Category Archive

In the midst of writing this book, there have been times when I have found myself believing and acting on some of the very lies I was addressing:  “I don’t have time to do everything!” “I can afford to shortcut my time with the Lord this morning” “I’m acting this way because I’m so tired” “I can’t take any more!”  But the longer I walk with God, the more I am in awe of the power of the Truth!  We have already looked at many lies and the corresponding Truth.  In this final chapter, i want to highlight 22 that I believe are particularly crucial.  Rather than skimming, take time to savor these.  You may want to memorize this list, along with the key Scriptures that correspond to each Truth.  Anytime you realize you are believing lies, go back and review this list.

1.  God is good (Psalms 119:68, 136:1).  Regardless of waht we feel, regardless of what we think, God is good, and everythign He does is good.

2.  God loves me and wants me to have His best (Romans 8:32, 38-39).  There is absolutely nothing we can do to earn or deserve His love.  We cannot comprehend such unconditional love; but if we believe it and receive it, His love will transform our lives. 

3.  I am complete and accepted in Christ (Ephesians 1:4-6).  We don’t have to perform to be made acceptable to Him.  Yet we–fallen, condemned, unworthy sinners–can stand before God clean and unashamed, acceptable in His sight.  How?  Because Jesus–the pure, sinless Son of god–is acceptable to Him, and we stand in Him.

4.  God is enough (Psalm 23:1).

5.  God can be trusted (Isaiah 28:16, Hebrews 13:5).  “God has never once let me down–and He’s not goign to start now!”  I am free from the need to figure out this world and my place in it. 

6.  God doesn’t make any mistakes (Isaiah 46:10).  God is always fulfilling His eternal purposes, and they cannot be thwarted by any human failure.  If we are in Christ, our lives are in His hand, and nothing can touch our lives that has not first been “filtered through His fingers of love.”  Even when Job was suffering, God was still in control.  Satan had to get permission from God to touch His servant.  “God’s will is exactly what we would choose, if we knew what God knows.  When we stand in eternity looking back on this earthly existence, we will know by sight what we can only see now by faith: He has done all things well.

7.  God’s grace is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

8.  The blood of Christ is sufficient to cover all my sin (1 John 1:7).  The psalmist understood both the enormity of his sin and the even greater enormity of God’s mercy toward repentant sinners (Psalm 130:3-4).

9.  The Cross of Christ is sufficient to conquer my sinful flesh (Romans 6:6-7).  When I sin, it is not because I couldn’t help myself; it is because I chose to yield to my old master.  I don’t have to sin (Romans 6:14).

10.  My past does not have to plague me (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).  Paul reminds a group of believers that sin does separate from God; then he assures them that through Christ, the worst of sinners can be made clean and new.  Our past does not have to be hindrances.  By God’s grace, they can actually be stepping-stones to greater victory.

11.  God’s Word is sufficient to lead me, teach me, and heal me (Psalms 19:7, 107:20, 119:105).

12.  Through the power of His Holy Spirit, God will enable me to do anything He commands me to do (1 Thessalonians 5:24, Philippians 2:13).  There is no one we cannot forgive (Mark 11:25), there is no one we cannot love (Matthew 5:44), we can give thanks in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:18), and we can be content in every circumstance (Hebrews 13:5).  The issue is not that we can’t obey God; the real issue is that we won’t forgive, we are unwilling to love, and we refuse to give thanks.  Obedience is a choice made in dependence on God.

13.  I am responsible before God for my behavior, responses, and choices (Ezekiel 18:19-22).  I am not responsible for the actions of others, but I am responsible for how I respond.

14.  I will reap whatever I sow (Galatians 6:7-8). 

15.  The pathway to true joy is to relinguish control (Matthew 16:25, Luke 1:38, 1 Peter 5:7).  We have a drive to control.  Why is it so hard to let God be God?

16.  The greatest freedom I can experience is found through submission to God-ordained authority (Ephesians 5:21).  When we do so, we are granted God’s protective covering, we release Him to workin the lives of those in authority over us, we reveal to the world the beauty of God’s created order, and we proclaim His right to rule over the universe.

17.  In the will of God, there is no higher, holier calling than to be a wife and mother (Titus 2:4-5).  True fulfillment are found through discovering why God made us and then embracing that created purpose and design.  God designed the woman to be a helper to her husband and a bearer and nurturer of life.  Marriage and motherhood are God’s norm for most women.  God’s calling for the married woman centers on her roles in the home (Titus 2:4-5).  A job outside the home may offer greater affirmation and produce more visible and immediate results.  But to make a home, to be united with a man in glorifying Godon this earth, to nurture and tend the lives of children and grandchildren, to train and mold the next generation–there is no higher calling and no greater joy.

18.  Personal holiness is more important than temporal happiness (Ephesians 5:26-27).  Happiness here and now is not the highest good, nor is it a right (Titus 2:14).

19.  God is more concerned about changing me and glorifying Himself than about solving my problems (Romans 8:29).  If we do not recognize and embrace God’s purposes and process in our lives, we will become obsessed with finding a way out of our problems.  We will become despondent and angry when God does not “cooperate” with our agenda.  Everything that matters to us must be subordinate to what matters most to Him.  What matters most to Him is that every created being reflect His glory.

20.  It is impossible to be godly without suffering (1 Peter 5:10).  It is an essential tool in the hand of God to conform us to the image of Jesus.  In the process of making wine in Jeremiah’s day, the juice from the grapes was poured into a wineskin and left to sit for weeks, until the bitter dregs or sediment settled onto the bottom.  Then it was poured into another wineskin so more dregs could be separated, repeatedly, until the wine was pure and sweet.  The nation of Moab had a history of ease and comfort; she had not been through the purifying process of being “poured” from suffering to suffering.  As a result, the thick, bitter dregs of her sin remained in her–she was “unchanged” (Jeremiah 48:11).  Suffering is God’s means of pouring us from one jar to another–of unsettling us–so the dregs of self and sin can be separated out, until the pure, sweet wine of His Spirit is all that remains. 

21.  My suffering will not last forever (2 Corinthians 4:17-18).  All suffering is purposeful and intentional.  God has a specific objective in mind for our suffering.  God has promised tha tone day “there will be no more death” (Revelation 21:4).  So, dear child of God, when your eyes are filled with tears and there seems to be no hope, take courage.  Your faith will be rewarded with the sight of the One who has promised to be with you to the end.

22.  It’s not about me; it’s all about Him (Colossians 1:16-18, Revelation 4:11)!  Once we agree with God that we exist for His pleasure and His glory, we can accept whatever comes into our lives as part of His sovereign will and purpose.

This past Sunday, Jacky called me to see if anyone was playing football because Sam Tarng (”newcomer to WHCC”) wanted to check it out. So I called Wilson, and then called Timmy Yip. Timmy twisted his ankle in April so he said he’d probably won’t be available until late July. He told me next time try to catch Wilson around noon since that’s probably when they decide about the afternoon. who told me when/where and to contact Tiffany or David Zhao. Jacky called again to say that Sam was there but didn’t see anyone. Ah well, I guess I’m going then (maybe it’s because he doesn’t recognize anyone–haha, yeah right, I forgot how talkative Sam is). They all teased me when I arrived: “Where were you?” “We were waiting!” “Hurry up!” It was three on three: George Yang, Sam, and me, against Nathan Kim, Tiffany, and David.

When it comes to football, there are times when I really don’t know what to make of comments. Our team won, and Tiffany said that I must’ve secretly trained while I was out (e.g. not playing in the league). Did I really play that well? Then I sure surprised myself, because I definitely sat on my butt and not exercised, haha.

George is so flirty. During the game, he kept encouraging me (well, we were on the same team, but words they weren’t just “good going” or “you can do it” type ones, if you get my drift). Sometimes he’d burst into this all hyped-up mode and start yelling from his gut lol. When I first arrived on the scene, he asked if we had met before, and I said, “I’m 13.” When there was still no light bulb, I said that I was #13 on his brother James’ team on the Titans the season before the one that just ended. Then he realized I cut my hair and remembered. It was because back then, when James was trying to get his brother to play with us, he’d show up a bit during practices and on game day he’d call me “13″ and sometimes initiate a fist bump. So he did that again this afternoon. Afterwards, he realized he had a mosquito bite and showed it to me and talked about how it wasn’t cool because a bite on the knuckle is especially aggravating. Anyway, he’s flirty but it’s not just to me; I think it’s just how he is. I have to admit that it’s fun, even if a little awkward, for me anyway. Most people know all these sorts of teasing, etc, usually offend me or go over my head. Hannah, Phoebe, and Vickie innately respond to me and thus haven’t really done that with me. But yeah, it’s a fun thing, from a young ‘un, too.

