Tag Archive

Friday.  Christina Tam and I met at Borders so we could carpool to watch Slant.  Craig Wen and Brian Thao-Huane were there, too.  I skipped out on FBCC’s monthly social: Iron Chef!  The secret ingredient was mango, and I heard the results were better than expected.  Jacky called at around 9pm to ask if I could watch their belongings while they did a run the next morning.  Uh..sure….

Saturday.  Christina and I again met at Borders to carpool to Jacky’s apartment, where Ted drove us four to be at Minute Maid Park at 7am.  They prepared, clipping on their running numbers, drinking water in the small cups being passed out, and stretching amongst the air “people” that would occasionally hit us (the way the air was blown and all).  We saw a man on stilts pretend he was a super-tall person, making balloon animals.  The girl and guy bunny suits wearing Astros attire came around to take pictures with the kids and whoever else wanted.  I’ve never participated in this sort of thing, so Jacky explained how it worked.  He paid $25 to participate, but they would get two free Astros tickets with an option of choosing from four games in the future (June 10, 11, 24, and/or 25).  They give you a timer that will start as soon as you step onto their carpet they have at the starting line and would stop when you step on the carpet at the finish line.  Some runs ask you to return the trakcer/timer, but this time they said the runners/walkers could keep it.  This is Ted’s first time, and afterwards he looked pretty winded (was it his knee, since he had a brace on? didn’t ask).  Jacky ran ahead.  Denver stayed with Ted. 

Christina needed coffee, so we walked around downtown.  We saw the “oasis” in front of Christ Church Cathedral–Christina couldn’t believe such a nice place in the middle of downtown.  She said she’d still feel unsafe walking around by herself, if I wasn’t with her.  I also saw some people waiting outside the Urban League.  We finally found this free-standing building all by itself on one side of the street to be Starbucks (good thing we used the map that the city provides atop the sidewalk, thank you Houston!).  At 8am, I bought her a drink (a grande mmchip frapp for $4.50), then we rested for a few minutes (she was carrying her papers to be graded in a backpack, then she volunteered to also carry Jacky’s, Ted’s, and my belongings–heavy!).  We headed back, realizing the run had pretty much ended (that was fast).  We had to walk all the way around since the doors were locked.  When we entered, a wave of stench (sweat and gym) hit my nose (never liked that smell).  Denver saw us, and Jacky encouraged us to get some food (he had his shirt off–not that it was attractive because I barely glanced, but that always makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason).  I stood in line for some lettuce wrap with meat on top (reminds me of that Chinese dish).  Jacky said there were also kolaches, so I stood in line for that.  They lady said, “Ham and cheese?”  Sure.  “Two?”  Sure….  JT said hi, and I think his girlfriend is Heidi.  She looks really familiar but I don’t know why.  Khon-Whey Tay was there with his two friends (they’re a couple of..Asian Indian descent?).  I wanted some fruit and found a pear within the tubs of water/ice/water bottles.  Was it supposed to be there?  I put it back, unsure of it’s cleanliness.  Later, after seeing many runners carrying fruit,  I realized I could use the water from the bottled water to clean it, but the pear was not there anymore.  Ah well.

I was so incredibly tired, even though I didn’t even participate, but since I wanted to have a somewhat normal sleeping pattern, I was determined to stay awake and not take a nap.  Christina and I went to Lowe’s to check out movies and their times.  Nothing particularly interested both of us, so we went to Fuddruckers at 11am.  By the time we arrived at her apartment, we would’ve completely missed the beginning of the movies we were debating on (sure bad at estimating time huh?).  We watched Stardust on her computer while eating lunch (I ate the big dog with chili and cheese while got the burger/fries/shake combo).  Phoebe called to watch the new Narnia movie.  So Christina quickly reviewed through the first Narnia movie on her computer, supplementing with verbal summarizations.  Then I browsed her books (she’s an English teacher at Kempner).  I asked about Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf.  She has no idea why the play references that; she was famous in the literary world and the title is a play on “who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?”  She took a nap while I looked Woolf up: “Dreadnought Hoax was a practical joke pulled in 1910 by Horace de Vere Cole and five friends, including Virginia Stephen (later Virginia Woolf)…Modern diagnostic techniques have led to a posthumous diagnosis of bipolar disorder…The ethos of Bloomsbury discouraged sexual exclusivity, and in 1922, Woolf met Vita Sackville-West.”  She committed suicide.

Christina suddenly got up and realized that it was time to go.  Good going, Christina.  She, Phoebe, Linton, Hannah, Tina, James, Jonathan, and I watched Prince Caspian at 4:30pm at Lowe’s (barely missed the matinee price for movies before 4pm on Saturdays).  Christina left because she was pretty wiped out.  Chris was at work.  I joined them (and Ariel came, too) at Avalon Diner for dinner at 9pm.  I got the turkey/avocado omelette for $10.  They ran out of the recommended-by-the-waitress dish of steak and eggs.  Hannah’s order was right, but James and Jonathan’s dishes were a bit mismatched–Jonathan wasn’t bothered much, just got the pork version.  The main question discussed for the evening was, “If you didn’t believe in Jesus, what religious would you follow?”  Here’s the breakdown: Phoebe said Unitarian Universalism (or Ba’hai or whichever incorporates getting along with all religions, obviously none of us know much), Linton said Mormonism (he arrived back today from Utah for business), and I think the rest of them said atheism (or James said burning incense to ancestors).  I said atheism/agnosticism.

We walked to Borders and sat for a bit (Hannah checked to see if there were any sales).  Then Tina jumped on another’s suggestion to walk to the water, “Yes, Tina needs to walk.”  The girls chatted about clothing (I think Ariel’s going to a wedding), then Tina suggested we get ice cream since Hannah regretted not ordering a shake.  Cold Stone Creamery was near Lowe’s, so we spanned the entire complex I guess.  James is always asking if something is junk food or not, or making explanations that it isn’t junk food.  Yeah….  “Not today” says Jonathan, since he got some.  Hannah got coffee with heath (yum).  Hannah mentioned a quarterlife crisis, which James somewhat related.  Linton says he hasn’t reached there yet, that he is still on the way up/forward to something.  LOL, it was funny how James said that he loved it when he resigned.  I got home at midnight and crashed.

