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The recipient of the following letter forwarded this to us to share the good news:
How have you been?
There’s so many things (literally) that I wanna share with you right now, but I’m just gonna share one thing that happened to me TODAY, August 2nd, 2008.
To make LOOONG story short, I confessed myself as a Christian today (does it make sense?). I was hanging out with a girl from California team and in the middle of conversation I was repeatedly saying “I’m becoming Christian”, and she told me that I AM a Christian but I’m saying I’m “becoming” because I’m not sure or I just didn’t get any chance to like officially say it aloud that I’m a Christian.. which most ppl do when they get baptized I guess? So.. going back to her apartment, she prayed for me first and then I proclaimed that I AM a Christian, thanking that Jesus died for me and God loves me so much and I prayed for God just being thankful that God has been with me and apologizing Him that there were so many times that I just ignored Him… then strangely my tears just came out from my eyes and I just couldn’t stop it.
So… I don’t know, I feel like my “new” life has just begun today! and I’m so happy and I really wanted to share this with you because you’re the one who’s been encouraging me so, so much, and you’re one of the few and precious people who were with me when I was going through the hardest time in my life (so far).
I just love you so much! and thank you so, so much for having me in your life.
…Know that you’re always in my prayers sister!!
God bless you and your life back in the States!
You may have read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. It seemed that everything was going wrong for poor Alexander. Who can blame the frustrated boy for sighing at the end of the day, “I think I’ll move to Australia!” In fact, that is exactly what the psalmist prayed on at least one occasion (Psalm 55:6-8). Like a drop of food coloring poured into a glass of water, sin tainted everything about human beings and their environment.
36. “If my circumstances were different, I would be different.”
“I was never an impatient person–until I had these twins!” Or, “She made me so mad!” Or, I wouldn’t be so bitter, if my husband hadn’t run off with that other woman.” We are saying, “Someone or something made me the way I am.” We feel that if we are different–our upbringing, our environment, the people around us–we would be different. If our circumstances make us what we are, then we are all victims. And that’s what the Enemy wants us to believe. Because if we are victims, then we aren’t responsible–we can’t help the way we are. But God says we are responsible–not for the failures of others, but for our own responses and lives. The Truth is, our circumstances do not make us what we are. They merely reveal what we are–so He can change us. We play the “if only” game (such as ”If only we had more money…” and “If only I were married to someone different…”). The Truth is, if we are not content within our present circumstances, we are not likely to be happy in any other set of circumstances. Elizabeth Prentiss wrote:
We want to know no will but God’s in this question….The experience of the past winter would impress upon me the fact that place and position have next to nothing to do with happiness; that we can be wretched in a palace, radiant in a dungeon….perhaps this heartbreaking is exactly what we need to remind us…that we are pilgrims and strangers on the earth.
George Washington’s wife, Martha, expressed the same conviction in a letter written to her friend Mercy Warren:
I am still determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. We carry the seeds of the one or the other about with us in our minds, wherever we go.
Paul understood that we may not be able to control our circumnstances, but our circumstances don’t have to control us (Philippians 4:11-12). The Truth is that we can trust a wise, loving, sovereign God to control every circumstance of our lives.
37. “I shouldn’t have to suffer.”
Many modern-day evangelistic efforts have promised sinners unending peace, joy, a home in heaven, and a prosperous life between here and there, if they will simply come to Jesus. That kind of preaching, stripped of the call to disclipleship and cross bearing, has produced a generation of soft, flabby “disciples” who have no stomach for the battles of the Christian life. When their hopes are dashed by the inevitable trials and tribulations, they whimper and whine and make a dash for the quickest escape route. By convincing us that our suffering is undeserved or unnecessary, the Enemy succeeds in getting us to resent and resist the will and purpose of God (Acts 14:22). Arthur Mathews wrote:
We tend to look at the circumstances of lifein terms of what they may do to our cherished hopes and convenience, and we shape our decisions and reactions accordingly. When a problem threatens, we rush to God, not to seek his prespective, but to ask hi to deflect the trouble. Our self-concern takes priority over whatever it is that God might be trying to do through the trouble….An escapist generation reads security, prosperity, and physical well-being as evidences of God’s blessing. Thus when he puts suffering and affliction into our hands, we misread his signals and misinterpret his intentions.
Seventeenth-century Puritan author William Law exhorts us:
Receive every inward and outward trouble, every disappointment, pain, uneasiness, temptation, darkness, and desolation, with both thy hands, as a true opportunity and blessed occasion of dying to self, and entering into a fuller fellowship with they self-denying, suffering Saviour.
The Truth is, God is far more interested in our holiness than in our immediate, temporal happiness–He knows that from apart from being holy, we can never be truly happy. The Truth is, it is impossible to be holy apart from suffering (Hebrews 2:10, 5:8). In fact, Peter goes so far as to insist that suffering is our calling (1 Peter 2:21). True joy is not the absence of pain but the sanctifying, sustaining presence of the Lord Jesus in the midst of the pain. Through the whole process, we have His promise (1 Peter 5:10).
38. “My circumstances will never change–this will go on forever.”
The Truth is, your pain may go on for a long time. But it will not last forever. It may go on for all of your life down here on this earth. But even a lifetime is not forever. The Truth is, a moment or two fro now (in the light of eternity), when we are in the presence of the Lord, everything that has taken place in this life will be just a breath–a comma. “One day this will all be just a blip on the screen.” She spoke not as one who is just resigned to her “fate.” She longs for things to be different now. But she has a perspective of time and eternity that is enabling her to be faithful in the midst of the “fire.”
Regardless of how long our suffering continues, God’s word assures us that it will not last forever (2 Corinthians 4:16-18, Romans 8:18, Psalm 30:5). God has determined the exact duration of your suffering, and it will not last one moment longer than He knows is necessary to achieve His holy, eternal purposes in and through your life. Regardless of how powerful the forces of darkness seem to be here and now, the final chpater has been written–and God wins (Isaiah 35:1,10)!
39. “I just can’t take it anymore.”
Regardless of what our emotions or our circumstances may tell us, God’s Word says, “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9). (This is assuming, of course, that I haven’t taken on myself responsibilities He never intended me to carry. If the burden is God-given, I can go on by His grace.) One woman wrote and said:
I have one-year-old twin boys who have been chronically sick with ear infections and colds for two months, causing them to be whiny and irritable constantly. I kept telling myself, my husband, and anyone who would listen, “I can’t take it anymore.” The lie was a self-fulfilling prophecy, and it was stressing me out. When I finally said, “Yes, I can take it and I will do my duty to them,” the greatest part of the tension and stress I was feeling dissolved.