When they left, I called Vickie back. We talked for a bit, and then I drove to the closest grocery store and bought bread and Spam, haha! I was hungry but didn’t want to leave the park, so that’s what I ate for “dinner” while I read in the car and on the bench until 8:30 pm.  While I was eating the spam, I thought of how easy it is to get fat when you’re poor.  I bought it because it was cheap, and although in the long run the cost would be more expensive (a decaying body compounded with large medical bills), when you’re desperately low in dollars at the moment and hungry, you’re going to spend it on this cheap junk.  And thus that is probably why in the United States a lot of those living in poverty also have obesity issues (whereas in third-world countries they can’t even get their hands on even edible food, let alone junk food).

Tonight, Diana invited Hannah and me to a 6-pm dinner at Ruggles. It was quite a time, for we talked until past 9 o’clock (Diana even missed her friend’s birthday party). Obviously I can’t reveal the details of our conversations, but topics covered included parents being “madly in love”, arranged marriage, Korean royalty, boys, how our parents met and fell in love and married, ambitious for ourselves but maybe not pushing others, being mothers, being wives, responding to a significant other (being passive with an aggressive one, or controlling with a passive one), the time when we felt we were really growing up and losing a part of our childhood innocence, past boy stories (eg. cheating), Asian fetishes, how we grew up in church, our current church situations, the importance of a community to let us know when we’re in a bad relationship….

And what would Satan do?  And what would Linton do (sometimes)? LOL.  I finished reading Evangelism For the Rest of Us: Sharing Christ Within Your Personality Style by Mike Bechtle that I started reading at Chris Sun’s apartment’s common area (yesterday I ate dinner wtih James, Jonathan, and Linton at Yantze.  They bought some alcohol from Kroger next to Tapioca Express then played pool with Braden and Chris.  James watched cable, Linton downloaded antispyware, and Jonathan looked at the Vegas wedding pictures.  Jonathan won and then Chris won their 3:3 “cutthroat” games).  It was one of those books that I bought in a frenzy after quitting counseling, trying to find anything related to personality/temperament/type and hopefully spirituality/Jesus/God along with it.  Curiously, I only found a few books so I ordered and bought them all.  Now, searching again, there has now turned up twenty-some extra books.  I don’t know how I searched before and missed them and how this time it’s different, but I certainly can’t order and buy all of them….

I could summarize the book here for you, since I enjoyed it and found renewed enlightenment and encouragement for sharing God with others.  But I usually do that when I don’t plan on keeping the book.  The author just expresses how he transitioned from loving to guilt in witnessing, how before it was like a doctor prescribing without examining, more focused on his solution than your illness.  He says probably most methods we were taught were more ideal for extroverts (solar panels) than introverts (rechargeable batteries), and like guys and girls, may never really quite get the other side (although of course we’re not either extreme, and we still try to understand).  He dismantles 7 myths (e.g. “you shall be my witnesses is a command”) with the truths (e.g. “it’s a description of fact, whether we feel qualified or not”).  The chapter that really helped me was when he told us the function (what needs to be done) is spreading the Gospel but the form (how the function is carried out) is to be tailored to how you were made and where the person is spiritually.  We’re to be salt, light, and seed to the world (all centered on influence rather than control or coercion), helping others move a notch or two along in their spiritual journey (for nonChristians, toward finding God; for Christians, toward maturing).

For the past couple of years everything seemed to be slowly falling apart, but now they’re building back up.  I’ll just quote from Real Life Preacher, a pastor in San Antonio:

Always there will be breaking and disillusionment. Always I will be building, and never will I achieve understanding…Tomorrow I will tell you the story of a time when I was terribly disillusioned…I will tell you this story because on the spiritual journey, disillusionment is as important as enlightenment (”The Disillusionment Chronicles“).

This past Wednesday James called for dinner and I joined them after FBCC Ladies night (we discussed Chapter 6).  I was expecting only guys as usual, but found to my pleasant surprise that Phoebe, Hannah, and even Diana were there!  Jonathan, Linton, and Peter were there as well.  And I met Sam Tarng, who is currently living where Jing used to live and used to know the twins when they were still in Lubbuck.  He grew up in Plano, TX.  He’s interning here (businnes, accounting..?) for three? months.  Cafe 101 had a drink/appetizer special for $5, so Hannah simply added an appetizer to her drink order. 

Today/Saturday, after going to the library, I came back home to eat lunch (my parents had left to visit Mom’s mom).  Then I drove over to Pastor Dick and Carolyn’s house that they’re renting to help them move.  Daniel and Jeffy were already there, loading up the van to go over to the house the Lee family had bought.  Jamie and Andrew were already there as well, boxing and wrapping dishes.  I helped with the less delicate kitchenware (ie. tupperware).  Then I got the job of emptying the pantry.  We ate leftover vanilla and chocolate cupcakes from “the Quad” from this morning (I’ve no idea what they were talking about).  We snacked on garlic green beans (tasty).  Janet and BJ showed up later, as did Joe.  At the end, we all loaded up our cars and headed to the house to check it out.  It’s 25 years old (the kids will eventually go to Clements High School) but it was nicely revamped recently (the paint was white, with well-done wallpaper for each room, nice kitchen, outside gas line for grilling, large backyard for a pool/gardening/play–Daniel was envious lol).  They were talking about going to the Kee couple’s in Pearland at 4:30 (I guess they didn’t have a full list of the fellowship so I didn’t know about it, but I was too tired anyway to drive to Pearland).

Instead, Linton called at 5:30 to eat dinner at Black Walnut Cafe in Sugar Land with Hannah, Phoebe, Jennifer Yu, Matt Lee, Joanna Yu, and Jennifer Lin.  I went to his house, where we carpooled to pick up Phoebe.  The three of us went to Walnut, where Hannah and Jennifer Lin were waiting.  We got our tables connected then ordered.  I gave Jennifer Yu a couple of birthday envelopes; she gave Hannah some of her wedding invitations to pass out.  I ate at 4pm so wasn’t that hungry.  Joanna listened intently as Phoebe explained social work, which is changing the environment to help people (probably butchered it, sorry!).  It’s really broad, and people can work in both direct and “indirect” services.  Joanna was also thinking of (she currently has a management degree from UT Austin) public affairs.  It’s just that when she initially got her current job she was amazed at how she could be paid for doing what she was doing, yet also helping out with a respected organization.  But now, she is bored out of her mind only working one hour a day.  She spends the rest of the time watching TV and movies on her computer.  Joanna also told Linton about her three-year relationship with Mark.  We stopped by Barnes and Noble then headed to Linton’s house (the Yu sisters and Matt left for a potluck at his church).

James, Sam, and Chris joined us at Linton’s house.  We hung around deciding what to do: Rock Band (Chris already left his apartment and it would’ve been a hassle anyway), a movie, board games….  Sam performed some magic card tricks (the magnet to red/black, slapping with one card remaining, etc).  He learned and perfected them before he went to Mexico on a mission trip.  Phoebe also played “This is the game of snaps” with Hannah and Linton as the guessers (the rest of us observed in curiosity and amazement).  Phoebe was craving a float, and Jennifer Lin was craving cookies, so we went to HEB to buy alcohol, cookies, ice cream, and soda.  We gathered around the table.  Sam and Chris apparently lived pretty close to each other back in Plano and also knew quite a number of the same people (Chris used to go to ACPC?).  They both complained of Houston not having a zoning ordinance, so that commercial buildings are built right next to apartments and houses, which are right next to dilapidated rundowns.  Chris is quite bothered with people asking him for money on the streets.  I found it interesting that the conversation was mostly carried on by the guys (especially Sam) while the girls sat quietly nearby. 

It was quite difficult because I always stay until the very end.  But I had told God I was going to put forth more effort and that I desired to be back on track and all, and that of course definitely included my parents.  ”Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is the first commandment with a promise.”  I had told my mom that I would be home around twelve.  Plus, I wanted it for myself, to sleep on a regular pattern.  I knew that either I was sacrificing time with my friends, or sacrificing again some part of my relationship with my parents and indefinitely with God.  I had to make my choice, so I finally left when the clock hit 12 midnight.  I felt quite uneasy, but I knew it was the right decision.  In fact, I think next time it will be a little easier to choose the better over the good:

• Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—”that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1-2).
• “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12).
• “Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you” (Deuteronomy 5:16).