Sunday.  Charles and I drove to Elliot’s house, where the three of us met up to carpool.  (Elliot couldn’t convince Ed to come, and so Pepsi didn’t come either.)  Charles drove us to pick up Henry from his apartment then headed to Jack In the Box at 1212 for lunch.  I ordered four grilled chicken strips for $4.64 (felt like a ripoff).  Then we got to MFAH at 1pm.  We browsed around until 1:30, when they started seating us to watch Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind.  The guys talked about having dirt on each other (and Ed Ly) and using it against each other, revealing it, etc.  We looked at the pamphlet they gave out for this Target Free Sunday (comparing the pictures of plants to their names).  Christina suddenly appeared and sat to my right right when the lights dimmed at 2pm.  I liked the movie because she was really going for understanding.  And she was amazing in all her abilities, as Lord Yupa already professed at the beginning of the movie.  Indeed, “What are you so afraid of?”  A lot of violence is borne out of fear of “the other.”  Henry says she should’ve died (there were Christian undertones), but Elliot said, “No, she has to live, so I can marry her” LOL!  Hey, she’s like Rocky and Gandhi put together, as Dave would say it, haha!  Who wouldn’t find her attractive?

Afterwards we went around to the exhibits (Pompeii wasn’t free).  Elliot teased Henry when he tried to explain one of the drawings on the wall, that the explanation didn’t exactly match what was written on the author plaque.  One artist painted Egypt abstractly (I don’t ever get it, so they make me annoyed).  We spent quite some time in the Korean exhibits.  Henry said he really liked the small wall-mounted plaque statue of the elephant in the other Asian exhibit.  Lastly, we observed the poles that important people carry/use.  Each had something on the top, so there were explanations.  Elliot really liked the one that went like, “Holding a kingdom is like holding an egg; hold it too hard and it’s crushed, hold it too loose and it will fall and break.”  Henry said he liked the quote that went something like, “A crab doesn’t give birth to a bird.”  The one that got me thinking was, “The hen knows it is dawn but lets the rooster crow.”  Christina found it to be anti-feminist.  Jacky called, so I called Wilson about football.  We sat around discussing the next step (board game?  buy Ziggity?  eat?).  Christina suggested we eat, Elliot of course suggested Fuddruckers (to which Christina got all excited about), Henry suggested Niko-Niko’s, and Charles jumped on that and made the decisive push to leave (5:30 pm).  I got the Hercules Plate.  Then we all left for home.  Charles stayed with Elliot to help him with his Microsoft Word.  I end up napping from 7:30 until 9 pm (sigh, so much for trying to stay up until nighttime).  Lil goo-goo took the trash out and left for her workplace.  I watched Dead Like Me because it was the only thing on and then went back to bed.

Not the television series season finale tonight.  That’s just how I describe how I’ve been feeling for quite some time.  And that’s what I’ve been telling people.  Like I wrote in an email three weeks ago when asked for a prayer request:  “On a personal note, I still feel lost, but it’s not this big suffocating weight and desperation, and I don’t really think it’s a bad thing either.  Still, I think what was said at Bible study was right on target, I really don’t even know what to specify except that I really haven’t touched that Bible in forever.  I used to read it every day.  So that is a step.  But just everything is on my mind really, like counseling and church and career and stuff….”  Before, it was this feeling of desolation that would be the catalyst of a stampede of thoughts that no one cares (e.g. second-guessing my friends and family, perceiving past gatherings from under the shadow of a dark cloak).  Just as Phoebe knows her fear of the stage is irrational, I know these thoughts are irrational, but it still doesn’t much help with untangling that knot during the deer-in-headlights moment.  Depression is irrational!  Or is it?  I remember Hannah made a comment after watching Lifting the Veil, saying she somewhat believes that some who have depression are more in tune with reality than us “normal” people because we “ignore” the atrocities and stick with an “illusion” of rosiness in order to not go “crazy.”

“Keep Breathing”
by Ingrid Michaelson

The storm is coming but I don’t mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that i know is I’m breathing now.

I want to change the world…instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I’m breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that I know is I’m breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

Anyway, I guess this is as good a time as any to at least sort a smidgen in my mind/heart/spirit:

COMMUNITY
Genesis 35:11

Last Thursday I drove my parents to Austin to pay a last visit before my brother left for one week (to visit his former roommate), to give him his luggage (so he can pack), and to clean out his fridge (because he can leave food on the stove and not ever eat or clean it out).  My brother and I are very close.  We grew up with the same parents and familial history, in the same household, went to the same school for awhile, even were in the exact class and period for a class or two in high school (personal tutor, baby!).  We initially hung out with the majority of the same acquaintances (and lack thereof) and shared in the same struggles regarding church and friends and connectedness that we still discuss to this day, many times while in his room chatting up to the wee hours of the night/morn and our parents would come and say time to go to bed!  We are considerably different when you meet us, no doubt, as I am more like our mother and he is more like our father.  And in fact since high school we have led very different lives and rarely hang out or even talk with the same people, friends, or each other.  Nonetheless, during those occasional phone calls, I would say that I still feel close and  would still reveal much embarrassing/humbling/shameful things to him.

By the way, he had moved into a new apartment (from the urgings of his currently ex-girlfriend) and bought some furniture.  Where did they come from?  The famous Craigslist.  I have never been to the site, but many many people have made references to it.  From my understanding, it’s a virtual (that sometimes eventually leads to a physical) place where people can sell and exchange practically anything, from sofas and endtables to jobs, pets, and discussions.  It reminds me of Facebook and Myspace, two sites which Jennifer Garcia is part of and asked me if I was as well (I’m not, and actually most people in FBCC don’t have Facebook).  I’m not part of Craigslist, either, but is it something to BE a part of?  But those in Facebook and Myspace are still part of that network since they are still signed up in it, right?  Am I still part of Xanga if I decide I won’t write in it anymore (no activity), even if I have two blogs hosted on it?  You used to need an account to leave a comment, but now you don’t.  Do those who have never signed up part of Xanga if they leave a million comments on others’ Xanga blogs?  What does it mean to be part of a community?  What does it mean to be part of a church, and to be part of His Church?

FELLOWSHIP
Acts 2:42-47

I have been faithfully attending church services on Sundays since childhood.  But this past January, since I’ve always hated it (since middle school and El Paso, and even in Austin), I made a conscious decision to just stop going.  I made no effort to wake up earlier than usual, and even if I did, I didn’t even consider the possibility of perhaps attending.  Not until I figure out which church to attend regularly (do I want to stick with FBCC with its new chapter?), why I feel the way I do about it (is it the environment, the specific social situation?), and my reasons for going.  Three Sundays ago, I told Tiffany that though I haven’t really been communing with God lately, and though I have never ever exactly lauded FBCC, I have come to the conclusion to return to FBCC.  Now I have to dissect what that entails.