Dear child of God, your heavenly Father will never lead you anywhere that His grace will not sustain you. He will never place more upon you than He will give you grace to bear. When the path before you seems hopelessly long, take leart. Lift up your eyes (2 Corinthians 3:10, Philippians 3:8).
40. “It’s all about me.”
In spite of all the talk about poor self-image, our instinctive reaction to life is self-centered: How does this affect me? Will this make me happy? Why did this have to happen to me? What does she think about me? It’s my turn. Where’s my share? Nobdoy cares about my ideas. He hurt my feelings. I’ve got to have some time for me. I need my space. He’s not sensitive enough to my needs. It’s not enough for us to be the center of our own universe. We want to be the center of everyone else’s universe as well–including God’s. In his book Finding God, Dr. Larry Crabb offers a penetrating analysis of the extent to which the evangelical church has given in to this deception:
Helping people feel loved and worthwhile has become the central mission of the church. We are learning not to worship God in self-denial and costly service, but to embrace our inner child, heal our memories, overcome addictions, lift our depressions, improve our self-images, establish self-preserving boundaries, substitute self-love for self-hatred, and replace shame with an affirming acceptance of who we are. Recovery from pain is absorbing an increasing share of the church’s energy. And that is alarming…
We have become committed to relieving the pain behind our problems rather than using our pain to wrestle more passionately with the character and purpose of God. Feeling better has become more important than finding God…As a result, we happily camp on biblical ideas that help us feel loved and accepted, and we pass over Scriputre that calls us to higher ground. We twist wonderful truths about God’s acceptance, his redeeming love, and our new identity in Christ into a basis for honoring ourselves rather than seeing those truths for what they are: the stunning revelation of a God gracious enough to love people who hated him, a God worthy to be honored above everyone and everything else.
…We have reaaranged things so that God is now worthy of honor because he has honored us. “Worthy is the Lamb,” we cry, not in response to his amazing grace, but because he has recovered what we value most: the ability to like ourselves. We now matter more than God.
Paul understood that God does not exist for us, but that we exist for Him (Colossians 1:16-18). His secret was that he had settled the issue of why he was living. He was not living to please himself or to get his needs fulfilled. He had one burning passion: to live for the glory and the pleasure of God. All that mattered to him was knowing Christ and making Him known to others (Acts 20:24). “To live is Christ.” Once that was settled, nothign else mattered much. Coram Deo is a Latin phrase that means “before the face of God.” Coram Deo is living all of life, in the presence of God, under the authority of God, and to the glory of God. I want to close this chapter with three sketches fo women who exemplify what it means to live coram Deo.
“Cindy” got married at the age of 18 and had three children by the time she was 21. When she was in her thirties, as her mother lay in a hospital in a coma, dying of cancer, Cindy picked up a Gideon Bible and cried out to the Lord to help her. “From that moment on,” she wrote, “my heart’s desire was to know God.” There was a vicious cycle of abusive behavior and language, her 14-year-old daughter an away from home, and her two sons were in consistent trouble with the police. She left her husband for two weeks, intending to divorce him; through a series of circumstances, God gave her a new compassion for him, and she returned home. In the midst of this, Cindy attended a meeting at a nearby church, where she heard the Good News and gave her heart to Jesus. Things got worse. Her daughter ended up on the streets for a year, after her dad would not let her back in the house one day. Subsequently, the daughter married and had five children; she is now going trough a divorce, after 25 years of marriage. One son was dishonorably discharged from the Marines and spent four years in prison. The other became a drug addict and was also dishonorably discharged from the military. He was involved in a homicide in a tavern and spent 22 years in a penitentiary. Though he made a profession of faith whil in prison, he no longer shows any interest in spiritual things. Their father is estranged from them, have not spoken to them in years, and does not know his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Cindy continues to reflect:
There are no Christmases or Thanksgivings here at home. Will my family ever be healed? Only the Lord knows. But God is Lord of my life, and I believe He wants to use me to be a testimony and a light for my family. If I don’t kshow them the truth of God’s amazing grace, who will? It would be so easy to just walk away and go to some isalnd where there is peace and joy. But God has chosen me to be where I am, to be a testimony to my unsaved husband and to my children. How can I help my husband see that one day his pride will be taken away and he will have to face Christ? How can I help my daughter see the truth of God’s unconditional love? How can I help my eldest son, who has turned his back on God since leaving prison? How can I help my husband reconcile with his other son and daguther? Only through God’s power, wisdom, and love. So with all my heart, mind, body, and soul, I say, “Yes, Lord–whatever You want me to do.”
Jennie Thompson is a young woman whose husband went to be with the Lord after an intense two-year battle with leukemia. In a letter written three months after Robert’s home-going, this widow with four boys ages seven and under expresses:
The Lord has been faithful in holding us up through this time. I wouldn’t in a million years have chosen this path for my life or the lives of my children, but we have learned so much in and through our circumstances that we could never have learned another way. God has been honored and glorified in a way that never could have happened without our circumstances, so I must praise Him for those circumstances. God is not in the business of making us “happy”; His business is to receive the glory that is due Him as our Creator and almighty God. Our happiness is the by-product of being in and doing His will. That, and only that, is the reason I can be weeping at the graveside of my best friend, my husband, and the father of my children and still be happy.
Janiece Grissom, my dear friend and longtime prayer partner, was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease at the age of 41. She was the mother of four children, ages 4 to 12. Invariably, throughout the next ten months, when she would hear my voice, she would say, “Nancy, you’ve really been on my heart! How can I pray for you?” By October 1999, she was confined to a recliner, could not use her limbs, and could only speak with difficulty due to losing 50% of her lung capacity. Again, I was deeply touched by how God-conscious and God-centered this couple was, even as they faced the ravages of this disease. I remember Janiece saying over and over that evening, “God has been so good to us!” We sang one of her favorite hymns, “Like a River Glorious.” On the evening of December 31, having a feeding tube inserted at the hospital months earlier, she could not speak above a whisper. “But,” Tim said, “the incredible thing is that she is still spending most of her waking hours praying for other people.” Within a matter of hours, Janiece breathed her last. She died the way she lived–selflessly loving God and others. In her mind, it was never about her–her health, her comfort, her future. It was all about God–all that mattered was glorifying Him through surrendering to His purposes for her life (Philippians 1:20). Her sole desire reflects what pastor’s wife and author Susan Hunt wrote:
History is the story of redemption. This story is much bigger than I. I am not the main character in the drama of redemption. I am not the point. But by God’s grace I am a part of it. My subplot is integral to the whole. It is far more significant to have a small part in this story than to star in my own puny production. This is a cosmic story that will run throughout eternity. Will I play my part with grace and joy, or will I go for the short-run, insignificant story that really has no point?
