Houston Astros

Last night, to follow up from the Astros Run, I went to Borders to meet up with Christina Tam, who drove me to Khon-Whey’s apartment, where Ted was waiting.  Actually, since we were a bit early, she wanted to stop by Walgreens to buy some food (Gatorade, Starbucks, and Airheads), so with her suggestion I also got a big bottle of Gatorade.  JT and Heidi arrived, so Khon-Whey drove them and his fiancee in one car, while Ted drove the two of us in another car, following his white car.  As we headed closer to Minute Maid Park, the parking went up to $20.  We headed backwards and saw Jacky walking, LOL.  We ended up parking in the lot for $5 (part of Ernst and Young?) where Hannah took us that time when we checked out Discovery Green for the first time.  We waited as Ted went to pick up his ticket (originally Denver and Sandra were going to drive us from Chili’s off of Buffalo Speedway, but then they weren’t going to go, so Jacky asked Ted to drive us, so Ted didn’t go home and just picked up Denver’s ticket). 

We were a bit late (7:05 game), and apparently the Texas Rangers had already scored on us Houston Astros in the first inning!  As we were quickly walking, we bumped into Jacky LOL!  We found our seats, and after another inning they all went to get food (I just went to use the restroom from all that Gatorade).  Christina “snuck” her food in (the guy who checked her bag let her go since she was like, “So what am I supposed to do?”).  Jacky stayed to watch all our belongings.  It was a pretty relaxing game since we were always ahead.  Ted had to leave early, then the couples left around the seventh inning.  Jacky suggested we go to the bottom to watch the remainder of the game, and then we hear a large commotion.  We watch the television screen and apparently the Rangers had scored two more on us!  Oh no!  Or as Christina said, “Me and my big mouth.”  We were antsy and sat at the very bottom.  Good thing they didn’t score any more on us.  So we finished 4-3 (without playing the bottom of the ninth inning).

During an hour-plus of the time, Jacky asked me borrow my phone in order to call T-Mobile since he figured out that his SIM card didn’t work.  Jacky took Christina and me back to her car, parked in Khon-Whey’s apartment complex.  Jacky also handed me a Yellow Magazine (I didn’t even know this existed), which featured a picture of us from the dragon boat racing, and two more Astros tickets.  He said he originally was going to go with a friend, but that he and his friend couldn’t make it.  He said I’d have company:  Jonathan and Perry.  Little did I know that by the time of the game tonight, I’d feel like I was set up on a date!  I found it hilarious and amusing because it sure wasn’t on purpose for either of us:

I called Diana since she had expressed interest before (”If you can’t find anyone to go with you, I’d love to go”).  She said she’d call me back.  Eventually I called her again because if she wasn’t going to go I sure needed time to find another.  She confirmed my suspicions, that she wasn’t going to go.  I asked the girls at FBCC, and a few other females.  My dad said he liked watching baseball since it was slow.  I wasn’t sure how to respond, because I don’t really care to watch another game, but I did tell him that he would be sitting next to Jonathan and Perry.  My dad is funny; he said it wouldn’t be awkward since it’s not like he knows them.  True, but with him sitting next to the guys, the guys will definitely go and find out who this married couple is!  And I guess I would feel awkward.  I admit I didn’t try too hard to find somebody to go to the game since last time I did I felt I gave a lot more trouble to myself than needed.  This time I figured, if no one comes with me, that’s okay. 

I went to get some errands done, such as dropping off Food Bank food for a relative (seriously, that house is jacked up).  The husband was sleeping with the television on, so he didn’t hear us knock.  Also, there was a watermelon in the jungle of a backyard.  We stopped by an “optical” but it is closed on Wednesdays, go figure.  Then I dropped off some articles of clothing to mend (exactly $20).  Finally, we headed into Foodarama to buy two dozen eggs for $2 after $10 purchase, so we bought some Cascade dishwashing powder, glazed walnuts and almonds, etc. (not Pearl soymilk because the price went from $0.50 to $1.99).

Jonathan calls and informs me that Perry had called him to cancel.  Jonathan asks me to call James, who tells me to call Chris.  James said he has dinner with someone and then is accompanying Michael to Fry’s, while Chris says he’s tired.  Since Jonathan works less than ten minutes from where I live, he picked me up to go to the game.  HAHA, can you imagine if I had invited my mom and dad?  Date with Jonathan, and meet the parents, too!  No taking it slow for me, LOL!  Anyway, this time we were on time, so we got the free fan item (but it was simply a piece of cardstock with info about the Hall of Fame) and were able to participate in the national anthem and some preliminary family fun.  We watched the first pitch, and just like last night, the Rangers got a run in the first inning, and we got two in the second. 

Jonathan was really nice and stayed with me to watch the beginning (since I missed it yesterday) before we headed off to get food (I had already eaten dinner at home).  He offered to buy me some food, but I declined.  Still, he bought me $4 Dasani water, which was much appreciated (thirsty thirsty!).  He ordered a foot-long hot dog and also got himself some water.  This game was more nerve-wracking because the Rangers got two more runs later on.  Jonathan, as always, has endless facts up his sleeve and informed me of different details while the game played out.  One time three Rangers tried to catch a foul ball that an Astros batter hit, but like in volleyball no one called it and it fell to the ground.  They learned from their mistake, and the Astros took that cue and made sure they called their future balls.  I forgot what it’s called when there’s 3 balls and 2 strikes, meaning that something is going to happen next, either with the batter walking to first base or off the field.  There were many double plays, but there was also a double out by tagging on both sides near the end.  Unfortunately, there were many times when we were close, especially when Ty Wigginton made a double in the ninth inning, but we couldn’t get that last run to tie the game.  Baseball is definitely a team sport.

After two hours, James called and said he’d like to come.  I think there was miscommunication because he sounded pretty hazzled or anxious or something.  Somehow, I felt guilty (I’m beginning to realize that many times after interacting with him I come away feeling I did something wrong, but I don’t know what) and I wanted to tell him to calm down.  But I simply handed the phone back to Jonathan (I missed his call on mine, oops).  Eventually, James joined us.  I have to say, if I felt like I was on a date before, now I felt like I was on some sort of “crash the date” deal with James on my left and Jonathan on my right.  After the third hour (Jonathan says this game was faster than last night’s, since Jacky had called him around 10:30 last night), we left.  James said he had already eaten and was quite tired, so Jonathan took me home.  As he was about to round the U-turn after exiting Southwest Freeway/US-59, Jonathan’s phone rang.  Again.  “I bet you $5 that’s James.”  Ha.  Anyway, by the time he drove up the driveway and dropped me off, coincidentally my parents had just arrived home as well, with the garage door going down.

So I’ve had my non-date with James and my pseudo-date (as Phoebe calls it) with Jonathan. 

Good night.

Princess Nausicaa

Friday.  Christina Tam and I met at Borders so we could carpool to watch Slant.  Craig Wen and Brian Thao-Huane were there, too.  I skipped out on FBCC’s monthly social: Iron Chef!  The secret ingredient was mango, and I heard the results were better than expected.  Jacky called at around 9pm to ask if I could watch their belongings while they did a run the next morning.  Uh..sure….