Regardless of its vagueness, it was a difficult decision.  Vickie is in San Antonio, so that’s why she says she continues to attend WHCC (her default).  However, she says that when she returns to a more permanent stay in Houston, she’ll move to Access, which is where Phoebe and Linton are fellowshiping now.  Access is starting out as a small but highly committed group.  When it grows in size, how will it look like?  Are people still going to connect?  To start off last fall, Pastor Ted asked his congregants to read The Celtic Way of Evangelism: How Christianity Can Reach the West…Again by George G. Hurton III.  In it, the key to evangelism is through understanding and living as a fellowship among the people, and in time they will open their hearts to the God who knows them.  The old Roman way was for people to believe before they can belong, while the new Celtic way is for you to belong and eventually believe.  In other words, the community and not an individual brings you to Christ.  In many ways, it’s easier to tell someone the Gospel than it is to take someone where s/he consistently experiences the Gospel.

How do we belong?  I sure feel like I belong to WHCC and HCC more than FBCC.  I know I am at fault for not terribly trying much, but even though I don’t really try, I get invited to their birthday parties, their holiday celebrations, and their event gatherings.  They even apologize profusely for forgetting to add me onto their list and making sure I am included next time.  On the flip side, I try the hardest with FBCC (but not my hardest in general) by calling and emailing them to contact me to hang out, and instead I’ve come to expect voicemail and oh yeah, this is what we’re doing right now, if you want to come.  Is it because at least one or two people keep track of me at WHCC and HCC, but no one does here at FBCC?  That could make all the difference.  Or is it that I expect more (and keep a record of wrongs?) because I have decided to be included at FBCC but I am nonchalant with whether I am invited to WHCC or HCC?  I remember back in January there was a slew of WHCC birthdays, and then in February there was a slew of FBCC birthdays.  Somehow, I ended up going to the WHCC ones but not the FBCC ones as much; I don’t remember now, but at the time was it due to scheduling conflicts or did I finally decide to attend the WHCC ones because I was more comfortable with them?  What does it mean to expect the worse but hope for the best?  How do you have high expectations but….? 

When I entered college, I checked out a handful of Christian gatherings.  I joined a small group that was part of the then-called Chinese Bible Study because it was the thing to do and everyone kept emphasizing them.  Our group fell apart,one by one, until it was just the Bible study leader, me, and this girl who was highly committed and hadn’t yet accepted Jesus.  I felt sorry, but that wasn’t going to cut it, so I left highly disappointed and joined CCC.  Later, I learned that one of the girls who wasn’t that much of a believer became good friends with Kara and eventually made an amazing transformation through His grace.  The thing is, though you can encourage group ownership, it sure can’t be forced.  Anyone knows nagging doesn’t work, although we find ourselves doing it.  Haven’t you noticed with some you just click instantly and with others you don’t?  Some people find you dull, while others find you exciting, or at least around them somehow you light up.  Even if you give all the time you can, with all the sincerity and effort, with both of you seeking, even if you lived near each other.  Reminds me of that girl from Chicago: we had an affinity towards each other so we’d decide to meet up and all, but anyone can tell from our conversations that somehow we just weren’t clicking.  Eventually we both decided without words to call it off.  She was a smart and pretty girl; I wonder where she is now after UT Austin pre-pharm classes.

Maybe we’re defining incorrectly.  Back in high school, I was elected to be the Science Club president, with a new teacher sponsor.  It bothered me that our definition of a member was someone who paid the fee.  There were those who were super dedicated, coming and helping at every single event, while others never showed up but they did pay the money.  I didn’t enjoy being president, so for me to keep everything running was as good as it was going to get, not trying to change their pre-existing system.  Magnificat has an application process but afterwards you’re in for life.  Even with years of hiatus you are always wlecome to come back and use the resources.  I met Annie Shen at an HCC gathering, and she says she hangs out with HCC, serves in her home Asian church, and then attends a more American (or African-American?) church on Sunday mornings.  Seems fragmented and yet, is that something I want to imitate?  In a way, her method demonstrates that we together are the Bride of Christ.  Vickie’s always running around hanging out with all these groups because we are all interconnected (actually, if left to my own devices, I really don’t care to make new friends). 

Indeed, it is impossible to know everyone, even within a single church building (”Abandon Committees, Skip Teams, and Embrace Communities” by George Bullard), so is there significance in “choosing” a church?  Are we to attend, serve, and gather within one?  What does the modern-day “fellowship of the believers” look like?  I think my problem would be choosing, because many times events have been booked for the same weekend.  Do I even it out?  Or instead, focus?  Still, I remember in the past when someone at FBCC needed a bone marrow transplant due to leukemia; the whole church gathered together.  We have also drawn together to fundraise for missions we support.  And the Chinese churches have gathered together for events as well (although it appears that FBCC does that less than the others).  Our mechanic, dentist, realtor, and family physician all were borne from the network of these Chinese churches.  It’s like “The New Science of Networks” by Albert-Laszlo Barabasi (who wrote it after reading “The Strength of Weak Ties“ by Mark S. Granovetter).

Still, when I went to RecWeek it was a big deal since I didn’t commit myself to InterVarsity but to CCC:EPIC (who has their own similar conference: DWC)–the IV leader went to the CCC leader to make sure they knew about me and it was okay with them!  Actually, it is the close relationships I formed in EPIC, not IV, that continue to live on.  I’ve still visited Josh, sent a card to Jonathan Le, had a few meals with prayers and talks of our spiritual struggles with Marie when she stops in town, and exchanged sparse emails with Iris.  Which reminds me: before the birth of EPIC, Alice and I were part of a CCC cell group.  The concept is that, as it grew, it would split and thus multiply.  We had to decide who we wanted to go with: Ophelia or Kristen.  I couldn’t decide at all.  Eventually, on the Jester steps, Iris poured out her heart and tears and basically begged me to be part of the one she had chosen.  I don’t remember if I had chosen one yet at this point, or if I ended up choosing the one that she asked me to be a part of, but I just remember this particular heart-wrenching moment.  I’ve never felt so loved and accepted.  And then, even leaving a comment on a random Xanga where they just started their own EPIC, I never would have imagined that eventually she would pray for my sins, and then point me (with Rudi) to spent one night of our two-week road trip at a stranger’s apartment.  Not only did this sister in Christ open her place for us and provide hospitality, she also prayed for and over us.

FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS
Luke 15:1-7

Perhaps Josh had a better glimpse of how this all operates when he wrote his journal entry on seasonal friendships.  On the snowboarding trip, not only did I reinforce previous friendships but also forged new ones.  Liz prayed for me when she didn’t even know me, only because she knew I needed the spiritual support.  Now we still exchange postcards and emails.  I haven’t spoken to Ruth since I’ve moved back from El Paso; she was a wonderful roommate.  During the student orientation at UT Austin, somehow I ended up hanging with a Hispanic girl and an African-American guy.  I remember the incident when we were eating some free food in a large banquet hall, and he said that he really stood out.  “Because we’re under the skylight?”  “No, because I’m the only black person in this room.”  It was really nice to not be alone and to share the experience with others in the same boat.  I remember her waving at me later, and he visited my dorm freshman year, but now I don’t even remember his or her names (or faces….).  When we graduated, Sapna gave me an old photograph of when the three of us (including Reena) were in second grade? and I had played this detective game with them by planting clues: ”It takes a long time to grow an old friend.”  Back in high school, Carla Ortiz gave me this:  “Thanks for being my friend & for being the caring person that you are to me.  Your the GREATEST friend.  Happy B-day to a friend that means ALOT to me.”  I remember thinking, this is so out of nowhere!  I don’t recall any conversations we’ve had in the past, and ever since I have not a clue what’s going on with her.  She says I’m such a great friend to her, but how?  I know many times I’m nice to those I really would prefer never to hang out with again, but with her it wasn’t even that….

I remember back in Austin, Timmy Chui wrote about The Atomic Tiers of Friendship haha; wonder where he got his ideas.  Phoebe and Hannah have been gone for a week in Hong Kong and will be gone for another week.  I have been contemplating our relationships since I’ve been back at my parents’ place for the time being.  Phoebe and I grew close first semester of freshman year and then agreed to an accountability relationship thereafter until I moved to El Paso.  Hannah and I gelled a connection after her 22nd birthday while exchanging deep, dark, familiar yet unsimilar, privacies.  We’ve hung out I think usually once a week together on the weekends, but of course it’s not like before.  I think other acquaintances (not “friends”) know more about them than I do at this point.  I’m not exactly pining for the days gone by but rather how to take those spontaneous moments along into the future, how to cultivate the environment for our older selves in new stages, for the sake of the gospel, for our children.

I mentioned that we should be neighbors so our kids can play together.  Linton said, “But you don’t even have a boyfriend!.”  Indeed, I’m not even close to marrying, let alone having children.  I never really got to know my neighbors, but it turns out that I know a little more (thanks to my dad) than Phoebe and Hannah do about theirs (they say they’re new).  Linton has to feed their dog Missy, but it seems that in the past (or at least in media), the neighbor usually handles that role.  As I drive towards Dulles Avenue, I always pass a driveway packed with boys who have grown tall and lanky!  I don’t know who lives there, but I’ve seen African-American guys, Asian-American guys, and white guys all playing basketball together.  When Gilmore Girls first came out, what drew me was not only the intelligent banter but the concept that they lived in a (too) close-knit town.  Everyone would eat at the local Luke’s Diner, and then people could hang out on their front porches and say hello to those walking by.  But they sure had a lot of gossip.  (And, as Phoebe said, when Dean made love to Rory, we were shocked.  So much for a clean series.)  I absolutely adored the neighborhood playground my brother and I frequented as children.  Okay, so maybe this concept is now dangerous in this day and age.  Then you can have those “gated communities” that Jessica/Robert/Rosemery (and my brother) are in (compare with the med center condos that Alison/Wilson/Cindy live in).

MARRIAGE
Ephesians 5:22-33

I always say that I feel more comfortable around guys than girls (verus for Linton he says he grew up feeling more comfortable around girls than guys).  The past few weeks I wonder how I came to that conclusion, both mentally and subconsciously in how I act.  I mean, I hung out with both while in school (and senior year it was a table of all females during lunch, man I miss Arlene and oh, her birthday was this past Sunday), and at church it wasn’t like the guys in my class treated me better than the girls.  I would also say that I have more guy friends than girl friends, yet if I lost my guy friends I would be sad but not as devastated as if I were to lose a friendship with a girl. 

Chris Sun is a prime example.  In fact, I’m almost hesitant to call him a friend.  Is he more of a…frequent acquaintance?  Seriously, the only reason we hang out is through Linton (and satellite friends).  I have a [funny] birthday card that he gave me freshman year.  Little did I know then how rare that is.  Yet he’s probably going to be one of Linton’s groomsman, and I did invite him to my birthday dinner, I guess to even it out.  I also invited Nathan Kim, and we rarely talk.  In fact, we just see each other at football and usually don’t even exchange words.  But I know if I am in need of prayer or other help, he will respond, as he always emails back amidst his numerous activities.  And then there are Andrew, Nathan, and Inch.  Well, I haven’t been in contact with them for quite a long time now, but it’s okay.  I think I feel closer to them than the other people I’ve met from football simply because I met them through Vickie, and somehow that changed the dynamics in how I associate with them, like sending them Christmas cards.

Haha, remember when Tina Chen thought that David Kalloor and I were dating because he’d come over so often freshman year before either of us made many new friends?  It never occurred to me, and I never ever did/will have that thought concerning him.  Whereas with Siwei we, I have no idea how, hit it off right off the bat (where/when/who).  I could tell him everything that I tell my brother–that’s how close I felt with him.  But I barely met him.  At first I clung to thinking, “What does it mean to know my husband?” but like friendships, there are those you just click with and those you don’t.  So I’ve let go of that.  When I said no in Austin to a sweet guy who asked me out, he asked if it was because he didn’t believe in God.  “No, I’m just not attracted to you.”  Somehow, I didn’t feel it.  

Although, I think that has to do with our current culture.  If parents don’t approve of your choice nowadays, that’s usually overlooked instead of trying to reconcile.  In past customs (like the dowry) and in prevailing traditions (like the father “giving away” the daughter) though, it’s really a relationship between the two families, if not also between/within churches (The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony by Pamela Paul), dating with the approval of your community, who is in the place to help you weigh in the other factors of values and also keep you accountable.  That’s probably why Erwin and I are somewhat okay when thinking about arranged marriages.  I think the problem occurs when they make matches due to affluence and distinguishment, etc, as all humans end up messing up good systems.  My question to myself is, “If a guy I highly respect were to ask me but I just wasn’t feeling it, even after multiple extended rendezvous, would I accept?”  I think this is the wisdom I need to ask God about: the ability to discern whether an obstacle is the result of the need for discipline/perseverance (hurdle) or is the result of the need for a detour/fork (wall).  That’s what I’ve been trying to consider about waking up early, memorizing verses, personality in socializing, planning (using a planner works great for me, but Jennifer Lin says it doesn’t help her at all), kit with relatives, exercising, friendships as mentioned above, love languages….

