found out the doors were locked.  Two guys wanted to go to FuFu’s, but Peter and Jonathan had already gone there on Monday and didn’t want to go again.  The other two wanted to go to another place, but they weren’t feeling it.  So the compromise was Cafe 101, that no one wanted to go to, so everyone would be unhappy.  Haha, thanks, Peter.  Actually, Peter gave each Elliot and me each a bowl (I was stingy and didn’t order) from his own meal.  Aw, how sweet!  Peter is always doing these sort of things. 

But actually, Elliot was waiting for the time right before midnight for his “last meal” before his Native American fast (since tomorrow is Independence Day for the U.S. but defeat for the Native Americans).  We didn’t leave such a good taste in Native American history, although they helped us red/white/blue citizens out a lot in the early years.  I ate both bowls.  Oh yeah, Gabriel (Henry’s friend from Brazil) saw Elliot and said hello.

To pay, it was owed money passed around.  Well, at the tofu restaurant, I paid for Elliot because he forgot his wallet at home.  Diana and I shared a meal and she paid for the two of us.  I didn’t have cash to pay her back and since she was leaving for Asia, Jacky paid her my share.  Thus I owed Jacky $10.  Tonight, though, he didn’t have enough cash to pay Jonathan since he was using his credit card I think.  So I just need to pay Jonathan back $10.

The television screen was, again, endless MTV “America’s Best Dance Crew” episodes.  They were pretty cool, I have to say.  Especially the snake, the elevator, and SuperCr3w’s entire performance:  http://blog.zap2it.com/ithappenedlastnight/2008/07/randy-jackson-p.html.  “We Fly High” by Jim Jones doesn’t do it for me, but the crew blew me away with their moves.  That would be in my mind for awhile.

Loaded questions

This morning Greg, Kee, James Hsia, Linton and Phoebe, Grace and Peter, and I helped out at the Beacon.  The couples came a bit late because they had stayed up the night before (4:30am!) playing Twister, etc.  Greg and Kee were assigned at the computer to intake shower/laundry items.  James and I were assigned to the washers and dryers.  The kitchen was full so the couples were assigned to pass out creamers, etc. (Phoebe again did intake at the volunteer entrance, as I understood it).

They have a new Excel spreadsheet going (Greg and Kee), but I was glad to finally find out how this efficient laundry system went.  So though this was James’ first time at the Beacon, it was my first time helping with the laundry as well.  Eugene is the regular director of the laundry since the Beacon’s opening (always see him when we volunteer).  The regular volunteer (African-American wearing glasses) would sit next to the showers, obtain and then tie each client’s clothes into a mesh bag and toss it on the floor in our volunteering room.  James would pick it up, read the number on the bag to me (I’d mark a blue-colored check on the dry-erase board), and drop it into a weighing cart.  When the load’s about forty pounds, James would stack the bags along the sides of the inside of the washer (try to evenly distribute them) and start the machine (these commercial-grade machines automatically release detergent inside).  When the three machines were full, he then started stacking them on the floor in each pile, with the number (on the bottom versus the top of the bag) facing towards him.  This part is at a leisurely pace.  One client teased me and asked if we were really cleaning their clothes.  I said, “I hope so.”  He motioned to add more detergent.  I laughed.

When the washer is finished, we’d transfer them into the dryers (marked off with a red check).  This part is tricky and starts the more frantic process that requires careful discrimination and selectiveness.  One full load in the washer doesn’t usually go into one dryer.  The clothes in the three washers are usually distributed between the four dryers.  In each load, there is a “loose” pile (usually the biggest pile or the one with the shoes, which aren’t put inside the dryer but marked with a teal check to remind us).  For example, the clothes in a 10-lb bag would be taken out and placed directly in the dryer while the other clients’ clothes would still be in their respective assigned-number bags while being dried.  When 45 minutes is up, usually the jeans are checked for dampness.  If they are damp, five-minute drying increments are continued until they are dry.  The other bags are checked for dampness, and if some are still wet, another bag is “loosed” since the biggest pile has already been removed, folded, and marked off (orange check).  Peter says the process usually ends around 3pm.

They have some special indications with 23A and 23B (why these particular numbers have A and B I have no idea).  Also, they make note of any blankets or sheets that are washed.  Greg and Kee hand the clients colored scrubs for them to change into after their showers (Eugene sometimes has to knock on the doors to get them to limit their time) while their own personal clothes are being washed.  Afterwards, when the stream of clients diminished, Greg stayed at the computer while Kee helped us with the folding.  He learned the system pretty quickly, especially after a guy named Robert (white with glasses) came to help us out.  Eugene told us to do whatever he told us to do, and I enjoyed Robert’s personality more than Eugene’s (Eugene has that forceful way of letting us know how to do things, while for me Robert’s commands are softer, haha). 

