Category Archive

Not the television series season finale tonight.  That’s just how I describe how I’ve been feeling for quite some time.  And that’s what I’ve been telling people.  Like I wrote in an email three weeks ago when asked for a prayer request:  “On a personal note, I still feel lost, but it’s not this big suffocating weight and desperation, and I don’t really think it’s a bad thing either.  Still, I think what was said at Bible study was right on target, I really don’t even know what to specify except that I really haven’t touched that Bible in forever.  I used to read it every day.  So that is a step.  But just everything is on my mind really, like counseling and church and career and stuff….”  Before, it was this feeling of desolation that would be the catalyst of a stampede of thoughts that no one cares (e.g. second-guessing my friends and family, perceiving past gatherings from under the shadow of a dark cloak).  Just as Phoebe knows her fear of the stage is irrational, I know these thoughts are irrational, but it still doesn’t much help with untangling that knot during the deer-in-headlights moment.  Depression is irrational!  Or is it?  I remember Hannah made a comment after watching Lifting the Veil, saying she somewhat believes that some who have depression are more in tune with reality than us “normal” people because we “ignore” the atrocities and stick with an “illusion” of rosiness in order to not go “crazy.”

“Keep Breathing”
by Ingrid Michaelson

The storm is coming but I don’t mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that i know is I’m breathing now.

I want to change the world…instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I’m breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that I know is I’m breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

Anyway, I guess this is as good a time as any to at least sort a smidgen in my mind/heart/spirit:

COMMUNITY
Genesis 35:11

Last Thursday I drove my parents to Austin to pay a last visit before my brother left for one week (to visit his former roommate), to give him his luggage (so he can pack), and to clean out his fridge (because he can leave food on the stove and not ever eat or clean it out).  My brother and I are very close.  We grew up with the same parents and familial history, in the same household, went to the same school for awhile, even were in the exact class and period for a class or two in high school (personal tutor, baby!).  We initially hung out with the majority of the same acquaintances (and lack thereof) and shared in the same struggles regarding church and friends and connectedness that we still discuss to this day, many times while in his room chatting up to the wee hours of the night/morn and our parents would come and say time to go to bed!  We are considerably different when you meet us, no doubt, as I am more like our mother and he is more like our father.  And in fact since high school we have led very different lives and rarely hang out or even talk with the same people, friends, or each other.  Nonetheless, during those occasional phone calls, I would say that I still feel close and  would still reveal much embarrassing/humbling/shameful things to him.

By the way, he had moved into a new apartment (from the urgings of his currently ex-girlfriend) and bought some furniture.  Where did they come from?  The famous Craigslist.  I have never been to the site, but many many people have made references to it.  From my understanding, it’s a virtual (that sometimes eventually leads to a physical) place where people can sell and exchange practically anything, from sofas and endtables to jobs, pets, and discussions.  It reminds me of Facebook and Myspace, two sites which Jennifer Garcia is part of and asked me if I was as well (I’m not, and actually most people in FBCC don’t have Facebook).  I’m not part of Craigslist, either, but is it something to BE a part of?  But those in Facebook and Myspace are still part of that network since they are still signed up in it, right?  Am I still part of Xanga if I decide I won’t write in it anymore (no activity), even if I have two blogs hosted on it?  You used to need an account to leave a comment, but now you don’t.  Do those who have never signed up part of Xanga if they leave a million comments on others’ Xanga blogs?  What does it mean to be part of a community?  What does it mean to be part of a church, and to be part of His Church?

FELLOWSHIP
Acts 2:42-47

I have been faithfully attending church services on Sundays since childhood.  But this past January, since I’ve always hated it (since middle school and El Paso, and even in Austin), I made a conscious decision to just stop going.  I made no effort to wake up earlier than usual, and even if I did, I didn’t even consider the possibility of perhaps attending.  Not until I figure out which church to attend regularly (do I want to stick with FBCC with its new chapter?), why I feel the way I do about it (is it the environment, the specific social situation?), and my reasons for going.  Three Sundays ago, I told Tiffany that though I haven’t really been communing with God lately, and though I have never ever exactly lauded FBCC, I have come to the conclusion to return to FBCC.  Now I have to dissect what that entails.