PURPOSE
John 17:4

Last Wednesday, we met for FBCC Ladies’ Group.  The overall concensus was, we have no idea where we are headed and how our stories will end on earth and continue in heaven.  Many are figuring out whether to change to an entirely new area of study, or at least a new job within their current finished schooling.  The competition rises each year it seems among valedictorians/salutatorians, and I am amazed at just how ambitious and passionate they appear to be; you wonder if they will reach it, and if they will find satisfaction in reaching it.  As the dark clouds slowly dissipate, at times an epiphany or some clarity will shine through, but then it quickly disappears and I’m in a fog again, but still in a better state for seeing it.  I’m usually at peace when I think that I will be married while going about the house, how I’ve always vaguely but contentedly imagined it, helping supporting supplementing whatever he endeavors.  Despite that, Proverbs 31 had always bothered me, but even now the Proverbs 31 woman is now a celebration and challenge.  This always-wife desire and this in-the-Bible-but-doesn’t-seem-right disenchantment is finally coming together.  I guess I didn’t realize that it made me feel intimidated, incompetent, hopeless, exhausted (in my own power) like reading the goals of the graduates.  Instead, as God is making us perfect, as women He is making us her (His power with our participation), in our own unique ways. 

Of course, having “peace” doesn’t always mean I’m on the right track, but again you can’t discount it either.  I get restless when I think that I have been blessed beyond what I could’ve asked or imagined and with that comes the stewardship of making great strides for His kingdom (and thus even before believing but being raised in church, missions was always attractive to my naive eyes).  The thing is, ultimately we are to obey and glorify, NOT to change the world.  I think it is in this that I am transitioning from abstractness into something more pragmatic, as I am slowly lifted out and glean the gems that can only be understood from coming out of trip-ups, temptations, and trials.  I was all tangled up in my buzz words of community/friends/romance/vulnerability/missions/reconciliation/prayer, I’ve forgotten to “look up!”  I’ve been trying to figure out what God has given me a gift in, where God has placed my passions in, and how it could all work in this current culture, but conclusively regardless of techniques and training, the umph will be from God.  

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.  Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.  For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! (Philippians 3:7-16, Romans 11:36).

AMEN.

I stopped by the basketball court to shoot some hoops.  I chatted with Elliot on the phone about agenda and movies.  Then I dropped by Ben and Jerry’s to see David Kalloor before he left back for Austin.  Chris, Hannah, Linton, and Phoebe were there.  Phoebe apologized profusely to me, and I accepted.  David gave hugs.

Then, I went to watch Vickie play her first and only flag football game in the tournament.  She’s on Robert Hwang’s team, the Roaring Tigers.  Wilson of course had his Titans going.  I snuck up on Tiffany, who complimented me on my haircut.  James waved hello.  I sat next to Karin, who was there with her brother John and kites.  I talked some with David Zhao’s girlfriend Tammy.  I ended up cheering for the Tigers because Tiffany Lin, David Zhao, Annie, and Vickie were on that team, plus they had never won a game yet.  Annie’s sister stood in until Cynthia showed up.  Cynthia picked Jeff Tang to play for the Titans since they were missing a player (they were missing a lot, actually).  Inch made some good runs.  I ran/walked two laps around the park with Lisa.  Then we sat on her baby-blue blanket from IKEA.  Vickie asked James Hsia about his car.  Ed’s wife (Kara Wong’s sister) commented on how shallow the conversation was, so James shared that he was reading/memorizing a passage, which he recited to Vickie.

I finally gave Wilson the magic cards, haha.  I thought I was going to leave then, but then Vickie and Ed’s wife (Kara Wong’s sister) said they only had ten plays left.  Well, the Open League’s teams played after the Closed League played (more girls).  Haha, Robert Chan stepped out because he’s not that into sports.  He (he says appears swollen even after two weeks) told Chi-Chi to ask me about her jammed finger.  Jeff Chen, Nathan Kim, and Erin Pang were all on the Open League, too.  In fact, Erin’s the only girl (Joanne Wei was, but when she realized how intense it was, she dropped out) on the team, and by the end of the day she had fractured her pinky finger.  I watched as Rosemery walked their newly owned young dog (”like having to take care of a child”) who was playing with another person’s dog.

We went to Fuddruckers.  Vickie and I arrived at the same time, coincidentally.  She ordered the long hot dog, and I got the S’room combo (I shouldn’t have gotten the fries after all, oh well, starving since I didn’t eat lunch).  I got my food fast, before those who ordered before me.  As I sat down, Aaron Fu introduced himself to me (after Vickie introduced herself to him).  He ended up talking much with Lindi, who sat to my right (he sat in front of her).  Actually, one time he leaned over and whispered something in her ear, to which Jasmine (who sat at the head of the table to my left) asked if they would share with us.  The two of them just smiled.  Aaron has traveled a lot growing up.  Alan Bennett sat in front of me.  I think the three of us had a decent conversation going: Alan says his family celebrates Chinese holidays but not all out, Jasmine asked me about how I met Jocelyn Chen, the two of them talked about.  To Lindi’s right sat Lisa, who was sitting next to Vickie, who were talking with Robert Chan, Chi-Chi, and the Jeffs.  Jeff Chen shared about him leading a small group.  There wasn’t enough room so Wilson, Robert Hwang, Cynthia, and Tiffany sat at a booth and James, John, and Karin sat at another booth.  I left before everyone, at 9:30 because Mom called.

“That sounds dirty for some reason,” said Phoebe.

Since David’s in town to attend Sophia Hong and Calvin?’s wedding yesterday, we met up today before he left.  Linton drove down from church with Phoebe to pick me up from my house to meet him at Star Snow Ice near the intersection of Dulles and Highway 6.  We spent about two hours there (2-4 pm), chatting and eating/drinking.  Linton, as always, paid for us all.  He got a orange float?, Phoebe got a milktea with the pearls, David got ?, and I got ice topped with grass jelly, taro chunks, the green beans, and the red beans.  David asked what taro was, and Linton said they were like potatoes.  David made a face.  LOL, I never realized how nasty it must sound to him and others who don’t usually eat this.  I mean come on, potatoes, grass?, and beans atop shaved ice? 

