Legacy

Monday, I went over to Diana’s house (met her aunt and uncle briefly) to accompany her as she packed her clothes.  Their driveway was full of vehicles.  She had told us before that her father was nobility back in Korea.  I wonder what he does now.  We met up with Susan for dinner at the Chili’s near Kirby, went to Berripop afterwards, then sang some worship songs (she played her guitar) back at her house.

Thursday/Tonight, Peter wanted to watch Mongol so Jonathan, James, Elliot, and I joined him at the Angelika at 7:30 pm.  Elliot says Henry looks up to a lot of rulers (such as Alexander the Great) and the top of his list is actually Genghis Khan, so Elliot will report to Henry about this movie.  I picked up Elliot and got to the area early but spent a good half hour finding where to park (the entrance that I had used before when I tried to meet with Vickie for Iron Man was blocked off with cones).  We finally find an entrance (thanks Elliot for stopping a valet parker) but the lady collecting the money is grinning way too much.  I asked about the free parking through going to Angelika.  She cuts me off saying, “Nope, $6 please” with this huge grin.  That is one of my pet peeves!  People are way too happy about a situation that doesn’t call for that.  You can be politely smiling but not ear-to-ear, making me feel my plight is no concern of theirs or is not of any concern.  Grrr.  I still keep asking and she perkily says quickly with the same plastered grin that it would be $6.  She goes as far to say that do we not have the money or something.  We pay (or rather, Elliot does, since I have no cash).  Well, we finally realize that when we buy our ticket, they take the parking fee off (thus Elliot only paid $1 since he used his student ID as well ($7)).

Afterwards, thankfully having Peter here, we quickly decided where to eat.  He is good at offering many choices, and then if no one speaks up he’ll make a decision and see how we react.  We decide on a place near the restaurant where a guy was shot to death.  It was closed at this time of the day, so they called me (I drove Elliot) to meet at Cafe 101.  I ask why they chose that place, and it was a compromise, meaning it was a place no one wants to go, lol!  See, Jacky was waiting outside the first choice restaurant but didn’t try to go in.  So when the other guys arrived and tried to go in, they found out the doors were locked.  Two guys wanted to go to FuFu’s, but Peter and Jonathan had already gone there on Monday and didn’t want to go again.  The other two wanted to go to another place, but they weren’t feeling it.  So the compromise was Cafe 101, that no one wanted to go to, so everyone would be unhappy.  Haha, thanks, Peter.  Actually, Peter gave each Elliot and me each a bowl (I was stingy and didn’t order) from his own meal.  Aw, how sweet!  Peter is always doing these sort of things. 

But actually, Elliot was waiting for the time right before midnight for his “last meal” before his Native American fast (since tomorrow is Independence Day for the U.S. but defeat for the Native Americans).  We didn’t leave such a good taste in Native American history, although they helped us red/white/blue citizens out a lot in the early years.  I ate both bowls.  Oh yeah, Gabriel (Henry’s friend from Brazil) saw Elliot and said hello.

To pay, it was owed money passed around.  Well, at the tofu restaurant, I paid for Elliot because he forgot his wallet at home.  Diana and I shared a meal and she paid for the two of us.  I didn’t have cash to pay her back and since she was leaving for Asia, Jacky paid her my share.  Thus I owed Jacky $10.  Tonight, though, he didn’t have enough cash to pay Jonathan since he was using his credit card I think.  So I just need to pay Jonathan back $10.

The television screen was, again, endless MTV “America’s Best Dance Crew” episodes.  They were pretty cool, I have to say.  Especially the snake, the elevator, and SuperCr3w’s entire performance:  http://blog.zap2it.com/ithappenedlastnight/2008/07/randy-jackson-p.html.  “We Fly High” by Jim Jones doesn’t do it for me, but the crew blew me away with their moves.  That would be in my mind for awhile.

Plastic Jesus II

Chapter 5: A powerful SUV (on Discovery and Learning).  For most of us who own SUVs, it’s just enough to know we could do something like the commercials if we needed to.  While just knowing we could explore unpaved territory may be okay for literal suburbia, it’s not okay for the landscape of our spiritual lives.  We have a lot of knowledge about God, but are sadly lacking in vibrant experiences with God.  Once very two years or so, I have an encounter with God that makes me fell “saved” all over again.  I fall into a spiritual rut, and then find myself sinking in the quagmire of my own self-preservation.  Those of us who live in spiritual suburbia have become experts on what we don’t experience.  We attend meetings, listen to others, and can critique sermons, services, and sanctity–without ever having to interact with God ourselves:

The short-term mission team and I were performing street dramas, preaching the gospel, and being all-around ethnocentric, upper-middle-class Americans.  Still, God was at work in Budapest, Hungary, and lots of people were committing their lives to Christ and capitalism through us.  As I was wandering a public square, I noticed a weathered and aged man playing a violin that had only three strings.  His knuckles were knobby, and his fingers appeared to be as beaten down as his violin.  As I apprached, he screeched a tune that sounded remarkably like two cats in heat. 
          Clasping my hands together, I pantomimed my question regarding whether I could pray for him.  But as I knelt down, the man extended one of his withered hands to my shoulder and raised the other one up to heaven, and began to pray for me instead.  I felt a tingling rush sweep over my body and then, Wham!, I hit the cement sidewalk, face first and weeping uncontrollably.  I thought, Get a grip, you’re making a scene out here in public!  But my body would not submit to my pride.  Instead, I lay there listening to an old man pray in a language I didn’t understand, hoping no one was noticing me.
          Another tingle went through me, and I found myself sitting at a colossal banquet table that stretched for hundreds of feet and seated hundreds of people.  I was sitting on one end of the table, and Jesus was way, way down on the other side.  I could hear him laughing and talking with those seated around him.  Then I zoomed in on Jesus.  Though we were still at opposite ends of this great expance, Jesus and I were looking eye-to-eye–and he wasn’t happy.  “How many times have I told you that the first shall be last and the least shall be the greatest in my kingdom?  You are kneeling before one of my most holy servants,” he said.
          Then like a hyperspace jump in Star Wars, I was back.  Two Hungarian students who attended the American univeristy told me they had been watching for about ten minutes.  “He was praying, thanking God for sending such a holy man to his city so that many might receive God.  He must think you’re a priest or something.  Then he went on to pray about the poor and needy around the city.”  The students went on to explain how Frank plays his violin every day in order to raise donations so that he can buy bread and distribute it to the poor and addicted who suffer without hope in the backalleys.  If Frank had any bread left over after his rounds, then he’ll eat.  Rumor had it that there had been times when Frank had gone seven or eight  days without eating so that others would have enough food.
          What a world of distance between my Christian suburbia and Frank’s urban wilderness.  Oh sure, I may have been able to dance doctrinal circles around him regarding God’s heart for the poor and broken.  I probably could have helped him set up a more effective and efficient way to collect money and distribute bread to the poor (all in the name of godly stewardship, of course!).  But I wasn’t the expert on ministry to the poor; Frank was.