Regardless of its vagueness, it was a difficult decision.  Vickie is in San Antonio, so that’s why she says she continues to attend WHCC (her default).  However, she says that when she returns to a more permanent stay in Houston, she’ll move to Access, which is where Phoebe and Linton are fellowshiping now.  Access is starting out as a small but highly committed group.  When it grows in size, how will it look like?  Are people still going to connect?  To start off last fall, Pastor Ted asked his congregants to read The Celtic Way of Evangelism: How Christianity Can Reach the West…Again by George G. Hurton III.  In it, the key to evangelism is through understanding and living as a fellowship among the people, and in time they will open their hearts to the God who knows them.  The old Roman way was for people to believe before they can belong, while the new Celtic way is for you to belong and eventually believe.  In other words, the community and not an individual brings you to Christ.  In many ways, it’s easier to tell someone the Gospel than it is to take someone where s/he consistently experiences the Gospel.

How do we belong?  I sure feel like I belong to WHCC and HCC more than FBCC.  I know I am at fault for not terribly trying much, but even though I don’t really try, I get invited to their birthday parties, their holiday celebrations, and their event gatherings.  They even apologize profusely for forgetting to add me onto their list and making sure I am included next time.  On the flip side, I try the hardest with FBCC (but not my hardest in general) by calling and emailing them to contact me to hang out, and instead I’ve come to expect voicemail and oh yeah, this is what we’re doing right now, if you want to come.  Is it because at least one or two people keep track of me at WHCC and HCC, but no one does here at FBCC?  That could make all the difference.  Or is it that I expect more (and keep a record of wrongs?) because I have decided to be included at FBCC but I am nonchalant with whether I am invited to WHCC or HCC?  I remember back in January there was a slew of WHCC birthdays, and then in February there was a slew of FBCC birthdays.  Somehow, I ended up going to the WHCC ones but not the FBCC ones as much; I don’t remember now, but at the time was it due to scheduling conflicts or did I finally decide to attend the WHCC ones because I was more comfortable with them?  What does it mean to expect the worse but hope for the best?  How do you have high expectations but….? 

When I entered college, I checked out a handful of Christian gatherings.  I joined a small group that was part of the then-called Chinese Bible Study because it was the thing to do and everyone kept emphasizing them.  Our group fell apart,one by one, until it was just the Bible study leader, me, and this girl who was highly committed and hadn’t yet accepted Jesus.  I felt sorry, but that wasn’t going to cut it, so I left highly disappointed and joined CCC.  Later, I learned that one of the girls who wasn’t that much of a believer became good friends with Kara and eventually made an amazing transformation through His grace.  The thing is, though you can encourage group ownership, it sure can’t be forced.  Anyone knows nagging doesn’t work, although we find ourselves doing it.  Haven’t you noticed with some you just click instantly and with others you don’t?  Some people find you dull, while others find you exciting, or at least around them somehow you light up.  Even if you give all the time you can, with all the sincerity and effort, with both of you seeking, even if you lived near each other.  Reminds me of that girl from Chicago: we had an affinity towards each other so we’d decide to meet up and all, but anyone can tell from our conversations that somehow we just weren’t clicking.  Eventually we both decided without words to call it off.  She was a smart and pretty girl; I wonder where she is now after UT Austin pre-pharm classes.

Maybe we’re defining incorrectly.  Back in high school, I was elected to be the Science Club president, with a new teacher sponsor.  It bothered me that our definition of a member was someone who paid the fee.  There were those who were super dedicated, coming and helping at every single event, while others never showed up but they did pay the money.  I didn’t enjoy being president, so for me to keep everything running was as good as it was going to get, not trying to change their pre-existing system.  Magnificat has an application process but afterwards you’re in for life.  Even with years of hiatus you are always wlecome to come back and use the resources.  I met Annie Shen at an HCC gathering, and she says she hangs out with HCC, serves in her home Asian church, and then attends a more American (or African-American?) church on Sunday mornings.  Seems fragmented and yet, is that something I want to imitate?  In a way, her method demonstrates that we together are the Bride of Christ.  Vickie’s always running around hanging out with all these groups because we are all interconnected (actually, if left to my own devices, I really don’t care to make new friends). 