Saturday.  Christina and I again met at Borders to carpool to Jacky’s apartment, where Ted drove us four to be at Minute Maid Park at 7am.  They prepared, clipping on their running numbers, drinking water in the small cups being passed out, and stretching amongst the air “people” that would occasionally hit us (the way the air was blown and all).  We saw a man on stilts pretend he was a super-tall person, making balloon animals.  The girl and guy bunny suits wearing Astros attire came around to take pictures with the kids and whoever else wanted.  I’ve never participated in this sort of thing, so Jacky explained how it worked.  He paid $25 to participate, but they would get two free Astros tickets with an option of choosing from four games in the future (June 10, 11, 24, and/or 25).  They give you a timer that will start as soon as you step onto their carpet they have at the starting line and would stop when you step on the carpet at the finish line.  Some runs ask you to return the trakcer/timer, but this time they said the runners/walkers could keep it.  This is Ted’s first time, and afterwards he looked pretty winded (was it his knee, since he had a brace on? didn’t ask).  Jacky ran ahead.  Denver stayed with Ted. 

Christina needed coffee, so we walked around downtown.  We saw the “oasis” in front of Christ Church Cathedral–Christina couldn’t believe such a nice place in the middle of downtown.  She said she’d still feel unsafe walking around by herself, if I wasn’t with her.  I also saw some people waiting outside the Urban League.  We finally found this free-standing building all by itself on one side of the street to be Starbucks (good thing we used the map that the city provides atop the sidewalk, thank you Houston!).  At 8am, I bought her a drink (a grande mmchip frapp for $4.50), then we rested for a few minutes (she was carrying her papers to be graded in a backpack, then she volunteered to also carry Jacky’s, Ted’s, and my belongings–heavy!).  We headed back, realizing the run had pretty much ended (that was fast).  We had to walk all the way around since the doors were locked.  When we entered, a wave of stench (sweat and gym) hit my nose (never liked that smell).  Denver saw us, and Jacky encouraged us to get some food (he had his shirt off–not that it was attractive because I barely glanced, but that always makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason).  I stood in line for some lettuce wrap with meat on top (reminds me of that Chinese dish).  Jacky said there were also kolaches, so I stood in line for that.  They lady said, “Ham and cheese?”  Sure.  “Two?”  Sure….  JT said hi, and I think his girlfriend is Heidi.  She looks really familiar but I don’t know why.  Khon-Whey Tay was there with his two friends (they’re a couple of..Asian Indian descent?).  I wanted some fruit and found a pear within the tubs of water/ice/water bottles.  Was it supposed to be there?  I put it back, unsure of it’s cleanliness.  Later, after seeing many runners carrying fruit,  I realized I could use the water from the bottled water to clean it, but the pear was not there anymore.  Ah well.

I was so incredibly tired, even though I didn’t even participate, but since I wanted to have a somewhat normal sleeping pattern, I was determined to stay awake and not take a nap.  Christina and I went to Lowe’s to check out movies and their times.  Nothing particularly interested both of us, so we went to Fuddruckers at 11am.  By the time we arrived at her apartment, we would’ve completely missed the beginning of the movies we were debating on (sure bad at estimating time huh?).  We watched Stardust on her computer while eating lunch (I ate the big dog with chili and cheese while got the burger/fries/shake combo).  Phoebe called to watch the new Narnia movie.  So Christina quickly reviewed through the first Narnia movie on her computer, supplementing with verbal summarizations.  Then I browsed her books (she’s an English teacher at Kempner).  I asked about Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf.  She has no idea why the play references that; she was famous in the literary world and the title is a play on “who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?”  She took a nap while I looked Woolf up: “Dreadnought Hoax was a practical joke pulled in 1910 by Horace de Vere Cole and five friends, including Virginia Stephen (later Virginia Woolf)…Modern diagnostic techniques have led to a posthumous diagnosis of bipolar disorder…The ethos of Bloomsbury discouraged sexual exclusivity, and in 1922, Woolf met Vita Sackville-West.”  She committed suicide.

Christina suddenly got up and realized that it was time to go.  Good going, Christina.  She, Phoebe, Linton, Hannah, Tina, James, Jonathan, and I watched Prince Caspian at 4:30pm at Lowe’s (barely missed the matinee price for movies before 4pm on Saturdays).  Christina left because she was pretty wiped out.  Chris was at work.  I joined them (and Ariel came, too) at Avalon Diner for dinner at 9pm.  I got the turkey/avocado omelette for $10.  They ran out of the recommended-by-the-waitress dish of steak and eggs.  Hannah’s order was right, but James and Jonathan’s dishes were a bit mismatched–Jonathan wasn’t bothered much, just got the pork version.  The main question discussed for the evening was, “If you didn’t believe in Jesus, what religious would you follow?”  Here’s the breakdown: Phoebe said Unitarian Universalism (or Ba’hai or whichever incorporates getting along with all religions, obviously none of us know much), Linton said Mormonism (he arrived back today from Utah for business), and I think the rest of them said atheism (or James said burning incense to ancestors).  I said atheism/agnosticism.

We walked to Borders and sat for a bit (Hannah checked to see if there were any sales).  Then Tina jumped on another’s suggestion to walk to the water, “Yes, Tina needs to walk.”  The girls chatted about clothing (I think Ariel’s going to a wedding), then Tina suggested we get ice cream since Hannah regretted not ordering a shake.  Cold Stone Creamery was near Lowe’s, so we spanned the entire complex I guess.  James is always asking if something is junk food or not, or making explanations that it isn’t junk food.  Yeah….  “Not today” says Jonathan, since he got some.  Hannah got coffee with heath (yum).  Hannah mentioned a quarterlife crisis, which James somewhat related.  Linton says he hasn’t reached there yet, that he is still on the way up/forward to something.  LOL, it was funny how James said that he loved it when he resigned.  I got home at midnight and crashed.

Sunday.  Charles and I drove to Elliot’s house, where the three of us met up to carpool.  (Elliot couldn’t convince Ed to come, and so Pepsi didn’t come either.)  Charles drove us to pick up Henry from his apartment then headed to Jack In the Box at 1212 for lunch.  I ordered four grilled chicken strips for $4.64 (felt like a ripoff).  Then we got to MFAH at 1pm.  We browsed around until 1:30, when they started seating us to watch Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind.  The guys talked about having dirt on each other (and Ed Ly) and using it against each other, revealing it, etc.  We looked at the pamphlet they gave out for this Target Free Sunday (comparing the pictures of plants to their names).  Christina suddenly appeared and sat to my right right when the lights dimmed at 2pm.  I liked the movie because she was really going for understanding.  And she was amazing in all her abilities, as Lord Yupa already professed at the beginning of the movie.  Indeed, “What are you so afraid of?”  A lot of violence is borne out of fear of “the other.”  Henry says she should’ve died (there were Christian undertones), but Elliot said, “No, she has to live, so I can marry her” LOL!  Hey, she’s like Rocky and Gandhi put together, as Dave would say it, haha!  Who wouldn’t find her attractive?

Afterwards we went around to the exhibits (Pompeii wasn’t free).  Elliot teased Henry when he tried to explain one of the drawings on the wall, that the explanation didn’t exactly match what was written on the author plaque.  One artist painted Egypt abstractly (I don’t ever get it, so they make me annoyed).  We spent quite some time in the Korean exhibits.  Henry said he really liked the small wall-mounted plaque statue of the elephant in the other Asian exhibit.  Lastly, we observed the poles that important people carry/use.  Each had something on the top, so there were explanations.  Elliot really liked the one that went like, “Holding a kingdom is like holding an egg; hold it too hard and it’s crushed, hold it too loose and it will fall and break.”  Henry said he liked the quote that went something like, “A crab doesn’t give birth to a bird.”  The one that got me thinking was, “The hen knows it is dawn but lets the rooster crow.”  Christina found it to be anti-feminist.  Jacky called, so I called Wilson about football.  We sat around discussing the next step (board game?  buy Ziggity?  eat?).  Christina suggested we eat, Elliot of course suggested Fuddruckers (to which Christina got all excited about), Henry suggested Niko-Niko’s, and Charles jumped on that and made the decisive push to leave (5:30 pm).  I got the Hercules Plate.  Then we all left for home.  Charles stayed with Elliot to help him with his Microsoft Word.  I end up napping from 7:30 until 9 pm (sigh, so much for trying to stay up until nighttime).  Lil goo-goo took the trash out and left for her workplace.  I watched Dead Like Me because it was the only thing on and then went back to bed.