• How do you connect with God?  Jesus wants to be the master of our lives, and this puts us in the position of becoming his apprentices.  The way to get closer to God is not to study about him, but to participate with him.  “Follow me” surely implied that Jesus was going somewhere.  Reading the Bible for knowledge alone is like going to a restaurant and eating the menu but not the meal.  Now don’t reak out on me.  I’m not about to go all anti-Bible on you.  I know and firmly believe that the best way to know where God is and what he is like is through his holy Word.  However, the meal is in relationship with the person of Jesus Christ, not in simply reading about what he offers.
• In Matthew 6:9-10, Jesus used the Aramaic term Abba.  Abba was a nursery term, and in today’s vernacular it would be “Papa” or “Daddy.”  With this word, Jesus is inviting us to experience the Father’s complete, safe, and radical tenderness toward us.  Our conversations with God need to start with our understanding of God as our Abba.  If we don’t get this, if we don’t let him function in that role, we will always come up short in regard to what he wants for us in prayer.  Has this information changed the way you actually connect with God?  Knowing and actually experiencing and trusting this information are very different things.
• For example, I first ran into Madame Guyon while studing Richard Foster’s Devotional Classics.  She wrote about a profoundly simply way to turn our hearts toward the presence of God (find a Scripture to use to help focus on God, continue to read those words over and over again slowly until you sense God’s presence, shift from the Scripture to conversing with th Lord, then if your mind wanders just go back to the Scripture to get you back on track).  Since then, I’ve gotten pretty good at talking about prayer, but I know God is still waiting….
• Julian of Norwich wrote, “For the highest form of prayer is to to the goodness of God.  God only desires that our soul cling to him with all its strength, in particular that it clings to his goodness.  For of all the things our minds can think about God, it is thinking about his goodness that pleases him most and brings the most profit to our soul.  For we are so preciously loved by God that we cannot even comprehend it.  No created being can ever know how much and how sweetly and tenderly God loves them.”  I could drink from God’s goodness and love all my days, and his well would never run dry, and my thirst would never be quenched.  The invitation goes beyond understanding to truly clinging to the tangible nature of God’s goodness.
• Brother Lawrence wrote, “I imagine myself as the most wretched of all, full of sores and sins, and one who has committed all sorts of crimes against his king.  Feeling a deep sorrow, I confess to him all of my sins, I ask his forgiveness, and I abandon myself into his hands so that he may do with me what he pleases.  This king, full of mercy and goodness, very far from chastening me, embraces me with love, invites me to feast at his table, serves me with his own hands, and gives me the key to his treasures.  He converses with me, and takes delight in me, and treats me as if I were his favorite.  This is how I imagine myself from time to time in his holy presence.”  Let God pour his emotional, reckless, and prodigal love on you.
• While pursuing my PhD (Debt Piled High and Deep), I used to think it was to my advantage to buy used textbooks that already had lots of highlights.  But that was frustrating because previous colleagues didn’t seem to know which things I would think were important.  A couple of times a year, I go back through my selection of books and read the highlights.  I see so many great insights that I wanted to apply to my life.  Some I have, but most remain yellow. 
• Also, most of the highlighting occurs in the front half of the books, with the amount slowly drying to a trickle by the three-quarter mark.  I have a bad habit of not finishing.  I’ve realized I need to apply what I have been learning.  I need to follow through on the commitments I have made, especially the things that Jesus has brought into my life.  Jesus may have been speaking to me through those books, but have the words worked their way into my being (2 Peter 1:3)?
• Escaping suburbia means aligning our behaviors with our beliefs.  The divine power he offers is called grace, God’s empowering presence in our life that helps us turn knowledge into experience (Luke 2:40, 1 Corinthians 15:10, Ephesians 2:8-10).  You get more grace by living it.  The more of God’s grace you allow into and through your day, to work out in and through you, the more he will pour upon you.  We aren’t endued with such power mrely to attend church meetings.  God has equipped us to charge over the gates of hell, to drive straight into the Enemy’s camp, and to live a life that finds itself right smack in the middle of God’s story in the world around us.  Step on the gas, I see a mountain to climb.

Chapter 6: A really big house (on Intimacy with God).  I got to thinking about the types of homes people return to.  Not just the physical structures, mind you, but the relationships behind the brick and mortar walls.  When you live in a large home, you have plenty of room for a variety of activities to be happening at once, but it also means you don’t have to be very close to anyone if you choose not to be.  This book is about the home located inside of you.  As Jesus spoke in Revelation 3:20, he was talking to those who havealready professed to have a relationship with him.  Jesus wants to be invited into deeper, more meaningful relationship than just standing at the door will allow. 

• (1)  Yet, that’s about as intimate as we often get with him, like with the pizza delivery guy.  Secretly, we hope that our plastic Jesus’ head is bobbing up and down. 
• (2)  Or, we plateau at the relatively stable symbiotic business/working relationship where we mutually benefit each other.  We know God by name and commit to working for him because we believe in the vision and values of his organization.  We hold marathon PR meetings to develop plans to sell his product (salvation) to others.  We raise money for the poor.  We get his peace and fire insurance, and he gets our busy bodies.  The temptation to settle in this land is powerful; it is, after all, the Land of Good Things (eg.  it is good to focus on evangelism, it is good to serve others on Sundays). But we can forget to stop and asky why.  Why am I so busy?  Far too many teeter around the edge of burnout.  They signed up because they loved the Boss and grooved with his vision.  The benefits were out of this world and the coworkers were friendly.  Then something began to happen.  Their external busyness dried up the internal goodness.  Once motivated by the Master himself, they are now only motivated by the machine itself; they are simply a cog in the wheel of the business called “churchianity.” 
• That’s what happened to Jonathan.  He grew up street smart and tough, but God grabbed hold of his heart, held it in his nail-pierced hands, and turned this six-foot-four, three-hundred-pound, Hispanic, Hollywood punker into a gentle giant for Jesus.  Early in his walk, his passion often outweighed his wisdom.  He invented the ministry of evandelism.  On other occasions, he’d flatten tires and wait for the owner to return.  He promised to fix their flat for free if they’d listen to his message of God’s love.  He then soon found himself playing the guitar for crowds and leading worship teams.  People gathered around his fire and warmed up in his glowing.  A subtle shift began to happen.  He started playing for the effect of worship and was no longer playing to an audience of One.  Slowly, subtly, and surely, this once radcal, passoinate, no-holds barred, worshipper of Jesus had turned his ministry into a business relationship.  Before he knew it, the goal was to create and perpetuate the sense of God’s presence for others though that presence had long since waned in his own heart.  He found himself growing bitter and resentful.  He realized his worshipping heart had lost its center.  What he’d once done for the love of Jesus, he was now doing for the works of Jesus.
• (3)  The difference between being a servant/business partner and a friend is in the intimacy, not the action.  We are called to do the things that Jesus did.  We can be religious and do these things out of a sense of duty, or we can be intimate and do these things out of a sense of friendship.  I, for one, want to be in a cooperative friendship with Jesus, where he shares with me not only the task at hand, but his heart’s desires and motivations as well.  My team and I were working among the children who were living and working in the desolate and polluted environment of a garbage dump on Bohol Island in the Philippines.  One of the local leaders brought a guitar, and everyone was singing.  Under my breath, I muttered, “God, this song isn’t right.  Look at the deprivation.  How can we be singing you are gracious?”  It was as if Wisdom was standing next to me, for I heard a voice as clearly as if I were talking to my friend Marty, saying, “I sent you, didn’t I?”  It’s hard to explain, but I felt as if god was saying that he was allowing me to be a part of his heart and love for these kids and the Philippines.  I was participating in a cooperative friendship with Jesus, not just a partnership.  And as such it seemed he felt open enough to share with me his heart for those kids and for me.  Conversations like this can turn something hollow to something hallowed.
• (4)  Just as I don’t critique the art my children make for me, neither does God critique our heartfelt worship works for him.  But if we didn’t grow up in such a home, we will often draw a line, buil da fence, and decide to experience Jesus’ love on the cross, but we won’t risk trusting the love that sent him there.  In doing this, we are negating much of the reason Jesus became a man in the first place (John 5:19, John 14:9-11, Luke 11:2).  Jesus came to make God’s love tangible to you and me.  But for many of us, the tainted love of our earthly fathers has poisoned the love we experience from our Father in heaven.
• In Psalm 18:7-15, we wonder what David did to make God that angry.  God was indeed angry, but not at David (5-7).  What really makes God angry is when the Enemy is picking on his kids!  David got brutally honest and cried out to God for help.  God heard and came with the full force of his might to help him.  This same love sent the full force of God’s mercy and forgiveness to the cross to conquer the enemy of our souls, once and for all.  But God doesn’t just love humanity that much, he loves you that much.  I meet people almost weekly whose fathers are terrible representations of what God intended dads to be.  But we must risk believing in a perfect Father’s perfect love.  As we explore God’s love, I believe he begins to restore a sense of wonder, awe, and childlike trust to our desolate spirituality.  Not only does wonder develop intelligence as children grow, i belivee it also helps kids maintain their sense of innocence.  We must ask for it, and then slow down to look for it.
• (5)  When Jesus says John 14:6, I believe he is inviting us to enter into a passionate love relationship with him.  I believe he is telling us that it is possible to know him, and for him to know us like husbands and wives know each other, not sexual or erotic but emotionally intimate and passionate.  God invites us into a relationship of such trust and closeness that we feel completely safe with him, willing to be “naked” in his presence, with nothing to hide, willing to bridge any barrier in order to find complete oneness with him.  To experience this deep level of intimacy with God, we need to risk feeling a little undignified and unruly in the presence of the lover of our soul (Psalm 69:6,9, Matthew 26:7, Joshua 6:7, Matthew 2:9). So step out, do a little dance, and make a little love toward God tonight.
• Worship should declare the joyous celebration of God’s presence in our lives, the awesomeness of his sovereignty over the whole universe, and the tangibleness of a transparent, unashamed, and intimate love–just like God wants expressed through marriage.  The ways that I express my affections for my wife are quite diverse, but my love for her should be evident every day that I celebrate her love in my life.  We should view worship as a lifestyle as well as a part of church meetings.  In both instances, it is choosing to give all honor and thankfulness back to God for his presence in our lives.  Although some contmeporary religious styles often interpret reverence to God as something quiet and somber, scriptural worship is quite diverse.  Biblical worship connotes freedom, ranging from standing, raising hands, or dancing, to kneeling or lying prostrate; from quiet, reflective listening to loud, passionante praise.  Rekindle the romance.
• That’s the beauty of plumbing the depths of the unfathomable.  The adventure never ends.  “When you want God as desperately as you wanted air, you will know him as I do.”  How far can this joureny take us?  Deep…desperately deep.  The devil does not want you going deeper.  If you did, your love for God might become contagious.  Others might become more thirsty and hungry for substance in their relationships with God.  There could actually be revival.  So the Devil work hard tokeep you and me busy.  Just enough so we don’t feel like we are failing.  But many of us are stirring.  Suburbia has lost its appeal.  Our souls are hungry for more of the real presence of God.  We don’t just want him to deliver the pizza to us, we want him to come inside our souls and share the meal with us.