Indeed, it is impossible to know everyone, even within a single church building (”Abandon Committees, Skip Teams, and Embrace Communities” by George Bullard), so is there significance in “choosing” a church?  Are we to attend, serve, and gather within one?  What does the modern-day “fellowship of the believers” look like?  I think my problem would be choosing, because many times events have been booked for the same weekend.  Do I even it out?  Or instead, focus?  Still, I remember in the past when someone at FBCC needed a bone marrow transplant due to leukemia; the whole church gathered together.  We have also drawn together to fundraise for missions we support.  And the Chinese churches have gathered together for events as well (although it appears that FBCC does that less than the others).  Our mechanic, dentist, realtor, and family physician all were borne from the network of these Chinese churches.  It’s like “The New Science of Networks” by Albert-Laszlo Barabasi (who wrote it after reading “The Strength of Weak Ties“ by Mark S. Granovetter).

Still, when I went to RecWeek it was a big deal since I didn’t commit myself to InterVarsity but to CCC:EPIC (who has their own similar conference: DWC)–the IV leader went to the CCC leader to make sure they knew about me and it was okay with them!  Actually, it is the close relationships I formed in EPIC, not IV, that continue to live on.  I’ve still visited Josh, sent a card to Jonathan Le, had a few meals with prayers and talks of our spiritual struggles with Marie when she stops in town, and exchanged sparse emails with Iris.  Which reminds me: before the birth of EPIC, Alice and I were part of a CCC cell group.  The concept is that, as it grew, it would split and thus multiply.  We had to decide who we wanted to go with: Ophelia or Kristen.  I couldn’t decide at all.  Eventually, on the Jester steps, Iris poured out her heart and tears and basically begged me to be part of the one she had chosen.  I don’t remember if I had chosen one yet at this point, or if I ended up choosing the one that she asked me to be a part of, but I just remember this particular heart-wrenching moment.  I’ve never felt so loved and accepted.  And then, even leaving a comment on a random Xanga where they just started their own EPIC, I never would have imagined that eventually she would pray for my sins, and then point me (with Rudi) to spent one night of our two-week road trip at a stranger’s apartment.  Not only did this sister in Christ open her place for us and provide hospitality, she also prayed for and over us.

FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS
Luke 15:1-7

Perhaps Josh had a better glimpse of how this all operates when he wrote his journal entry on seasonal friendships.  On the snowboarding trip, not only did I reinforce previous friendships but also forged new ones.  Liz prayed for me when she didn’t even know me, only because she knew I needed the spiritual support.  Now we still exchange postcards and emails.  I haven’t spoken to Ruth since I’ve moved back from El Paso; she was a wonderful roommate.  During the student orientation at UT Austin, somehow I ended up hanging with a Hispanic girl and an African-American guy.  I remember the incident when we were eating some free food in a large banquet hall, and he said that he really stood out.  “Because we’re under the skylight?”  “No, because I’m the only black person in this room.”  It was really nice to not be alone and to share the experience with others in the same boat.  I remember her waving at me later, and he visited my dorm freshman year, but now I don’t even remember his or her names (or faces….).  When we graduated, Sapna gave me an old photograph of when the three of us (including Reena) were in second grade? and I had played this detective game with them by planting clues: ”It takes a long time to grow an old friend.”  Back in high school, Carla Ortiz gave me this:  “Thanks for being my friend & for being the caring person that you are to me.  Your the GREATEST friend.  Happy B-day to a friend that means ALOT to me.”  I remember thinking, this is so out of nowhere!  I don’t recall any conversations we’ve had in the past, and ever since I have not a clue what’s going on with her.  She says I’m such a great friend to her, but how?  I know many times I’m nice to those I really would prefer never to hang out with again, but with her it wasn’t even that….

I remember back in Austin, Timmy Chui wrote about The Atomic Tiers of Friendship haha; wonder where he got his ideas.  Phoebe and Hannah have been gone for a week in Hong Kong and will be gone for another week.  I have been contemplating our relationships since I’ve been back at my parents’ place for the time being.  Phoebe and I grew close first semester of freshman year and then agreed to an accountability relationship thereafter until I moved to El Paso.  Hannah and I gelled a connection after her 22nd birthday while exchanging deep, dark, familiar yet unsimilar, privacies.  We’ve hung out I think usually once a week together on the weekends, but of course it’s not like before.  I think other acquaintances (not “friends”) know more about them than I do at this point.  I’m not exactly pining for the days gone by but rather how to take those spontaneous moments along into the future, how to cultivate the environment for our older selves in new stages, for the sake of the gospel, for our children.