AFFIRM the Truth: Philippians 4:11-13, James 1:2-5, 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
No greater capacity for joy and love or for disappointment and pain can be found than in a mother’s heart. She never stops hoping, dreaming, and longing for that child she once cradled in her arms. It is in this most sensitive of relationships–with their own flesh and blood–that many women find themselves particularly vulnerable to deception. Satan has a vast arsenal of lies that he uses to deceive a woman in relation to her children and her role as a mother. His intent is not only to place mothers in bondage, but also to pass his deception down to the next generation.
27. “It’s up to us to determine the size of our family.”
God is the Creator, Author, and Giver of life. Satan hates life (John 10:10). He persuaded Adam and Eve to eat the forbidden fruit, knowing that if they did, they would die. When they gave birth to two sons, Satan incited the elder to murder his younger brother. Abortion, infanticide, and homosexuality are examples of life-destroying practices that have become widely tolerated throughout our culture. But many have come to accept a number of philosophies and practices that are subtly “antichildren” and “antilife.”
One of the fundamental tenets of feminist ideology has always been the right of a woman to determine for herself if and when she will have children and how many children she will have. Shulamith Firestone spoke for the movement when she insisted: “The heart of woman’s oppression is her childbearing and childrearing roles.” The Christian world has been unwittingly influenced by this way of thinking, leading to the legitimization and promotion of such practices as contraception, sterilization, and “family planning.” As a result, unwittingly, millions of Christian women and couples have helped to further Satan’s attempts to limit human reproduction and thereby destroy life. As Mary Pride points out in her penetrating book The Way Home:
Family planning is the mother of abortion. A generation had to be indoctrinated in the ideal of planning children around personal convenience before abortion today, and rightly so. But the reason we have to fight those battles today is because we lost them thirty years ago. Once couples began to look upon children as creatures of their own making, who they could plan into their lives as they chose or not, all reverence for human life was lost. Abortion is first of all a heart attitude. “Me first.” “My career first.” “My convenience first.” “My financial plans first.” And these exact same choices are what family planning, which the churches have endorsed for three decades, is all about.
The process by which most people–even “believers”–determine the size of their family is often driven by fear, selfishness, and natural, human reason:
- “How will we ever provide for more children? We’re barely making ends meet, as it is. What about college tuition?”
- “I can’t physically handle more children. I’m exhausted trying to take care of the two I already have.”
- “I just don’t have the patience to handle a lot of children.”
- “If we have more children, we won’t have enough time for us as a couple.”
- ‘My friends [or parents] will think we’re crazy if we have more kids. They already think we have too many.”
- “If we were to let the Lord decide how many children we should have, we’d have two dozen kids!”
The world says, “Children are a burden.” God’s Word says children are one of the greatest blessings He can give a couple (Psalm 127:3-5). Yet we look up to heaven and say, “God, please don’t send any more blessings!” The world says, “The purpose of marriage is to make you happy. That may or may not include having children.” God’s Word, on the other hand, teaches that one of the vital purposes of marriage is to produce children who fear and reverence the Lord (Malachi 2:15). Childbearing is a basic, God-given role for women (1 Timothy 5:14). Women will be saved through childbearing (1 Timothy 2:15). Of course, this is not to suggest that a woman’s eternal salvation is obtained through childbearing. This verse has the same grammatical construction as Paul’s admonition (1 Timothy 4:16). Paul is saying that preaching was Timothy’s role, and that perseverance in his calling would accompany genuine conversion. Preaching was not a means of Timothy’s salvation, but a necessary fruit of it. Likewise, a woman’s willingness to embrace, rather than shun, her God-given role and calling (”childbearing”) is a necessary fruit that will accompany genuine salvation. (This is not to say that all women are called by God to marry and bear children, but simply that, generally speaking, this is the central role God has established for women.)
Mary of Nazareth is a beautiful example of a woman who demonstrated faith by her willingness to bear a child, even when it was not in her timing (Luke 1:38). She said, in effect, “You are my Lord. I am Your servant. My body is Yours.” How thankful I am for a mother who responded in the same way. An accomplished musician, when Nancy Sossomon married Art DeMoss at the age of nineteen, they planned to wait at least five years so she could continue her vocal career. However, within the first five years of their marriage, the Lord gave them six children! Mary of Nazareth and my mother–these women are a picture of the Lord Jesus, who welcomed children into His life, took time for them, and urged his followers to do the same (Matthew 19:13-15).
28. “Children need to get exposed to the ‘real world’ so that they can learn to function in it.”
Satan uses the same tactics with parents that he used with Eve. Satan was right–when Eve ate, her eyes were opened (Genesis 3:5-7); she did learn something she had not known before–the experience of evil. The result of this knowledge was shame, guilt, and alienation from God and her husband. God never intended that you and I should know evil by experiencing it for ourselves (Romans 16:19). But Satan says, “You need to taste for yourself.” He says to parents, “Your children need to taste for themselves.” The Truth is, our challenge is to bring up children who love God with all their hearts, souls, minds, and strength. I can’t thank the Lord enough for guiding my parents. For example, when almost every other little girl was playing with Barbie dolls, we scarcely knew what they were. She wisely understood that for little girls to play with dolls with fully developed figures would not help to cultivate a godly perspective on sexuality. When I was a young girl, the nation was in the throes of rebellion, rioting, and revolution. We were not unaware of these developments, but neither were we hearing about them on the evening news. My parents believed that some topics were not suitable for children’s minds to ponder, and they felt responsible to shape our views on what was going on in the world.
The result? I was a very sheltered young person. But there are some things I did know that few other young people knew. I knew the difference between right and wrong. I had hidden large portions of Scripture in my heart. I could sing from memory all the stanzas of many theologically rich hymns. I had read the biographies of many true heroes–men and women such as Hudson Taylor, George Mueller, William Carey, and Gladys Aylward. More than that, I had a vital, personal relationship with the Lord Jesus. The “faith of our fathers” had become my own. I’m not boasting–I can’t take any credit–they were gifts from the Lord and from parents who took seriously their responsibility to raise godly daughters and sons. Children will cultivate an appetite for whatever they are fed in their earliest, formative years. I can only assume that they have an appetite for what they have been exposed to.
No one would think of taking a young, tender plant and planting it outside on a day like today and have any hope of its surviving. That’s what a greenhouse is for–to provide an optimum environment for plants to grow. Then, when their roots have developed and they are strong enough to withstand adversity, they can be transplanted to the outdoors. When I was seventeen years old, my parents sent me to a secular university in southern California. I didn’t have an appetite for anything that wasn’t consistent with the Word of God (Romans 12:2). I had a heart for the people who believed those things and practiced those lifestyles and wanted to see them come to know the Lord (Romans 12:1-2). But their ways held no appeal to me.