James volunteered to stay past 11am (the time we had signed up for) because it seemed they still needed a lot of help, so Greg and Kee said they’d stay as well.  Phoebe then came by to try to convince them to leave with us for lunch.  Instead, I ended up deciding to stay with the guys.  Soon after the couples left, the next volunteer group arrived, so we passed on the torch.  James and Kee parked on the street, so I followed Greg out of the garage to IHOP (his white car has a bike rack on the back, so it wasn’t too hard to follow him. Also, by the time we got onto the highway, the GPS had found the location).  Linton took Phoebe to drop off something at her classmate’s, so they were a bit lost/late finding IHOP at 2515 Southwest Freeway (so in fact the four of us who left later got there before they did).  We sat down, and Allen Tsai and Chris (much later) joined us. 

Around noon, most of us ordered the special of Maine blueberries with a combo (eggs only, ham and eggs, bacon and eggs, sausage and eggs, or bacon and sausage and eggs) that includes hashbrowns (I paid $7.57).  Topics of conversation included modernism v. emergent v. postmodernism, past and future itineraries, “approved workmen are not ashamed, boys and girls by his service claim”, C-H-U-M, blowing down stacked coffee creamers….  Since there was such a large group, sometimes separate conversations would be going on between Greg, Allen, and James and then the couples.  I couldn’t keep up, haha.  James left a bit earlier to take a nap and then finish up preparing for Sunday School for tomorrow.  The rest of us left later.  Greg and Allen (who lives in northwest Houston) planned to stop by Whole Earth Provisions and R.E.I.  Chris went back home to fix his toilet (he rode his motorcycle, without his jackets but with his helmet–I’ve never seen him ride before, it definitely looks cool haha).  I went to Chinatown to pick up my mended clothing (yay, I can wear my skirt again!).  When we dropped them off, we paid $20.  At home I discovered a small scrap of paper safety-pinned to an article of clothing:  “688235.  1×6,1×7,3×3″.

I drove to Vickie’s house to drop off her microwave.  I ding-donged and waited.  I was about to turn to put it in the back yard when Vickie’s mom (who I was hoping for) opened the front door.  She apologized profusely in Mandarin, “Oh, I’m sorry, I was in the back room taking a nap before work.”  “Oh!  No problem.”  “Why are you in this part of town?”  “Oh, to drop off a microwave.”  “Oh, Vickie didn’t tell me.”  “Oh, yeah, because I was going to give it to her when she’s in town, but since we were going to go rockclimbing I figured I’d drop it off.”  “Do you want to come in and take a nap?”  “..Sure!”  She picked up a few items from the floor and directed me to sleep on Vickie’s bed.  We both napped.  An hour later, we got up because she had to work.  “You can stay if you need some more time before rockclimbing; I just need to go.”  “Oh no!  This is perfect timing.”  “I feel so bad, I have no gift to give you.  Here, take two apples.”  “Oh no, allowing me to sleep here is a gift!”  Those apples were larger than the size of my heart!  Practically half a meal! 

Chris, Linton, and Phoebe (and James and Jonathan) joined Hannah, Jennifer Lin, Ariel, and Elliot (one car from Sugar Land area) at Stone Moves.  When I arrived, they were pretty tired.  They were watching as strangers were mastering the inclined section.  Phoebe was belaying for Ariel, with Jennifer shouting encouragement.  Elliot said this is his second time, and the wall always masters him.  Nathan Kim came with his coworker Conye? (met at Kelvin’s house for the SuperBowl) as we were discussing to leave.  They decided to help out a congregant “Mike” at Maui Tacos.  We ordered dinner there at 6 pm. I got the La Perouse (chicken and steak burrito) ”wet” (meaning covered in cheese and sauce for an extra $1.00) for $7.78 (the owner apparently added a 10% discount).  The tables had the map of Hawaii on them, and the television screens were showing a lot of skateboarding, biking, and surfing feats.  Jennifer Yu (joined us for dinner), Linton, and Phoebe were discussing how funny it is that Matt and Phoebe are pretty private while Linton and Jennifer are pretty revealing and blunt in asking questions.  In fact, Jonathan leaned over and asked me if Linton reminded me of Andrew Eng.  Uh, never thought of it that way.  Jonathan was spewing facts, of course.  Jennifer Lin was really tired.  Ariel was pretty quiet, just listening and observing.  Hannah, James, Elliot, Chris and I on the other side were discussing…I don’t remember. 