Lost

Not the television series season finale tonight.  That’s just how I describe how I’ve been feeling for quite some time.  And that’s what I’ve been telling people.  Like I wrote in an email three weeks ago when asked for a prayer request:  “On a personal note, I still feel lost, but it’s not this big suffocating weight and desperation, and I don’t really think it’s a bad thing either.  Still, I think what was said at Bible study was right on target, I really don’t even know what to specify except that I really haven’t touched that Bible in forever.  I used to read it every day.  So that is a step.  But just everything is on my mind really, like counseling and church and career and stuff….”  Before, it was this feeling of desolation that would be the catalyst of a stampede of thoughts that no one cares (e.g. second-guessing my friends and family, perceiving past gatherings from under the shadow of a dark cloak).  Just as Phoebe knows her fear of the stage is irrational, I know these thoughts are irrational, but it still doesn’t much help with untangling that knot during the deer-in-headlights moment.  Depression is irrational!  Or is it?  I remember Hannah made a comment after watching Lifting the Veil, saying she somewhat believes that some who have depression are more in tune with reality than us “normal” people because we “ignore” the atrocities and stick with an “illusion” of rosiness in order to not go “crazy.”

“Keep Breathing”
by Ingrid Michaelson

The storm is coming but I don’t mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that i know is I’m breathing now.

I want to change the world…instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I’m breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that I know is I’m breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

Anyway, I guess this is as good a time as any to at least sort a smidgen in my mind/heart/spirit:

COMMUNITY
Genesis 35:11

Last Thursday I drove my parents to Austin to pay a last visit before my brother left for one week (to visit his former roommate), to give him his luggage (so he can pack), and to clean out his fridge (because he can leave food on the stove and not ever eat or clean it out).  My brother and I are very close.  We grew up with the same parents and familial history, in the same household, went to the same school for awhile, even were in the exact class and period for a class or two in high school (personal tutor, baby!).  We initially hung out with the majority of the same acquaintances (and lack thereof) and shared in the same struggles regarding church and friends and connectedness that we still discuss to this day, many times while in his room chatting up to the wee hours of the night/morn and our parents would come and say time to go to bed!  We are considerably different when you meet us, no doubt, as I am more like our mother and he is more like our father.  And in fact since high school we have led very different lives and rarely hang out or even talk with the same people, friends, or each other.  Nonetheless, during those occasional phone calls, I would say that I still feel close and  would still reveal much embarrassing/humbling/shameful things to him.

By the way, he had moved into a new apartment (from the urgings of his currently ex-girlfriend) and bought some furniture.  Where did they come from?  The famous Craigslist.  I have never been to the site, but many many people have made references to it.  From my understanding, it’s a virtual (that sometimes eventually leads to a physical) place where people can sell and exchange practically anything, from sofas and endtables to jobs, pets, and discussions.  It reminds me of Facebook and Myspace, two sites which Jennifer Garcia is part of and asked me if I was as well (I’m not, and actually most people in FBCC don’t have Facebook).  I’m not part of Craigslist, either, but is it something to BE a part of?  But those in Facebook and Myspace are still part of that network since they are still signed up in it, right?  Am I still part of Xanga if I decide I won’t write in it anymore (no activity), even if I have two blogs hosted on it?  You used to need an account to leave a comment, but now you don’t.  Do those who have never signed up part of Xanga if they leave a million comments on others’ Xanga blogs?  What does it mean to be part of a community?  What does it mean to be part of a church, and to be part of His Church?

FELLOWSHIP
Acts 2:42-47

I have been faithfully attending church services on Sundays since childhood.  But this past January, since I’ve always hated it (since middle school and El Paso, and even in Austin), I made a conscious decision to just stop going.  I made no effort to wake up earlier than usual, and even if I did, I didn’t even consider the possibility of perhaps attending.  Not until I figure out which church to attend regularly (do I want to stick with FBCC with its new chapter?), why I feel the way I do about it (is it the environment, the specific social situation?), and my reasons for going.  Three Sundays ago, I told Tiffany that though I haven’t really been communing with God lately, and though I have never ever exactly lauded FBCC, I have come to the conclusion to return to FBCC.  Now I have to dissect what that entails.

Regardless of its vagueness, it was a difficult decision.  Vickie is in San Antonio, so that’s why she says she continues to attend WHCC (her default).  However, she says that when she returns to a more permanent stay in Houston, she’ll move to Access, which is where Phoebe and Linton are fellowshiping now.  Access is starting out as a small but highly committed group.  When it grows in size, how will it look like?  Are people still going to connect?  To start off last fall, Pastor Ted asked his congregants to read The Celtic Way of Evangelism: How Christianity Can Reach the West…Again by George G. Hurton III.  In it, the key to evangelism is through understanding and living as a fellowship among the people, and in time they will open their hearts to the God who knows them.  The old Roman way was for people to believe before they can belong, while the new Celtic way is for you to belong and eventually believe.  In other words, the community and not an individual brings you to Christ.  In many ways, it’s easier to tell someone the Gospel than it is to take someone where s/he consistently experiences the Gospel.

How do we belong?  I sure feel like I belong to WHCC and HCC more than FBCC.  I know I am at fault for not terribly trying much, but even though I don’t really try, I get invited to their birthday parties, their holiday celebrations, and their event gatherings.  They even apologize profusely for forgetting to add me onto their list and making sure I am included next time.  On the flip side, I try the hardest with FBCC (but not my hardest in general) by calling and emailing them to contact me to hang out, and instead I’ve come to expect voicemail and oh yeah, this is what we’re doing right now, if you want to come.  Is it because at least one or two people keep track of me at WHCC and HCC, but no one does here at FBCC?  That could make all the difference.  Or is it that I expect more (and keep a record of wrongs?) because I have decided to be included at FBCC but I am nonchalant with whether I am invited to WHCC or HCC?  I remember back in January there was a slew of WHCC birthdays, and then in February there was a slew of FBCC birthdays.  Somehow, I ended up going to the WHCC ones but not the FBCC ones as much; I don’t remember now, but at the time was it due to scheduling conflicts or did I finally decide to attend the WHCC ones because I was more comfortable with them?  What does it mean to expect the worse but hope for the best?  How do you have high expectations but….? 

When I entered college, I checked out a handful of Christian gatherings.  I joined a small group that was part of the then-called Chinese Bible Study because it was the thing to do and everyone kept emphasizing them.  Our group fell apart,one by one, until it was just the Bible study leader, me, and this girl who was highly committed and hadn’t yet accepted Jesus.  I felt sorry, but that wasn’t going to cut it, so I left highly disappointed and joined CCC.  Later, I learned that one of the girls who wasn’t that much of a believer became good friends with Kara and eventually made an amazing transformation through His grace.  The thing is, though you can encourage group ownership, it sure can’t be forced.  Anyone knows nagging doesn’t work, although we find ourselves doing it.  Haven’t you noticed with some you just click instantly and with others you don’t?  Some people find you dull, while others find you exciting, or at least around them somehow you light up.  Even if you give all the time you can, with all the sincerity and effort, with both of you seeking, even if you lived near each other.  Reminds me of that girl from Chicago: we had an affinity towards each other so we’d decide to meet up and all, but anyone can tell from our conversations that somehow we just weren’t clicking.  Eventually we both decided without words to call it off.  She was a smart and pretty girl; I wonder where she is now after UT Austin pre-pharm classes.