29. “All children will go through a rebellious stage.”
The Enemy wants parents to believe there is no hope of their children living holy, surrendered lives through their adolescent and young adult years. Children who know their parents expect them to rebel will likely fulfill that expectation. The fact is, we are all natural rebels (Psalms 51:5, 58:3, Isaiah 59:2-8). That’s where the Gospel comes in. God’s intent was that each successive generation should receive His grace, keep His covenant, and then pass it on to their children. When seeds of rebellion surface, wise parents do not shrug and say, “I guess all kids ahve to go through this.” They understand that their children are experiencing physiological an dhormonal changes, but they teach their children how to keep them from ruling their lives (Psalms 103:17, 144:12, Isaiah 54:13).
30. “I know my child is a Christian because he prayed to receive Christ at an early age.”
Only God knows anyone’s heart. But He has given us some objective standards by which we may measure a profession of faith. The essence of true salvation is not a matter of profession or performance; rather, it is a transformation (1 John 2:3-19, 3:10; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Colossians 1:13; Jeremiah 32:40; Hebrews 3:14). For parents to assume that their children have been born again when their lives give no such evidence can have several dangerous results (Ephesians 5:5-6). It can lull those children into a false sense of secuirty about their eternal destiny. It can keep parents from praying approppriately and waging spiritual battle on behalf of their children’s souls. It gives rise to a “cheap grace” that demeans the person and blood of Christ.
31. “We are not responsible for how our children turn out.”
I have observed that the Enemy uses two opposite lies to put parents in bondage. The first is that they have no control or influence over how their children have turned out–they the situation could not be helped. Believing this leads parents to throw off personal responsbility and to feel that they are helpless victims. The second lie is that they are 100% responsible–that it is all their fault. The Scripture includes accounts of godly men who had ungodly children, as well as ungodly men whose children had a heart for God. Very little explanation is given for why this is so. However, we are given some clues that provide insight for parents who want their children to become true followers of Christ. Even though Lot was a believer, he did not guard his heart; he had an appetite for the things of this world. By his example, he led his family into a love affair with the world (2 Peter 2:8). As more than one person has pointed out, “What parents tolerate in moderation, their children will excuse in excess.”
The account of Eli’s family demonstrates the necessity of parents’ establishing godly standards for their children’s behavior and then excercising the necessary discipline to enforce those parameters. How did a dedicated man of god end up with two such sons (2 Samuel 2:12-17,22)? We know that at the time of his death, Eli was overweight (1 Samuel 4:18). Could there be a connection between his lack of physical discipline and his sons’ sin of filling their own bellies with meat they had extorted from those who came to offer sacrifices? At least on one occasion, Eli confronted his sons about their wicked behavior, but by that time he was “very old” and his sons did not listen to their father’s rebuke (1 Samuel 2:22-25; 29; 3:13).
These examples do not prove that there is a cause-and-effect relationship between parents’ spirituality and the spiritual outcome in every child. However, they do illustrate that parents have enourmous influence and are responsible to mold the hearts and lives of their children. As easy as it is to shift blame to peers, teachers, entertainment, church youth groups, or secular culture, the fact is, we are accountable for the spiritual condition of the flock God has given us to shepherd. Or course, each individual will one day give account to God for his or her own choices (DeuteronoMy 24:16; Jeremiah 31:29-30).
AFFIRM the Truth: Psalm 127, Matthew 19:13-15, Psalm 78:1-8, 1 Thessalonians 2:7
LOL, look what Phoebe made after our weekend road trip (Hannah’s first with friends):
Vickie, James, Phoebe, Chris, Hannah, me, and Jonathan
omg i’m going to cry:
Hello Friends,
I have an exciting praise. Yesterday, [my mom] told me she and my dad went to the church 4th of july weekend retreat (i think that was what it was). Anyways, at the retreat, she told me my dad finally accepted Christ into his heart and he wants to get baptized. I asked her if it was for real this time and she said it was. My dad voluntarily accepted Christ into his life. I asked my mom if it was for real is because a couple years ago, my dad had “accepted” Christ, just so he could get rid of the people that came to our house to evangelize to him. After they left, he went back to the way he was.
So, to me, this is wonderful news, to know that the man of our house is also a follower of Christ. Since moving to the U.S., throughout the years, [we] had learn to accept Him, but my dad never did. He wasn’t against us going to church, but he, himself, was against or more like didn’t trust the church, christians, and God. Having one parent who loves the Lord and another who does not was extremely difficult on our family growing up, but through the prayers and grace of God, our family endured and survived the hardships. This is another reminder to me about the power of prayer. I’ll admit, sometimes, I pray but I don’t think I really believe or trust in God that He is listening. Once again, He has proved me wrong.
So my sisters and brothers, I just wanted to share this good news with you guys and I guess let this be a source of encouragement to ya’ll about prayer. As a prayer request, I guess pray for my dad as he is learning what it means to be a “Christian”.
I hope all is well, and please continue to let me know what I can pray for you guys about. =)
“I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent” (Luke 15:7).
How to Disciple One-on-One
with Training Aids
by Roy Robertson
(c) 1986
Reproduction
1. Only life can produce life (John 11:25, 14:6, Romans 10:13-15)
2. Everything produces after its own kind (Genesis 1:11)
Fruitbearing: Definition
1. What you are (good: Galatians 5:22-23, bad: Galatians 5:19-21, Romans 6:21-23, James 1:14-15)
2. What you produce (Matthew 7:18)
a. our duty (John 14:16, Matthew 28:18, Mark 16:15, Acts 1:8, I Corinthians 3:9, Exodus 32:14, Jonah 3:10)
b. out destiny (John 15:16)
Fruitbearing: Steps
1. Pruning (John 15:2, Hebrews 12:11)
2. Abiding (John 15:7-8)
Foundations for Growth
1. Quiet Time - person, period, place, plan (eg. Word, prayer, write). Resources: Seven Minutes with God and Appointment with God
2. Prayer - temporary list (two columns with request and answer) and permanent list (see below)
3. Word - grasp it with your five fingers (see below). Spiritually, God must open your heart first before you are able to even hear (Ezekiel 3:10). Try to read the Bible all the way through annually. Meditate on it continually (Joshua 1:8).
Permanent Prayer List
• List the days of the week on the first/left column
• List different headings for each column thereafter
• Examples include family (e.g. father on Sunday, mother on Monday…), ministry, church, missions, special, country (e.g. India on Sunday, China on Monday…), small group members….