“Without any expectation of it, without ever having the thought in my mind that there was any such thing for me, without any recollection that I had ever heard the thing mentioned by any person in the world, the Holy Ghost descended on me in a manner that seemed to go through me, body and soul. 
          I could feel the impression, like a wave of electricity, going through and through me.  Indeed it seemed to come in waves and waves of liquid love….
          No words can express the wonderful love that was shed abroad in my heart.  I wept aloud with joy and love…. The waves came over me, and over me, one after the other, until I recollect I cried out, ‘I shall die if these waves continue to pass over me.’  I said, ‘Lord, I cannot bear any more;’ yet I had no fear of death” (Charles Finney).

Chapter 7: A perfect lawn (on Brokenness).  Brokenness and pain are not pretty.  They are like a throbbing sore, constantly aching and oozing until we medicate or anesthetize them.  Brokenness causes God’s presence and power to fade like an echo in our soul.  The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way! The truth is, the area of our deepest pain often has the potential to be the source of our greatest joy and the launching pad of our highest callings.  Indeed, those who have been forgiven much tend to love much.  Suburbia gives us shame in our brokenness; Jesus gives us hope.  The church often says, “How could you?”  The Holy Spirit ays, “I still love you.”  Our culture finds no value in broken things; God finds redemptive value in them. 

• In Mark 14:3-6, almost all placed value on the jar before it was broken.  But Jesus placed value on it after it was broken. This woman was broken before him, and he was pleased.  This is a story of worship that God likes.  The same story he wants us to live today.  He is drawn to people who admit and invite him into their brokenness.  I am convinced that is why the Father had Jesus be born in a manger.  He wanted his Son to be born in the brokenness of poverty.  But even being born in one of the lowest cities of the day was not low enough, for Jesus was born in a stable that housed only animals.  There is no place on earth he will not go to reach us with his love.  But what if God the Father was trying to tell us his life can best be born out in the lowest, most shameful places of humanity?  What if he was not only talking about the physical but the hidden stuff in our souls as well?  When God’s life came and invaded darkness, the world got the blessing and the Father got the glory.  We work so hard to prop up the exterior of our decent Christian living that we fail to attend to the hurts, hang-ups, and decay within.  If we long to escape, we can no longer hide our brokenness.  We must offer it to God as uncharted territory and be willing to explore it with him, beginning with surrender.
• Often brokenness is masked by addiction and addiction is masked by secrets.  Many who struggle with the continuous ache of brokenness first try all kinds of things to anesthetize it: drugs, alcohol, shopping, cyclic relationships.  We may try yoga, yogurt, or Yoda, popularity, power, or porn, dressing up, dressing down, or complete nakedness.  But soon we find that those things only serve to widen the chasm created by brokenness.  So we make a promise.  Sin, repent, commit to change, and round and round the cycle goes.  When we will crash and burn, nobody knows.  But herein lies the problem–commitment.  As long as we are committed to overcoming our brokenness, we won’t be able to do so.  What we need is to surrender (Romans 7:18-25).
• Surrender is not losing the battle; let Him fight for you.  Surrender is not periodically giving in to your hurt and/or brokenness (not to binge and purge).  Surrender is not giving up a part of your life (He knew what he was getting, but did you know what you were giving?).  Look at the desolate territory of our soul and ask him, “Can you redeem this land?”  If he says yes, then surrender it to him.  Give up trying to fix it to impress him or trying to hide it to protect him. 
• One of the hardest areas for me to surrender was my idea that I needed to have it together in front of those I pastor or lead.  You know, the whole “live above reproach” thing.  The problem arises when living above reproach becomes synonymous with hiding behind dishonesty.  During that early season of my walk, God gave me an opportunity to have lunch with Tom Stipe.  During our chat, he said, “There are no Cinderella stories in the kingdom of God.  Every authentic leader bears the scars of brokenness.  If they don’t walk with a limp, they probably aren’t worthy to be followed.”  Walking with a limp is not only an indication of struggle and past brokenness, but also evidence of healing and perseverance.  The Bible tells us that God’s gift and his call are irrevocable (Romans 11:29), but so is the path to get there.  There is no short cuts on the way to holiness and healing.  One way or another, I was going to have to learn to surrender.
• The movement of posers are restricted.  Instead of exploring, posers are forced to keep up the appearance of their glittering images.  Every life needs to look the same so that no difference can be felt or recognized.  “How are you?”  “Fine.”  Or rather, FINE (Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional).  We must give up our rights, privileges, and personal expectations.  Vertical honesty, and then horizontal honesty.  I see a Wonderbra spirituality.  We use whatever contraption we can to puff up what little substance we atually have to impress others, even if it hurts us in the process.  Then later, they find out we really weren’t as attractive as we made ourselves out to be.  Perhaps the ultimate irony is that by enhancing our weaknesses, we may be distracting others from our strengths.  Psalm 136 says that his love for me has remained consistent, pure, lavish, purposeful, and powerful over all these years.  Vertical honesty doesn’t only mean that I am transparent with God about who I am, but it also means that I’m receptive to who he is in all his love.  Just because I don’t deserve his love doesn’t mean I can’t have it.  It is his gift to give and only my choice to receive.
• Coming clean with a bunch of addicts is amazingly freeing in AA, NA, etc., but when people come clean in the church, the response is often quite different.  After a friend of mine talked about her eating disorder (and the initial under-our-breath gasps), the group piled on her like a school of well-meaning piranhas.  Everyone wanted a piece of “helping” her find the way to healing.  After about a half-hour of counsel and storytelling from the group, she sheepishly piped up again, “I was just asking for prayer.”  The church needs to follow the recovery group model.  The group simply responds, “Thank you for sharing.”  No judgment, no critique, no shaming.  Just genuine thankfulness that someone was…well…honest.  Now no one has to pretend anymore, which is the first step toward healing.  What they do next is up to them, it is their journey, we are just there to help.  The place where honesty on the horizontal and vertical meet looks remarkably like a cross.
• Not long ago, I had the privilege of facilitating a group of twelve spiritually hungry and brutally honest seekers.  I affectionately dubbed our ragamuffin group the “Red Pill Forum,” alluding to the first Matrix movie, and the scene where Neo had to choose either the red pill or the blue pill.  Choosing the red pill meant discovering the truth and following it despite not really knowing just how far that journey would go.  Choosing the blue pill meant erasing the question and going back to pretending everything was FINE.  This group’s version of choosing the “red pill” was swallowing a weekly reading from Brian McLaren’s challenging but noncondescending book Finding Faith.  We had two simple rules and one goal: (1) a commitment to honesty about our own life and (2) a commitment to honor the honesty in each other’s lives.  Our goal was exploring God’s story in Christianity, without manipulation or pressure to convert.  It happened about the seventh week of our weekly gatherings.  I was talking about how Jesus invites us to live from a whole new perspective–one in which life is lived from a “God-ward” orientation and not a “self-ward” orientation.  Then someone said, “That’s one thing I don’t understand.  Christians talk so much about abundant life, but it seems all your decisions are based on fear.  Fear of hell, fear of punishment, fear of displeasing God or others, fear of sharing your faults.”  Ouch.  Indeed, that’s not abundance, that’s avoidance!  She risked honesty bcause she felt safe enough to be honest.  I received her honesty because I felt safe enough not to be defensive. 
• God doesn’t invite us out of suburbia and into the land of brokenness so that we can become fixated on what is wrong in our lives.  He invites us into that dark, unexplored place so that we can see his re-creative power at work.  He doesn’t want us focused on avoiding pain.  He wants us focused on pursuing wholeness.  Maybe it’s time to invest some time, energy, and money on the inside.  After all, that is where we really live. 