Afterwards, Jennifer opened her house for us to hang out (her parents were home so I guess they opened their house).  They have an entrance camera!  I balanced on the exercise ball for a minute (more thigh than ab work).  Jennifer and Phoebe were discussing Linton and their relationship while the rest were listening (it appeared).  Linton and Chris ping ponged with Elliot and me.  It was so much fun; so many times I was laughing so hard I could barely do anything, including stand.  Linton would shuffle in and out of view while it was his turn.  At times we played off the wall.  Other times we played with our less dominant hand.  You just had to be there.  Then we played a card game where each person gets a card.  The one with the Ace starts by asking a question.  Then, the person with “2″ reveals him/herself and answers that question.  Then it goes down the line.  Obviously, the last and first people can be targeted since the second to last knows who’s remaining, and the last person knows who had the Ace.  I documented the following:

1. Amy, who has impacted your life in a large way?  Iris Leu, when she demonstrated on Jester steps her desire to really love me during my freshman year
2. Jonathan, who’s your favorite superhero and why?  Batman, because he’s more realistic than the others who gained their powers through mutation, accident, or birth
3. Jennifer Yu, if you could have chosen any school to go to, where would it be and why?  She wanted to go to Berkeley because she loves the Bay area and their business school is #3 in the nation.  However, in retrospect, she would’ve still gone to UT Austin because their business school is #5 and she never would’ve gotten together with Matt (her fiance).  Plus, they’re moving to the Bay area anyway after they get married.
4. Elliot, what’s your favorite childhood memory?  Watching Saturday morning cartoons from 5 am until X-Men at 10:30 am.
5. Hannah, what’s your favorite movie and why?  She mentioned a Filipino one, where the protagonist finds a phone in his backpack that isn’t his.  The person on the other end of the line commands the protagonist on a journey in order that the protagonist’s family (kidnapped) won’t die.
6. Linton, if you could go back and take up learning one thing, what would it be?  He would want to try everything once.  He would’ve liked to really get into dancing, such as ballet.  He would’ve wanted to persevere in playing the violin.
7. Chris, what is a strength of your family?  He says he really appreciates that he has a close family and good relations with his brothers and sister.
8. Phoebe, if you had one afternoon to burn, what would you do?  She would go to Half-Price books with Hannah, spend an hour or so with Linton, and then read the books she got from Half-Price haha!
9. Ariel, what are three characteristics you admire in a friend?  (Chris interjected with money, popularity, and status, haha.)  She says she really appreciates when a friend remembers, such as the details of her life she had mentioned, or buying her something because it reminded them of her.  She also appreciates generosity (not only with money but also time and other resources) and the ability to turn a solemn or harsh moment into laughter.
10. James, what’s one adventurous trip you would take?  A trip to China to dig deeper and understand the history of China.
11. Jennifer Lin, if you had to spend $100 (can’t save it), what would you do with it?  Initially she said she’d pay for her insurance (she said she had just recently finshed paying off her car so she said she wouldn’t do that).  When Ariel added “irresponsibly!”, she thought and said she’d buy a Wii or Rock Band for her family to play

James reported being really tired so Jonathan left as well (they carpooled).  We played a last round before heading home:

1. Phoebe, if you could go back in time to when you were ten years old, what one piece of advice would you give yourself?  “Don’t care so much about what other people think.”
2. Chris, what three words describe you?  He said laid-back, competitive (such as in sports), and thinks a lot (dwelling on things, etc.).
3. Ariel, if you could, what’s one thing you would do for the rest of your life?  “It wouldn’t be food tasting.”  Haha, that was an odd start.  She said she’d like to travel, living in each locale for a few years before moving on.
4. Jennifer Lin, what material possession do you count as very important?  She says her car because it’s the first thing she’s ever bought with her own hard-earned money.
5. Jennifer Yu, what’s a unique experience you’ve had in your life?  She said that living with her roommates Marsha and Hannah (and Matt) was unique in retrospect after hearing others’ tell their roommate stories.  She enjoyed cooking for each other, hanging out, and really getting to know each other instead of never really seeing each other.  Also, she said that she took an overseas trip to Hong Kong for school and she loved it.  Four girls and four guys stayed with Sam Mar’s family in Shaman? (one of the cleanest cities there), and it was so carefree ($12 American dollars a day but that goes far).  They’d get massages every day, fly kites, etc.
6. Amy, what’s one person you know (or knew) personally who you look up to (which does not include examples such as Gandhi or Jesus)?  My Dad, because of his past and how he is now in loving me unconditionally.
7. Linton, what’s one super power you’d like to have?  The ability to travel back in time, because it trumps all the other ones.  You could always go back to change things, or go forward in time to see how things play out (a different way to “reading minds”).
8. Hannah, what would you like to accomplish this year?  Moving out, settling down at church, find direction in life.
9. Elliot, what color describes you and why?  Black and yellow, because of Bruce Lee.  Green, because he’s ”a leaf blowing in the wind.”