I mentioned that we should be neighbors so our kids can play together.  Linton said, “But you don’t even have a boyfriend!.”  Indeed, I’m not even close to marrying, let alone having children.  I never really got to know my neighbors, but it turns out that I know a little more (thanks to my dad) than Phoebe and Hannah do about theirs (they say they’re new).  Linton has to feed their dog Missy, but it seems that in the past (or at least in media), the neighbor usually handles that role.  As I drive towards Dulles Avenue, I always pass a driveway packed with boys who have grown tall and lanky!  I don’t know who lives there, but I’ve seen African-American guys, Asian-American guys, and white guys all playing basketball together.  When Gilmore Girls first came out, what drew me was not only the intelligent banter but the concept that they lived in a (too) close-knit town.  Everyone would eat at the local Luke’s Diner, and then people could hang out on their front porches and say hello to those walking by.  But they sure had a lot of gossip.  (And, as Phoebe said, when Dean made love to Rory, we were shocked.  So much for a clean series.)  I absolutely adored the neighborhood playground my brother and I frequented as children.  Okay, so maybe this concept is now dangerous in this day and age.  Then you can have those “gated communities” that Jessica/Robert/Rosemery (and my brother) are in (compare with the med center condos that Alison/Wilson/Cindy live in).

MARRIAGE
Ephesians 5:22-33

I always say that I feel more comfortable around guys than girls (verus for Linton he says he grew up feeling more comfortable around girls than guys).  The past few weeks I wonder how I came to that conclusion, both mentally and subconsciously in how I act.  I mean, I hung out with both while in school (and senior year it was a table of all females during lunch, man I miss Arlene and oh, her birthday was this past Sunday), and at church it wasn’t like the guys in my class treated me better than the girls.  I would also say that I have more guy friends than girl friends, yet if I lost my guy friends I would be sad but not as devastated as if I were to lose a friendship with a girl. 

Chris Sun is a prime example.  In fact, I’m almost hesitant to call him a friend.  Is he more of a…frequent acquaintance?  Seriously, the only reason we hang out is through Linton (and satellite friends).  I have a [funny] birthday card that he gave me freshman year.  Little did I know then how rare that is.  Yet he’s probably going to be one of Linton’s groomsman, and I did invite him to my birthday dinner, I guess to even it out.  I also invited Nathan Kim, and we rarely talk.  In fact, we just see each other at football and usually don’t even exchange words.  But I know if I am in need of prayer or other help, he will respond, as he always emails back amidst his numerous activities.  And then there are Andrew, Nathan, and Inch.  Well, I haven’t been in contact with them for quite a long time now, but it’s okay.  I think I feel closer to them than the other people I’ve met from football simply because I met them through Vickie, and somehow that changed the dynamics in how I associate with them, like sending them Christmas cards.

Haha, remember when Tina Chen thought that David Kalloor and I were dating because he’d come over so often freshman year before either of us made many new friends?  It never occurred to me, and I never ever did/will have that thought concerning him.  Whereas with Siwei we, I have no idea how, hit it off right off the bat (where/when/who).  I could tell him everything that I tell my brother–that’s how close I felt with him.  But I barely met him.  At first I clung to thinking, “What does it mean to know my husband?” but like friendships, there are those you just click with and those you don’t.  So I’ve let go of that.  When I said no in Austin to a sweet guy who asked me out, he asked if it was because he didn’t believe in God.  “No, I’m just not attracted to you.”  Somehow, I didn’t feel it.  