Not the television series season finale tonight.  That’s just how I describe how I’ve been feeling for quite some time.  And that’s what I’ve been telling people.  Like I wrote in an email three weeks ago when asked for a prayer request:  “On a personal note, I still feel lost, but it’s not this big suffocating weight and desperation, and I don’t really think it’s a bad thing either.  Still, I think what was said at Bible study was right on target, I really don’t even know what to specify except that I really haven’t touched that Bible in forever.  I used to read it every day.  So that is a step.  But just everything is on my mind really, like counseling and church and career and stuff….”  Before, it was this feeling of desolation that would be the catalyst of a stampede of thoughts that no one cares (e.g. second-guessing my friends and family, perceiving past gatherings from under the shadow of a dark cloak).  Just as Phoebe knows her fear of the stage is irrational, I know these thoughts are irrational, but it still doesn’t much help with untangling that knot during the deer-in-headlights moment.  Depression is irrational!  Or is it?  I remember Hannah made a comment after watching Lifting the Veil, saying she somewhat believes that some who have depression are more in tune with reality than us “normal” people because we “ignore” the atrocities and stick with an “illusion” of rosiness in order to not go “crazy.”

“Keep Breathing”
by Ingrid Michaelson

The storm is coming but I don’t mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that i know is I’m breathing now.

I want to change the world…instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I’m breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that I know is I’m breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

Anyway, I guess this is as good a time as any to at least sort a smidgen in my mind/heart/spirit:

COMMUNITY
Genesis 35:11

Last Thursday I drove my parents to Austin to pay a last visit before my brother left for one week (to visit his former roommate), to give him his luggage (so he can pack), and to clean out his fridge (because he can leave food on the stove and not ever eat or clean it out).  My brother and I are very close.  We grew up with the same parents and familial history, in the same household, went to the same school for awhile, even were in the exact class and period for a class or two in high school (personal tutor, baby!).  We initially hung out with the majority of the same acquaintances (and lack thereof) and shared in the same struggles regarding church and friends and connectedness that we still discuss to this day, many times while in his room chatting up to the wee hours of the night/morn and our parents would come and say time to go to bed!  We are considerably different when you meet us, no doubt, as I am more like our mother and he is more like our father.  And in fact since high school we have led very different lives and rarely hang out or even talk with the same people, friends, or each other.  Nonetheless, during those occasional phone calls, I would say that I still feel close and  would still reveal much embarrassing/humbling/shameful things to him.

By the way, he had moved into a new apartment (from the urgings of his currently ex-girlfriend) and bought some furniture.  Where did they come from?  The famous Craigslist.  I have never been to the site, but many many people have made references to it.  From my understanding, it’s a virtual (that sometimes eventually leads to a physical) place where people can sell and exchange practically anything, from sofas and endtables to jobs, pets, and discussions.  It reminds me of Facebook and Myspace, two sites which Jennifer Garcia is part of and asked me if I was as well (I’m not, and actually most people in FBCC don’t have Facebook).  I’m not part of Craigslist, either, but is it something to BE a part of?  But those in Facebook and Myspace are still part of that network since they are still signed up in it, right?  Am I still part of Xanga if I decide I won’t write in it anymore (no activity), even if I have two blogs hosted on it?  You used to need an account to leave a comment, but now you don’t.  Do those who have never signed up part of Xanga if they leave a million comments on others’ Xanga blogs?  What does it mean to be part of a community?  What does it mean to be part of a church, and to be part of His Church?

FELLOWSHIP
Acts 2:42-47

I have been faithfully attending church services on Sundays since childhood.  But this past January, since I’ve always hated it (since middle school and El Paso, and even in Austin), I made a conscious decision to just stop going.  I made no effort to wake up earlier than usual, and even if I did, I didn’t even consider the possibility of perhaps attending.  Not until I figure out which church to attend regularly (do I want to stick with FBCC with its new chapter?), why I feel the way I do about it (is it the environment, the specific social situation?), and my reasons for going.  Three Sundays ago, I told Tiffany that though I haven’t really been communing with God lately, and though I have never ever exactly lauded FBCC, I have come to the conclusion to return to FBCC.  Now I have to dissect what that entails.

Regardless of its vagueness, it was a difficult decision.  Vickie is in San Antonio, so that’s why she says she continues to attend WHCC (her default).  However, she says that when she returns to a more permanent stay in Houston, she’ll move to Access, which is where Phoebe and Linton are fellowshiping now.  Access is starting out as a small but highly committed group.  When it grows in size, how will it look like?  Are people still going to connect?  To start off last fall, Pastor Ted asked his congregants to read The Celtic Way of Evangelism: How Christianity Can Reach the West…Again by George G. Hurton III.  In it, the key to evangelism is through understanding and living as a fellowship among the people, and in time they will open their hearts to the God who knows them.  The old Roman way was for people to believe before they can belong, while the new Celtic way is for you to belong and eventually believe.  In other words, the community and not an individual brings you to Christ.  In many ways, it’s easier to tell someone the Gospel than it is to take someone where s/he consistently experiences the Gospel.

How do we belong?  I sure feel like I belong to WHCC and HCC more than FBCC.  I know I am at fault for not terribly trying much, but even though I don’t really try, I get invited to their birthday parties, their holiday celebrations, and their event gatherings.  They even apologize profusely for forgetting to add me onto their list and making sure I am included next time.  On the flip side, I try the hardest with FBCC (but not my hardest in general) by calling and emailing them to contact me to hang out, and instead I’ve come to expect voicemail and oh yeah, this is what we’re doing right now, if you want to come.  Is it because at least one or two people keep track of me at WHCC and HCC, but no one does here at FBCC?  That could make all the difference.  Or is it that I expect more (and keep a record of wrongs?) because I have decided to be included at FBCC but I am nonchalant with whether I am invited to WHCC or HCC?  I remember back in January there was a slew of WHCC birthdays, and then in February there was a slew of FBCC birthdays.  Somehow, I ended up going to the WHCC ones but not the FBCC ones as much; I don’t remember now, but at the time was it due to scheduling conflicts or did I finally decide to attend the WHCC ones because I was more comfortable with them?  What does it mean to expect the worse but hope for the best?  How do you have high expectations but….? 

When I entered college, I checked out a handful of Christian gatherings.  I joined a small group that was part of the then-called Chinese Bible Study because it was the thing to do and everyone kept emphasizing them.  Our group fell apart,one by one, until it was just the Bible study leader, me, and this girl who was highly committed and hadn’t yet accepted Jesus.  I felt sorry, but that wasn’t going to cut it, so I left highly disappointed and joined CCC.  Later, I learned that one of the girls who wasn’t that much of a believer became good friends with Kara and eventually made an amazing transformation through His grace.  The thing is, though you can encourage group ownership, it sure can’t be forced.  Anyone knows nagging doesn’t work, although we find ourselves doing it.  Haven’t you noticed with some you just click instantly and with others you don’t?  Some people find you dull, while others find you exciting, or at least around them somehow you light up.  Even if you give all the time you can, with all the sincerity and effort, with both of you seeking, even if you lived near each other.  Reminds me of that girl from Chicago: we had an affinity towards each other so we’d decide to meet up and all, but anyone can tell from our conversations that somehow we just weren’t clicking.  Eventually we both decided without words to call it off.  She was a smart and pretty girl; I wonder where she is now after UT Austin pre-pharm classes.

Maybe we’re defining incorrectly.  Back in high school, I was elected to be the Science Club president, with a new teacher sponsor.  It bothered me that our definition of a member was someone who paid the fee.  There were those who were super dedicated, coming and helping at every single event, while others never showed up but they did pay the money.  I didn’t enjoy being president, so for me to keep everything running was as good as it was going to get, not trying to change their pre-existing system.  Magnificat has an application process but afterwards you’re in for life.  Even with years of hiatus you are always wlecome to come back and use the resources.  I met Annie Shen at an HCC gathering, and she says she hangs out with HCC, serves in her home Asian church, and then attends a more American (or African-American?) church on Sunday mornings.  Seems fragmented and yet, is that something I want to imitate?  In a way, her method demonstrates that we together are the Bride of Christ.  Vickie’s always running around hanging out with all these groups because we are all interconnected (actually, if left to my own devices, I really don’t care to make new friends). 

Indeed, it is impossible to know everyone, even within a single church building (”Abandon Committees, Skip Teams, and Embrace Communities” by George Bullard), so is there significance in “choosing” a church?  Are we to attend, serve, and gather within one?  What does the modern-day “fellowship of the believers” look like?  I think my problem would be choosing, because many times events have been booked for the same weekend.  Do I even it out?  Or instead, focus?  Still, I remember in the past when someone at FBCC needed a bone marrow transplant due to leukemia; the whole church gathered together.  We have also drawn together to fundraise for missions we support.  And the Chinese churches have gathered together for events as well (although it appears that FBCC does that less than the others).  Our mechanic, dentist, realtor, and family physician all were borne from the network of these Chinese churches.  It’s like “The New Science of Networks” by Albert-Laszlo Barabasi (who wrote it after reading “The Strength of Weak Ties“ by Mark S. Granovetter).