Conclusion: Rethinking suburbia.  Most seminaries do a better job of teaching eschatology than they do teaching brokenology.  “The problem with suburbia is that it’s perfectly designed to anesthetize us from pain.  It puts a veneer of wholeness on the outside, and allows hollowness to thrive on the inside.”  But there is no barrier that the power of God cannot overcome when we give him permission–regardless of whether those barriers are from within or from without.

1. Have a clear vision of what you really want out of your relationship with God.  Students with declared majors seldom had many choices between classes.  Their course was mapped out for them on a timetable.  When they graduated, they not only had a degree on a piece of paper, they had a substance to their education.  One student thought that if he just took enough classes, sooner or later he would qualify for a degree and then he would graduate.  He said he liked my sexuality course a lot; he enjoyed various art classes and had taken a number of the fisheries courses.  I told him if he wasn’t careful, he’d end up with a job drawing pictures of fish having sex, and that was a very narrow career field.  If you have a clear vision of where you are going, you’ll seldom get stuck and disappointed with where you’ve been.
2. Give yourself permission to not be perfect.  Sometimes I find myself trying so hard to be something I’m not that I begin to not be something I want.  What I am is God’s beloved.  What if, every day, I just accepted the fact that I’m not going to be perfect in anything I’m trying to accomplish in God’s purpose and plan?  Some might use this as an excuse to be sloppy with their faith, but from where I’m sitting, God’s love deserves my best effort.  I don’t have to earn his love today–I just have to live in it and through it.  Llike when my daughter plays soccer.  She can play her best, and I can expect her to represent her family name well, but I don’t have to expect her to be Mia Hamm.  Living in this reality will release in you new freedom to fail, but fail in a forward direction.  To eternity and beyond.

San Antonio

Tuesday 6/17, I drove my dad and Elliot to Austin.  Elliot asked my dad about when he was first in Houston, driving a car without air conditioning, and his story of how his Asian Indian boss asked him for a ride and how he cleverly asked for a raise.  My dad asked Elliot about his script-writing project and copyrighting.  We dropped Elliot off at David’s workplace then headed to my brother’s apartment.  We ate some fruit, cooled down, relaxed.  Then we unpacked (I returned the exercise ball and the books).  When my brother came home, our dad had dinner prepared.  Unfortunately, I forgot my cell phone on the dining table back in Houston, so I emailed Vincent Tao and other people I had originally thought I’d be in contact with them over this week through my cell phone.  Afterwards we watched the Celtics demolish the Lakers by 39 points.  My dad found his oasis in the closet.

Wednesday, my brother left for work in the morning.  My dad woke me up around 11:30; I dropped him off at the Greyhound Station to catch the 1:30 bus I think.  I followed Google directions I’d printed out at home to get to Covenant Baptist Church.  For a very hot sunny hour I explored and photographed their grounds, which included a Labyrinth (unlike a maze).  I wrote in their guest book and then drove off (there were a few cars in the parking lot by this time).  I left at 3 pm, but unfortunately the GPS had no clue about the destination so what would usually take only about half an hour to get to Vickie’s area of town took an hour longer.  I followed the printed Google directions as before, but I missed an exit (one where it exits and then splits again).  I exited the next one and then tried to find any connection with the GPS (figuring maybe it could find the destination better now that I was closer) to no avail.  I pulled out a Texas map and typed in some intersections in the GPS–fail.  I discovered a San Antonio map and typed in some more intersections (how did I visit Vickie last year??)–why are ALL results “No Matches Found”?!  I made up some addresses using the streets found near Vickie’s place–why isn’t the GPS cooperating??  I did a search/scroll with the GPS to find any restaurants or other establishments nearby that had street names close to where Vickie was currently staying.  Finally, I typed in “University of San Antonio,” and almost picked the main campus before looking further and selecting the UTHSC address.  Hallelujah! 

But it doesn’t go down without a fight.  I turned onto Medical Drive and then couldn’t seem to find the apartment complex.  I stopped into a scrubs store and asked the girl behind the counter but she directed me to the opposite direction.  I finally came very close but then ran into the highway, which made me tense that leads me far away very fast, ha!  I made a U-turn, came back, stopped after seeing an address very close to the complex, running up the curb briefly (thank God no flat tire).  I drove back again and figured there could only be one possibility since 3711 is between the other two numbers.  I came up to the call box and indeed, in small font, that was the address of Signature Ridge Apartments.  I followed a car in and parked.  For a few minutes I figured I’d just stay there until Vickie’s car came in from getting out of class.  Then I remembered last week when I was meeting up with Phoebe, and she had entered through another entrance while I was sitting in the front waiting (and reading).  So I decided to find the specific apartment that Vickie was staying in.  I drove around, looking for building #17.  I asked a few residents (I assume) since they were driving around (one wasn’t - she was the girlfriend of a resident, so she didn’t know).  On my own I came upon the teens, and I drove past #14, then #15, then #16 and was about to celebrate when…there were no more buildings.  That was it.  I was crestfallen.  “So close!”  All this time I found it quite hilarious and was enjoying the journey, but as it neared and then went past 4:30 pm (when Vickie said she’d be out of class for the day), I was starting to get agitated and distressed.  I continued to drive around, coming upon that section again and again.  I asked one last time of a guy walking his dog.  He finally knew what he was talking about and gave me very descriptive directions (he assumed I was a future resident), saying that he had accidentally discovered it one day (since he also found it odd that building #17 wasn’t next to building #16), that there was another gate in the back, another winding road in the back, that building #17 was close to #23 and #24, to turn left, then right, then “I can’t miss it.”  I wanted to say I wasn’t so sure about that last comment, but I heeded his instructions and sure enough, I drove past —SDD, Johnny’s car’s license plate on a red car.  Hallelujah!

I knocked on the door, and Vickie opened.  Hello!  She was happy to see me, “You’re early! :)”  It turned out she was about to move a few things into the place she is renting from Amy (she’ll be living with her since Amy bought the place).  I accompanied her and then we stopped by Whataburger for dinner (my choice lol) before heading to her volleyball practice (some of her classmates joined the tournament in order to exercise and relieve stress).  Many of them remind me of them people, but I can’t pinpoint who.  For example, Bianca reminds me of Grisel, just some of her facial features and perhaps dressing well, not her petite size or personality or the way she talks.  Laura the team captain looked quite different after taking off her sunglasses (her personality reminds me of someone).  Laura the co-captain is…cousin? of Bianca?  Becky was pretty cool and tried to connect with me by congratulating me on a job well done during practice.  Bianca’s sister and mother came to watch. 

Then we went to Jenny Wang’s apartment, where Nhu was staying and Bar (her brother) was visiting.  I was just listening, since the rest of them have a history with each other (I think Nhu is actually going to be Jenny’s maid of honor).  We finally established that every guy wants Lacy.  Bar says he’ll be ready to pursue her whenever she breaks up with her current boyfriend.  Even Alvin Chung thought Lacy was cute…at conference?  She’s not drop-dead gorgeous but “has that personality thing going.”  We also looked at a lot of wedding things since Jenny has a long engagement and plan on marrying in a year.

Thursday, Vickie woke me up at 9 am (funny how I have to wake up earlier) and picked up Nhu to go to Borders.  Vickie prefers Barnes and Nobles because they have bigger tables and more selection of books.  Vickie tried to read/study, Nhu picked up a pile of wedding magazines (took some pictures to share with Jenny), and I browsed Personality Plus by Littauer.  We went to Pearl Inn for lunch ($5 each, excluding tip and tax).  Nhu went back to Jenny’s apartment, and I went to the UTHSC with Vickie.  While she was in class (one-hour class and another hour for a test review), I was in their lounge wordpressing.  Before class started, we saw Laura (the enthusiastic volleyball captain) watching volleyball videos and reading tips online, hehe.  We returned to Vickie’s apartment, where she continued studying and I continued wordpressing (internet is finicky).  We both took a nap, then headed to the sand volleyball courts.  They practiced yesterday, so tonight they played for the tournament.  I ate my lunch leftovers for dinner while watching.  It was somewhat windy, so I kept my sunglasses on.  “You look cute,” said Jenny.  She and Nhu came to watch Bar play.  Tonight was Vickie’s team closest lost.  *Sigh* hehe.  Bar lost as well, in overtime (they’re so good that they actually do the bump/set/spike deal).  Interestingly, their net is lower.