Although, I think that has to do with our current culture.  If parents don’t approve of your choice nowadays, that’s usually overlooked instead of trying to reconcile.  In past customs (like the dowry) and in prevailing traditions (like the father “giving away” the daughter) though, it’s really a relationship between the two families, if not also between/within churches (The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony by Pamela Paul), dating with the approval of your community, who is in the place to help you weigh in the other factors of values and also keep you accountable.  That’s probably why Erwin and I are somewhat okay when thinking about arranged marriages.  I think the problem occurs when they make matches due to affluence and distinguishment, etc, as all humans end up messing up good systems.  My question to myself is, “If a guy I highly respect were to ask me but I just wasn’t feeling it, even after multiple extended rendezvous, would I accept?”  I think this is the wisdom I need to ask God about: the ability to discern whether an obstacle is the result of the need for discipline/perseverance (hurdle) or is the result of the need for a detour/fork (wall).  That’s what I’ve been trying to consider about waking up early, memorizing verses, personality in socializing, planning (using a planner works great for me, but Jennifer Lin says it doesn’t help her at all), kit with relatives, exercising, friendships as mentioned above, love languages….

PURPOSE
John 17:4

Last Wednesday, we met for FBCC Ladies’ Group.  The overall concensus was, we have no idea where we are headed and how our stories will end on earth and continue in heaven.  Many are figuring out whether to change to an entirely new area of study, or at least a new job within their current finished schooling.  The competition rises each year it seems among valedictorians/salutatorians, and I am amazed at just how ambitious and passionate they appear to be; you wonder if they will reach it, and if they will find satisfaction in reaching it.  As the dark clouds slowly dissipate, at times an epiphany or some clarity will shine through, but then it quickly disappears and I’m in a fog again, but still in a better state for seeing it.  I’m usually at peace when I think that I will be married while going about the house, how I’ve always vaguely but contentedly imagined it, helping supporting supplementing whatever he endeavors.  Despite that, Proverbs 31 had always bothered me, but even now the Proverbs 31 woman is now a celebration and challenge.  This always-wife desire and this in-the-Bible-but-doesn’t-seem-right disenchantment is finally coming together.  I guess I didn’t realize that it made me feel intimidated, incompetent, hopeless, exhausted (in my own power) like reading the goals of the graduates.  Instead, as God is making us perfect, as women He is making us her (His power with our participation), in our own unique ways. 

Of course, having “peace” doesn’t always mean I’m on the right track, but again you can’t discount it either.  I get restless when I think that I have been blessed beyond what I could’ve asked or imagined and with that comes the stewardship of making great strides for His kingdom (and thus even before believing but being raised in church, missions was always attractive to my naive eyes).  The thing is, ultimately we are to obey and glorify, NOT to change the world.  I think it is in this that I am transitioning from abstractness into something more pragmatic, as I am slowly lifted out and glean the gems that can only be understood from coming out of trip-ups, temptations, and trials.  I was all tangled up in my buzz words of community/friends/romance/vulnerability/missions/reconciliation/prayer, I’ve forgotten to “look up!”  I’ve been trying to figure out what God has given me a gift in, where God has placed my passions in, and how it could all work in this current culture, but conclusively regardless of techniques and training, the umph will be from God.  

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.  Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.  For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! (Philippians 3:7-16, Romans 11:36).

AMEN.

I caught the last 2 of 4 hours (see below) of Pangea Day (thanks, Hannah, for figuring out our time zone’s period: 1-5 pm).  Pangea Day is really a wish come true for founder Jehane Noujaim, who won the 2006 TED Award.  You can watch the rest on the site.

Segment 07:  Us/Them  (continuation)

• Film: Stille Post (Telephone Game), directed by Oliver Rauch.  Children pass a secret message along in a familiar childhood game — but their classmate doesn’t realize the message is at his expense.
• Film: Operation Homecoming: Road Work, directed by Richard E. Robbins.  “War is a passage — whether you live or you die.”
• Iranian underground indie rockers Hypernova jam out.
• Film: Sili (The Slap).  A soldier, a young woman, a colonel, and an old woman board a train. Nobody, save one of them, can explain what happens next.
• We Feel Fine, by Jonathan Harris.  The artist and computer scientist makes online art that captures the world’s expression – to show off a world that resonates with shared emotions, concerns, problems, triumphs, and troubles.  “Whether you’re a billionaire or a refugee, a prisoner or a president, you have feelings,” Harris says. And his website “harvests” feelings from the Web. A sample of how people are feeling right now: “I feel like a hack… I feel I could be doing more… I just want to feel alive for the first time in my life… I feel so much of my Dad in me–that there isn’t room for me.”
• Film: Meninos (Boys), directed by Ernesto Molinero.  Boys in a Brazilian school deal with the daily trials of childhood — and emerge better friends.