Still, when I went to RecWeek it was a big deal since I didn’t commit myself to InterVarsity but to CCC:EPIC (who has their own similar conference: DWC)–the IV leader went to the CCC leader to make sure they knew about me and it was okay with them!  Actually, it is the close relationships I formed in EPIC, not IV, that continue to live on.  I’ve still visited Josh, sent a card to Jonathan Le, had a few meals with prayers and talks of our spiritual struggles with Marie when she stops in town, and exchanged sparse emails with Iris.  Which reminds me: before the birth of EPIC, Alice and I were part of a CCC cell group.  The concept is that, as it grew, it would split and thus multiply.  We had to decide who we wanted to go with: Ophelia or Kristen.  I couldn’t decide at all.  Eventually, on the Jester steps, Iris poured out her heart and tears and basically begged me to be part of the one she had chosen.  I don’t remember if I had chosen one yet at this point, or if I ended up choosing the one that she asked me to be a part of, but I just remember this particular heart-wrenching moment.  I’ve never felt so loved and accepted.  And then, even leaving a comment on a random Xanga where they just started their own EPIC, I never would have imagined that eventually she would pray for my sins, and then point me (with Rudi) to spent one night of our two-week road trip at a stranger’s apartment.  Not only did this sister in Christ open her place for us and provide hospitality, she also prayed for and over us.

FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS
Luke 15:1-7

Perhaps Josh had a better glimpse of how this all operates when he wrote his journal entry on seasonal friendships.  On the snowboarding trip, not only did I reinforce previous friendships but also forged new ones.  Liz prayed for me when she didn’t even know me, only because she knew I needed the spiritual support.  Now we still exchange postcards and emails.  I haven’t spoken to Ruth since I’ve moved back from El Paso; she was a wonderful roommate.  During the student orientation at UT Austin, somehow I ended up hanging with a Hispanic girl and an African-American guy.  I remember the incident when we were eating some free food in a large banquet hall, and he said that he really stood out.  “Because we’re under the skylight?”  “No, because I’m the only black person in this room.”  It was really nice to not be alone and to share the experience with others in the same boat.  I remember her waving at me later, and he visited my dorm freshman year, but now I don’t even remember his or her names (or faces….).  When we graduated, Sapna gave me an old photograph of when the three of us (including Reena) were in second grade? and I had played this detective game with them by planting clues: ”It takes a long time to grow an old friend.”  Back in high school, Carla Ortiz gave me this:  “Thanks for being my friend & for being the caring person that you are to me.  Your the GREATEST friend.  Happy B-day to a friend that means ALOT to me.”  I remember thinking, this is so out of nowhere!  I don’t recall any conversations we’ve had in the past, and ever since I have not a clue what’s going on with her.  She says I’m such a great friend to her, but how?  I know many times I’m nice to those I really would prefer never to hang out with again, but with her it wasn’t even that….

I remember back in Austin, Timmy Chui wrote about The Atomic Tiers of Friendship haha; wonder where he got his ideas.  Phoebe and Hannah have been gone for a week in Hong Kong and will be gone for another week.  I have been contemplating our relationships since I’ve been back at my parents’ place for the time being.  Phoebe and I grew close first semester of freshman year and then agreed to an accountability relationship thereafter until I moved to El Paso.  Hannah and I gelled a connection after her 22nd birthday while exchanging deep, dark, familiar yet unsimilar, privacies.  We’ve hung out I think usually once a week together on the weekends, but of course it’s not like before.  I think other acquaintances (not “friends”) know more about them than I do at this point.  I’m not exactly pining for the days gone by but rather how to take those spontaneous moments along into the future, how to cultivate the environment for our older selves in new stages, for the sake of the gospel, for our children.

I mentioned that we should be neighbors so our kids can play together.  Linton said, “But you don’t even have a boyfriend!.”  Indeed, I’m not even close to marrying, let alone having children.  I never really got to know my neighbors, but it turns out that I know a little more (thanks to my dad) than Phoebe and Hannah do about theirs (they say they’re new).  Linton has to feed their dog Missy, but it seems that in the past (or at least in media), the neighbor usually handles that role.  As I drive towards Dulles Avenue, I always pass a driveway packed with boys who have grown tall and lanky!  I don’t know who lives there, but I’ve seen African-American guys, Asian-American guys, and white guys all playing basketball together.  When Gilmore Girls first came out, what drew me was not only the intelligent banter but the concept that they lived in a (too) close-knit town.  Everyone would eat at the local Luke’s Diner, and then people could hang out on their front porches and say hello to those walking by.  But they sure had a lot of gossip.  (And, as Phoebe said, when Dean made love to Rory, we were shocked.  So much for a clean series.)  I absolutely adored the neighborhood playground my brother and I frequented as children.  Okay, so maybe this concept is now dangerous in this day and age.  Then you can have those “gated communities” that Jessica/Robert/Rosemery (and my brother) are in (compare with the med center condos that Alison/Wilson/Cindy live in).

MARRIAGE
Ephesians 5:22-33

I always say that I feel more comfortable around guys than girls (verus for Linton he says he grew up feeling more comfortable around girls than guys).  The past few weeks I wonder how I came to that conclusion, both mentally and subconsciously in how I act.  I mean, I hung out with both while in school (and senior year it was a table of all females during lunch, man I miss Arlene and oh, her birthday was this past Sunday), and at church it wasn’t like the guys in my class treated me better than the girls.  I would also say that I have more guy friends than girl friends, yet if I lost my guy friends I would be sad but not as devastated as if I were to lose a friendship with a girl. 

Chris Sun is a prime example.  In fact, I’m almost hesitant to call him a friend.  Is he more of a…frequent acquaintance?  Seriously, the only reason we hang out is through Linton (and satellite friends).  I have a [funny] birthday card that he gave me freshman year.  Little did I know then how rare that is.  Yet he’s probably going to be one of Linton’s groomsman, and I did invite him to my birthday dinner, I guess to even it out.  I also invited Nathan Kim, and we rarely talk.  In fact, we just see each other at football and usually don’t even exchange words.  But I know if I am in need of prayer or other help, he will respond, as he always emails back amidst his numerous activities.  And then there are Andrew, Nathan, and Inch.  Well, I haven’t been in contact with them for quite a long time now, but it’s okay.  I think I feel closer to them than the other people I’ve met from football simply because I met them through Vickie, and somehow that changed the dynamics in how I associate with them, like sending them Christmas cards.

Haha, remember when Tina Chen thought that David Kalloor and I were dating because he’d come over so often freshman year before either of us made many new friends?  It never occurred to me, and I never ever did/will have that thought concerning him.  Whereas with Siwei we, I have no idea how, hit it off right off the bat (where/when/who).  I could tell him everything that I tell my brother–that’s how close I felt with him.  But I barely met him.  At first I clung to thinking, “What does it mean to know my husband?” but like friendships, there are those you just click with and those you don’t.  So I’ve let go of that.  When I said no in Austin to a sweet guy who asked me out, he asked if it was because he didn’t believe in God.  “No, I’m just not attracted to you.”  Somehow, I didn’t feel it.  

Although, I think that has to do with our current culture.  If parents don’t approve of your choice nowadays, that’s usually overlooked instead of trying to reconcile.  In past customs (like the dowry) and in prevailing traditions (like the father “giving away” the daughter) though, it’s really a relationship between the two families, if not also between/within churches (The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony by Pamela Paul), dating with the approval of your community, who is in the place to help you weigh in the other factors of values and also keep you accountable.  That’s probably why Erwin and I are somewhat okay when thinking about arranged marriages.  I think the problem occurs when they make matches due to affluence and distinguishment, etc, as all humans end up messing up good systems.  My question to myself is, “If a guy I highly respect were to ask me but I just wasn’t feeling it, even after multiple extended rendezvous, would I accept?”  I think this is the wisdom I need to ask God about: the ability to discern whether an obstacle is the result of the need for discipline/perseverance (hurdle) or is the result of the need for a detour/fork (wall).  That’s what I’ve been trying to consider about waking up early, memorizing verses, personality in socializing, planning (using a planner works great for me, but Jennifer Lin says it doesn’t help her at all), kit with relatives, exercising, friendships as mentioned above, love languages….