I met the president of their class with her little girl.  Becky was really cool, again, and said goodbye to us.  Afterwards Vickie and I carpooled with Nhu and Jenny as Bar drove us to get custard, with coupons!  We went throug the drive through then parked and sat outside; it was nice.  The custard after a while was too sweet.  We had almost all the different combinations, plus a regular chocolate, and a regular vanilla.  Afterwards, at Vickie’s request, we went to Wal-Mart.  Vickie ended up not buying what she went for (shelf liners) but did buy some contact eye solution.  Jenny ended up buying a few items.  We went back to her apartment, and I helped her with her review question until past midnight.

Friday, Vickie woke me up again (I don’t have a cell phone that I use as an alarm clock, remember?).  We went to Thai Restaurant for lunch ($12.96 since Vickie forgot her wallet) on 1709 Babcock Road with Nhu.  Afterwards, Nhu invited us into Jenny’s apartment, and Nhu really helped out Vickie by using one of Jenny’s books that Nhu was referring Vickie to and also using her own knowledge to explain something I was just as lost as Vickie was (inflammation).  Vickie was supposed to study with Lacy but by the time Lacy called Vickie was already settled and didn’t want to pack up again.  Plus, the two of them agreed that neither of them knew the material well enough to study together yet.  They re-set a different time on Sunday.  As Vickie studied for her test on Monday, Nhu continued watching her Korean dramas, and I watched The Holiday that Jenny had on DVD.  Nhu and Jenny headed out of town, so Vickie and I headed to the library (it sprinkled) to pick up a few review books (hello Bar, Bianca, and the president) back to her apartment.  We moved the majority of her belongings over using both our cars (yay, it didn’t rain).  Then we went to the Alamo Cafe on I-10 West to pick up dinner around 8:30 pm.  At her apartment, we watched Donnie Darko while eating, me with my Brisket Taco Platter for $7.49 and her with her Mixed Quesadillas for $7.49 (she paid for both of us).

Saturday, on the way to Austin, thank God that I didn’t collide with a white truck (not the cargo ones) while merging (both sides were coned off).  I was really hoping to get there to get Austin’s gas price (at least the station within walking distance of David’s (or Monchow’s) apartment), but I couldn’t make it.  When the gas light came on, and I wasn’t sure of the traffic, I weighed the scales and decided I’d better stop for gas.  It wasn’t exuberant, although it wasn’t the cheapest:  at 12:15 pm I stopped at an Onion Creek Texaco for $3.939 per gallon for a total of $43.40.  I picked up the guys and we went to Homeslice at around 1:30 pm, David’s favorite pizza place in Austin.  The receipt says “Table: Amy”, so I guess the cashier’s name was Amy, too.  I paid $9.74 for three slices (two margheritas and one meat).  Elliot went across the street to check out Juevo’s since one of Quentin Tarantino’s movies was filmed there.  As Dave and I finished our slices, Elliot decided to buy a slice as well, so Dave bought one, too.  I dropped David back off and then drove the fastest I ever have in my life back home to Stafford (about 85 mph).  I was sort of sleepy, but I didn’t want to stop, even if it was to allow Elliot to drive us back.  He was a good companion to keep me awake, though.  I asked him what his most feminine quality is, and he pondered a bit and then weakly offered that he is indecisive.  He asked me what animal I would hate to be.  He said a cow, and I said a chicken.  Is a penguin classified as a bird?  We got back around 5 pm.

Jacob Gavia

Yesterday/Sunday, I played basketball with James, Linton, Chris, Braden, and Elliot (the two tallest were playing the other three guys).  Linton had to leave, so the rest of them dispersed as well.  I looked at the time, and seeing that it was only 4:30 and that was when some BASIC people were playing volleyball at the UT Rec Fields, I realized I would be able to join them after all. 

I arrived at about the same time that Nathan Kim did.  There was already a game going on, and Alan was sitting on the grass watching.  After they finished, Nathan and I joined in.  We played sand volleyball with Aaron, Wilson, Andrew, Jesslyn, Linda, Roger…  James Hsia, Alan, and this other guy I forgot his name climbed over the fence and played baseball inside the field.

Afterwards, I followed Nathan to the MFAH.  James asked where we were going, and we invited him, but of course it’s super last minute and we’re all sweaty, lol!  Nathan had initially wanted to go back home to shower, and I was originally going to meet up with David for dinner at Black Walnut Cafe (he changed the location last minute), but there wasn’t time.  As I was following Nathan, an ant bit my foot so I accidentally hit my horn, and he stopped, but I waved for Nathan to continue.  Anyway, we got to the museum to watch The Marines Who Never Returned at 7 pm.  I had seen it and just forwarded the list to any Korean friends I had, and David Son really wanted to see this movie since he watched it as a small boy (and had a crush on the little girl, lol).  Joanne came and sat next to Nathan and me at the beginning.  When the film ended, David and Youjung came over (they were pretty late because David waited for Youjung to come over, and I think David kind of invited her last minute? I wasn’t sure the full story) to us. 

We loitered and chatted inside and oustide the museum.  Nathan wakes up pretty early (sometimes before 5 am) to go to the gym before work.  David wakes up really early, or works long night hours, in the lab.  Youjung is going on her first one-week mission trip.  Joanne is going on a vacation with her friend.  Nathan’s mom and sister are going to the same place as Joanne is coming back, for a month-long mission trip.  Joanne asked David to show the rest of us a certain move on me.  It was pretty funny because he pushes the girl using her head, so it sort of feels he is attacking you, but after the initial shock I burst out laughing because of its nature.  Joanne said, “Thank you, I wanted to know it wasn’t just me.”

Today/Monday, I played basketball with Peter, James Wei, Linton, and Michael.  Michael left, but the rest of us went to Cafe 101.  Linton and Peter hadn’t eaten yet (Peter says he usually eats around this time, which is like 10 pm).  They seated us near the window where we could see outside into the parking lot.  Peter started looking at the Chinese newspaper, and I asked if he could read it.  No, but he says he can usually figure out the general idea from knowing the news and looking at the photographs.  James asked Peter if he knew how to read, and Peter played with him by saying yes.  Peter says his brother is quite weird (the only thing “normal” about him is his dinnertime).  We talked about other things but I can’t remember anymore.

Jacob walked past with his breakdancing buddies.  They had just finished down the street.  We talked for awhile.  I told him that I had met James Hsia and that I found out that he was James Hsia’s small group leader back at Rice.  Jacob confirms and adds that he was co-leading with John Lin.  Wow!  Jacob says he just came back from Mexico and is looking into going to China (apart from Xealot).  Hopefully we’ll bump into each other again before he leaves the States.

List: Books

I’ve been pretty ravenous about media consumption this past week.  Monday I watched The Day the Earth Stood Still (directed by Robert Wise) from Elliot.  I finished A Wrinkle in Time on Thursday (after reading a few pages to start me off the day before from waiting at Walmart while my dad switched out his bicycle).  It was my first time reading it, and it wasn’t too bad at all (my caveat was that Meg annoyed me:  “Just shut up already!” was what I was thinking haha).  Yesterday I watched His Girl Friday (suggested by/borrowed from Elliot) with Hannah.  It’s not your typical romantic comedy (1940).  Charm (Cary Grant) really does win girls over, even when we know it involves all that trickery.  But the way they showed it, of course, made it feel like harmless fun and teasing.  Sometimes you gotta watch out for those old movies.  Yesterday I also ended up typing up an inventory of my books.  A bookshelf really reveals the interests and life of another, or at least I found that it does me. 

This morning, Hannah invited me to the monthly booksale put on by the First Colony Library: $1 hardbacks and $0.50 paperbacks unless otherwise priced.  I ended up with a bunch of books in my arms, including The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron.  I’ve started it and I think I like it better than The Introvert Advantage by Marti Laney.  It’s not books that are, omg! that I would go around raving.  But, they are right for me at this point in my life.  I was pretty beat up in El Paso–what with the Mexican culture, the predominating extroverts loving bars (which I hate)–definitely feeling out of sorts.  So I guess this week I’ve just non-planningly been doing the things I enjoy: books, movies, stories, art, and spirituality.  I’ve said before that I think that I’ve never felt angry towards God (not only because I probably deny and trick myself) because I’ve never really felt close to Him (even though I’ve always known, and it’s obvious looking around, that He definitely hasn’t abandoned me but instead has continued to bless).  But I’m pretty content right now.  I really wish I could impart to you just how satisfied I feel this instance.  I’m enjoying the moment.  “So happy.”