Jacob Gavia

Yesterday/Sunday, I played basketball with James, Linton, Chris, Braden, and Elliot (the two tallest were playing the other three guys).  Linton had to leave, so the rest of them dispersed as well.  I looked at the time, and seeing that it was only 4:30 and that was when some BASIC people were playing volleyball at the UT Rec Fields, I realized I would be able to join them after all. 

I arrived at about the same time that Nathan Kim did.  There was already a game going on, and Alan was sitting on the grass watching.  After they finished, Nathan and I joined in.  We played sand volleyball with Aaron, Wilson, Andrew, Jesslyn, Linda, Roger…  James Hsia, Alan, and this other guy I forgot his name climbed over the fence and played baseball inside the field.

Afterwards, I followed Nathan to the MFAH.  James asked where we were going, and we invited him, but of course it’s super last minute and we’re all sweaty, lol!  Nathan had initially wanted to go back home to shower, and I was originally going to meet up with David for dinner at Black Walnut Cafe (he changed the location last minute), but there wasn’t time.  As I was following Nathan, an ant bit my foot so I accidentally hit my horn, and he stopped, but I waved for Nathan to continue.  Anyway, we got to the museum to watch The Marines Who Never Returned at 7 pm.  I had seen it and just forwarded the list to any Korean friends I had, and David Son really wanted to see this movie since he watched it as a small boy (and had a crush on the little girl, lol).  Joanne came and sat next to Nathan and me at the beginning.  When the film ended, David and Youjung came over (they were pretty late because David waited for Youjung to come over, and I think David kind of invited her last minute? I wasn’t sure the full story) to us. 

We loitered and chatted inside and oustide the museum.  Nathan wakes up pretty early (sometimes before 5 am) to go to the gym before work.  David wakes up really early, or works long night hours, in the lab.  Youjung is going on her first one-week mission trip.  Joanne is going on a vacation with her friend.  Nathan’s mom and sister are going to the same place as Joanne is coming back, for a month-long mission trip.  Joanne asked David to show the rest of us a certain move on me.  It was pretty funny because he pushes the girl using her head, so it sort of feels he is attacking you, but after the initial shock I burst out laughing because of its nature.  Joanne said, “Thank you, I wanted to know it wasn’t just me.”

Today/Monday, I played basketball with Peter, James Wei, Linton, and Michael.  Michael left, but the rest of us went to Cafe 101.  Linton and Peter hadn’t eaten yet (Peter says he usually eats around this time, which is like 10 pm).  They seated us near the window where we could see outside into the parking lot.  Peter started looking at the Chinese newspaper, and I asked if he could read it.  No, but he says he can usually figure out the general idea from knowing the news and looking at the photographs.  James asked Peter if he knew how to read, and Peter played with him by saying yes.  Peter says his brother is quite weird (the only thing “normal” about him is his dinnertime).  We talked about other things but I can’t remember anymore.

Jacob walked past with his breakdancing buddies.  They had just finished down the street.  We talked for awhile.  I told him that I had met James Hsia and that I found out that he was James Hsia’s small group leader back at Rice.  Jacob confirms and adds that he was co-leading with John Lin.  Wow!  Jacob says he just came back from Mexico and is looking into going to China (apart from Xealot).  Hopefully we’ll bump into each other again before he leaves the States.