PURPOSE
John 17:4

Last Wednesday, we met for FBCC Ladies’ Group.  The overall concensus was, we have no idea where we are headed and how our stories will end on earth and continue in heaven.  Many are figuring out whether to change to an entirely new area of study, or at least a new job within their current finished schooling.  The competition rises each year it seems among valedictorians/salutatorians, and I am amazed at just how ambitious and passionate they appear to be; you wonder if they will reach it, and if they will find satisfaction in reaching it.  As the dark clouds slowly dissipate, at times an epiphany or some clarity will shine through, but then it quickly disappears and I’m in a fog again, but still in a better state for seeing it.  I’m usually at peace when I think that I will be married while going about the house, how I’ve always vaguely but contentedly imagined it, helping supporting supplementing whatever he endeavors.  Despite that, Proverbs 31 had always bothered me, but even now the Proverbs 31 woman is now a celebration and challenge.  This always-wife desire and this in-the-Bible-but-doesn’t-seem-right disenchantment is finally coming together.  I guess I didn’t realize that it made me feel intimidated, incompetent, hopeless, exhausted (in my own power) like reading the goals of the graduates.  Instead, as God is making us perfect, as women He is making us her (His power with our participation), in our own unique ways. 

Of course, having “peace” doesn’t always mean I’m on the right track, but again you can’t discount it either.  I get restless when I think that I have been blessed beyond what I could’ve asked or imagined and with that comes the stewardship of making great strides for His kingdom (and thus even before believing but being raised in church, missions was always attractive to my naive eyes).  The thing is, ultimately we are to obey and glorify, NOT to change the world.  I think it is in this that I am transitioning from abstractness into something more pragmatic, as I am slowly lifted out and glean the gems that can only be understood from coming out of trip-ups, temptations, and trials.  I was all tangled up in my buzz words of community/friends/romance/vulnerability/missions/reconciliation/prayer, I’ve forgotten to “look up!”  I’ve been trying to figure out what God has given me a gift in, where God has placed my passions in, and how it could all work in this current culture, but conclusively regardless of techniques and training, the umph will be from God.  

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.  Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.  For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! (Philippians 3:7-16, Romans 11:36).

AMEN.

Vickie returns to Houston during the weekends then heads back to San Antonio Monday evenings to work at HealthSouth (”make money to hang out”).  She’s been hearing so much praise concerning Iron Man that she invited some people to watch it with her at 4:50 in Angelika.  I, unfortunately, got lost and ended up driving in circles until 6 pm, at which time I parked then walked to the theatre.  (Now I know to turn left into the underground parking garage, park in the green section there, then bring my movie stub to be validated and turn that in for free parking.)  I sat outside on the bench for awhile, then went inside.  Roger, Grace (JoJo’s wife), and some other people came out, then I finally saw Vickie.  She went to get her parking validated then dropped me off at my car then left for UTHSCSA.  She reports that the movie was indeed good.

Jonathan Eng called me when he got home from work, during which time he read the email regarding Iron Man.  I said it’s over and I’d call him back since I had to drive out of downtown.  When I did, I asked if I could come over to watch the season finale of House, MD, heh.  His sister left to show a future bride her bridesmaid dress that came in.  He was by himself and was about to ride his bike (after a hiatus after the BP MS150), but he stayed with me to help with the antennae.  Then we went to Subway to eat dinner.  He had a bad day at work, boo.  He also told me he had joined Michael (and Steve?) at the gun show this past weekend, and he just let me know his view of the whole deal.

I had mentioned before I left for Iron Man that I was probably going to miss seeing the season finale of House, MD on FOX.  My dad recroded it on his UPS drive for me.  Isn’t that amazing?

Wednesday, May 14, 2008.  The twins left this morning with their parents to visit Hong Kong for two weeks.  It’s the twins’ first time!  Phoebe was so sweet and sent me a postcard right before she left.  Linton called in the afternoon and asked if I wanted to hear a speaker talk about Darfur that evening.  Sure.  He called Vickie (still in San Antonio), and I called Elliot (visiting cousin).  Greg Wang and Chris came, too.  Later the three of us went to Two Rows to meet up with James and Peter to eat.  We didn’t get seated at a booth until 9:30 pm.  While waiting, James was on the phone and the three guys were chatting about who knows what.  They each ordered a Strawberry Blonde? beer in the meantime.  I was standing idly around awkwardly.  Then, the benches were empty so Linton and Chris sat down on one bench and Peter sat down next to me.  I picked up the Houston Press that was on the bench.  I flipped it open and the top said “Art” so I started reading.  He asked, “Do you you like art?”  I answered that I did, that I’ve had comments that I was pretty good at it (but I admit it’s only because I was copying), but I never thought to pursue it due to the influence of my upbringing.  Now that I’m out of college, I’ve starting contemplating the meaning of art, that it ISN’T a waste of time.  Peter agreed, saying that our parents push only for business, medicine, or law.  I said that they didn’t exactly push those specifics, but they DID push in their nondirect way for something that is likely to be viable soon out of college.  Somehow we segued into comedy.  He informed me of The Aristocrats (which initially I was imagining The Producers previews).  He said he wanted to be able to do that someday, just on-the-spot give a sparkling rendition of the joke.  I didn’t know that the Bob Saget was a well-rounded comedian, meaning that he also uses pretty foul language when not on family-friendly shows.  We discussed comedy in general, like cussing at every other word (or faking stereotypical accents all the time) is really desperation, not smart humor (this includes the Silk Mangos).  He tried to name a few that weren’t too sexual, but it was funny how Chris and James completely refuted them, saying that they were pretty bad.  After we were seated, Braden showed up with Jennifer Ma.  Jennifer didn’t remember Chris or me, but she did realize that she knew Peter.  I learned about Braden’s brother Daven’s marriage.  Jennifer left, Susan came later, then the couple left with like 5 beers ($1 during Wednesday Happy Hour).  I ordered the pot roast sandwich with beans, which the waiter recommended, but I got mushrooms, so I asked, and so I got to eat both, hehe.

Thursday, May 15, 2008.  James called to invite me to dinner at Yantze.  He said maybe Linton could pick me up, so I called.  I went to his house, then he drove us to Phoebe/Hannah’s to feed Missy (who’s 10 years old).  They turned off their water, so he had to scoop it up to distribute.  I’ve never really got a good look at her before.  It was cute that they gave her a big umbrella over her doghouse.  Linton told me not to mess with a hole in the ground, which is a favorite spot of hers–interesting.  Linton says he usually gives her two doggie treats, and I got the preferred one (a red cylindrical stick), but I guess since I was a stranger to her she wouldn’t take it from me.  Then, she ate the other bone-shaped treat.  Linton finally said that I probably shouldn’t be taking pictures with the flash because she might be interpretting it as lightning.  Peter was at dinner as well (his Mandarin Chinese last name is the same as mine).  As we walked to decided between JuiceBox and Star Snow Ice and Teriyaki, we saw Jocelyn Chen and Nike eating at FuFu’s.  They joined us at Star Snow afterwards.  Originally it was going to be more people but turned out only the two of them showed up.  James and Jocelyn met him at the Meta retreat.  He got his name because his ex-girlfriend gave it to him.  He later found out that his sister ended up with the name Nike as well, and they were thinking of changing his name to Adidas since he has everything (sponsor) of that, but he didn’t change it.  When Linton found out that this 35-year-old used to be on some sort of official Chinese basketball team, he asked for his autograph (both English and Chinese).  This guy is trying to get his fifth degree (business, computer science, i forget…) and he says ideally he would be married at the age of 37, although he knows that might not be accomplished given that’s only two years away and he is still single.  Jocelyn commented that James really wants to get married soon, which James was embarrassed about.  They asked Linton how he and Phoebe got together.  Then, Jocelyn told Nike that Hannah’s still single/available.  On the drive home, somehow Linton and I ended up briefly discussing instant gratification, and how that has affected how our generation doesn’t seem to stay at a job too long, the rising divorce rates, etc.

Friday, May 16, 2008.   Greg Wang replied that he was going to join us at Discovery Green (he planned to eat at the happy hour at The Grove but they didn’t have one so he had the cheap food at the LakeHouse which he says he wouldn’t recommend).  At the last minute I called Henry, who said he’d come.  I went to Elliot’s house, and he drove us to see if Charles was home.  He knocked and rang the bell, and I observed upstairs, but we didn’t notice a presence there (his car wasn’t there, either).  Then we went to Henry’s, who said he didn’t care if Elliot’s car didn’t have A/C.  However, Elliot did, so he consented.  Henry drove the three of us to Pappas BBQ (it was okay).  Henry got a half/half combo of sausage and beef slices with potato salad and cole slaw; I got pulled pork with potato salad and candied yams, and Elliot simply got a burger with fries (finally decided against a baked potato).  He also ate our breads that we didn’t eat, hehe, like a beggar. 