• List people you will pray for on a daily basis under the chart
• Revise the chart every few months
Prayer Hand
1. Praise (Psalm 107:8,15,21,31,71:8)
2. Petition (Matthew 21:22, I John 5:14-15)
3. Intercession (Jonah 42:10, James 5:16)
4. Thanksgiving (I Thessalonians 5:18, Ephesians 5:20)
5. Confession (Isaiah 59:1-2, I John 1:9)
Pray for
• authorities (I Thessalonians 2:1)
• lost souls (John 5:20)
• the sick (James 5:16)
• laborers (Matthew 9:36-38)
• unsaved relatives (Romans 9:1)
• outsiders (Romans 15:20)
• missionaries (Ephesians 5:1)
• church members (I Thessalonians 1:2-3)
Ask
• In Jesus’ Name (John 16:24)
• In faith (Matthew 21:22)
• According to God’s will (I John 5:14-15)
Grasp the Word
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Finger |
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Commended |
Commanded |
Blessing |
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Pinky |
Hear |
Ezekiel 3:10 |
Jeremiah 22:29 |
Luke 11:28 |
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Ring |
Read |
Nehemiah 8:8 |
I Timothy 4:13 |
Revelation 1:3 |
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Middle |
Study |
II Timothy 3:16-17 |
II Timothy 2:15 |
Acts 17:11 |
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Pointer |
Memorize |
Psalm 119:11 |
Deuteronomy 6:6 |
Psalm 40:8 |
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Thumb |
Meditate |
Psalm 1:23 |
John 1:8 |
I Timothy 4:15 |
Spiritual Maturity is more than the ability to survive; it is the ability to be a parent, bearing the responsibility of helping another mature (I Thessalonians 2:7, John 15:8,16).
Ways to Follow Up
1. Prayer (I Thessalonians 3:10)
2. Personal contact/visit (I Thessalonians 3:10, Romans 1:10-13)
3. Pen/letters
4. Proxy - call on another to aid in the task (I Corinthians 4:17, I Timothy 1:3, Colossians 4:7, Titus 1:5)
Train a Disciple in
1. Assurance of salvation
2. Word
3. Quiet Time
4. Fellowship
5. Challenge toward reproduction
At each session, discuss the three Ps
1. Personal (10 minutes)
2. Progress (10 minutes)
3. Principles (40 minutes)
As the mentor, remember
1. Pace setting - set the example, set the discipline (Hebrews 13:7, I Peter 2:12, Deuteronomy 6:7)
2. Each to his own bent - remember each has his/her own gifts (Proverbs 22:6, Romans 12, I Corinthians 12). As the Chinese say in reflection of Galatians 6:9, “bu pa man; chih pa chan” (”Be not afraid of going slowly, be only afraid of standing still”). Build on his/her strengths according to his/her gifts, minimize his/her weaknesses. Protect from harm but don’t nag.
Where is your Timothy?
1. S/he is a spiritual child (I Corinthians 4:17). You could have led him/her to Christ yourself, or you can “adopt.”
2. S/he has a kindred spirit with his spiritual parent (Philippians 2:20-21, I Corinthians 4:17, II Timothy 3:10-11). A Christian worker may produce many converts in his lifetime, but very few whom he can call a Timothy
3. S/he carries on the work of his spiritual parent (to Corinth in I Corinthians 4:17, to Philippi in Philippians 2:19, to Athens in Acts 17:15, and to remain in Ephesus in I Timothy 1:3). The missionary carries the torch as far as he can, then passes it on to a younger disciple who will continue running, carrying the Gospel light into the darkness (Moses to Joshua in Numbers 27:20, Elijah to Elisha).
The Key Man Strategy–in the course of our spiritual reproduction, not everyone we work with will become a Timothy, someone whom we train to take over our particular ministry when we move on to somethign else. We should use a key man strategy as well as well as the Timothy Principle. In Acts 20:4, each man was identified with a geographical area. Paul took these men from different areas to give them further training as they traveled with him, sort of a traveling Bible school or seminary. Then after this short training time together, most of them presumably returned to their own place of ministry (Mark 5:19-20). This has been useful in my missionary work because there were no property, building, or specific locale where we met. It was simply a few people getting together to be equipped. In summary, a Timothy is someone you bring into your own ministry so that it is more thorough and carries further. Key men develop their own ministires. A “key man” would have
1. Access - s/he is already accepted and established in his own group
2. Adaptability - s/he takes things learned and adapts/applies them to his own environment
3. Accountability - s/he will continue to seek out how to grow
World Vision (Isaiah 43:10) needs
1. A vision of God (Isaiah 6:1, Matthew 28:18-20, Acts 1:8)
2. A vision of self (Isaiah 6:5, I Corinthians 1:27-28)
3. A vision of the need (Isaiah 6:8, John 4:35, Matthew 9:37, Genesis 13:17)
Chapter 5: A powerful SUV (on Discovery and Learning). For most of us who own SUVs, it’s just enough to know we could do something like the commercials if we needed to. While just knowing we could explore unpaved territory may be okay for literal suburbia, it’s not okay for the landscape of our spiritual lives. We have a lot of knowledge about God, but are sadly lacking in vibrant experiences with God. Once very two years or so, I have an encounter with God that makes me fell “saved” all over again. I fall into a spiritual rut, and then find myself sinking in the quagmire of my own self-preservation. Those of us who live in spiritual suburbia have become experts on what we don’t experience. We attend meetings, listen to others, and can critique sermons, services, and sanctity–without ever having to interact with God ourselves:
The short-term mission team and I were performing street dramas, preaching the gospel, and being all-around ethnocentric, upper-middle-class Americans. Still, God was at work in Budapest, Hungary, and lots of people were committing their lives to Christ and capitalism through us. As I was wandering a public square, I noticed a weathered and aged man playing a violin that had only three strings. His knuckles were knobby, and his fingers appeared to be as beaten down as his violin. As I apprached, he screeched a tune that sounded remarkably like two cats in heat.
Clasping my hands together, I pantomimed my question regarding whether I could pray for him. But as I knelt down, the man extended one of his withered hands to my shoulder and raised the other one up to heaven, and began to pray for me instead. I felt a tingling rush sweep over my body and then, Wham!, I hit the cement sidewalk, face first and weeping uncontrollably. I thought, Get a grip, you’re making a scene out here in public! But my body would not submit to my pride. Instead, I lay there listening to an old man pray in a language I didn’t understand, hoping no one was noticing me.
Another tingle went through me, and I found myself sitting at a colossal banquet table that stretched for hundreds of feet and seated hundreds of people. I was sitting on one end of the table, and Jesus was way, way down on the other side. I could hear him laughing and talking with those seated around him. Then I zoomed in on Jesus. Though we were still at opposite ends of this great expance, Jesus and I were looking eye-to-eye–and he wasn’t happy. “How many times have I told you that the first shall be last and the least shall be the greatest in my kingdom? You are kneeling before one of my most holy servants,” he said.