Maybe we’re defining incorrectly.  Back in high school, I was elected to be the Science Club president, with a new teacher sponsor.  It bothered me that our definition of a member was someone who paid the fee.  There were those who were super dedicated, coming and helping at every single event, while others never showed up but they did pay the money.  I didn’t enjoy being president, so for me to keep everything running was as good as it was going to get, not trying to change their pre-existing system.  Magnificat has an application process but afterwards you’re in for life.  Even with years of hiatus you are always wlecome to come back and use the resources.  I met Annie Shen at an HCC gathering, and she says she hangs out with HCC, serves in her home Asian church, and then attends a more American (or African-American?) church on Sunday mornings.  Seems fragmented and yet, is that something I want to imitate?  In a way, her method demonstrates that we together are the Bride of Christ.  Vickie’s always running around hanging out with all these groups because we are all interconnected (actually, if left to my own devices, I really don’t care to make new friends). 

Indeed, it is impossible to know everyone, even within a single church building (”Abandon Committees, Skip Teams, and Embrace Communities” by George Bullard), so is there significance in “choosing” a church?  Are we to attend, serve, and gather within one?  What does the modern-day “fellowship of the believers” look like?  I think my problem would be choosing, because many times events have been booked for the same weekend.  Do I even it out?  Or instead, focus?  Still, I remember in the past when someone at FBCC needed a bone marrow transplant due to leukemia; the whole church gathered together.  We have also drawn together to fundraise for missions we support.  And the Chinese churches have gathered together for events as well (although it appears that FBCC does that less than the others).  Our mechanic, dentist, realtor, and family physician all were borne from the network of these Chinese churches.  It’s like “The New Science of Networks” by Albert-Laszlo Barabasi (who wrote it after reading “The Strength of Weak Ties“ by Mark S. Granovetter).

Still, when I went to RecWeek it was a big deal since I didn’t commit myself to InterVarsity but to CCC:EPIC (who has their own similar conference: DWC)–the IV leader went to the CCC leader to make sure they knew about me and it was okay with them!  Actually, it is the close relationships I formed in EPIC, not IV, that continue to live on.  I’ve still visited Josh, sent a card to Jonathan Le, had a few meals with prayers and talks of our spiritual struggles with Marie when she stops in town, and exchanged sparse emails with Iris.  Which reminds me: before the birth of EPIC, Alice and I were part of a CCC cell group.  The concept is that, as it grew, it would split and thus multiply.  We had to decide who we wanted to go with: Ophelia or Kristen.  I couldn’t decide at all.  Eventually, on the Jester steps, Iris poured out her heart and tears and basically begged me to be part of the one she had chosen.  I don’t remember if I had chosen one yet at this point, or if I ended up choosing the one that she asked me to be a part of, but I just remember this particular heart-wrenching moment.  I’ve never felt so loved and accepted.  And then, even leaving a comment on a random Xanga where they just started their own EPIC, I never would have imagined that eventually she would pray for my sins, and then point me (with Rudi) to spent one night of our two-week road trip at a stranger’s apartment.  Not only did this sister in Christ open her place for us and provide hospitality, she also prayed for and over us.

FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS
Luke 15:1-7

Perhaps Josh had a better glimpse of how this all operates when he wrote his journal entry on seasonal friendships.  On the snowboarding trip, not only did I reinforce previous friendships but also forged new ones.  Liz prayed for me when she didn’t even know me, only because she knew I needed the spiritual support.  Now we still exchange postcards and emails.  I haven’t spoken to Ruth since I’ve moved back from El Paso; she was a wonderful roommate.  During the student orientation at UT Austin, somehow I ended up hanging with a Hispanic girl and an African-American guy.  I remember the incident when we were eating some free food in a large banquet hall, and he said that he really stood out.  “Because we’re under the skylight?”  “No, because I’m the only black person in this room.”  It was really nice to not be alone and to share the experience with others in the same boat.  I remember her waving at me later, and he visited my dorm freshman year, but now I don’t even remember his or her names (or faces….).  When we graduated, Sapna gave me an old photograph of when the three of us (including Reena) were in second grade? and I had played this detective game with them by planting clues: ”It takes a long time to grow an old friend.”  Back in high school, Carla Ortiz gave me this:  “Thanks for being my friend & for being the caring person that you are to me.  Your the GREATEST friend.  Happy B-day to a friend that means ALOT to me.”  I remember thinking, this is so out of nowhere!  I don’t recall any conversations we’ve had in the past, and ever since I have not a clue what’s going on with her.  She says I’m such a great friend to her, but how?  I know many times I’m nice to those I really would prefer never to hang out with again, but with her it wasn’t even that….

I remember back in Austin, Timmy Chui wrote about The Atomic Tiers of Friendship haha; wonder where he got his ideas.  Phoebe and Hannah have been gone for a week in Hong Kong and will be gone for another week.  I have been contemplating our relationships since I’ve been back at my parents’ place for the time being.  Phoebe and I grew close first semester of freshman year and then agreed to an accountability relationship thereafter until I moved to El Paso.  Hannah and I gelled a connection after her 22nd birthday while exchanging deep, dark, familiar yet unsimilar, privacies.  We’ve hung out I think usually once a week together on the weekends, but of course it’s not like before.  I think other acquaintances (not “friends”) know more about them than I do at this point.  I’m not exactly pining for the days gone by but rather how to take those spontaneous moments along into the future, how to cultivate the environment for our older selves in new stages, for the sake of the gospel, for our children.

I mentioned that we should be neighbors so our kids can play together.  Linton said, “But you don’t even have a boyfriend!.”  Indeed, I’m not even close to marrying, let alone having children.  I never really got to know my neighbors, but it turns out that I know a little more (thanks to my dad) than Phoebe and Hannah do about theirs (they say they’re new).  Linton has to feed their dog Missy, but it seems that in the past (or at least in media), the neighbor usually handles that role.  As I drive towards Dulles Avenue, I always pass a driveway packed with boys who have grown tall and lanky!  I don’t know who lives there, but I’ve seen African-American guys, Asian-American guys, and white guys all playing basketball together.  When Gilmore Girls first came out, what drew me was not only the intelligent banter but the concept that they lived in a (too) close-knit town.  Everyone would eat at the local Luke’s Diner, and then people could hang out on their front porches and say hello to those walking by.  But they sure had a lot of gossip.  (And, as Phoebe said, when Dean made love to Rory, we were shocked.  So much for a clean series.)  I absolutely adored the neighborhood playground my brother and I frequented as children.  Okay, so maybe this concept is now dangerous in this day and age.  Then you can have those “gated communities” that Jessica/Robert/Rosemery (and my brother) are in (compare with the med center condos that Alison/Wilson/Cindy live in).

MARRIAGE
Ephesians 5:22-33

I always say that I feel more comfortable around guys than girls (verus for Linton he says he grew up feeling more comfortable around girls than guys).  The past few weeks I wonder how I came to that conclusion, both mentally and subconsciously in how I act.  I mean, I hung out with both while in school (and senior year it was a table of all females during lunch, man I miss Arlene and oh, her birthday was this past Sunday), and at church it wasn’t like the guys in my class treated me better than the girls.  I would also say that I have more guy friends than girl friends, yet if I lost my guy friends I would be sad but not as devastated as if I were to lose a friendship with a girl. 