List: Books

I’ve been pretty ravenous about media consumption this past week.  Monday I watched The Day the Earth Stood Still (directed by Robert Wise) from Elliot.  I finished A Wrinkle in Time on Thursday (after reading a few pages to start me off the day before from waiting at Walmart while my dad switched out his bicycle).  It was my first time reading it, and it wasn’t too bad at all (my caveat was that Meg annoyed me:  “Just shut up already!” was what I was thinking haha).  Yesterday I watched His Girl Friday (suggested by/borrowed from Elliot) with Hannah.  It’s not your typical romantic comedy (1940).  Charm (Cary Grant) really does win girls over, even when we know it involves all that trickery.  But the way they showed it, of course, made it feel like harmless fun and teasing.  Sometimes you gotta watch out for those old movies.  Yesterday I also ended up typing up an inventory of my books.  A bookshelf really reveals the interests and life of another, or at least I found that it does me. 

This morning, Hannah invited me to the monthly booksale put on by the First Colony Library: $1 hardbacks and $0.50 paperbacks unless otherwise priced.  I ended up with a bunch of books in my arms, including The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron.  I’ve started it and I think I like it better than The Introvert Advantage by Marti Laney.  It’s not books that are, omg! that I would go around raving.  But, they are right for me at this point in my life.  I was pretty beat up in El Paso–what with the Mexican culture, the predominating extroverts loving bars (which I hate)–definitely feeling out of sorts.  So I guess this week I’ve just non-planningly been doing the things I enjoy: books, movies, stories, art, and spirituality.  I’ve said before that I think that I’ve never felt angry towards God (not only because I probably deny and trick myself) because I’ve never really felt close to Him (even though I’ve always known, and it’s obvious looking around, that He definitely hasn’t abandoned me but instead has continued to bless).  But I’m pretty content right now.  I really wish I could impart to you just how satisfied I feel this instance.  I’m enjoying the moment.  “So happy.”

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

Princess Nausicaa

Friday.  Christina Tam and I met at Borders so we could carpool to watch Slant.  Craig Wen and Brian Thao-Huane were there, too.  I skipped out on FBCC’s monthly social: Iron Chef!  The secret ingredient was mango, and I heard the results were better than expected.  Jacky called at around 9pm to ask if I could watch their belongings while they did a run the next morning.  Uh..sure….

Saturday.  Christina and I again met at Borders to carpool to Jacky’s apartment, where Ted drove us four to be at Minute Maid Park at 7am.  They prepared, clipping on their running numbers, drinking water in the small cups being passed out, and stretching amongst the air “people” that would occasionally hit us (the way the air was blown and all).  We saw a man on stilts pretend he was a super-tall person, making balloon animals.  The girl and guy bunny suits wearing Astros attire came around to take pictures with the kids and whoever else wanted.  I’ve never participated in this sort of thing, so Jacky explained how it worked.  He paid $25 to participate, but they would get two free Astros tickets with an option of choosing from four games in the future (June 10, 11, 24, and/or 25).  They give you a timer that will start as soon as you step onto their carpet they have at the starting line and would stop when you step on the carpet at the finish line.  Some runs ask you to return the trakcer/timer, but this time they said the runners/walkers could keep it.  This is Ted’s first time, and afterwards he looked pretty winded (was it his knee, since he had a brace on? didn’t ask).  Jacky ran ahead.  Denver stayed with Ted. 

Christina needed coffee, so we walked around downtown.  We saw the “oasis” in front of Christ Church Cathedral–Christina couldn’t believe such a nice place in the middle of downtown.  She said she’d still feel unsafe walking around by herself, if I wasn’t with her.  I also saw some people waiting outside the Urban League.  We finally found this free-standing building all by itself on one side of the street to be Starbucks (good thing we used the map that the city provides atop the sidewalk, thank you Houston!).  At 8am, I bought her a drink (a grande mmchip frapp for $4.50), then we rested for a few minutes (she was carrying her papers to be graded in a backpack, then she volunteered to also carry Jacky’s, Ted’s, and my belongings–heavy!).  We headed back, realizing the run had pretty much ended (that was fast).  We had to walk all the way around since the doors were locked.  When we entered, a wave of stench (sweat and gym) hit my nose (never liked that smell).  Denver saw us, and Jacky encouraged us to get some food (he had his shirt off–not that it was attractive because I barely glanced, but that always makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason).  I stood in line for some lettuce wrap with meat on top (reminds me of that Chinese dish).  Jacky said there were also kolaches, so I stood in line for that.  They lady said, “Ham and cheese?”  Sure.  “Two?”  Sure….  JT said hi, and I think his girlfriend is Heidi.  She looks really familiar but I don’t know why.  Khon-Whey Tay was there with his two friends (they’re a couple of..Asian Indian descent?).  I wanted some fruit and found a pear within the tubs of water/ice/water bottles.  Was it supposed to be there?  I put it back, unsure of it’s cleanliness.  Later, after seeing many runners carrying fruit,  I realized I could use the water from the bottled water to clean it, but the pear was not there anymore.  Ah well.