We caught the second half of the last UH act.  Henry went to explore the park for the first time since the dance didn’t interest him.  Elliot and I tried to understand but was at a lost.  There were certain patterns, such as their head movements and picking up someone and making a turn, but Elliot made this comment:  “I’m going to tell David [Kalloor] that I saw something he would’ve made.”  Greg said that this is the weirdest of all the acts he’s seen (since he was there on time).  “Green”, which was performed by the Travesty Dance Group, Karen Stokes’ company (she’s also the head of the dance department in the University of Houston School of Theatre and Dance), and the UH Dance Ensemble on the outdoor Anheuser-Busch Stage, was followed at 8:30 pm by a screening of The Cost of Living, presented by the Aurora Picture Show. The 34-minute movie takes place in a seaside town where street performers David and Eddie struggle to find work and romance. The film incorporates sharp humor about the notions of how the fit and unfit are supposed to act.  I loved it– what with their friendship, the hula-hoop girl, the “Believe” by Cher guy with his exaggerated movements, the ballet scene, the bar scene, the insanely hyperenergetic Eddie, the dancing after the rude video non-interview, the last beach scene….not so hot on the fondling and didn’t understand the restroom scene.  I also loved how they showed it, on a huge moon-walk-type screen, hehe!

• Trailer:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itDRZlc7d8U&feature=related
• Part 1:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDTYRbsKcoQ
• Part 2:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrxuexKFPOM
• Part 3:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyAVLc6t5Fg
• Part 4:  …http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcpcujComks
• Part 5:
• Part 6:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHBLrfs2pJc&feature=related
• Part 7:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGjR5h9kYFY
• Part 8:
• Part 9:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQkhQWBx6us&feature=related
• Part 10: 

Afterwards we somewhat played on the playground.  The design was interesting (what is the mound supposed to be? I took a picture of the two of them).  I didn’t know they had the gliding-across-on-a-handle!  We had that in the Sugar Creek park but they took it away.  Wow, Discovery Green even had two height levels.  Yes, Elliot, I relived my childhood memory :).  Linton had to drop off Rebecca at the airport so he couldn’t join us.  He started driving to join us, but the movie was so short so he went to James Wei’s place.  After dropping off Henry off, Elliot and I joined them, where Brian Hui and Chris were as well.  They never DID decide what to do (they ate at Kim Son at 7 pm).  We ended up just hanging around.  They were watching the basketball playoffs on James’s laptop.  Vickie IMed James, so Chris started typing on it, egged on by Linton.  I don’t know if Brian played a part in it, but they did get James to say out loud “Hey baby” LOL.  Then they called Vickie on the computer; she didn’t have a speaker but she could hear us.  She said she heard a female voice.  Linton said lots of girls were here, and Vickie said she’d tell Phoebe haha.  They said it was the TV, but Vickie then thought it was me so she called my cell.  I actually had no idea what was going on, just playing Sequence with Elliot (he got the first sequence, but then I got the last two - with a wild).  The four guys were drinking.  Chris many times had to put a barrier between him and Linton.  James was so tired he fell asleep.  They started doing push-ups with the bar stool, with one hand, two hands, triangle, and rolling on the floor (which James apparently does a lot of??).  I got back home around 1 am.  Linton and Chris left after the game ended; Chris had to work tomorrow and Linton had an Access meeting at 9:15 am.  On the news on the night news, they showed someone with excessive hair with his family and friends.  I couldn’t find the one mentioned on the news, but I did find someone who proudly calls himself the Wolf Man and others who also have Hirsutism / Hypertrichosis. Below are also some other people with rare diseases/disorders/conditions:

• Hand in Hand, choreography by Zhao Limin, performed by Ma Li and Zhai Xiaowei
• “Tree Man” Dede has Epidermodysplasia verruciformis or something related to HPV
• “Pig Baby“ needs support:  http://www.babymiracle.co.nz/ 
• “Elephant Man“
• Blind boy puts on eyes like contact lenses
• Eight-limbed Asian Indian girl Lakshmi Tatma believed by some to be the reincarnation of the multi-limbed Hindu goddess Vishnu

Saturday, May 17, 2008.  Dad left this morning with Gloria Sun’s parents to Austin (since she’s graduating) to drop off Andrew’s VISA to China.  Mom woke me up to join her in a free lunch at King Bo II to honor her dedication in teaching Chinese school at FBCC.  We took up three big round tables.  Stefi, Jennifer Lin, and Rosanna were there.  Stefi’s finishing up her junior year of college at A&M studying biomedical science.  She’s also getting ready for the MCAT, but “I need a backup plan.”  Jennifer worked on a 6×6 Rubik’s cube.  The Chinese ladies talked up a storm.  Howard’s mom, dad, and brother Brian (but not Howard) were also in the restaurant at a separate table.  In the evening, I went to Jing’s early birthday dinner at Goode Seafood Company.  James said there should be a couples table and a singles table, but Jocelyn wanted to sit with the couples, and I wanted to sit with at least one other girl.  It was awkward because Jing’s girlfriend Evelyn sat in front of me, then to my diagonal right was her friend Christine and thus her boyfriend Stephen sat to my right.  The other table had Steve, Will (who’s he?), Jonathan, Linton, Brian, Peter, and James.  Eve sat with her boyfriend, Eveline sat with Michael, and then it was Jocelyn and me and his girlfriend and friends.  Evelyn met Jing during their internships; she’s studying accounting at UT Austin.  Christine is a recent Rice graduate, and Stephen graduated from UT AUstin last year (May 2007?).  They’re pretty and polite but didn’t really converse with Jocelyn or me, only unless we asked questions.  They had their own thing going.  Evelyn does yoga 6x/week and is not interested in swing dancing.  Afterwards the four of them used the helium from the balloons on the table (it’s prom night) to talk high-pitched.  Linton, Jocelyn (4 in a row), and I took lots of pictures then dispersed.  After yes/no/yes/no/yes, Linton and I stopped by James’s place to “help” him pack for his week in Orlando, FL.  I read James’s binder out loud.  Linton drank a Shiner and chatted on IM with Chris (”hey baby cakes”) LOL.  “is this vicky?”  James asked, “Do you like Chris?”  I was lying on the couch but perked up and asked back, “What?”  I couldn’t imagine him asking that outrightly from me, and I was the only female in the room.  But he was asking Linton, so he answered, “Yes.”  That was odd….  James wanted to share “dark secrets” but ended up explaining his job to Linton on his work laptop.  Masturbation was spoken on, though; Vickie said, “I’m sorry you had to go through that [night]” haha.  Eh, I’m used to guys.

Sunday, May 18, 2008.  I talked with my brother on the phone for an hour.  I ate leftovers for lunch, wrote about the weekend, then watched Dead Like Me on TV.  Dad returned at 9:30 pm, as predicted by Mom.  Vickie went out to the UT Rec Fields to hopefully play another game (be recruited if they were missing players, which she was).  She gave me a call.  Dad walked with my mom, then returned and walked with me outside around the neighborhood at 11 pm (interesting that the street lights went off as we passed by, then as we crossed the street and turned around to give it another glance, it turned back on).

This morning my dad went with shiaw goo-goo to Austin (they stayed with my brother) with shiaw goo-goo’s friend.  I could’ve joined/supported the NAMI Walk, but instead I drove to Jacky’s apartment to carpool to .  Jocelyn, JT, and Ted were already waiting.  He asked if I could drive since I was the only one with a four-door car.  Jacky sat in the passenger seat, JT sat on the right, Jocelyn sat in the middle, and Ted sat on the left.  We got lost briefly trying to find the Metro station, where we have permission and a permit to park for volunteering.  We waited for Jacky’s co-worker Andy? then headed towards the area (man, I forgot to take a picture of the metal see-through sign over the desolate grass area).  We passed an African-American with dreadlocks who was walking and also another man who was napping under the bridge but when he saw us (we were trying to take a picture of a family of ducks) he sat up and put on a shirt. 

After registration and getting our Tshirts, we were put to work doing random setup.  Jocelyn and I stuck together for the most part, trying to adjust/move the stage, transporting supplies to the media/vip area, transporting water.  The water was initially kept in this rundown building which had cool detached drawings of buildings on the white walls with black paint (I took pictures).  Shane Chen (a female), Jacky’s coworker who invited him and thus us to volunteer at this event, gave us special treatment.  We also got Astros tickets (unfortunately they gave us entrance to tomorrow’s and not Tuesday’s game), baby sunscreen, water, vegetable buns for breakfast (I know, sounds nasty in English), and overall better volunteering jobs than the other volunteers I think. 