Well, the main topic of discussion really wasn’t about food.  It was about masturbation.  For those of you who know Linton, and those of you who know David, and to see them together interacting on the topic, you know what I’m talking about.  Indescribable.  I wouldn’t be too uncomfortable discussing the topic candidly except that we were in that…public place.  Linton, in his normal-volume (which is usually slightly louder than most of the people I hang with) voice, said that he doesn’t find masturbation wrong as long as it’s for release (it’s healthy) and not for lust.  I didn’t hear that last part, and I asked what about other things that give the self pleasure.  At that moment, David thrust his drink away and said, “Sin!” in a high-pitched tone of voice.  Of course, they started giving scenarios.  David said that he’d start judging everyone who eats ice cream, pizza, and the like (keep in mind David adores pizza, it’s his favorite food group).  Linton went off of that, saying that David would bar a waitress from delivering a large pizza, it would fall on the tile, and then David would literally break down and start scarfing down the pizza right then and there.  David added that he’d take only breathing breaks to say “Forgive me, Father, for I know not what I do” and demonstrated by wiping his lips with his arm as if it were occurring at that moment.  Linton then linked more to YMCA (which I didn’t understand since I didn’t watch the same TV that they did while growing up) and apparently the commercial had men (e.g. a construction man) who people suspected were homosexual.  He found it more hilarious than he anticipated, and got up and laughed a good hearty Linton laugh.  And much much more….

Linton helped David with his tire pressure (the one with the two nails stuck in it) and added some gasoline as well.  Phoebe and I rode in the bed of David’s truck for barely any distance, but of course it was still somewhat exciting.  Phoebe said it reminds her of the first time she did it, on the back of VincentTao’s truck, while on ___ (a highway in Austin which is apparently not recommended).  There was a lone lovebug (versus the usual two connected) and Linton exclaimed, “He’s masturbating!”  Linton helped Phoebe down from the bed of the truck (and he offered to help me as well, but I just helped myself).  It looked like he was encouraging her to “jump into my arms” literally, like in figure skating, like in a fairy-tale ending LOL.  They they started elaborating, saying that Linton will also try to maybe “practice” kissing by blowing them, and then Phoebe will avoid them like Neo avoided bullets in The Matrix.  One will hit her leg, and she’s say, “Oh, it burns, it’s like fire.”  Never a dull moment void of imagination with these two guys, my favorite guys besides my dad and brother, teehee!

Hm, I don’t think I was much company this afternoon, but thank God these are my closest friends and they understand.  By the time I got home, I didn’t think there was a point to try to play basketball or football (I was in one of my…moods and decided to keep moping).  Instead, I watched a lot of television:  Psych, L&O:SVU, Dead Like Me (my brother likes this show, but I feel the protagonist is a bit whiny), and Without a Trace.  And time flies, it’s midnight.

Jonathan wanted to have a prayer meeting so first we went to Yantze to eat.  Since my haircut Tuesday evening, I hadn’t really done anything to my hair because I didn’t want to bother with it.  I didn’t leave the house.  But I showered and worked on my hair with my Dad’s hairgel for a longer while than usual.  I got to the restaurant a bit early, planning to read a bit of the book Rebecca lent me.  However, I saw Steve Mar go inside so I went in as well to chat.  He told me about his credit cars, complimented me on my new haircut, told me about his haircuts, talked about enjoying blobbing (like a seesaw and jumping on so the other person flips up almost as high as the platform and then back into the water), etc.  Linton and Phoebe showed up and complimented me on the haircut.  I told Phoebe about the book Rebecca had lent me (that I hadn’t really started reading). 

Then Chris, Jing, James, Jonathan, Peter Lee, and Perry came.  The guys ordered family style (the 12-person combo wasn’t a deal).  Phoebe ordered hollow-heart vegetable (go, Phoebe! hehe).  Linton felt compelled to clean all the dishes, as always.  Jonathan introduced Perry, who they had met on Meta retreat.  Perry grew up in Portland, Oregon, and went to OSU for EE but then moved down here for his job (and doesn’t really know anyone).  We went around saying where we graduated from, where/when our job, and what our favorite food is.  Steve said Mexican, I said Chinese, Phoebe said curry, Linton said BBQ and anything cheap, James said ?, Chris said Chinese, Jing said steak, Peter said ?, Jonathan said spaghetti, and Perry said ?.  Michael and Eveline came later.  Jonathan’s really stepping up!

Outside, we took a group picture with Linton’s camera.  He said he would upload it (which I interpreted as onto facebook because the others were talking about facebook), so I asked him to email it to me (but the way he nodded I think he was thinking, I just said I would, so I guess he meant he would upload it onto his computer and subsequently email it to us).  Then, we dispersed to go to our cars to go to James’s apartment (I was hearing some guys asking who was driving and who was riding/carpooling).  Linton or James asked me if I knew how to get there, to which I answered not at the top of my head but as always will use the dependable GPS to direct me as in the past that I have gone to James’s place.  James responded with his usual, “Oh no!”  I did not think twice about it until I was going to put my GPS in place and James knocked lightly on the passenger side of my car.  I unlocked the door and he came in, so he could direct me.  I was annoyed because I don’t need anyone to direct me since I’ve already made multiple trips to his place by myself–the only reason anyone would do that is to talk to me (like if Phoebe had sat with me).  And usually that reason is fine–except in this case, because of our past conversations and incidents.  I was too upset (I’d admit it was disproportionate, which bothered made it all the more worse) to really think of how to address it appropriately and delicately (also because I was driving) so I listened as he told me he was starting a three-month-Bible-study-group boot camp.  In essence, with Simon Lee, they’d wake up like at 5 am to exercise before work.  It also involves no junk food for the three months (easy for me), memorizing verses, and….  I don’t know who else is doing it with him.  He can only miss two times or he’s kicked out (to prove his commitment).

We went around talking about our worst/best moment of the week.  We were all pretty vague and lackluster in our answers, until Peter remembered an incident that happened this past Tuesday.  I don’t think Chris would have mentioned it except that Peter brought it up.  Peter had ordered a drink for him, who was enjoying it when around 10 pm the security people started checking IDs around the bar.  Turns out Chris never renewed his driver’s license since January when our licenses expired.  So they literally snatched the glass from his hand and asked him to leave.  Then, he was told Friday mornings are the best times to go to the DPS so that’s what he did, except the line was so long he couldn’t wait without missing work, so he had to leave. 