Then like a hyperspace jump in Star Wars, I was back. Two Hungarian students who attended the American univeristy told me they had been watching for about ten minutes. “He was praying, thanking God for sending such a holy man to his city so that many might receive God. He must think you’re a priest or something. Then he went on to pray about the poor and needy around the city.” The students went on to explain how Frank plays his violin every day in order to raise donations so that he can buy bread and distribute it to the poor and addicted who suffer without hope in the backalleys. If Frank had any bread left over after his rounds, then he’ll eat. Rumor had it that there had been times when Frank had gone seven or eight days without eating so that others would have enough food.
What a world of distance between my Christian suburbia and Frank’s urban wilderness. Oh sure, I may have been able to dance doctrinal circles around him regarding God’s heart for the poor and broken. I probably could have helped him set up a more effective and efficient way to collect money and distribute bread to the poor (all in the name of godly stewardship, of course!). But I wasn’t the expert on ministry to the poor; Frank was.
- How do you connect with God? Jesus wants to be the master of our lives, and this puts us in the position of becoming his apprentices. The way to get closer to God is not to study about him, but to participate with him. “Follow me” surely implied that Jesus was going somewhere. Reading the Bible for knowledge alone is like going to a restaurant and eating the menu but not the meal. Now don’t reak out on me. I’m not about to go all anti-Bible on you. I know and firmly believe that the best way to know where God is and what he is like is through his holy Word. However, the meal is in relationship with the person of Jesus Christ, not in simply reading about what he offers.
- In Matthew 6:9-10, Jesus used the Aramaic term Abba. Abba was a nursery term, and in today’s vernacular it would be “Papa” or “Daddy.” With this word, Jesus is inviting us to experience the Father’s complete, safe, and radical tenderness toward us. Our conversations with God need to start with our understanding of God as our Abba. If we don’t get this, if we don’t let him function in that role, we will always come up short in regard to what he wants for us in prayer. Has this information changed the way you actually connect with God? Knowing and actually experiencing and trusting this information are very different things.
- For example, I first ran into Madame Guyon while studing Richard Foster’s Devotional Classics. She wrote about a profoundly simply way to turn our hearts toward the presence of God (find a Scripture to use to help focus on God, continue to read those words over and over again slowly until you sense God’s presence, shift from the Scripture to conversing with th Lord, then if your mind wanders just go back to the Scripture to get you back on track). Since then, I’ve gotten pretty good at talking about prayer, but I know God is still waiting….
- Julian of Norwich wrote, “For the highest form of prayer is to to the goodness of God. God only desires that our soul cling to him with all its strength, in particular that it clings to his goodness. For of all the things our minds can think about God, it is thinking about his goodness that pleases him most and brings the most profit to our soul. For we are so preciously loved by God that we cannot even comprehend it. No created being can ever know how much and how sweetly and tenderly God loves them.” I could drink from God’s goodness and love all my days, and his well would never run dry, and my thirst would never be quenched. The invitation goes beyond understanding to truly clinging to the tangible nature of God’s goodness.
- Brother Lawrence wrote, “I imagine myself as the most wretched of all, full of sores and sins, and one who has committed all sorts of crimes against his king. Feeling a deep sorrow, I confess to him all of my sins, I ask his forgiveness, and I abandon myself into his hands so that he may do with me what he pleases. This king, full of mercy and goodness, very far from chastening me, embraces me with love, invites me to feast at his table, serves me with his own hands, and gives me the key to his treasures. He converses with me, and takes delight in me, and treats me as if I were his favorite. This is how I imagine myself from time to time in his holy presence.” Let God pour his emotional, reckless, and prodigal love on you.
- While pursuing my PhD (Debt Piled High and Deep), I used to think it was to my advantage to buy used textbooks that already had lots of highlights. But that was frustrating because previous colleagues didn’t seem to know which things I would think were important. A couple of times a year, I go back through my selection of books and read the highlights. I see so many great insights that I wanted to apply to my life. Some I have, but most remain yellow.
- Also, most of the highlighting occurs in the front half of the books, with the amount slowly drying to a trickle by the three-quarter mark. I have a bad habit of not finishing. I’ve realized I need to apply what I have been learning. I need to follow through on the commitments I have made, especially the things that Jesus has brought into my life. Jesus may have been speaking to me through those books, but have the words worked their way into my being (2 Peter 1:3)?
- Escaping suburbia means aligning our behaviors with our beliefs. The divine power he offers is called grace, God’s empowering presence in our life that helps us turn knowledge into experience (Luke 2:40, 1 Corinthians 15:10, Ephesians 2:8-10). You get more grace by living it. The more of God’s grace you allow into and through your day, to work out in and through you, the more he will pour upon you. We aren’t endued with such power mrely to attend church meetings. God has equipped us to charge over the gates of hell, to drive straight into the Enemy’s camp, and to live a life that finds itself right smack in the middle of God’s story in the world around us. Step on the gas, I see a mountain to climb.
Chapter 6: A really big house (on Intimacy with God). I got to thinking about the types of homes people return to. Not just the physical structures, mind you, but the relationships behind the brick and mortar walls. When you live in a large home, you have plenty of room for a variety of activities to be happening at once, but it also means you don’t have to be very close to anyone if you choose not to be. This book is about the home located inside of you. As Jesus spoke in Revelation 3:20, he was talking to those who havealready professed to have a relationship with him. Jesus wants to be invited into deeper, more meaningful relationship than just standing at the door will allow.
- (1) Yet, that’s about as intimate as we often get with him, like with the pizza delivery guy. Secretly, we hope that our plastic Jesus’ head is bobbing up and down.
- (2) Or, we plateau at the relatively stable symbiotic business/working relationship where we mutually benefit each other. We know God by name and commit to working for him because we believe in the vision and values of his organization. We hold marathon PR meetings to develop plans to sell his product (salvation) to others. We raise money for the poor. We get his peace and fire insurance, and he gets our busy bodies. The temptation to settle in this land is powerful; it is, after all, the Land of Good Things (eg. it is good to focus on evangelism, it is good to serve others on Sundays). But we can forget to stop and asky why. Why am I so busy? Far too many teeter around the edge of burnout. They signed up because they loved the Boss and grooved with his vision. The benefits were out of this world and the coworkers were friendly. Then something began to happen. Their external busyness dried up the internal goodness. Once motivated by the Master himself, they are now only motivated by the machine itself; they are simply a cog in the wheel of the business called “churchianity.”