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

Princess Nausicaa

Friday.  Christina Tam and I met at Borders so we could carpool to watch Slant.  Craig Wen and Brian Thao-Huane were there, too.  I skipped out on FBCC’s monthly social: Iron Chef!  The secret ingredient was mango, and I heard the results were better than expected.  Jacky called at around 9pm to ask if I could watch their belongings while they did a run the next morning.  Uh..sure….

Saturday.  Christina and I again met at Borders to carpool to Jacky’s apartment, where Ted drove us four to be at Minute Maid Park at 7am.  They prepared, clipping on their running numbers, drinking water in the small cups being passed out, and stretching amongst the air “people” that would occasionally hit us (the way the air was blown and all).  We saw a man on stilts pretend he was a super-tall person, making balloon animals.  The girl and guy bunny suits wearing Astros attire came around to take pictures with the kids and whoever else wanted.  I’ve never participated in this sort of thing, so Jacky explained how it worked.  He paid $25 to participate, but they would get two free Astros tickets with an option of choosing from four games in the future (June 10, 11, 24, and/or 25).  They give you a timer that will start as soon as you step onto their carpet they have at the starting line and would stop when you step on the carpet at the finish line.  Some runs ask you to return the trakcer/timer, but this time they said the runners/walkers could keep it.  This is Ted’s first time, and afterwards he looked pretty winded (was it his knee, since he had a brace on? didn’t ask).  Jacky ran ahead.  Denver stayed with Ted. 

Christina needed coffee, so we walked around downtown.  We saw the “oasis” in front of Christ Church Cathedral–Christina couldn’t believe such a nice place in the middle of downtown.  She said she’d still feel unsafe walking around by herself, if I wasn’t with her.  I also saw some people waiting outside the Urban League.  We finally found this free-standing building all by itself on one side of the street to be Starbucks (good thing we used the map that the city provides atop the sidewalk, thank you Houston!).  At 8am, I bought her a drink (a grande mmchip frapp for $4.50), then we rested for a few minutes (she was carrying her papers to be graded in a backpack, then she volunteered to also carry Jacky’s, Ted’s, and my belongings–heavy!).  We headed back, realizing the run had pretty much ended (that was fast).  We had to walk all the way around since the doors were locked.  When we entered, a wave of stench (sweat and gym) hit my nose (never liked that smell).  Denver saw us, and Jacky encouraged us to get some food (he had his shirt off–not that it was attractive because I barely glanced, but that always makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason).  I stood in line for some lettuce wrap with meat on top (reminds me of that Chinese dish).  Jacky said there were also kolaches, so I stood in line for that.  They lady said, “Ham and cheese?”  Sure.  “Two?”  Sure….  JT said hi, and I think his girlfriend is Heidi.  She looks really familiar but I don’t know why.  Khon-Whey Tay was there with his two friends (they’re a couple of..Asian Indian descent?).  I wanted some fruit and found a pear within the tubs of water/ice/water bottles.  Was it supposed to be there?  I put it back, unsure of it’s cleanliness.  Later, after seeing many runners carrying fruit,  I realized I could use the water from the bottled water to clean it, but the pear was not there anymore.  Ah well.

I was so incredibly tired, even though I didn’t even participate, but since I wanted to have a somewhat normal sleeping pattern, I was determined to stay awake and not take a nap.  Christina and I went to Lowe’s to check out movies and their times.  Nothing particularly interested both of us, so we went to Fuddruckers at 11am.  By the time we arrived at her apartment, we would’ve completely missed the beginning of the movies we were debating on (sure bad at estimating time huh?).  We watched Stardust on her computer while eating lunch (I ate the big dog with chili and cheese while got the burger/fries/shake combo).  Phoebe called to watch the new Narnia movie.  So Christina quickly reviewed through the first Narnia movie on her computer, supplementing with verbal summarizations.  Then I browsed her books (she’s an English teacher at Kempner).  I asked about Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf.  She has no idea why the play references that; she was famous in the literary world and the title is a play on “who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?”  She took a nap while I looked Woolf up: “Dreadnought Hoax was a practical joke pulled in 1910 by Horace de Vere Cole and five friends, including Virginia Stephen (later Virginia Woolf)…Modern diagnostic techniques have led to a posthumous diagnosis of bipolar disorder…The ethos of Bloomsbury discouraged sexual exclusivity, and in 1922, Woolf met Vita Sackville-West.”  She committed suicide.

Christina suddenly got up and realized that it was time to go.  Good going, Christina.  She, Phoebe, Linton, Hannah, Tina, James, Jonathan, and I watched Prince Caspian at 4:30pm at Lowe’s (barely missed the matinee price for movies before 4pm on Saturdays).  Christina left because she was pretty wiped out.  Chris was at work.  I joined them (and Ariel came, too) at Avalon Diner for dinner at 9pm.  I got the turkey/avocado omelette for $10.  They ran out of the recommended-by-the-waitress dish of steak and eggs.  Hannah’s order was right, but James and Jonathan’s dishes were a bit mismatched–Jonathan wasn’t bothered much, just got the pork version.  The main question discussed for the evening was, “If you didn’t believe in Jesus, what religious would you follow?”  Here’s the breakdown: Phoebe said Unitarian Universalism (or Ba’hai or whichever incorporates getting along with all religions, obviously none of us know much), Linton said Mormonism (he arrived back today from Utah for business), and I think the rest of them said atheism (or James said burning incense to ancestors).  I said atheism/agnosticism.

We walked to Borders and sat for a bit (Hannah checked to see if there were any sales).  Then Tina jumped on another’s suggestion to walk to the water, “Yes, Tina needs to walk.”  The girls chatted about clothing (I think Ariel’s going to a wedding), then Tina suggested we get ice cream since Hannah regretted not ordering a shake.  Cold Stone Creamery was near Lowe’s, so we spanned the entire complex I guess.  James is always asking if something is junk food or not, or making explanations that it isn’t junk food.  Yeah….  “Not today” says Jonathan, since he got some.  Hannah got coffee with heath (yum).  Hannah mentioned a quarterlife crisis, which James somewhat related.  Linton says he hasn’t reached there yet, that he is still on the way up/forward to something.  LOL, it was funny how James said that he loved it when he resigned.  I got home at midnight and crashed.

Sunday.  Charles and I drove to Elliot’s house, where the three of us met up to carpool.  (Elliot couldn’t convince Ed to come, and so Pepsi didn’t come either.)  Charles drove us to pick up Henry from his apartment then headed to Jack In the Box at 1212 for lunch.  I ordered four grilled chicken strips for $4.64 (felt like a ripoff).  Then we got to MFAH at 1pm.  We browsed around until 1:30, when they started seating us to watch Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind.  The guys talked about having dirt on each other (and Ed Ly) and using it against each other, revealing it, etc.  We looked at the pamphlet they gave out for this Target Free Sunday (comparing the pictures of plants to their names).  Christina suddenly appeared and sat to my right right when the lights dimmed at 2pm.  I liked the movie because she was really going for understanding.  And she was amazing in all her abilities, as Lord Yupa already professed at the beginning of the movie.  Indeed, “What are you so afraid of?”  A lot of violence is borne out of fear of “the other.”  Henry says she should’ve died (there were Christian undertones), but Elliot said, “No, she has to live, so I can marry her” LOL!  Hey, she’s like Rocky and Gandhi put together, as Dave would say it, haha!  Who wouldn’t find her attractive?

Afterwards we went around to the exhibits (Pompeii wasn’t free).  Elliot teased Henry when he tried to explain one of the drawings on the wall, that the explanation didn’t exactly match what was written on the author plaque.  One artist painted Egypt abstractly (I don’t ever get it, so they make me annoyed).  We spent quite some time in the Korean exhibits.  Henry said he really liked the small wall-mounted plaque statue of the elephant in the other Asian exhibit.  Lastly, we observed the poles that important people carry/use.  Each had something on the top, so there were explanations.  Elliot really liked the one that went like, “Holding a kingdom is like holding an egg; hold it too hard and it’s crushed, hold it too loose and it will fall and break.”  Henry said he liked the quote that went something like, “A crab doesn’t give birth to a bird.”  The one that got me thinking was, “The hen knows it is dawn but lets the rooster crow.”  Christina found it to be anti-feminist.  Jacky called, so I called Wilson about football.  We sat around discussing the next step (board game?  buy Ziggity?  eat?).  Christina suggested we eat, Elliot of course suggested Fuddruckers (to which Christina got all excited about), Henry suggested Niko-Niko’s, and Charles jumped on that and made the decisive push to leave (5:30 pm).  I got the Hercules Plate.  Then we all left for home.  Charles stayed with Elliot to help him with his Microsoft Word.  I end up napping from 7:30 until 9 pm (sigh, so much for trying to stay up until nighttime).  Lil goo-goo took the trash out and left for her workplace.  I watched Dead Like Me because it was the only thing on and then went back to bed.