Segment 08: Fear

• What are your fears?
• Ishmael Beah.  A former child soldier speaks out on violence and healing.  A simple life was transformed by violence when Ishmael Beah was recruited, at age 13, to fight as a child soldier.
  “We have a repsonbility to expose ourselves to our world, to see our common humanity, tolearn about other people — not only in times of war, but in times of peace.”
• Film: Inja (Dog), directed by Steve Pasvolsky.  In South Africa, a long-brutalized dog comes between a white landowner and his young black farmhand.

Segment 09: Anger

• What makes you angry?
• Rwandan singer-songwriter Jean-Paul Samputu is a cultural ambassador — bringing traditional African singing, dancing and drumming, and a message of peace, hope and reconciliation, to the world.
• Eboo Patel on perceptions of race; overcoming bias, and stereotype.  William Stafford said, “If you don’t know the kind of person I am / and I don’t know the kind of person you are / a pattern that others made may prevail in the world.”  Patel says, “It’s time for a pattern of pluralism to prevail over the pattern of fear.”

Segment 10: Laughter

• What gives you joy and makes you laugh?
• Film: Laughter Club, by Neil Davenport.  People around the world are gathering in Laughter Clubs — to share one of the most profound human universals.
• A Global Laugh: Dr. Kataria leads the world in laughter, with actress Goldie Hawn.
• Soaring, heartfelt songs from Rokia Traore.  This Malian singer blends the traditions of her Bamana heritage with a modern singer-songwriter’s approach to music-making. Her smooth vocals mix with the soulful sounds of traditional instruments to create intoxicating music. 

Segment 11: Reconciliation

• Pangea Day founder Jehane Noujaim!
• H.M. Queen Noor of Jordan.  A message of unity; stories that span civilizations. 
• Film: Encounter Point, directed by Ronit Avni and Julia Bacha. 
• Bereaved Families Forum:  Robi Damelin and Ali Abu Awwad.  ““I lost my brother, I lived all my life in refugee camps, I gave up the vast majority of my dreams, but I have not lost my mind. The Jews are not my enemies. Your enemy is your fear.”
• Combatants for Peace, directed by Jehane Noujaim.  The film tells us stories of soldiers who gave up fighting when they realized they were fighting against civilians, and not against any kind of evil. Ex-combatants from both sides, Palestinians and Israelis, decided to fight for peace rather than fight for the cause of one of the sides. “We have to learn to use our pain for peace. We must put an end to this war. We have a partnership for peace. We need to live in peace.”
• Yonathan Shapira and Bassam Aramin take the stage in London — where, sadly, the words that Shapira had prepared for this day are overcome by tragic news.
• Music from Dave Stewart — with surprise guest Nadirah X.
• Karen Armstrong.  Live from London: a religious scholar with a message of tolerance and compassion.  This scholar and writer is a provocative, original thinker on the role of religion in the modern world.  She is leveraging her 2008 Ted Prize to build a Charter for Compassion, a UN-like forum where religious leaders can work together for peace.  “The human mission is to build a global community. All of us have to engage in it. We have to engage in the golden rule which applies to all religions….Every single one of the world’s major faiths believes that it is not sufficient to just extend your compassion to those in your own group; you must take it to out to others as well.”

Segment 12: Closing

• Film: L’Homme Sans Tete (The Man Without a Head), directed by Juan Solanas.  The man without a head will meet his true love tonight. For this occasion, he shall buy a head.
• Join the Global Drumbeat 

I was invited to lunch, which I thought would be a lot of people, but it turned out arriving at Yantze there was just Linton, Vickie, Chris, and Phoebe.  Which I like of course (since I prefer smaller groups).  As soon as I walked in Vickie exclaimed, “So cute!” LOL.  I had this half-length-tie-in-front purple clothing item that I had bought awhile back (maybe even a year ago?) but never wore in public (because it’s different for me) that I finally wore over a red tank top.  And I wore my plaid red cap.  Yeah, I look cute ;-P  I ate their leftovers (or rather, Phoebe’s leftovers, although I had eaten at home).  Linton went to take Phoebe back, so Chris went to Juicebox for a drink.  Vickie went there to change, and I ended up getting a parking space just as the two of them were finished.  Outside the place, Vickie bumped into Cindy? (from HCC?) so we said hello. 