Chris is a prime example.  In fact, I’m almost hesitant to call him a friend.  Is he more of a…frequent acquaintance?  Seriously, the only reason we hang out is through Linton (and satellite friends).  I have a [funny] birthday card that he gave me freshman year.  Little did I know then how rare that is.  Yet he’s probably going to be one of Linton’s groomsman, and I did invite him to my birthday dinner, I guess to even it out.  I also invited Nathan Kim, and we rarely talk.  In fact, we just see each other at football and usually don’t even exchange words.  But I know if I am in need of prayer or other help, he will respond, as he always emails back amidst his numerous activities.  And then there are Andrew, Nathan, and Inch.  Well, I haven’t been in contact with them for quite a long time now, but it’s okay.  I think I feel closer to them than the other people I’ve met from football simply because I met them through Vickie, and somehow that changed the dynamics in how I associate with them, like sending them Christmas cards.

Haha, remember when Tina Chen thought that David Kalloor and I were dating because he’d come over so often freshman year before either of us made many new friends?  It never occurred to me, and I never ever did/will have that thought concerning him.  Whereas with Siwei we, I have no idea how, hit it off right off the bat (where/when/who).  I could tell him everything that I tell my brother–that’s how close I felt with him.  But I barely met him.  At first I clung to thinking, “What does it mean to know my husband?” but like friendships, there are those you just click with and those you don’t.  So I’ve let go of that.  When I said no in Austin to a sweet guy who asked me out, he asked if it was because he didn’t believe in God.  “No, I’m just not attracted to you.”  Somehow, I didn’t feel it.  

Although, I think that has to do with our current culture.  If parents don’t approve of your choice nowadays, that’s usually overlooked instead of trying to reconcile.  In past customs (like the dowry) and in prevailing traditions (like the father “giving away” the daughter) though, it’s really a relationship between the two families, if not also between/within churches (The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony by Pamela Paul), dating with the approval of your community, who is in the place to help you weigh in the other factors of values and also keep you accountable.  That’s probably why Erwin and I are somewhat okay when thinking about arranged marriages.  I think the problem occurs when they make matches due to affluence and distinguishment, etc, as all humans end up messing up good systems.  My question to myself is, “If a guy I highly respect were to ask me but I just wasn’t feeling it, even after multiple extended rendezvous, would I accept?”  I think this is the wisdom I need to ask God about: the ability to discern whether an obstacle is the result of the need for discipline/perseverance (hurdle) or is the result of the need for a detour/fork (wall).  That’s what I’ve been trying to consider about waking up early, memorizing verses, personality in socializing, planning (using a planner works great for me, but Jennifer Lin says it doesn’t help her at all), kit with relatives, exercising, friendships as mentioned above, love languages….

PURPOSE
John 17:4

Last Wednesday, we met for FBCC Ladies’ Group.  The overall concensus was, we have no idea where we are headed and how our stories will end on earth and continue in heaven.  Many are figuring out whether to change to an entirely new area of study, or at least a new job within their current finished schooling.  The competition rises each year it seems among valedictorians/salutatorians, and I am amazed at just how ambitious and passionate they appear to be; you wonder if they will reach it, and if they will find satisfaction in reaching it.  As the dark clouds slowly dissipate, at times an epiphany or some clarity will shine through, but then it quickly disappears and I’m in a fog again, but still in a better state for seeing it.  I’m usually at peace when I think that I will be married while going about the house, how I’ve always vaguely but contentedly imagined it, helping supporting supplementing whatever he endeavors.  Despite that, Proverbs 31 had always bothered me, but even now the Proverbs 31 woman is now a celebration and challenge.  This always-wife desire and this in-the-Bible-but-doesn’t-seem-right disenchantment is finally coming together.  I guess I didn’t realize that it made me feel intimidated, incompetent, hopeless, exhausted (in my own power) like reading the goals of the graduates.  Instead, as God is making us perfect, as women He is making us her (His power with our participation), in our own unique ways. 

Of course, having “peace” doesn’t always mean I’m on the right track, but again you can’t discount it either.  I get restless when I think that I have been blessed beyond what I could’ve asked or imagined and with that comes the stewardship of making great strides for His kingdom (and thus even before believing but being raised in church, missions was always attractive to my naive eyes).  The thing is, ultimately we are to obey and glorify, NOT to change the world.  I think it is in this that I am transitioning from abstractness into something more pragmatic, as I am slowly lifted out and glean the gems that can only be understood from coming out of trip-ups, temptations, and trials.  I was all tangled up in my buzz words of community/friends/romance/vulnerability/missions/reconciliation/prayer, I’ve forgotten to “look up!”  I’ve been trying to figure out what God has given me a gift in, where God has placed my passions in, and how it could all work in this current culture, but conclusively regardless of techniques and training, the umph will be from God.  

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.  Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.  For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! (Philippians 3:7-16, Romans 11:36).

AMEN.

Bible: James 1:1-6

Wednesday we had Ladies Group about Sin.  Meditate on Romans (e.g. 7, 8, 10, 12) and Galatians 2:20.  I wonder what it says about my heart that I’m more bugged by pet peeves than by sin?  People don’t have a sense of responsibility over themselves nowadays.  Why aren’t we made perfect immediately?  It’s interesting that someone commented that it appears that older people have a harder time accepting this than younger ones due to experiencing more of the fallenness.  We went around the room answering different questions, and mine was “What types of things do people do in an attempt to do penance for their sins?”  I was reminded what a friend shared with me: “If there’s no way I can make up for it between me and you, then at least I could turn it back on myself, through psychological or physical self-punishment.”  Thus there are those who punish themselves (Christians skipping Sunday services), others who try to make it up (Catholics starting to go to Sunday services by confessing to a Father), and those who will get something to symbolize/remind them not to do the sin again.  Thoughts?

I went to WaMu to set up an account with them (they’re so much better, with FREE online bill pay, etc.) so that I could start paying back my UTEP Perkins Loan.  For dinner I met up with Christina Tam at Japaneiro.  She told me how some of the teachers, since the principal decided to retire after about 9 years, serenaded him with “Wind Beneath My Wings” LOL.  Afterwards we took a walk around Sugar Land Town Center then headed off to Bible study.  By the end of the night, Branden, Jeffy, Howard Chiu, Jason Chow, Joe Chen, DeHorne, Janet Poon, Charlene Tanhehco, Elizabeth Wong (with her freshly cut hair), and Jamie Fong were there.  Jessie Tan and her boyfriend Alex brought shrimp chips and the Good Humor Ice Cream Variety Pack (drumsticks, ice cream sandwiches, and bars - interesting that it says “not a low fat food” but then the front says “50% less fat from regular ice cream”).  I ate the sundae cone and the sandwich, yum!  My cellphone fell out of my back pocket onto the sofa so Daniel Shen brought it back to my house.  Andrew Fong led the study, following Rick Warren’s guide on James:

How to Profit from your Problems

CONNECT:  Why are you here [at Bible study]?  To be encouraged, to be held accountable in weekly study of the Word, to better our “technique” in studying the Word, to grow - in community.