I was so incredibly tired, even though I didn’t even participate, but since I wanted to have a somewhat normal sleeping pattern, I was determined to stay awake and not take a nap.  Christina and I went to Lowe’s to check out movies and their times.  Nothing particularly interested both of us, so we went to Fuddruckers at 11am.  By the time we arrived at her apartment, we would’ve completely missed the beginning of the movies we were debating on (sure bad at estimating time huh?).  We watched Stardust on her computer while eating lunch (I ate the big dog with chili and cheese while got the burger/fries/shake combo).  Phoebe called to watch the new Narnia movie.  So Christina quickly reviewed through the first Narnia movie on her computer, supplementing with verbal summarizations.  Then I browsed her books (she’s an English teacher at Kempner).  I asked about Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf.  She has no idea why the play references that; she was famous in the literary world and the title is a play on “who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?”  She took a nap while I looked Woolf up: “Dreadnought Hoax was a practical joke pulled in 1910 by Horace de Vere Cole and five friends, including Virginia Stephen (later Virginia Woolf)…Modern diagnostic techniques have led to a posthumous diagnosis of bipolar disorder…The ethos of Bloomsbury discouraged sexual exclusivity, and in 1922, Woolf met Vita Sackville-West.”  She committed suicide.

Christina suddenly got up and realized that it was time to go.  Good going, Christina.  She, Phoebe, Linton, Hannah, Tina, James, Jonathan, and I watched Prince Caspian at 4:30pm at Lowe’s (barely missed the matinee price for movies before 4pm on Saturdays).  Christina left because she was pretty wiped out.  Chris was at work.  I joined them (and Ariel came, too) at Avalon Diner for dinner at 9pm.  I got the turkey/avocado omelette for $10.  They ran out of the recommended-by-the-waitress dish of steak and eggs.  Hannah’s order was right, but James and Jonathan’s dishes were a bit mismatched–Jonathan wasn’t bothered much, just got the pork version.  The main question discussed for the evening was, “If you didn’t believe in Jesus, what religious would you follow?”  Here’s the breakdown: Phoebe said Unitarian Universalism (or Ba’hai or whichever incorporates getting along with all religions, obviously none of us know much), Linton said Mormonism (he arrived back today from Utah for business), and I think the rest of them said atheism (or James said burning incense to ancestors).  I said atheism/agnosticism.

We walked to Borders and sat for a bit (Hannah checked to see if there were any sales).  Then Tina jumped on another’s suggestion to walk to the water, “Yes, Tina needs to walk.”  The girls chatted about clothing (I think Ariel’s going to a wedding), then Tina suggested we get ice cream since Hannah regretted not ordering a shake.  Cold Stone Creamery was near Lowe’s, so we spanned the entire complex I guess.  James is always asking if something is junk food or not, or making explanations that it isn’t junk food.  Yeah….  “Not today” says Jonathan, since he got some.  Hannah got coffee with heath (yum).  Hannah mentioned a quarterlife crisis, which James somewhat related.  Linton says he hasn’t reached there yet, that he is still on the way up/forward to something.  LOL, it was funny how James said that he loved it when he resigned.  I got home at midnight and crashed.

Sunday.  Charles and I drove to Elliot’s house, where the three of us met up to carpool.  (Elliot couldn’t convince Ed to come, and so Pepsi didn’t come either.)  Charles drove us to pick up Henry from his apartment then headed to Jack In the Box at 1212 for lunch.  I ordered four grilled chicken strips for $4.64 (felt like a ripoff).  Then we got to MFAH at 1pm.  We browsed around until 1:30, when they started seating us to watch Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind.  The guys talked about having dirt on each other (and Ed Ly) and using it against each other, revealing it, etc.  We looked at the pamphlet they gave out for this Target Free Sunday (comparing the pictures of plants to their names).  Christina suddenly appeared and sat to my right right when the lights dimmed at 2pm.  I liked the movie because she was really going for understanding.  And she was amazing in all her abilities, as Lord Yupa already professed at the beginning of the movie.  Indeed, “What are you so afraid of?”  A lot of violence is borne out of fear of “the other.”  Henry says she should’ve died (there were Christian undertones), but Elliot said, “No, she has to live, so I can marry her” LOL!  Hey, she’s like Rocky and Gandhi put together, as Dave would say it, haha!  Who wouldn’t find her attractive?