- That’s what happened to Jonathan. He grew up street smart and tough, but God grabbed hold of his heart, held it in his nail-pierced hands, and turned this six-foot-four, three-hundred-pound, Hispanic, Hollywood punker into a gentle giant for Jesus. Early in his walk, his passion often outweighed his wisdom. He invented the ministry of evandelism. On other occasions, he’d flatten tires and wait for the owner to return. He promised to fix their flat for free if they’d listen to his message of God’s love. He then soon found himself playing the guitar for crowds and leading worship teams. People gathered around his fire and warmed up in his glowing. A subtle shift began to happen. He started playing for the effect of worship and was no longer playing to an audience of One. Slowly, subtly, and surely, this once radcal, passoinate, no-holds barred, worshipper of Jesus had turned his ministry into a business relationship. Before he knew it, the goal was to create and perpetuate the sense of God’s presence for others though that presence had long since waned in his own heart. He found himself growing bitter and resentful. He realized his worshipping heart had lost its center. What he’d once done for the love of Jesus, he was now doing for the works of Jesus.
- (3) The difference between being a servant/business partner and a friend is in the intimacy, not the action. We are called to do the things that Jesus did. We can be religious and do these things out of a sense of duty, or we can be intimate and do these things out of a sense of friendship. I, for one, want to be in a cooperative friendship with Jesus, where he shares with me not only the task at hand, but his heart’s desires and motivations as well. My team and I were working among the children who were living and working in the desolate and polluted environment of a garbage dump on Bohol Island in the Philippines. One of the local leaders brought a guitar, and everyone was singing. Under my breath, I muttered, “God, this song isn’t right. Look at the deprivation. How can we be singing you are gracious?” It was as if Wisdom was standing next to me, for I heard a voice as clearly as if I were talking to my friend Marty, saying, “I sent you, didn’t I?” It’s hard to explain, but I felt as if god was saying that he was allowing me to be a part of his heart and love for these kids and the Philippines. I was participating in a cooperative friendship with Jesus, not just a partnership. And as such it seemed he felt open enough to share with me his heart for those kids and for me. Conversations like this can turn something hollow to something hallowed.
- (4) Just as I don’t critique the art my children make for me, neither does God critique our heartfelt worship works for him. But if we didn’t grow up in such a home, we will often draw a line, buil da fence, and decide to experience Jesus’ love on the cross, but we won’t risk trusting the love that sent him there. In doing this, we are negating much of the reason Jesus became a man in the first place (John 5:19, John 14:9-11, Luke 11:2). Jesus came to make God’s love tangible to you and me. But for many of us, the tainted love of our earthly fathers has poisoned the love we experience from our Father in heaven.
- In Psalm 18:7-15, we wonder what David did to make God that angry. God was indeed angry, but not at David (5-7). What really makes God angry is when the Enemy is picking on his kids! David got brutally honest and cried out to God for help. God heard and came with the full force of his might to help him. This same love sent the full force of God’s mercy and forgiveness to the cross to conquer the enemy of our souls, once and for all. But God doesn’t just love humanity that much, he loves you that much. I meet people almost weekly whose fathers are terrible representations of what God intended dads to be. But we must risk believing in a perfect Father’s perfect love. As we explore God’s love, I believe he begins to restore a sense of wonder, awe, and childlike trust to our desolate spirituality. Not only does wonder develop intelligence as children grow, i belivee it also helps kids maintain their sense of innocence. We must ask for it, and then slow down to look for it.
- (5) When Jesus says John 14:6, I believe he is inviting us to enter into a passionate love relationship with him. I believe he is telling us that it is possible to know him, and for him to know us like husbands and wives know each other, not sexual or erotic but emotionally intimate and passionate. God invites us into a relationship of such trust and closeness that we feel completely safe with him, willing to be “naked” in his presence, with nothing to hide, willing to bridge any barrier in order to find complete oneness with him. To experience this deep level of intimacy with God, we need to risk feeling a little undignified and unruly in the presence of the lover of our soul (Psalm 69:6,9, Matthew 26:7, Joshua 6:7, Matthew 2:9). So step out, do a little dance, and make a little love toward God tonight.
- Worship should declare the joyous celebration of God’s presence in our lives, the awesomeness of his sovereignty over the whole universe, and the tangibleness of a transparent, unashamed, and intimate love–just like God wants expressed through marriage. The ways that I express my affections for my wife are quite diverse, but my love for her should be evident every day that I celebrate her love in my life. We should view worship as a lifestyle as well as a part of church meetings. In both instances, it is choosing to give all honor and thankfulness back to God for his presence in our lives. Although some contmeporary religious styles often interpret reverence to God as something quiet and somber, scriptural worship is quite diverse. Biblical worship connotes freedom, ranging from standing, raising hands, or dancing, to kneeling or lying prostrate; from quiet, reflective listening to loud, passionante praise. Rekindle the romance.
- That’s the beauty of plumbing the depths of the unfathomable. The adventure never ends. “When you want God as desperately as you wanted air, you will know him as I do.” How far can this joureny take us? Deep…desperately deep. The devil does not want you going deeper. If you did, your love for God might become contagious. Others might become more thirsty and hungry for substance in their relationships with God. There could actually be revival. So the Devil work hard tokeep you and me busy. Just enough so we don’t feel like we are failing. But many of us are stirring. Suburbia has lost its appeal. Our souls are hungry for more of the real presence of God. We don’t just want him to deliver the pizza to us, we want him to come inside our souls and share the meal with us.
“Without any expectation of it, without ever having the thought in my mind that there was any such thing for me, without any recollection that I had ever heard the thing mentioned by any person in the world, the Holy Ghost descended on me in a manner that seemed to go through me, body and soul.
I could feel the impression, like a wave of electricity, going through and through me. Indeed it seemed to come in waves and waves of liquid love….
No words can express the wonderful love that was shed abroad in my heart. I wept aloud with joy and love…. The waves came over me, and over me, one after the other, until I recollect I cried out, ‘I shall die if these waves continue to pass over me.’ I said, ‘Lord, I cannot bear any more;’ yet I had no fear of death” (Charles Finney).
Chapter 7: A perfect lawn (on Brokenness). Brokenness and pain are not pretty. They are like a throbbing sore, constantly aching and oozing until we medicate or anesthetize them. Brokenness causes God’s presence and power to fade like an echo in our soul. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way! The truth is, the area of our deepest pain often has the potential to be the source of our greatest joy and the launching pad of our highest callings. Indeed, those who have been forgiven much tend to love much. Suburbia gives us shame in our brokenness; Jesus gives us hope. The church often says, “How could you?” The Holy Spirit ays, “I still love you.” Our culture finds no value in broken things; God finds redemptive value in them.