Slant 2008

SLANT 8: Bold Asian American Images
Friday, May 30, 8pm
Filmmaker Soham Mehta and curator Melissa Hung in attendance

This program of experimental and narrative films weaves together the humorous and the poetic.  Some films tackle stereotypes, while others travel through memory and longing.

Synesthesia | Larilyn Sanchez
Texas premiere | 2006 | Video | 2 mins
Senses come alive, creating impressions, when a woman goes dancing in the dark.

Drive | Ahree Lee
World premiere | 2007 | Video | 4 mins
An experimental take on driving turns multiple trips on the same road into a transcendent experience.

Cookies for Sale | Wes Kim
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 3.75 mins
A little girl selling cookies door-to-door engages in a battle of wills with a very grumpy neighbor.

Souvenirs From Asia | Joyce Wong
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 12.5 mins
Hanjoo feels like an alien in her suburban neighborhood. It doesn’t help that her adoptive mother is clueless about race and history.

Manoj | Zia Mohajerjasbi
Houston premiere | 2007 | Video | 12 mins
Written by comedian Hari Kondabolu, Manoj is a mockumentary about in-your-face comedian Manoj, who is more than happy to use stereotypes for a laugh.

Suicide Piece | Yu Araki
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 3.5 mins
It is mid-day in a major city when this performance piece begins. How will passerbys react to a man and a banana?

Released | Soham Mehta
Houston premiere | 2007 | 16mm presented on Video | 8.5 mins
Three years ago, a brutal hate crime sent Kaustabh to the hospital. Today his assailant will be released from prison and Kaustabh wants revenge.

The Nothing Pill | Yu Gu
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 6 mins
In the year 2110, on an Earth nearly depleted of resources, a scientist struggles to find a cure for loneliness.

Dan Carter | Alison Kobayashi
Texas premiere | 2006 | Video | 15 mins
Dan Carter donated his answering machine to a second-hand store. Dan Carter didn’t remove the tape. This story of a love affair, re-imagined and performed by the filmmaker, is based on those messages.

A Thousand Words | Ted Chung
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 4.5 mins
A train passenger forgets her camera, or did she leave it on purpose? A stranger finds the camera and takes a chance to connect.

Embarcadero Blues | Dino Ignacio
Texas premiere | 2007 | Video | 3 mins
In this music video, songwriter Goh Nakamura sings a love song for San Francisco and anyone who has worked in the service industry.

Best of Slant 1

The Best of Slant Vol 1 features a collection of short films culled from 7 years of Aurora Picture Show’s annual Slant: Bold Asian American Images festival. Slant curator Melissa Hung is the founding editor of Hyphen, a magazine about Asian American culture.  Films in the Compilation include:

1. How to do the Asian Squat by Daniel Hsia - or is it the Chinese squat? ;-)
2. Lilo and Me by Kip Fulbeck
3. Maritess vs the Superfriends by Dino Ignacio 
4. A Little Bit Different by Lynn Okimura 
5. Profiles in Science by Wes Kim 
6. I Pie (A Love Story) by Nobu Adilman 
7. How to Make Kimchi According to My Kun-Uma by Samuel Kiehoon Lee
8. Slip of the Tongue by Karen Lum - spoken word by Adriel Luis

Talking about Asian-Americans, here are some more links:

• CNN special focus:  http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2007/asian.american/
• blog:  http://www.reappropriate.com/
• blog:  http://www.slanteyefortheroundeye.com/

Memorial Day weekend

Sunday.  My parents came back from church to provide me lunch (FBCC doesn’t provide lunch during the summers since estimation of who’s in town is futile).  Afterwards, I went to meet up with Linton, Chris, and Vickie.  They didn’t want to shoot around, so instead they decided to join those BASIC members who were free that afternoon.  I read in the car (so hot!) while I waited for them to get ready (e.g. for Chris to grab his bowling shoes).  The four of us decided to get started and played two games.  I’m not partial to bowling, but I have to admit that with the three of them I had a great time.  I just told Vickie I look at the tick marks on the bowling alley and she went from 53 in the first game to 111 in the second game, breaking 100 for the first time in her life.  It was so monumental that I found myself jumping up and down in sharing her happiness LOL.  I bowled my average (88 in the first game and 97 in the second).  Linton ended up being the top scorer in the first game (95) by ending with a spare and strike using the rotating method, but somehow he dropped to last place in the second game (87).  His usual method is like having a mini track run up to the edge of the alley and then throwing the ball until it crashes and rolls towards the pins (you have to see it in person haha).  Chris improved his technique and, with some competition from Vickie, bowled a 116 by the second game.  It was so much fun seeing how that ended (”yeah!”). 

The guys left but Vickie stayed since enough BASIC people arrived for them to start playing.  I was formally introduced to Shaoen Yu who apparently used to be the roommate of Vincent Tao, George Wu, and Kenny Lew.  I read.  Then they browsed the Barnes and Noble down the street.  Jeff made a pledge at DWC to go on STIM after college, so that’s how he knows Josh Peng.  He says, “And now I’m herein the secular world.  It’s very different.”  He was browsing the management section, saying eventually he would want to start his own.  He’s moving out of Texas the first week of June.

For dinner I joined Linton, Chris, Michael and Eveline, Jonathan, and James (7:30).  It was funny, I ended up right behind James who was driving Jonathan, and they waved hello through the rearview mirror.  At first we were going to eat at FuFu’s, but since it was full we decided to go elsewhere.  Taking forever (but I can’t complain since I wasn’t making any decision either) walking down the block back an forth, Vickie decided to join us after all (she wasn’t hungry but she was hungrier that the BASIC people since they had eaten a big, late lunch).  She suggested East Wall, so we walked over.  We ordered seven dishes (8:30), and the waitress was somewhat pressing for us to order another entree.  I’m not sure if she was concerned about the superstitioun that eight is complete for luck, or if she was using that as an excuse for us to order one more dish, or if she thought we wouldn’t have enough to eat.  Peter joined us later. 

We headed to James’ condo and eventually decided to play Monopoly, with a drinking element.  I had assumed I wasn’t playing since I wouldn’t be drinking alcohol, but they slapped a handful of money in front of me.  So many people talking at once that people kept asking how many of each bill was needed, that eventually Linton a bit frustratingly repeated himself.  Eveline was studying for her pharm tech exam on Wednesday, but she ended up being the banker by the end.  Peter (hat) convinced Chris (’Das boot!’) to give him the yellow properties for a complete set, so Peter eventually won.  For a few moments I think he was thinking he may need to form an alliance, since we were ganging up on him, and tried to do so with Vickie, Jonathan, and then me.  I didn’t land on any property I could buy until near the end, with New York Avenue.  Linton didn’t have much more luck, only ending up with the Electric Company and a purple, which he ended up having a complete set after trading some railroads.  He was advocating for me so much, saying that someone rich needed to donate something for me, so I could at least build something and feel part of the game.  Awwwwww.  In response, James just suddenly said, “Here, donation” and dropped the Water Works property in front of me LOL.  Man, you just had to be there. 

Chris had no idea the consequences of his trade (he had initially wanted to make the deal sweeter to give Vickie a blue property (not cyan, as Linton pointed out haha!) with some railroads so that she would give him orange-red property, but she declined).  Eventually Chris traded with Jonathan so he finally had his complete orange-red set and Jonathan had his green set.  James had the cyan set after trading (he at first was saying how little possibility it was to end up having a complete set - been a long while since he’s played, eh?) with Michael (to have a complete purple-red set), who was quite quiet.  He didn’t drink either.  They had decided about drinking during landing on houses, hotels, jail, luxury tax, and income tax.  In the beginning, Vickie left briefly and when she returned and rolled her dice, she accidentally knocked down a couple of people’s playing pieces, so that they decided she had to drink for that (and eventually many more for others in the course of the game).  They also randomly decided for peopel to drink when people made “stupid” comments or asked “stupid” questions, when they spilt alcohol, or etc etc.  It went so out of hand that James at one point said, “Because I feel like it” and drank along with Linton and Chris, I think, hahaha.  At times they’d get so riled up, everyone would be standing, and I would try to push Jonathan and James to sit down.  Peter said, “I’ve never played Monopoly with a group that was so anal about rules and all.”  Wow, what a game. 