Afterwards we went around to the exhibits (Pompeii wasn’t free).  Elliot teased Henry when he tried to explain one of the drawings on the wall, that the explanation didn’t exactly match what was written on the author plaque.  One artist painted Egypt abstractly (I don’t ever get it, so they make me annoyed).  We spent quite some time in the Korean exhibits.  Henry said he really liked the small wall-mounted plaque statue of the elephant in the other Asian exhibit.  Lastly, we observed the poles that important people carry/use.  Each had something on the top, so there were explanations.  Elliot really liked the one that went like, “Holding a kingdom is like holding an egg; hold it too hard and it’s crushed, hold it too loose and it will fall and break.”  Henry said he liked the quote that went something like, “A crab doesn’t give birth to a bird.”  The one that got me thinking was, “The hen knows it is dawn but lets the rooster crow.”  Christina found it to be anti-feminist.  Jacky called, so I called Wilson about football.  We sat around discussing the next step (board game?  buy Ziggity?  eat?).  Christina suggested we eat, Elliot of course suggested Fuddruckers (to which Christina got all excited about), Henry suggested Niko-Niko’s, and Charles jumped on that and made the decisive push to leave (5:30 pm).  I got the Hercules Plate.  Then we all left for home.  Charles stayed with Elliot to help him with his Microsoft Word.  I end up napping from 7:30 until 9 pm (sigh, so much for trying to stay up until nighttime).  Lil goo-goo took the trash out and left for her workplace.  I watched Dead Like Me because it was the only thing on and then went back to bed.

Slant 2008

SLANT 8: Bold Asian American Images
Friday, May 30, 8pm
Filmmaker Soham Mehta and curator Melissa Hung in attendance

This program of experimental and narrative films weaves together the humorous and the poetic.  Some films tackle stereotypes, while others travel through memory and longing.

Synesthesia | Larilyn Sanchez
Texas premiere | 2006 | Video | 2 mins
Senses come alive, creating impressions, when a woman goes dancing in the dark.

Drive | Ahree Lee
World premiere | 2007 | Video | 4 mins
An experimental take on driving turns multiple trips on the same road into a transcendent experience.

Cookies for Sale | Wes Kim
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 3.75 mins
A little girl selling cookies door-to-door engages in a battle of wills with a very grumpy neighbor.

Souvenirs From Asia | Joyce Wong
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 12.5 mins
Hanjoo feels like an alien in her suburban neighborhood. It doesn’t help that her adoptive mother is clueless about race and history.

Manoj | Zia Mohajerjasbi
Houston premiere | 2007 | Video | 12 mins
Written by comedian Hari Kondabolu, Manoj is a mockumentary about in-your-face comedian Manoj, who is more than happy to use stereotypes for a laugh.

Suicide Piece | Yu Araki
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 3.5 mins
It is mid-day in a major city when this performance piece begins. How will passerbys react to a man and a banana?

Released | Soham Mehta
Houston premiere | 2007 | 16mm presented on Video | 8.5 mins
Three years ago, a brutal hate crime sent Kaustabh to the hospital. Today his assailant will be released from prison and Kaustabh wants revenge.

The Nothing Pill | Yu Gu
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 6 mins
In the year 2110, on an Earth nearly depleted of resources, a scientist struggles to find a cure for loneliness.

Dan Carter | Alison Kobayashi
Texas premiere | 2006 | Video | 15 mins
Dan Carter donated his answering machine to a second-hand store. Dan Carter didn’t remove the tape. This story of a love affair, re-imagined and performed by the filmmaker, is based on those messages.

A Thousand Words | Ted Chung
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 4.5 mins
A train passenger forgets her camera, or did she leave it on purpose? A stranger finds the camera and takes a chance to connect.

Embarcadero Blues | Dino Ignacio
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 3 mins
In this music video, songwriter Goh Nakamura sings a love song for San Francisco and anyone who has worked in the service industry.