We went walking around to the tents so that Jocelyn could say hello to Winston and Myrtle.  Myrtle is on the Houston Heat, as is Ying Yeung, my old piano teacher’s older daughter.  She says later I’ll probably see her dad since he’s coming as well.  Other people who I also ended up seeing were Jasmine and Annie from BASIC, John Hsieh (who gave me a large bottle of grean tea with lemon as well as a bbq pork bun), Rean, Christine Fung, and Susan Zhang.  Lol, Jocelyn ended up having to paddle for Lee High School.  I was pulled for Silver Eagle Distributors “Team Bud Light” because I was told one paddler had austism and had changed her mind, but the boat had already gone ahead so I didn’t have to.  I eventually ended up being the runner, meaning I would have to call the teams from wherever they were (usually at their assigned area under the bridge/tent) to get in line for their turn.  

On one trip of mine, I saw Robert C staying a little off from the crowd, on the sidewalk not close to the water’s edge, watching the race.  I went over and said hi, but he had this confused look on his face.  Not until he said, “You got a haircut” did I realize he probably didn’t initially recognize me.  We chatted, each telling the other why we were here.  He said that Joanne Wei (met on the football field, remet more firmly at David Zhao’s Chinese New Year party) had asked him to help out.  The RUCAA (Rice University Chinese Alumni Association) team consists of some current students and alumni, Joanne being one of them.  Another alumni, whom Robert introduced me to, is Ben Chu.  We both comment that each looks familiar to the other, but we have no idea how.  He graduated from Rice in 1995.  When I asked them if they were ready, Robert came up to me and said that actually they need 7 more paddlers.  I wasn’t sure if they’d be able to participate or be disqualified.  By the time they got their bracelets (they also forgot to register) to enter into the filtered area where current teams can be (and appropriate volunteers), they somehow could.  Turned out that they grabbed Jasmine, Annie, and John, and also roped in three Rice freshmen they had spotted.  One freshman came simply to watch her mom participate with the El Paso (Corporate?) Group, but now she has her own team to cheer on.

The guys (JT, Ted, Jacky, and Denver) were assigned to be dock helpers.  However, they are in a restricted area (and understandably so, because the people in charge don’t want that area clogged).  The girls are all running around as volunteers and as visitors.  Since Robert generally has an area he keeps going back to, I kept going back there to chat in between my runs.  It made my day, because he also asked me if I wanted some of their food (they were grilling hotdogs, sausages and hamburger patties on a metal portable enclosure) and man did I ever.  He went and grabbed me a hot dog in a bun (Vickie pointed this out to be that this is above and beyond simply asking if I wanted to eat) and asked if I also wanted ketchup and mustard, which I didn’t want him to go through THAT much trouble so I shook my heard (I was really hungry anyway).  I also ran out of the two bottles of water I had brought so I grabbed their paper cup and drank some from theirs as well (which I’m sure they desperately needed since they were rowing!). 

He’s an easy guy to talk with, and always with that big grin and easygoing attitude (with a humorous streak - saying I should wear my cap this other way, which I thought was true until he jk’d).  Some of the things I picked up:  He is going to finally graduate from residency in…2013.  I think he said he’d be 32 or something by that time.  He definitely never looks tired, though (good time management, eh?).  His family is in Louisiana, but they will probably move since they don’t really like it there.  He wants to go to Boston, but that is unlikely since there is more supply than demand with physicians.  He says there are three-digit-number of universities churning out medical graduates and a lot of people want to stay in the area.  His dream is to start a private practice, probably in San Diego, with two of his friends (who are specializing in oncology and radiation).  If his parents want his house, he’ll let them have it.  Otherwise, he’ll rent out his house.  OH yeah, and he remembered I was studying OT.  Wow.  The jokester again, saying that I should actually sell the projects (crafts) that the patients make during our Task Group in order to make more money.

When we were off the hook (we got to eat some of their food, but they also asked the guy to stay longer to help move the drums), we checked out some of the booths.  Jocelyn took me to the Wheel of Fortune put on by Western Union.  You could tell the staff wasn’t too thrilled to be there, just giving us their advertisements (and of course the prize I got from turning the wheel).  We passed one selling beautiful purses, and parasols, and even a tarot reading tent.  She also showed me where I could get my Chiense name written in calligraphy.  I got one for myself, and then when I commented that my mom would like it, she told me I could ask the man to write my mom’s name as well, which he did.  They were written on Beijing Olympics bookmarks.  Jocleyn is quite the social butterfly, taking photographs and contact information with all the people she met (e.g. the teacher who helped with Lee High School).  I also stood by as she talked with Caroline Long (the emcee and co-founder of the races).  Caroline said that initally they hired an emcee just like they hired the DJ.  However, something happened, so she ended up doing–and better.  She would go interview everyone while the hired would sort of just watch because s/he didn’t know anyone. 

Our last stop, right after grabbing extra white 8th Annual T-shirts as given permission by Joanne and Robert (Jacky was desperate for one), we “ordered” not food but some balloon sculptures from Smilez 4 Kids (they also paint faces).  As they were making them (the guys got them for their girlfriends), I started chitchatting with the one closest to me.  Turns out this grey-haired man is a missionary all over the world.  The younger people (like our age) standing behind him are two of his eight? children.  The guy was born in Germany? and the female making my penguin (as requested by Tedman, who personally got a Tigger tiger) was born in Italy.  This is their fundraiser.  Wow.

Hm…seems like I did a lot more.  I guess all that running, noise, losing my neon-yellow Airshow cap, pictures with newsreporters (just Greensheet - look for the June edition), and sunshine really did me in.  But with how things turned out, I am overall very happy.  Check out the link in http://www.buffalobayou.org/dragonboat.html for the official website, where you can click to Channel 13’s reporting with pictures and videos as well as the results (Continental Airlines reclaimed their champion title since 2004, 2003, and 2002) and especially how to volunteer for October’s Regatta ;-).

In the afternoon, I could’ve participated in Hector’s Cinco de Mayo cookout, but I was way too tired.  I took a nap (from 3 to 5 pm) then got up to eat dinner while watching Coyote Ugly on TV.  Turns out my mom went to the same Chinese singer concert as Jocelyn did (must be since she said something to that extent and was asking for directions to the front of the Reliant Stadium).  I also called Inch, Nathan Kim, who referred me to Chris Sun, and Henry (who asked Charles and Elliot who he was watching a movie with) if they wanted to go to the Astros game tomorrow.  Inch says he and Sarah Kim won’t be going because church conflicts (as I suspected).  Nathan is at a ASME (American Society of Mechanical Engineers) conference.  Chris says he “probably won’t be going” and I didn’t press for a reason.  Henry gave generally the same answer, as did Charles, but Elliot said maybe.  We’ll see.

Jonathan wanted to have a prayer meeting so first we went to Yantze to eat.  Since my haircut Tuesday evening, I hadn’t really done anything to my hair because I didn’t want to bother with it.  I didn’t leave the house.  But I showered and worked on my hair with my Dad’s hairgel for a longer while than usual.  I got to the restaurant a bit early, planning to read a bit of the book Rebecca lent me.  However, I saw Steve Mar go inside so I went in as well to chat.  He told me about his credit cars, complimented me on my new haircut, told me about his haircuts, talked about enjoying blobbing (like a seesaw and jumping on so the other person flips up almost as high as the platform and then back into the water), etc.  Linton and Phoebe showed up and complimented me on the haircut.  I told Phoebe about the book Rebecca had lent me (that I hadn’t really started reading). 

Then Chris, Jing, James, Jonathan, Peter Lee, and Perry came.  The guys ordered family style (the 12-person combo wasn’t a deal).  Phoebe ordered hollow-heart vegetable (go, Phoebe! hehe).  Linton felt compelled to clean all the dishes, as always.  Jonathan introduced Perry, who they had met on Meta retreat.  Perry grew up in Portland, Oregon, and went to OSU for EE but then moved down here for his job (and doesn’t really know anyone).  We went around saying where we graduated from, where/when our job, and what our favorite food is.  Steve said Mexican, I said Chinese, Phoebe said curry, Linton said BBQ and anything cheap, James said ?, Chris said Chinese, Jing said steak, Peter said ?, Jonathan said spaghetti, and Perry said ?.  Michael and Eveline came later.  Jonathan’s really stepping up!