- In Mark 14:3-6, almost all placed value on the jar before it was broken. But Jesus placed value on it after it was broken. This woman was broken before him, and he was pleased. This is a story of worship that God likes. The same story he wants us to live today. He is drawn to people who admit and invite him into their brokenness. I am convinced that is why the Father had Jesus be born in a manger. He wanted his Son to be born in the brokenness of poverty. But even being born in one of the lowest cities of the day was not low enough, for Jesus was born in a stable that housed only animals. There is no place on earth he will not go to reach us with his love. But what if God the Father was trying to tell us his life can best be born out in the lowest, most shameful places of humanity? What if he was not only talking about the physical but the hidden stuff in our souls as well? When God’s life came and invaded darkness, the world got the blessing and the Father got the glory. We work so hard to prop up the exterior of our decent Christian living that we fail to attend to the hurts, hang-ups, and decay within. If we long to escape, we can no longer hide our brokenness. We must offer it to God as uncharted territory and be willing to explore it with him, beginning with surrender.
- Often brokenness is masked by addiction and addiction is masked by secrets. Many who struggle with the continuous ache of brokenness first try all kinds of things to anesthetize it: drugs, alcohol, shopping, cyclic relationships. We may try yoga, yogurt, or Yoda, popularity, power, or porn, dressing up, dressing down, or complete nakedness. But soon we find that those things only serve to widen the chasm created by brokenness. So we make a promise. Sin, repent, commit to change, and round and round the cycle goes. When we will crash and burn, nobody knows. But herein lies the problem–commitment. As long as we are committed to overcoming our brokenness, we won’t be able to do so. What we need is to surrender (Romans 7:18-25).
- Surrender is not losing the battle; let Him fight for you. Surrender is not periodically giving in to your hurt and/or brokenness (not to binge and purge). Surrender is not giving up a part of your life (He knew what he was getting, but did you know what you were giving?). Look at the desolate territory of our soul and ask him, “Can you redeem this land?” If he says yes, then surrender it to him. Give up trying to fix it to impress him or trying to hide it to protect him.
- One of the hardest areas for me to surrender was my idea that I needed to have it together in front of those I pastor or lead. You know, the whole “live above reproach” thing. The problem arises when living above reproach becomes synonymous with hiding behind dishonesty. During that early season of my walk, God gave me an opportunity to have lunch with Tom Stipe. During our chat, he said, “There are no Cinderella stories in the kingdom of God. Every authentic leader bears the scars of brokenness. If they don’t walk with a limp, they probably aren’t worthy to be followed.” Walking with a limp is not only an indication of struggle and past brokenness, but also evidence of healing and perseverance. The Bible tells us that God’s gift and his call are irrevocable (Romans 11:29), but so is the path to get there. There is no short cuts on the way to holiness and healing. One way or another, I was going to have to learn to surrender.
- The movement of posers are restricted. Instead of exploring, posers are forced to keep up the appearance of their glittering images. Every life needs to look the same so that no difference can be felt or recognized. “How are you?” “Fine.” Or rather, FINE (Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional). We must give up our rights, privileges, and personal expectations. Vertical honesty, and then horizontal honesty. I see a Wonderbra spirituality. We use whatever contraption we can to puff up what little substance we atually have to impress others, even if it hurts us in the process. Then later, they find out we really weren’t as attractive as we made ourselves out to be. Perhaps the ultimate irony is that by enhancing our weaknesses, we may be distracting others from our strengths. Psalm 136 says that his love for me has remained consistent, pure, lavish, purposeful, and powerful over all these years. Vertical honesty doesn’t only mean that I am transparent with God about who I am, but it also means that I’m receptive to who he is in all his love. Just because I don’t deserve his love doesn’t mean I can’t have it. It is his gift to give and only my choice to receive.
- Coming clean with a bunch of addicts is amazingly freeing in AA, NA, etc., but when people come clean in the church, the response is often quite different. After a friend of mine talked about her eating disorder (and the initial under-our-breath gasps), the group piled on her like a school of well-meaning piranhas. Everyone wanted a piece of “helping” her find the way to healing. After about a half-hour of counsel and storytelling from the group, she sheepishly piped up again, “I was just asking for prayer.” The church needs to follow the recovery group model. The group simply responds, “Thank you for sharing.” No judgment, no critique, no shaming. Just genuine thankfulness that someone was…well…honest. Now no one has to pretend anymore, which is the first step toward healing. What they do next is up to them, it is their journey, we are just there to help. The place where honesty on the horizontal and vertical meet looks remarkably like a cross.
- Not long ago, I had the privilege of facilitating a group of twelve spiritually hungry and brutally honest seekers. I affectionately dubbed our ragamuffin group the “Red Pill Forum,” alluding to the first Matrix movie, and the scene where Neo had to choose either the red pill or the blue pill. Choosing the red pill meant discovering the truth and following it despite not really knowing just how far that journey would go. Choosing the blue pill meant erasing the question and going back to pretending everything was FINE. This group’s version of choosing the “red pill” was swallowing a weekly reading from Brian McLaren’s challenging but noncondescending book Finding Faith. We had two simple rules and one goal: (1) a commitment to honesty about our own life and (2) a commitment to honor the honesty in each other’s lives. Our goal was exploring God’s story in Christianity, without manipulation or pressure to convert. It happened about the seventh week of our weekly gatherings. I was talking about how Jesus invites us to live from a whole new perspective–one in which life is lived from a “God-ward” orientation and not a “self-ward” orientation. Then someone said, “That’s one thing I don’t understand. Christians talk so much about abundant life, but it seems all your decisions are based on fear. Fear of hell, fear of punishment, fear of displeasing God or others, fear of sharing your faults.” Ouch. Indeed, that’s not abundance, that’s avoidance! She risked honesty bcause she felt safe enough to be honest. I received her honesty because I felt safe enough not to be defensive.
- God doesn’t invite us out of suburbia and into the land of brokenness so that we can become fixated on what is wrong in our lives. He invites us into that dark, unexplored place so that we can see his re-creative power at work. He doesn’t want us focused on avoiding pain. He wants us focused on pursuing wholeness. Maybe it’s time to invest some time, energy, and money on the inside. After all, that is where we really live.
Conclusion: Rethinking suburbia. Most seminaries do a better job of teaching eschatology than they do teaching brokenology. “The problem with suburbia is that it’s perfectly designed to anesthetize us from pain. It puts a veneer of wholeness on the outside, and allows hollowness to thrive on the inside.” But there is no barrier that the power of God cannot overcome when we give him permission–regardless of whether those barriers are from within or from without.
- Have a clear vision of what you really want out of your relationship with God. Students with declared majors seldom had many choices between classes. Their course was mapped out for them on a timetable. When they graduated, they not only had a degree on a piece of paper, they had a substance to their education. One stud


