American born Chinese

Alice Wen had asked me on Wednesday (when she spotted me with Phoebe at Starbucks) and then on Friday night (at Bible study) to make sure to inform her of sports this Sunday/today.  I called her several times but was only able to leave a message.  I finally left with Elliot (thanks for driving) toward the UT Rec Fields.  Alice finally called me back around 5 pm and explained that she had pharmacy training that was supposed to end at 3 pm but instead it had just ended.  Thus, understandably, she was too tired to join us (and we had left, anyway).  Always assume the best of people, right? 

We were very early, arriving just as Tiffany was walking towards the fields.  We practiced with the frisbee I brought along (forgot the cheap garage-sale smaller yellow one at T. H. Rogers elementary school last week, covering the hole in the ground).  Tiffany likes flag football the best.  She says she can’t seem to control the frisbee.  Elliot isn’t sure if he’s doing it right, but he throws it the best among the three of us.  Tiffany definitely got better by the time the other people arrived.  Tiffany was debating what to do about her messed-up knee (”Should I not wear cleats so that when I cut I will just fall instead of impact my knee?  But then I might fracture my wrist or something”) and definitely warmed up and stretched.  We copied her, drank water, stayed in the shade.  Roger, Eliseu, and Jason showed up.  Wilson came out after his nap (he apparently had to get up earlier than usual).  Then the rest of the people streamed in.  Nathan Kim of course.  Chris came out!  He said none of the guys wanted to play basketball, haha.  Henry came, too! and Jonathan Eng and Jacky.  I met Dean (wears glasses) indirectly as Wilson said hello to him.

Initially we had one game going, but when it was practically thirteen against thirteen (around when Leon arrived), Wilson and Tiffany split the field into two fields going opposite directions.  Eliseu offered volleyball, to which I raised my hand to join him, but since no one else wanted to, the decision ended up being two fields of ultimate frisbee.  The more intense game (e.g. Aaron Fu) took over the longer (more running) field, lol.  I joined the rest of the girls on the smaller field.  Yvonne said this was her first time, but obviously she put much more of her heart into it and played quite well.  Even Rosemery played, although on the opposing team of her husband Jerry, hehe.  I actually ended up playing with the guys because this is Joanne’s last Sunday here in Houston (she’s starting school in Austin) so she asked me to join her (so as to even out).  I enjoyed it because I did a lot more running (my whole point of coming out each week, right?).  Afterwards, while waiting for the other field, I bumped Wilson’s volleyball around with Nathan (who is always kind enough to play with me).  Haha, but at the end he was like, “Sorry, Amy, that’s enough.” 

Lindi came out to fly her owl kite.  James Hsia was a counselor at camp.  So many people who I haven’t seen out here came, even Cynthia!  I returned her umbrella, which James had handed to me on Friday night.  I also returned the plastic container that Andrew had given me Friday night containing his sister’s clam chowder (yum!).  He asked me to put that and his sunglasses with his flip flops, which I couldn’t find (neither could Nathan Kim).  I hope he found them, since I just left them in the grass with everyone else’s belongings.  Nathan left as the guys deliberated where to eat.  Chris said that James Wei, etc. were at Double Dave’s so instead of eating dinner with BASIC we ate for the first time at Double Dave’s.  (Henry went home to take a shower first.)  As we were driving and Jacky passed us up, Elliot says Jacky always has a bewildered look on his face.  That is such a good description! 

Anyway, the price is a rip off considering the quality is only slightly better than CiCi’s, they had a much smaller selection it felt like, and then since they were closing they took away the food beforehand, and then kicked us out (well, that last part I can understand - they even turned a few people away who came in later than we did).  We got there just as Michael and Eveline were leaving (why does it always seem that way?).  I lent American Born Chinese to James Wei because I figured he might like to read it.  As soon as Brian saw it, he raved that he was trying to find that to buy for a cousin of his, and how he loved the story, and where did I get it, etc etc.  Peter knew what it was as well.  I think the rest of us (for example, the white guy who’s a friend of the UH guys who’s name I forgot) was amazed at his exclamations.  He even asked, “Can I read it aloud to you?”  I think they then debated whether it was a comic book or a graphic novel.  Henry started debating about which dinosaur would win in a one-on-one fight since he had seen a show on television about it.  I asked Chris about last night at James’ condo, and he said he arrived at 11:30 pm!  I guess I didn’t miss much of the alcohol-induced Chris.

Loaded questions

This morning Greg, Kee, James Hsia, Linton and Phoebe, Grace and Peter, and I helped out at the Beacon.  The couples came a bit late because they had stayed up the night before (4:30am!) playing Twister, etc.  Greg and Kee were assigned at the computer to intake shower/laundry items.  James and I were assigned to the washers and dryers.  The kitchen was full so the couples were assigned to pass out creamers, etc. (Phoebe again did intake at the volunteer entrance, as I understood it).

They have a new Excel spreadsheet going (Greg and Kee), but I was glad to finally find out how this efficient laundry system went.  So though this was James’ first time at the Beacon, it was my first time helping with the laundry as well.  Eugene is the regular director of the laundry since the Beacon’s opening (always see him when we volunteer).  The regular volunteer (African-American wearing glasses) would sit next to the showers, obtain and then tie each client’s clothes into a mesh bag and toss it on the floor in our volunteering room.  James would pick it up, read the number on the bag to me (I’d mark a blue-colored check on the dry-erase board), and drop it into a weighing cart.  When the load’s about forty pounds, James would stack the bags along the sides of the inside of the washer (try to evenly distribute them) and start the machine (these commercial-grade machines automatically release detergent inside).  When the three machines were full, he then started stacking them on the floor in each pile, with the number (on the bottom versus the top of the bag) facing towards him.  This part is at a leisurely pace.  One client teased me and asked if we were really cleaning their clothes.  I said, “I hope so.”  He motioned to add more detergent.  I laughed.