Then prayer requests were next.  Linton shared that David Kalloor was driving from Austin to Houston right now–with two nails in his truck tire, with Rean in the passenger seat, and with eyes needing glasses (which he has not been prescribed yet).  Phoebe said, “When I think of something, I’ll let you know.”  I asked them to pray for my NBCOTE, although I had a lot of deeper issues that need prayer, but I wasn’t willing to tell this group about it.  But Michael and Peter were, if only but vaguely.  Michael in summary said he needed spiritual renewal.  Peter was even more vague, saying that whatever he had vaguely mentioned at the beginning of the year the situation is still the same.  It’s a “waiting game” that will “need some luck”, and he doesn’t know where he will be six months to a year from now.  Perry said he thought he was meeting up with his girlfriend but something about that didn’t work out, and that he needed time for himself in order to do things.  Chris said he didn’t have anything.  Jing said he’s leaving for Dallas tomorrow to talk with some people about a family and school issue (he went into details).  Jonathan shared about time management.  Steve and then James copied Chris and said they didn’t have anything.  Jonathan also prayed for Eveline (studying for her UH exams), Vickie (finding an apartment), and Braden (regarding his job situation).  I stayed some minutes to watch the Rockets (turns out last) game then left at 10 pm to drop off Phoebe.  Linton and James walked us out to my car.

At Discovery Green, David came up behind me and asked, “Do you want children, Amy?”  I found that to be out of the blue but answered honestly: “Not really.  Why do you ask?”  When I answer that, I am always a bit hesitant because I feel that whoever around me and hears will look down on me in a little.  It seems almost all “good” people would want a child of their own, and especially if I want to get married.  In other words, I feel like the guy I want to catch will probably want a kid–and that’s a big thing for me to not want one.  And in a sense I feel I have the obligation, when I marry, because (1) I don’t know if we’re always going to be having protection while having sex, (2) if I have the ability and there are other women who struggle so hard to have one naturally instead of adopting, and (3) I am blessed with a husband and the ability to birthe (which I don’t know yet obviously but nothing is making me doubt it) then aren’t I also called to produce holy (as holy as it can be, being still on Earth) seed?  Eh, not to worry for too long at this point in time for me.

I have always wanted to be happily married (whatever that means).  But, I don’t want my kids to inherit this mental illness streak, especially a worse one.  And to have children (because I’d like to have two for them to play with each other and relate to us parents haha, but two only) means when they’re conceived, you’re going to have them for the rest of your adult life.  Yes, they’ll grow up and move out, but you’re always going to see them as yours and your responsibility, plus they’re going to want to (hopefully) keep in contact with you and all.  They say you don’t have to be perfect to accept Jesus’s gift of saving you (true), and you don’t have to be perfect to marry someone (true again), and you also don’t have to be perfect to have kids (true), but the latter one seems to be the hardest for me to grasp.  Every single movement and word and facial expression and gesture will be picked up by your child–talk about accountability!  Yesh, they will see, but I’m afraid they will learn!  At the same time that I am learning how to be a mother, as well as probably holding down a job, and still learning about being a woman.  People say they pray for their future spouse every day.  I say, fabulous, lovely, continue to do so.  But also, get down on those knees and pray for your future children!

I remember at the first Global Cafe, while AliceSun was on my left and Phoebe was on my right, we were talking about relationships.  AliceSun happened to have a really cool guy with her, and she says it’s almost too good to be true for her because usually the guys she falls for have a lot of problems.  Phoebe shared that, since Linton will propose to her within a year, she really had never thought of joining her life with another.  That, unlike Grace, she had never dreamed of getting married (like those other girls who practically have their entire wedding planned out, or I guess even like me, knowing I’d like to be married but the details are unclear).  Always wanted to be hitched, never wanted to have the little ones.  Only time will tell.

When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would send and have them purified. Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, “Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.” This was Job’s regular custom.

Initially the tentative plan was to go to the iFest: Out of Africa, then see the Lucy exhibit at the HMNS, then go to Hermann Park, then eat dinner at Star Pizza (because David’s in town).  Well, since Lucy was extended, and no one really said anything about wanting to go to iFest (it was reported to not be that spectacular, so didn’t want to spend the money), we ended up checking out the new Discovery Green Park downtown right outside the George R. Brown Convention Center.  Phoebe, Hannah, David and I met at Linton’s house, where we carpooled from.  We got some ice cream from the ice cream truck.  Jacky and Chris came later.  We strolled through the park: chatting, looking around, casually throwing a football, taking pictures, checking out the colorful parking garage, and finally stopping at the Listening Vessels.  Using the structure, David and I sort of caught up, but of course his unique comments always make me laugh (I don’t remember what we talked about).  Chris was quite surprised that it worked, but Jacky didn’t seem to hear anything LOL.

Next stop: the famous Star Pizza.  On the way there, we passed the Urban League!  So that’s where it is.  In the car, they were talking about their favorite instruments.  The cello is apparently on the top three (besides the piano and drums, for David).  Laurie joined us at the restaurant.  The Boston/Atlanta game on TV was right in front of us.  They ordered a (large?) Margherita - Chicago style on wheat, Chicken Alfredo - New York style on wheat, and Starburst - New York style on white.  David took a slice back, for Elliot.  We played musical chairs (or rather, we took turns going to the restroom and people switched seats to talk with others).

Then we headed toward the “Austin part of Houston” because of its “eclectic feel”–Montrose.  We got slightly lost because there were two “Hollywood Food and Cigars” and a “Hollywood Vietnamese Restaurant” near where Inversion Coffee was.   Laurie drove Hannah and me; she has a new two-door car that looked pretty different from what I’ve seen.  The mileage meter is absolutely huge, and then it has a lot of other technological gadgets, such as saying how much gas efficiency it currently has.  Laurie says another reason she bought this was that the re-sell value was quite high as well.  Unfortunately, not knowing a lick about cars, I can’t tell you/don’t remember what car she had.  Inside, they offered a lot of brochures and such to pick up, so I found out about some free film classes - that had already passed.  Oh well, I’ll still pass them along, Elliot might want to check up on them regularly to see if there are any in the future.  The place also had art from the Children’s Prison Arts Project (CPAP). 