Afterwards we went to play basketball (also with Linton and Laurie) at T. H. Rogers.  Vickie left for San Antonio, then Jeannette came.  I hear she’s a pretty good basketball player (on the team in middle school?), but she is also such a light-hearted person, playing around with me like sticking out her butt and waving like a maniac.  I can tell when everyone isn’t playing up to par around me (like the guys), but otherwise I’d be crushed, haha.  Linton had to leave around 5:30, so we ended then. 

I still went to football.  I pulled up just as Robert C got into his vehicle to leave.  I came up to Jesslyn and James talking.  I wasn’t sure if I was interrupting the couple, but I wasn’t about to go up to Nathan Kim and the other guys surrounding Wilson (they looked like a team going over plays).  I was lamenting on there not being any girls, but James pointed out that they were flying kites!  So I ran to join them.  The Hello Kitty one was a cinch to fly (but the winds were so strong to break off the string after awhile), but the butterfly wouldn’t go up at all.  James and Alison and I tried and tried and tried.  We thought maybe it was too heavy and took off some of the plastic rods.  We tried flying it upside down.  We tried all directions (the wind was flying all directions).  Finally we headed over the main field.  Lindi had bought a pack of bubbles, so we all took a bottle.  They were having trouble, but I just utilized the wind - ingenius ;-) hehe.  James ended up wrestling with Robert H, who ended up fixing our kite problem.  It was apparently assembled to in effect not utilize the wind (instead of buoying itself on the breeze).  Thanks!  Yay!

Afterwards, we headed to Boston Market for dinner again.  This time Alison, Lisa, Lindi, Robert, James, and I shared the chicken group combo deal.  The sides we chose were garlic mashed potatoes, vegetable casserole, greens in cream, cream corn, and other creamed items.  Discussion involved guys needing to take leadership, how us females need to respond (in one case you don’t want to say anything to the guy because then the guy will be nagged on and feel they have not made the decision even if the best gentlest encouragement was given), if we females need to wait/pray it out, etc.  And sometimes, James admitted, he just doesn’t want to do something so he should just say he doesn’t want to do it instead of giving excuses of too busy and things like that because at the end of the day it’s, he could’ve made time to do it if he really really wanted to.

Later, I joined the others at Robert C’s house.  There was already a group there playing poker.  Katie Chong was there reading/studying the lecture video on her laptop while playing.  Andrew, Wilson, and Chris Lu (who asked me to leave the door open as I was leaving because it was cool outside/hot inside) were also there.  Robert H came because he wanted to play Nertz (and Jeff Tang had expressed interest, because he was simply watching them play - since they were really betting, even if the money was nominal).  But first, we were like, where did James go?  So Robert and I headed upstairs into his room.  I said, “Let’s sing!” and I didn’t realize it but Robert sort of teased/imitated my hand gestures and then gave this “Um, ookay” face about my suggestion.  But the three of us really did end up singing the songs we sing in church while James played his keyboard.  At one point I thought, oh wait, is Robert C sleeping?  But James said that Robert has told him in the past that he doesn’t hear anything since right behind the wall is the bathroom and not the bed.  At times Robert Hwang and I would switch voices (I would sing low and he would sing high).  David Zhao came up to take a shower, and he commented that he thought there were more girls besides me, haha!  Katie asked if I could take her home, which I obliged, but then she changed her mind for some reason.  She was all sunburned because she hates the texture of sunscreen (reminds me of Nathan Kim).  We were all like, well, better than getting…skin cancer? 