GROW

• “James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ.”  James didn’t brag that he was the half-brother (son of Mary and Joseph) of Jesus but instead emphasized that he was a disciple same as everyone else.
• Problems: 
  (1) inevitable (it’s “when” not “if”), 
  (2) unpredictable (”face/fall into”, suddenly), and
  (3) variable (”many kinds”, in duration, in shades of colors), and (4) purposeful (”develops”, produces).
• Purposes: 
  (1) purifies my faith (”Women are like teabags. We don’t know our true strength until we are in hot water!” Eleanor Roosevelt),
  (2) fortifies my patience (endurance, staying power), and
  (3) sanctifies my character (mature, like Jesus) through the Word and through life circumstances.
• Handling: 
  (1) rejoice in (not “for”) the problems (not masochism, not divorce from reality, not martyr complex, I Thessalonians 5:16-18) because “we know“,
  (2) request/pray for wisdom to learn (otherwise God’s going to send us on another “desert lap”), and
  (3) relax (verse 6)
• Why does Jesus ask us to consider it pure joy when we face trials?  It’s inevitable, so you might as well make it a choice to be joyful in them rather than miserable in them.  Do not deny but seek joy in God, knowing He has a purpose/plan and is in control.  Trials is the first step in the process, pressing on towards maturity/completion/perfectism/prize.  Pure joy can’t be marred by circumstances.  I Peter 5:10-11 says we He will restore us and we will bring Him glory.
• In handling problems, which of the three is hardest for you?  Relaxing is hard because we are wired with a f(l)ight mechanism, our instinct is to do something about it.  Rejoicing is hard because circumstances are hard and it’s hard to see beyond that.  “It Is Well with My Soul“
• What does James tell us to do when we find ourselves in circumstances that don’t make sense?  If we don’t know what to do, we lack wisdom, so ask - for wisdom.  He will not punish us for asking.  We are not to be passive but to participate in His process.

SERVE

• Read II Corinthians 1:3-7.  How has difficulties in life prepared you in service to others?  Encourage another that s/he is not alone, not weird.  Maybe you’re going through something not for yourself only but also for another, someone who will be needing it even more.
• How has God comforted you?  And how has that been used to comfort another?  Even with a PVC, her surgery went well. 

SHARE with nonbelievers

• How can a life of problems open doors for evangelism?  They’re able to relate and know that Christians suffer problems the same as nonbelievers.  You can show them the other way of handling it, of using God’s wisdom.  The witness is in the approach, not “if” problems come. 
• In the five arenas (Family, Fun, Factory/Firm, Fellowship, and Friends), where can you start witnessing?

The weekend after Pi Day

Saturday, March 15, 2008.  This is the first of two Saturdays I have to work (half day).  It wasn’t too bad (no evaluations, surprisingly).  I parked at the golf course and Rick picked me up (so that I wouldn’t have to pay the $10 parking garage fee).  He’s doing this Saturday and next Saturday to make up for missing days to attend Dr. Barber’s bachelor party/wedding.  I’m a big help because usually Saturdays are done by only one therapist (COTA or OTR) and the OT tech Tiffani.  This way, I write half of the stack and he writes the other half of progress notes.  He was going to drop me off at my car, but by the afternoon due to the tourists and visitors of the area, there was a traffic cement barricade to the road so he dropped me off (he had to meet his family) at the intersection and I walked to the car (earlier we had joked that if he wasn’t finished and I was, I could leave earlier but I couldn’t since he drove me but techincally I could walk but that would take forever).  Good sunny exercise. 

After work, I gave the FBCC girls’ a call.  No one answered.  I was really frustrated because FBCC Career Group went to Project C.U.R.E. this morning.  In the evite I said I couldn’t make it but that I would be available for lunch.  Then, maybe they don’t read the evite replies, I emailed the girls a few days before, specifically saying that if they were eating afterwards to give me a call.  And I call them after work.  I began to feel very left out and that they don’t really want me there, which makes me not want to be there (let’s just say that my inclinations for FBCC isn’t exactly positive so this just adds fuel to the fire).  Janet Poon finally called me back and let me know that in fact Hector was having a BBQ at his place.

I was passing by and decided to pay Henry a visit.  Rick had bought me a breakfast taco but I didn’t feel so good stomach-wise in the morning so I kept it in the fridge.  Turned out to be helpful because I ate that plus a sandwich from Henry (he just bought some turkey sandwich meat) for lunch.  He is always so…bluntly..unapologetic.  He said that he didn’t have extra food for me, but then he said that I could eat the sandwich.  I swear, I don’t know how I had initially been able to look pass his “meanness”.  But Henry’s Henry, as Elliot and David and Kuan can tell you.  He had to go to his parents’ afterwards, so I left when he did.

I arrived as the couple who lives in Pearland left.  There was a LOT of food at the BBQ (as there always is at a BBQ).  One of Hector’s coworkers (now I forgot his name) struck up a conversation with me.  I wasn’t particularly interested but as always I gave him my attention and talked with him (I guess with me, one, including me, cannot tell if I am genuinely interested or not - I speak the same way, and just because I can’t think of anything to say doesn’t mean I don’t want to speak with you).  We talked about jobs, school, El Paso, etc.  Hector grilled beef, chicken, and sausages (he uses really yummy homemade sauces).  Daniel Shen baked some goat cheese with peach, I think.  Charlene said it wasn’t too bad, but Howard Chiu’s reaction is a classic.  Yeah, I’d prefer to not eat the two ingredients together (and was never much of a goat cheese fan, like Jamie).  I left when Jason Chow and his entire van (they had carpooled this morning from FBCC) left.

I called Christina Tam to see if she knew about it, but she couldn’t make it.  I offered to bring her food, which she was very appreciative about (Hector encouraged us to take some food home).  I perused her apartment space (as I always like to do :) hehe), then watched Birth starring Nicole Kidman.  I chose that movie because she had seen all the other movies (although she wouldn’t mind watching them again) and this movie her parents bought simply because it was on sale and had Nicole Kidman, an actress they had actually heard about (funny Chinese parents).  Christina also had a whole new large set of Prismacolor colored pencils!  How in the world?  She said some street artist just gave it to her…?  Anyway, Birth is quite…slow…and disturbing in the sense that it’s a grown women having sexual/sensual encounters with an elementary-school-age boy.  Anne Heche is in it (it took me awhile to figure out where I had seen her: “Men in Trees”).  It was really slow and we had fast forwarded some parts, so I don’t know if we missed anything, we were going to quit, but I just had to know the ending–we could’ve just zipped through to the ending.  Ah well.

Afterwards she really wanted to show me the video game Kingdom Hearts (I had not realized just how much of a nerd she is).  I was never much into video games, but it was sort of fun and interesting with the conversational bubbles asking with multiple choice questions (i.e. Are you scared of growing old?).  My eye-hand coordination is to the pits, haha.  Well, it DID take me awhile to learn to type, but when I finally did, I type pretty well.  Then I went to Lost Creek to walk with Daniel, Hector, and Charlene.  Christina lent me her younger brother’s swimming trunks, tennis shoes, and black Kempner T-shirt (BEAWARE with “Do not doubt that a small group of committed individuals can change the world.  Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has” Margaret Mead and “Be the change you want to see in the world” Mahatma Gandhi).  She was even going to lent me her ankle splint (I keep forgetting she can’t really participate in any of this kind of exercise, thus she didn’t join us).  I got home (empty) and heated up some dinner then watched random TV (The Newlyweds and The Bachelor: Special Edition).  For an hour and a half I tried to vent and feel sorry for myself but instead Vickie basically said the same thing as the Tshirt, to be the change I want to see in FBCC.  She sure wasn’t buying my pity.  She told me about going to the rodeo this year with Jessica, Robert Chang, etc.

Sunday, March 16, 2008.  I joined them for lunch (wow, big group!).  There was Eveline and Michael Ng, James, Linton, Phoebe, Hannah, Jacky, Jonathan, and Vickie.  I waved hello to John Hsieh and Bo, who were sitting on the opposite end of the restaurant near the window.  Vickie and I also said hello to…Tedman!  He’s working for…Jennifer Yu!  Just kidding, for HP.  He says he doesn’t really keep in touch with EPIC people except maybe Josh Winata.  Vickie wanted to exercise so turned out everyone went to Willow Park except Eveline and Michael.  Alan Bennett and Tiffany Lin showed up, but Wilson texted saying that the rest of them wouldn’t be there until later.  Alan left, and Tiffany said goodbye to Phoebe (since they were both Grace Tow’s bridesmaids).  We played ultimate football LOL.  I didn’t want to get hurt again but I did end up playing (4:4) and good thing there were no potholes because I couldn’t face the wrath of my parents again about my stupid ankle.  James made the decision to buy a football.