Best of Slant 1

The Best of Slant Vol 1 features a collection of short films culled from 7 years of Aurora Picture Show’s annual Slant: Bold Asian American Images festival. Slant curator Melissa Hung is the founding editor of Hyphen, a magazine about Asian American culture.  Films in the Compilation include:

1. How to do the Asian Squat by Daniel Hsia - or is it the Chinese squat? ;-)
2. Lilo and Me by Kip Fulbeck
3. Maritess vs the Superfriends by Dino Ignacio 
4. A Little Bit Different by Lynn Okimura 
5. Profiles in Science by Wes Kim 
6. I Pie (A Love Story) by Nobu Adilman 
7. How to Make Kimchi According to My Kun-Uma by Samuel Kiehoon Lee
8. Slip of the Tongue by Karen Lum - spoken word by Adriel Luis

Talking about Asian-Americans, here are some more links:

• CNN special focus:  http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2007/asian.american/
• blog:  http://www.reappropriate.com/
• blog:  http://www.slanteyefortheroundeye.com/

Center stage

That’s what I watched after I got up this morning.  Jessie had mentioned the movie (”You had the heart but not the feet; I have the feet but not the heart”) during our discussion this past Wednesday regarding Lies Women Believe About Priorities.  Janet, Charlene, Jennifer Lin and Szutu, and Tina Huang were there as well.  It was in response to “How can we discern what responsibilities God is assigning us and what is merely on our own ‘to-do’ list?”  We can ask God where our heart is.  Also, what are your negotiables?  “What is it I must do or I shall die?”  How can we go to bed saying, “Today I finished the work God gave me to do?”  Ask Him in the morning before your day starts.  The past discussions weren’t that profitable for me since I never had read the chapter.  After a few comments (e.g. Hilary Clinton running to be the leader of the country), I finally brought up my concerns regarding the author’s writings and interpretations.  “In a way I can understand what she’s trying to say, if you give her the benefit of the doubt, but chapter after chapter I leave with a bad feeling that something isn’t right with what she’s saying, although I can’t pinpoint or explain why right now.  She doesn’t use much Scriptural backing, and a lot of what does come out safe from the book can be much better conveyed in other books, I’m sure.”  I’m like, is it just me, since no one had ever mentioned this from previous chapters that I would have brought up if I had been up-to-date.  Am I that far gone off the straight-and-narrow path?  What a relief to find that I wasn’t the only one.  Each started agreeing in their own way about which sections really bothered them, like scribbling ”What the heck?!” in the margins and how they are really polarized/blanket black/white generalizations.  Someone said that we just need to look at the overview and overlook the details and explanations.  I expressed perhaps needing to find another book.  Still, one said that it’s good that it makes us think about what we really believe and enforce the reasons that we stick with what we do.  However, I feel like we spend so much time trying to glean the wheat out of the chaff, we can barely even consider how to keep the wheat afterwards.

Anyway, afterwards I headed off to Hector’s Memorial Day celebration.  As the host, he provided fajitas and we watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp on ABC Family (after the network presented a viewing of the original immediately before that).  BJ is so good natured, laughing at the ridiculousness of the movie.  I met Jerry, a UT friend’s of Hector’s, who grew up in Corpus Christi but now enjoys Houston (but of course Tokyo is his favorite - he used to travel quite a bit for his job before being settled here).  He ordered double of beef than chicken, and yet when I arrived there was only chicken left, that’s how popular beef is, haha.  Grace and Joe came later, and they took a picture of Steven on the floor making his stomach bulge to practically bigger than Jamie’s belly (she’s pregant)!  Some of them started playing Nertz since they didn’t want to watch the movie.

They headed to Tofu Village for dinner (as if that wasn’t enough food), but I met up with Vickie, Chris, and Linton at H Mart instead.  Inside, it has some Asian fast food establishments.  They ordered a pile of spicy and nonspicy fried chicken from Chicken & Joy (chicken en-joy hahaha).  They also randomly bought some milk/water concoction that reminds them of those mini Asian yogurts, and some “very light” Korean beer distributed from Los Angeles.  Linton asked me about Monday with Jonathan Eng, and then when I came back from the restroom, apparently they were asking Vickie if I had a romantic interest in him.  And the past year’s romantic…events.  These boys, psi, haha. 

When Jonathan met up with us after he ate dinner, we went to Memorial Mall to watch Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  Their treasure wasn’t gold, but knowledge.  Vickie loves these sort of movies, about adventure and mystery (like National Treasure).  I hadn’t seen Indiana for a very long time (I still remember that image after the bad guy drank the goblet and immediately turned into a skeleton and ash, and I was peeking over the sofa cushion I was holding over my eyes), but Linton pointed out that a broken box showed the Raiders ark, and the lady is the love interest from the first movie.  And everyone knows Mutt to be the guy from Transformers.  George Lucas and Steven Spielberg seemed give a different feel from the previous ones in the franchise.  It has some funny focuses on the groundhogs and baboons? as well as unlikely circumstances, such as surviving an atomic bomb.

Depression: Out of the Shadows