Outside, we took a group picture with Linton’s camera.  He said he would upload it (which I interpreted as onto facebook because the others were talking about facebook), so I asked him to email it to me (but the way he nodded I think he was thinking, I just said I would, so I guess he meant he would upload it onto his computer and subsequently email it to us).  Then, we dispersed to go to our cars to go to James’s apartment (I was hearing some guys asking who was driving and who was riding/carpooling).  Linton or James asked me if I knew how to get there, to which I answered not at the top of my head but as always will use the dependable GPS to direct me as in the past that I have gone to James’s place.  James responded with his usual, “Oh no!”  I did not think twice about it until I was going to put my GPS in place and James knocked lightly on the passenger side of my car.  I unlocked the door and he came in, so he could direct me.  I was annoyed because I don’t need anyone to direct me since I’ve already made multiple trips to his place by myself–the only reason anyone would do that is to talk to me (like if Phoebe had sat with me).  And usually that reason is fine–except in this case, because of our past conversations and incidents.  I was too upset (I’d admit it was disproportionate, which bothered made it all the more worse) to really think of how to address it appropriately and delicately (also because I was driving) so I listened as he told me he was starting a three-month-Bible-study-group boot camp.  In essence, with Simon Lee, they’d wake up like at 5 am to exercise before work.  It also involves no junk food for the three months (easy for me), memorizing verses, and….  I don’t know who else is doing it with him.  He can only miss two times or he’s kicked out (to prove his commitment).

We went around talking about our worst/best moment of the week.  We were all pretty vague and lackluster in our answers, until Peter remembered an incident that happened this past Tuesday.  I don’t think Chris would have mentioned it except that Peter brought it up.  Peter had ordered a drink for him, who was enjoying it when around 10 pm the security people started checking IDs around the bar.  Turns out Chris never renewed his driver’s license since January when our licenses expired.  So they literally snatched the glass from his hand and asked him to leave.  Then, he was told Friday mornings are the best times to go to the DPS so that’s what he did, except the line was so long he couldn’t wait without missing work, so he had to leave. 

Then prayer requests were next.  Linton shared that David Kalloor was driving from Austin to Houston right now–with two nails in his truck tire, with Rean in the passenger seat, and with eyes needing glasses (which he has not been prescribed yet).  Phoebe said, “When I think of something, I’ll let you know.”  I asked them to pray for my NBCOTE, although I had a lot of deeper issues that need prayer, but I wasn’t willing to tell this group about it.  But Michael and Peter were, if only but vaguely.  Michael in summary said he needed spiritual renewal.  Peter was even more vague, saying that whatever he had vaguely mentioned at the beginning of the year the situation is still the same.  It’s a “waiting game” that will “need some luck”, and he doesn’t know where he will be six months to a year from now.  Perry said he thought he was meeting up with his girlfriend but something about that didn’t work out, and that he needed time for himself in order to do things.  Chris said he didn’t have anything.  Jing said he’s leaving for Dallas tomorrow to talk with some people about a family and school issue (he went into details).  Jonathan shared about time management.  Steve and then James copied Chris and said they didn’t have anything.  Jonathan also prayed for Eveline (studying for her UH exams), Vickie (finding an apartment), and Braden (regarding his job situation).  I stayed some minutes to watch the Rockets (turns out last) game then left at 10 pm to drop off Phoebe.  Linton and James walked us out to my car.

Since Vickie was back in town, she wanted to make plans so that during the times of no plans she could structure her studying/schoolwork time.  Linton suggested to Phoebe who suggested to Vickie to eat at Cafe Montrose: A taste of Belgium! because it was different.  Vickie got there first and asked for a table, but they asked if we had any reservations.  No…and your restaurant is empty….  They had to check in the back and then gave us the big table in the back near the criss-crossed wine holders (and fake HUGE wine bottles).  The lighting was “romantically” dim.  Vickie, Chris, Jonathan, and James were there first, and Linton drove Phoebe, Hannah, and me.  (I had asked to carpool but no one had answered me so I called Phoebe then Linton.  After confirmation, James called to say that if i still needed a ride Jonathan was going to pick him up and he could also pick me up as well.)  Jonathan and James ordered the $16 three-course special.  I got the disappointing $16 beef stew with the boiled potatoes (as recommended by the waiter).  Hannah bought the curry mussels (with fries) while Phoebe got the garlic mussels.  Yum!  Linton doesn’t like mussels, though.  And yes, the place did end up filling up by 8:30 pm.

Turns out the other location for Swirll doesn’t open this weekend, so we went to the original location where Oliver Huang works.  He told us to go ahead and try it (even though the grand opening was no more).  I didn’t want to eat all their resources so I didn’t sample again since I had sampled last weekend.  Eventually James and Jonathan had to leave because Jonathan is biking in the BP MS 150 and James is going with Braden, Vincent Tao, etc. to go jet skiing.  We were sitting around on the unique chairs they had.  I asked what people would do if they had one year off (question 1 from below).  Chris and Hannah said they’d travel.  What would I do?  I was thinking out loud and didn’t realize I was vague because in my mind I had some inclining.  Chris teased me that I was giving a general answer that anyone would give, since I was saying “learning” or “doing something”, etc.  So I tried to be more specific, like imitating another’s OT idea incorporating it into missions, or researching the healthcare system, or learning how to tap dance - or any dancing….

1. “If your company gave one-year paid sabbaticals, what would you do for that year?  Are you doing anything like that right now?”  This reveals passions, priorities, goals, secret desires….
2. “Will you share an embarrassing moment with me?”  This reveals security in self, ability to be vulnerable, able to take self lightly, able to continue after failures….
3. “If your house were on fire, what’s the one thing you’d make sure to save?  Why?”  This reveals sentimentaligy, practicality, values, what’s close to the heart….
4. “What’s the biggest misperception people have about you?”  This reveals how s/he views him/herself, how you can adjust your own opinion of others, dispels bad first impressions….
5. “What’s the one life experience you want a do-over on?”  This reveals regrets, character….

Hannah informed us of the 41st Annual WorldFest-Houston International Film Festival taking place at AMC Studio 30 - Westheimer at Dunvale (2949 Dunvale Road 77063) from April 11-20, 2008.  After lots of emails of what/when to watch, we decided as a group on the following:

• Hotel Very Welcome on Saturday, April 12, 2008 @ 1915.  This seriocomic ensemble piece follows five Westerners throughout India and Bangkok as they try to find themselves, or at least locate decent lodgings and a competent travel agent, while avoiding problems back home.  Sonja Heiss, 94 min, GERMANY.
• When Autumn Sunlight Comes on Thursday, April 17, 2008 @ 1915.  Trung, a college grad who can find work only as a motorbike taxi driver, and Ha, an innocent young woman who helps a friend run a bar, rely on each other for support and encouragement while trying to get by in contemporary Vietnam.  Writer-Director Bui Trung Hai, 97 min, VIETNAM.
• The Road to Partition and Daily Planet: India Unleashed on Friday, April 18, 2008 @ 1700.  Double bill of short documentaires about the history, culture and distinctive customs of India.  47 min and 60 min, CANADA.
• Magazine Gap Road on Friday, April 18, 2008 @ 1915.  A former prostitute, now working in a high-society realm of Hong Kong as curator for a private museum, thinks she has escaped her sordid past.  But all it takes is a phone call from a former colleague to place her future at ris.  Nicholas Chin, 90 min, HONG KONG.

What I learned about India when it was “unleashed” during their one-hour special:

• Mumbai’s traffic terrors are solved with the new Bandra Worli Sea Link, an eight-lane highway that, when completed, will extend out over the Arabian Sea, linking the downtown core to the suburbs.
• The “Dabbawallahs” are a highly specialized – though not computerized – lunch delivery system. They are never late and rarely make mistakes as they deliver fresh, hot homemade meals to office workers across the city – but how have they kept this intricate system working perfectly for over a century amidst the congested streets and rail system?
• Venture into the desert to see how a camel becomes part of the elite Team Indian border patrol unit.
• Travel to Maharashtra state and find out how priceless Buddhist paintings and sculptures within the famous Ajanta Caves, a UNESCO World Heritage Site, are being preserved for the future.
• Meet Dr. Rabindra D. Mehta, a researcher with the fluid mechanics lab at NASA’s AMES Research Centre in California who has been assisting cricket bowlers perfect the perfect pitch – or in cricket terminology, the perfect swing (which is effectively a curve ball).  India’s favourite sport – cricket – is relying on science to score.
• With people encroaching on elephant habitats, we follow one experiment that is designed to protect both elephants and humans in an ever-decreasing habitat.

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