When it was time to leave, Jonathan wanted to wait to see his cousin Andrew.  He called, and Andrew told Jonathan that he was actually working this Sunday so he wasn’t able to make it.  I stayed behind and saw Tiffany again (she had gone back to finish up her paper/assignment).  Wilson, Jesslyn, James Hsia, Leon Chen, Nathan Kim, Eric, Gabriel (Henry’s Brazilian friend), and Timmy Yip all showed up.  I hate his cut shorts.  I don’t think they flatter him at all.

BTPC: Week 4

Monday, February 25, 2008.  As soon as I walk into the door a new patient asked to shave, so I threw my belongings into the office, stuffed half a banana into my mouth, then evaluated him before self-care group.  He had some hyperreligious tendencies (although of course we have to ask the family if this is “normal” - for him).  Since it’s Monday, we had the community meeting.  During this meeting, almost everyone, including patients and staff, gather in the day area and answer three questions:  (1) your name, (2) how your weekend was, and (3) what is your goal for today.  I stuffed the remaining half of my banana in my mouth during this time, then reported clumsily to the doctors, etc. during rounds (I didn’t have time to read the notes written by the other therapist, and I’m the person who needs preparation). 

A COTA student from the HCC program (Coleman campus) is here this week on a Level 1 Fieldwork experience.  It seems they have it harder than us (or when I went to TIRR) because she has to write some progress notes to turn in and satisfy some other objectives.  I think I simply had to journal about my experience.  I helped with the horseshoes group then finally ate lunch (well, first I ate my “breakfast” peanut butter sandwich).  Afterwards, my clinical instructor quizzed the new student on the symptoms of depression, schizophrenia, and bipoloar disorder.  Of course, as Jessica Ng had mentioned before, she had never ever heard of SIGECAPS either, thus she struggled to answer.  SIGECAPS stands for eight possible symptoms a person can display while suffering from depression: suicidal thoughts, interest level is decreased, guilt feelings that are inappropriate, energy level is decreased, concentration is poor, appetite is poor, psychomotor retardation (slow-moving), and sleep is poor (either trouble falling asleep or trouble staying asleep - atypical depression involves sleeping too much).  He also tested her on drugs, but he tested things that weren’t even available in the student manual to study (e.g. the difference between typical and atypical antidepressants, which drug involves drawing blood, etc.).  We ran out of time because our next OT group (soft darts) started.  

Finally, I got some time to write my progress notes from the groups, but I didn’t finish my paperwork.  Usually the other occupational therapist comes a bit later and thus stays later and so I stay later to finish up, but she wasn’t here today and my CI left early so I left with Sally and Janet.  It was good, because I was very tired (perhaps because the student is a talker, which she admits).  Additionally, I had a headache, felt slightly nauseated, and had a funny feeling in my jaw muscle (one of the bus passengers asked if I was okay).  I got home at 5:30, took a nap, ate dinner at 6:45, emailed Phoebe a revised version of the medicine charts I had created to help me study (i.e. add the difference between typical and atypical drugs, etc.), emailed Vickie and Tiffany Lin, then went to bed at 10.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008.  We had self-care group this morning, then I evaluted a new patient and showed her some of the self-care supplies we offer.  I attended rounds, observing how the two new medical students interview patients (there are three new medical students).  One of the respectful patients wasn’t doing well today, perseverating on a delusion? of a family member not calling him back or helping him.  Another patient came up to me and asked how he could get a job.  I finally finished writing up my two evaluations and went over my first rough draft of the final project (brochure) with my clinical instructor.  In the afternoon, I was supposed to listen to the DARS speaker but instead she couldn’t make it so my CI’s boss spoke on some community resournces (i.e. DARS, volunteering at Ben Taub, etc).  I guess it was a last-minute cancellation so she wrote the date wrong and wasn’t very organized.  I also got to see Rhonda Moore (Team C social worker) do an intake (sounds like any other interview, i.e. the same questions the medical students ask and the same questions we OT ask).

Wednesday, February 27, 2008.  I only had one group today, yay! in the morning (self-care).  We had a new patient and his name is sort of funny.  For example, pretend his name is Manly Duke, and it reminds me of Duke Man.  Okay, well, not the best example but I can’t give out information due to HIPPA.  Today is Technician Appreciation Day, so the department went out to eat at Methodist for Tiffani.  I bought a gyro (pronounced like “euro”) sandwich ($7.03).  When we came back, I showed a bipolar video to a few of the patients.  I also did some home instructions for a patient, with his family.  They were very supportive, and to me he looked pretty normal at this moment, except that he is in denial.  I felt for him, so I shared with them how I was recently diagnosed with MDD and how I am here right now, finishing up my schooling, to let him know that he is not alone and it isn’t always debilitating.  When I got home, I worked on my homework (three treatment plans) and also stumbled upon ”Creativity and Depression: Is There a Link?”:  http://www.thirdage.com/ebsco/files/25574.html.

Thursday, February 28, 2008.  Since the Level 1 Fieldwork COTA student is a fluent Spanish-speaker, Rick suggested that I use that to my advantage and evaluate two new Spanish-speaking patients.  Brilliant.  One of the patients is so sweet (it seems in African-American culture they’re raised to say “Yes, ma’am” and “No, ma’am” all the time) and recently got some money from family so he was offering to buy the staff food.  We declined, so he asked if we would mind helping him buy some stamps and all.  When he first came in he didn’t seem very hygienic so my goal for him was in that area, but since he’s leaving soon I went to check on that and he blew me away by how well he did it.  Discharges can come on suddenly, as with one of our manic patients this morning before rounds.  Today is Janet’s 27th anniversary to Danny!  I found it interesting, that at the bus stop, I (an Asian-American) was talking with Sylvia (a Hispanic) and a white woman was talking with a black woman. 

When I got my car from the Park & Ride and was about to exit US-59 to Sugar Creek, I heard a beep! and turned to my left to see Linton driving by.  I’m sure he was on his way to skiing with the Access peeps (and Chris Sun is leaving to visit his brother in Japan).  There were these two boys standing around the intersection of Chesterfield and Country Club, so I took the other way in.  Turns out they are currently attending the alternative school and are waiting for their ride home from there.  I also saw the same man wearing a mask, sunglasses, and gloves while walking with a stick; he waved so I waved back.  I always see him at odd times, so I don’t know if he has a specific walking schedule. 

Friday, February 29, 2008.  Pretty hectic, especially near the end.  We had a vendor speaker today about the Urban League.  They sound pretty awesome, even offering free computer classes (to anyone, including us) and helping those who used to be in jail/prison find a job to keep.  Rick did an evaulation for me, but then he got me to call Bingo instead (I was hoping to catch up on my notes and other evaluation writeups), haha!  I thought he’d do it since I was so behind in discharges (I had to catch a guy while he was going down the elevator with his belongings) and other writeups, but I guess because he had downstairs outpatient work this week as well. 

I had dinner with James, Jonathan, and Steve Mar at Yantze Chinese Restaurant (my first time).  It looked pretty nice (marble and gold -ish looks) and the food wasn’t too bad (a bit oily) for the price (it was like $5 a person).  As we were leaving, Vickie’s brother Johnny was about to start eating with Nick Chu and Mike Tape?  I called Christina Tam (sick) and Henry if they wanted to go to BASIC.  Henry declined because he’s probably going to hang with his parents since his dad’s birthday is 3/1 and his mom’s birthday is 3/4, although he was honest with me and said that also after that one/only time he went to BASIC he really didn’t want to go back.  We talked about Sunday football, and he says that although he won’t be there (parents) his Brazilian friend Gabriel will be there (with a frisbee).  Gas at the Walmart off of Beltway 8 was $2.98/gal (I paid $17.29). 