I stumbled upon some soul music today:

“Feeling Good”
presentation by TamaraConnolly  |  professor was Gail Anderson
music video done for a motion graphics class in the SVA MFA Design program using just type/typographic elements in b&w

and “Ain’t Got No”/”I Got Life”

Ain’t got no home, ain’t got no shoes
Ain’t got no money, ain’t got no class
Ain’t got no skirts, ain’t got no sweater
Ain’t got no perfume, ain’t got no beer
Ain’t got no man

Ain’t got no mother, ain’t got no culture
Ain’t got no friends, ain’t got no schooling
Ain’t got no love, ain’t got no name
Ain’t got no ticket, ain’t got no token
Ain’t got no God

What about God?
Why am I alive anyway?
Yeah, what about God?
Nobody can take away

I got my hair, I got my head
I got my brains, I got my ears
I got my eyes, I got my nose
I got my mouth, I got my smile
I got my tongue, I got my chin
I got my neck, I got my boobs

I got my heart, I got my soul
I got my back, I got my sex
I got my arms, I got my hands
I got my fingers, Got my legs
I got my feet, I got my toes
I got my liver, Got my blood

I’ve got life , I’ve got my freedom
I’ve got the life

And I’m gonna keep it
I’ve got the life
And nobody’s gonna take it away
I’ve got the life

The goal for FBCC is to have a Ladies’ Night Out about twice a month, so tonight we went to Sugar Creek Baptist Church just around the corner from my parents’ house and attended their Ladies’ Night Out.  Tickets were $10 ($15 at the door) to have Lisa Pierre lead worship and Angela Thomas speak.  First, Angela promoted World Vision and Destiny and her mom promoted the Women’s Pregnancy Center (she’s 22 - wow I Timothy 4:12).  After we sang songs like “Your Name”, Lisa performed “Sólo El Amor” (by Miguel Guerra) and “The Prayer” (by Céline Dion and Andrea Bocelli) with Julio (he appeared to be a Hispanic with an accent) as Nancy Curtis provided the piano accompaniment.  Talk about live performance; it was amazing.  Also, I’m much more used to testosterone, but it was really nice to be in a roomful of estrogen.  I think the last time I was in such a big room of women was at Power of Porn at DWC.  Finally, Angela spoke, with a twangy accent (born in NC, now reside in TN).  Her story didn’t jive with me, but she was LOL hilarious.  And I don’t doubt that she spoke deep into the hearts of many other women in the auditorium.

She’s only been back to the States for a week from Paris.  Now, she says we all probably think of Paris as romantic, breezy, and enchanting.  So did she.  But, it was winter.  She chaperoned 32 children with a teacher from the Christian Academy.  They had to hike in the blizzard, stay in a crossdressing hostel, and then miss out on the Louvre.  Lastly, they visited the Eiffel Tower the day people died on the streets due to the storm.  It was anything but poetic.  Then she transitioned to what we dream of our own lives, and how when it finally gets there it could practically be the opposite.  As a child, she had bottle-cap glasses, barrettes, railroad-track braces, and a propensity to be the golden retriever friend.  Then, to make matters worse, seven years ago her marriage ended in divorce, leaving her to raise their four children alone.  As she wept in a fetal position, she asked, “O God, do you think I’m beautiful?”  In time, the answer came. “Yes, I love you. Yes, you have a purpose.”  She recalls how her journey to that first began, in high school, when they had an after-school casual dance, and Cary Gibson, a guy from another school, asked her to dance.  She enjoyed herself, but when the song ended, she thought that in fact he was doing this on a bet so she left him off the hook and said sayonara.  He instead called after her, “Hey, do you still want to dance?”  Yes.  So she danced the night away with the hottest guy in the room (until her mom picked her up).  “God is also calling you across the dance floor.  He sees you.  The King is enthralled by your beauty (Psalm 45:11).  You are not one of the other girls in the kingdom; you are Cinderella.  And nothing in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:37-38).”  Amen.

http://www.sugarcreek.net/
http://lisapierre.blogspot.com/
http://www.angelathomas.com/
http://www.worldvision.org/
http://www.wpchouston.com/
http://www.lyrx.info/lyrics/Paul+Baloche/Your+Name
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4H5mqyQaxw - Sólo El Amor
http://artists.letssingit.com/sandi-patti-lyrics-solo-el-amor-mvnfzl1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmscFwj22vg - The Prayer
http://www.xanga.com/prayriefayrie/9653837/item.html - porn