Most got coffee; Linton got chocolate milk, which he gave to rest to me.  There wasn’t enough room so the guys sat on the curvy couch while the rest of us and David sat on the chairs along the wall leading to the restrooms (which had some plumbing problems - the girl behind the counter who just started a couple of weeks ago helped me out with a plunger, saying “This is not in my job description” haha).  Linton asked David to play chess, then Hannah, Phoebe, Chris, and I played Chinese Checkers - the Cantonese way (you can jump equal spaces before and after another piece).  Hannah won, Chris got second place (wow!), Phoebe got third, and of course I got dead last (I still had like five moves left after Phoebe finished).  Phoebe and I played Mancala afterwards (after I used Chris’s phone to look up the rules).  I was on the fringe and couldn’t hear everything before we started the board games, but I do recall two stories.  Linton asked about embarrassing moments:

• David shared about being in a car with a girl, and during a turn or rough patch the girl placed her hand on his leg briefly then said “Sorry.”  He replied something to the extent of, “That’s okay, you can leave it there as long as you want.”  She paused and then turned and looked straight at him.  Awkward silence on the rest of the journey…..Linton asked David if he was aroused.  The rest of us were like, “Linton!” haha like his dad.  David answered no.
• Linton egged Chris on to share his story where he ended up “stroking” a girl.  “What?!” exclaimed Chris, “that’s totally not what happened.”  In elementary or middle school, he was at his desk behind a girl.  He was just shaking his leg as some of us do at times, but then he realized he was shaking his leg against the girl’s leg.  Oops.  He stopped and apologized.  The end.
• They asked me for one, but I couldn’t think of one at the top of my head.  “Preferably one involving hormones.”  Hm….

Saturday, Feburary 16, 2008.  In the morning from 10 to 11:30 I did something but I forgot.  I tried to be productive by uploading pictures and comics, neatening up my room, and showering.  After picking up the Lins, we met Vickie at House of Bowls at 5:30 p.m.  She just wanted a discussion with her close girl friends without the guys for once.  I enjoyed it because it’s not often to hang out as a group of females nowadays.  Then, the guys started showing up.  Linton came, then David Kalloor, who brought his STIM friend Leslie.  They didn’t go to the same locale (she went to the Philippines), but they did the training together, as did Andrew Eng (he went to China) that year.  Much later Brad Eng and Denise (who apparently are dating right now) came by as well.  Hannah is the first to give me her Bible verse memory scrapbook page from my birthday!  I was so excited so when I came home I read it.  Along with it and a homemade card (talk about awesome), she gave me Diary of a Wimpy Kid: A Novel in Cartoons by Jeff Kinney.  I read the whole thing in one sitting.  It’s an easy read, but I found it so dejecting.  It’s a story about an immature boy who thinks he’s all that but in reality doesn’t take responsibility for any of his actions.  I guess the essence reflects the human condition.

Gladys Aylward in what is thought to be her only photograph
Courtesy of Moody Bible Institute

Inch came later all dressed up.  Apparently yesterday he and Sarah Kim had spent literally the ENTIRE day (since 5:30 a.m.) together because they drove to Austin to attend Eunice’s wedding.  It was an enjoyable day.  Unfortunately, the last fifteen minutes of their drive back wasn’t too hot.  I told him about Friday.  Jeff asked why I wasn’t playing (my ankle).  Anyway, tonight Harvest Community Church has an evening service and he was going to attend and thus he just wanted to drop by and enjoy the weather.  It really was splendid.  Andrew Eng arrived late and he came over to say hi.  He said he wasn’t playing because this is supposed to be a ministry so he’s letting the other people play first.  Inch commented on how Andrew’s shirt wasn’t as tight as he thought it would be (it’s a medium apparently).  We made other random comments, such as James Hsia climbing to retrieve the frisbee that ended up on the awning over the windows of the school.  I saw Kelvin so I went over to return the wrap that he lent me for my ankle.  Nathan Wang joined in later.

Tiffany Lin is amazing.  She struck up a conversation with me.  She asked me where I was working, and she said that actually she thinks that’s where she thinks she’s going to go for her psychiatric rotation (near April).  She expressed her disappointment in the working world and in herself when it came to God.  She said right before she started she had gone on a mission trip where she incorporated her medical skills and at the same time was able to ascertain the patient’s spiritual well-being as well.  However, now she’s so busy and on-the-go that she finds that she doesn’t have the time to do that, and isn’t even sure if it’s appropriate.  She reminded me of myself, when I went to Mexico with Nathan Kim, Lois Lim, Melvin Feng (”!esta bien!”), and Jane Park the week right before I moved to El Paso.  I didn’t even go home–my parents picked me up from Laredo and then we drove up to the Mountain Time Zone.  I was so hyped, and I really did feel like I was still in Mexico.  *Psi*  I find it also interesting that she asked if I found a church community.  It was like she got the core of my current issues.  How did she know?  I explained to her that the past year I had actually attended as many FBCC, WHCC, and HCC events I was invited to.  Somehow FBCC doesn’t plan as many or something, but the group I’ve ended up feeling the closest to has been HCC due to their weekly sports outings. 

I also asked Jesslyn to walk with me (I had anticipated Lindi was going to come so I could return her jacket, or Teresa Chii since she’s leaving Houston).  At the end she asked me if I was interested in missions.  I found that interesting; was she thinking about it?  She said somewhat, like either supporting here in the United States or teaching overseas or something of that nature.  I said that I hadn’t seriously thought of it, but I was always enamored of it even before I believed in God.  I told her how just this past Friday I had heard the descendent of James Hudson Taylor speak, and how I grew up being awed not only by him but by George Mueller, Gladys Aylward, Elisabeth Elliot….

I left early to join Phoebe, Hannah, Vickie, and Linton.  He decided to cook dinner for us since his sister was away and Vickie was in town and he usually eats with the Lins.  Vickie and he went to buy groceries, then the girls did work while he cooked.  He made lamb with two different sauces (ketchup with hoison sauce, and one with oyster sauce), baby bok choy (slightly over-cooked), sauteed onions, corn, and baked boned salmon.  Rebekah came home later.  Vickie initiated a conversation about flirting for attention from guys (doing good for the other versus leading the other on), emotional attachment (is okay), codependency (if the other’s wellbeing is wholly dependent on another), and other similar topics. 

A weekend of many thoughts….here’s a list of books about missionaries:  http://servinghimathome.blogspot.com/2005/12/missionary-stories-to-inspire-children.html