I don’t remember when this came up (over the past few weeks), but Jennifer Garcia asked me if I felt that it was worth all that schooling to come to where I am right now.  I don’t really want to analyze that because I’m so tired and I don’t see what it would do when I come to that conclusion.  Just move forward.  I think for me, I’ve learned a lot, but it doesn’t seem worth it because I don’t feel comfortable/satisfied right now.  Well, there it goes, I analyzed.  *Sigh* I feel so lost.  Well, tomorrow I’ll just eat burgers and such while gazing quietly into the water at Joe Chen’s parents’ house, and maybe play Scrabble.  I am prepared with my Tide-to-go.

BTPC: Week 3

As Hannah said, I’m a sixth of the way there.  W00t!

Monday, February 18, 2008.  Rick is a generous person: he bought breakfast tacos for the OT staff.  He asked all of us our preferred filling, so he brought me a chorizo to try.  I had two evaluations this morning.  I didn’t do one because the patient had thrown milk and threatened a medical student.  The other was easy to talk with (she has depression) but she denies her previous bipolar diagnosis.  She’s taking Spanish classes from her parole officer?  I had two OT groups back-to-back (I dislike these because I don’t have time to write the notes and get what the patients do in each group mixed up sometimes).  Each facility has a different way of correcting mistakes, and in the past they would write “void” or “error” after crossing out the mistake.  Today, however, they came to the conclusion that now it’s only cross out, initial, and date.  Thus after lunch I finished writing up all the notes.  I like to have all my items with me (e.g. lotion, chapstick, pen, paper) so I had asked if I could carry them in a bag/purse.  Rick said sure.  However, I picked a bad purse because it hangs across my chest and he said that patients could grab it and pull me down.  I didn’t think of that; I am not very good at forseeing possible threats.  We did our weekly feedback forms and then went home.  I finally did laundry, showered, and worked on my evaluation checklist to help myself.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008.  I observed Victor Holman lead his psych tech group in the morning.  Basically he asks everyone who they are, remind them who is helping them get better, and then encourage them to stay up during the day in the day area.  Rick complimented me on my initiative this morning in getting the precautions list (since Tiffani doesn’t come in on Tuesdays) and setting up for our self-care group.  Rick let the MSW know about one of our patient’s desire to return to class, but didn’t he tell me that I should encourage the patient to do that for herself?  Miscommunication really is the main culprit of a lot of problems.  That’s why if anything is up, clarification is needed with the other party involved.  However, you have to pick your battles.  After task group, I realized that Michelle had finished writing our self-care notes for us.  Wow!  Gracias!  So I only had to write the task group notes and finish writing up the evaluation from yesterday.  I spent the extra down time brainstorming for my rotation’s projects: the brochure and the task analysis.  It seems a lot of patients like the Bible.  One came up to me talking about God, so I referred her to Philippians but later I realized I was thinkng of I Thessalonians 5:16-18.  The bus has been off lately: it was late and drove past us anyway!  There’s a Vietnamese lady who I think works at Ben Taub.  Last week she saw me without crutches and asked about it, so we chatted briefly before the bus came.  Today she was waiting, too, and we said hello to each other.  When the bus finally came at 5 p.m., I got home and worked on the brochure.  James Wei called to let me know he, Linton, and Jonathan Eng were at Dimassi’s across from Wel-Farm but I had already eaten dinner.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008.  Every third Wednesday of the month Rick has his Patient Education Committee meeting at the building on Holly Hall.  Thus in the morning Michelle went over my two evaluations with me instead.  It was the medical students’ last day here (Dongni Yang and Brian Kelley) so they brought coffee and cookies for breakfast while presenting their powerpoints during rounds.  The rest of the morning I helped with task group, gave home instructions, and then got to know the new COTA Jennifer Garcia during lunch (she’s Filipino, lives in Richmond, and went to Elsik HS).  Rick had EPIC (new charging system) training so he wasn’t on the floor in the afternoon either.  He did call, however, to let me know that another patient is leaving today, so I did his home instructions as well.  He told me that he’ll probably come back in a year!  He is still delusional but keeps it to himself now and is even paying attention to other people, letting someone know that it was his turn.  We played horseshoes this afternoon and the winner wanted a pair of gloves.  One female wanted to braid another’s hair, so we gave them mini hair ties for that African-American row look.  One guy is homeless at the moment so he wanted some clothes from the back closet but I was told to ask first because the tech who keeps up with the closet is particular in its order.  

The event of the day occurred near the end of the day.  I was in the restroom when I heard a loud commotion right outside the door.  There must’ve been a few times when I thought it was safe to come out but then more commotion would ensue.  It turns out there was someone who had rushed into the elevator past the security, and then rushed into the unit wanting a shot for his HIV, just as Margie (a nurse) walked in.  Malcolm (a psych tech) had to perform a takedown.  It was a “reverse elopement” - the first that has occurred in the memories of the current staff (including Dr. Barber).  But I’m glad I got to leave at 4:10 p.m.!  Again, the busses have been funny, and it was so crowded that I had to stand on the bus home.  There were two African-American women who applauded when an Asian-American male stood up to give up his seat for an older female.  That was amusing.

Tonight was the first gathering of the ladies group of FBCC that is discussing Lies Women Believe (I didn’t buy it since I heard there were some major disputes).   Carolyn Kee, Jamie Fong, Charlene, Jessie Tan, Elizabeth Wong, and I met at Stephanie Chi’s parents’ house.  We START with prayer and then ended on time at 9 p.m. (thus we actually were only able to discuss briefly about the introduction).  I went home, talked with my brother on the phone, then emails to Judy Feng, Hannah, and Jennifer Lin.

Thursday, February 21, 2008.  We had self-care group, rounds (so many new patients), helped a patient leave for Peachford House, and had task group.  In the afternoon I had to practice delegating during Cooking Group.  It was nerve-wracking for me, but Rick said it went pretty well.  Sally showed empathy, saying “I was born a doormat” and had to learn how to delegate as well.  She also showed empathy for the new COTA, who’s working under a temporary license–I guess you always have that thought in the back of your head that you might not make it.  Today’s the last day for Michelle for a long while since her brother is going back to the Philippines to visit their dying uncle/father/grandfather (one of them), and then when he returns after three weeks she’ll be flying over to see him.

Friday, February 22, 2008.  I had the learning opportunity to evaluate a Spanish-speaker (where I would have to call for a translator in other cases), but I was recommended to hold off.  It’s interesting that Paul (a psych tech) makes sure that I have leisure.  I said that I like to read, and he told me that it’s really important to have a stress reliever such as running and in general having  a life outside of work.  One patient in self-care (I didn’t have the group) had to be escorted out due to shaving vigorously with his razor and causing opposition when Elderine tried to redirect him.  In the afternoon another guy came in and I tried to interview him but his thoughts were too disorganized for me to really understand where he was coming from (plus he was paranoid).  I tried to reassure him that we in the hospital were trying to help him, not sabotage him.  interview paranoid foi guy who doesn’t believe in hospital.  The good news for the end of the week is that this week is apparently my strongest week so far :-D.  I had dinner at Subway with Christina Tam and then we went to BASIC, where Pastor William Hsueh and his wife Cynthia presented on the topic of counseling (e.g. Biblical counseling, Christian counseling, etc.).  I went to bed at 11 p.m. (so tired).