We decided to stop at 2 a.m.  Peter and then Chris left at 3 a.m.  James fell asleep on his bed in his room.  Vickie (loveseat) and Linton (couch) ended up sleeping over.  I read Acts 15-16 and Psalm 37 with Jonathan on the laptop.  Afterwards he checked Facebook and his email.  Then he said that sometimes when he has time or is bored, he’d check on houses so he’d get a better sense of prices, etc. when he eventually does decide to own a home.  He says that he’d like to work for this smaller company that’s located in northwest? Houston.  Finally we went to sleep on the floor (found a sleeping bag in the closet for me to use–not sure what he did) around 4 a.m. 

Monday/Memorial Day.  Vickie and Linton left for home before 8 a.m.  Linton’s so sweet, asking me if I needed a ride back.  I decided against it and tried to fall back asleep, but i couldn’t so I got up and read.  Then James treated me to a Chinese breakfast at Classic Kitchen (soup wontons, egg-and-tortilla, and warm soy milk–yeah, don’t hate because I don’t know what they’re called).  Jonathan had left in the morning as well, watching a movie with his sister Susan and then working out at the gym.  James and I ended taking a nap again at 11 a.m.  Peter came at noon with crawfish (he woke up early to buy it and not without a search, finally at Viet Hoa) as well as onions and oranges.  James provided the sausage.  James put on I Am Legend, which was when Chris arrived in his motorcycle garb.  Then they watched Street Kings with Keanu Reeves, which I didn’t watch because I was eating crawfish.  Linton did, after he came with the spicy powder and sliced mushrooms.  Then they put on Curse of the Golden Flower (from Sony, which bought Paramount Pictures) after much objection from Eve.  After seeing it, I concur.  Bea left soon after, and then Vickie left at 8:30 to head back to San Antonio (first day of summer school tomorrow).  I decided to leave at 9 p.m.  There was still a whole pile left (Braden, Brian, and Steve had to work today, but Candace and JoJo showed up for this second consumption).  Eveline was still studying (using Peter’s book he had bought in the past but never took the test).  Eveline ended up speaking with Elaine on the phone because Jacky had dirty hands from peeling the crawfish, and it was so cute and sweet that they converse in Chinese, hehe.  Eve said that her current relationship is the longest she’s had (6 months), but her parents still think that the white guy is “just a friend.”  James had to take out the trash so he asked Peter to walk me to the car.  It seemed like a lot of work (especially after last night), so I asked if he enjoyed it.  He said, “Strangely, yes.”  I reported that I enjoyed hanging out with them, especially after hearing from people that UH is a commuter school.  He said, “Yes, we miss out on the dorm like and all that, but I like to think that we’re more grounded in reality.”

Center stage

That’s what I watched after I got up this morning.  Jessie had mentioned the movie (”You had the heart but not the feet; I have the feet but not the heart”) during our discussion this past Wednesday regarding Lies Women Believe About Priorities.  Janet, Charlene, Jennifer Lin and Szutu, and Tina Huang were there as well.  It was in response to “How can we discern what responsibilities God is assigning us and what is merely on our own ‘to-do’ list?”  We can ask God where our heart is.  Also, what are your negotiables?  “What is it I must do or I shall die?”  How can we go to bed saying, “Today I finished the work God gave me to do?”  Ask Him in the morning before your day starts.  The past discussions weren’t that profitable for me since I never had read the chapter.  After a few comments (e.g. Hilary Clinton running to be the leader of the country), I finally brought up my concerns regarding the author’s writings and interpretations.  “In a way I can understand what she’s trying to say, if you give her the benefit of the doubt, but chapter after chapter I leave with a bad feeling that something isn’t right with what she’s saying, although I can’t pinpoint or explain why right now.  She doesn’t use much Scriptural backing, and a lot of what does come out safe from the book can be much better conveyed in other books, I’m sure.”  I’m like, is it just me, since no one had ever mentioned this from previous chapters that I would have brought up if I had been up-to-date.  Am I that far gone off the straight-and-narrow path?  What a relief to find that I wasn’t the only one.  Each started agreeing in their own way about which sections really bothered them, like scribbling ”What the heck?!” in the margins and how they are really polarized/blanket black/white generalizations.  Someone said that we just need to look at the overview and overlook the details and explanations.  I expressed perhaps needing to find another book.  Still, one said that it’s good that it makes us think about what we really believe and enforce the reasons that we stick with what we do.  However, I feel like we spend so much time trying to glean the wheat out of the chaff, we can barely even consider how to keep the wheat afterwards.

Anyway, afterwards I headed off to Hector’s Memorial Day celebration.  As the host, he provided fajitas and we watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp on ABC Family (after the network presented a viewing of the original immediately before that).  BJ is so good natured, laughing at the ridiculousness of the movie.  I met Jerry, a UT friend’s of Hector’s, who grew up in Corpus Christi but now enjoys Houston (but of course Tokyo is his favorite - he used to travel quite a bit for his job before being settled here).  He ordered double of beef than chicken, and yet when I arrived there was only chicken left, that’s how popular beef is, haha.  Grace and Joe came later, and they took a picture of Steven on the floor making his stomach bulge to practically bigger than Jamie’s belly (she’s pregant)!  Some of them started playing Nertz since they didn’t want to watch the movie.

They headed to Tofu Village for dinner (as if that wasn’t enough food), but I met up with Vickie, Chris, and Linton at H Mart instead.  Inside, it has some Asian fast food establishments.  They ordered a pile of spicy and nonspicy fried chicken from Chicken & Joy (chicken en-joy hahaha).  They also randomly bought some milk/water concoction that reminds them of those mini Asian yogurts, and some “very light” Korean beer distributed from Los Angeles.  Linton asked me about Monday with Jonathan Eng, and then when I came back from the restroom, apparently they were asking Vickie if I had a romantic interest in him.  And the past year’s romantic…events.  These boys, psi, haha. 

When Jonathan met up with us after he ate dinner, we went to Memorial Mall to watch Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  Their treasure wasn’t gold, but knowledge.  Vickie loves these sort of movies, about adventure and mystery (like National Treasure).  I hadn’t seen Indiana for a very long time (I still remember that image after the bad guy drank the goblet and immediately turned into a skeleton and ash, and I was peeking over the sofa cushion I was holding over my eyes), but Linton pointed out that a broken box showed the Raiders ark, and the lady is the love interest from the first movie.  And everyone knows Mutt to be the guy from Transformers.  George Lucas and Steven Spielberg seemed give a different feel from the previous ones in the franchise.  It has some funny focuses on the groundhogs and baboons? as well as unlikely circumstances, such as surviving an atomic bomb.

Iron men

Vickie returns to Houston during the weekends then heads back to San Antonio Monday evenings to work at HealthSouth (”make money to hang out”).  She’s been hearing so much praise concerning Iron Man that she invited some people to watch it with her at 4:50 in Angelika.  I, unfortunately, got lost and ended up driving in circles until 6 pm, at which time I parked then walked to the theatre.  (Now I know to turn left into the underground parking garage, park in the green section there, then bring my movie stub to be validated and turn that in for free parking.)  I sat outside on the bench for awhile, then went inside.  Roger, Grace (JoJo’s wife), and some other people came out, then I finally saw Vickie.  She went to get her parking validated then dropped me off at my car then left for UTHSCSA.  She reports that the movie was indeed good.

Jonathan Eng called me when he got home from work, during which time he read the email regarding Iron Man.  I said it’s over and I’d call him back since I had to drive out of downtown.  When I did, I asked if I could come over to watch the season finale of House, MD, heh.  His sister left to show a future bride her bridesmaid dress that came in.  He was by himself and was about to ride his bike (after a hiatus after the BP MS150), but he stayed with me to help with the antennae.  Then we went to Subway to eat dinner.  He had a bad day at work, boo.  He also told me he had joined Michael (and Steve?) at the gun show this past weekend, and he just let me know his view of the whole deal.

I had mentioned before I left for Iron Man that I was probably going to miss seeing the season finale of House, MD on FOX.  My dad recroded it on his UPS drive for me.  Isn’t that amazing?

Bon voyage, twins!