When the washer is finished, we’d transfer them into the dryers (marked off with a red check).  This part is tricky and starts the more frantic process that requires careful discrimination and selectiveness.  One full load in the washer doesn’t usually go into one dryer.  The clothes in the three washers are usually distributed between the four dryers.  In each load, there is a “loose” pile (usually the biggest pile or the one with the shoes, which aren’t put inside the dryer but marked with a teal check to remind us).  For example, the clothes in a 10-lb bag would be taken out and placed directly in the dryer while the other clients’ clothes would still be in their respective assigned-number bags while being dried.  When 45 minutes is up, usually the jeans are checked for dampness.  If they are damp, five-minute drying increments are continued until they are dry.  The other bags are checked for dampness, and if some are still wet, another bag is “loosed” since the biggest pile has already been removed, folded, and marked off (orange check).  Peter says the process usually ends around 3pm.

They have some special indications with 23A and 23B (why these particular numbers have A and B I have no idea).  Also, they make note of any blankets or sheets that are washed.  Greg and Kee hand the clients colored scrubs for them to change into after their showers (Eugene sometimes has to knock on the doors to get them to limit their time) while their own personal clothes are being washed.  Afterwards, when the stream of clients diminished, Greg stayed at the computer while Kee helped us with the folding.  He learned the system pretty quickly, especially after a guy named Robert (white with glasses) came to help us out.  Eugene told us to do whatever he told us to do, and I enjoyed Robert’s personality more than Eugene’s (Eugene has that forceful way of letting us know how to do things, while for me Robert’s commands are softer, haha). 

James volunteered to stay past 11am (the time we had signed up for) because it seemed they still needed a lot of help, so Greg and Kee said they’d stay as well.  Phoebe then came by to try to convince them to leave with us for lunch.  Instead, I ended up deciding to stay with the guys.  Soon after the couples left, the next volunteer group arrived, so we passed on the torch.  James and Kee parked on the street, so I followed Greg out of the garage to IHOP (his white car has a bike rack on the back, so it wasn’t too hard to follow him. Also, by the time we got onto the highway, the GPS had found the location).  Linton took Phoebe to drop off something at her classmate’s, so they were a bit lost/late finding IHOP at 2515 Southwest Freeway (so in fact the four of us who left later got there before they did).  We sat down, and Allen Tsai and Chris (much later) joined us. 

Around noon, most of us ordered the special of Maine blueberries with a combo (eggs only, ham and eggs, bacon and eggs, sausage and eggs, or bacon and sausage and eggs) that includes hashbrowns (I paid $7.57).  Topics of conversation included modernism v. emergent v. postmodernism, past and future itineraries, “approved workmen are not ashamed, boys and girls by his service claim”, C-H-U-M, blowing down stacked coffee creamers….  Since there was such a large group, sometimes separate conversations would be going on between Greg, Allen, and James and then the couples.  I couldn’t keep up, haha.  James left a bit earlier to take a nap and then finish up preparing for Sunday School for tomorrow.  The rest of us left later.  Greg and Allen (who lives in northwest Houston) planned to stop by Whole Earth Provisions and R.E.I.  Chris went back home to fix his toilet (he rode his motorcycle, without his jackets but with his helmet–I’ve never seen him ride before, it definitely looks cool haha).  I went to Chinatown to pick up my mended clothing (yay, I can wear my skirt again!).  When we dropped them off, we paid $20.  At home I discovered a small scrap of paper safety-pinned to an article of clothing:  “688235.  1×6,1×7,3×3″.

I drove to Vickie’s house to drop off her microwave.  I ding-donged and waited.  I was about to turn to put it in the back yard when Vickie’s mom (who I was hoping for) opened the front door.  She apologized profusely in Mandarin, “Oh, I’m sorry, I was in the back room taking a nap before work.”  “Oh!  No problem.”  “Why are you in this part of town?”  “Oh, to drop off a microwave.”  “Oh, Vickie didn’t tell me.”  “Oh, yeah, because I was going to give it to her when she’s in town, but since we were going to go rockclimbing I figured I’d drop it off.”  “Do you want to come in and take a nap?”  “..Sure!”  She picked up a few items from the floor and directed me to sleep on Vickie’s bed.  We both napped.  An hour later, we got up because she had to work.  “You can stay if you need some more time before rockclimbing; I just need to go.”  “Oh no!  This is perfect timing.”  “I feel so bad, I have no gift to give you.  Here, take two apples.”  “Oh no, allowing me to sleep here is a gift!”  Those apples were larger than the size of my heart!  Practically half a meal! 

Chris, Linton, and Phoebe (and James and Jonathan) joined Hannah, Jennifer Lin, Ariel, and Elliot (one car from Sugar Land area) at Stone Moves.  When I arrived, they were pretty tired.  They were watching as strangers were mastering the inclined section.  Phoebe was belaying for Ariel, with Jennifer shouting encouragement.  Elliot said this is his second time, and the wall always masters him.  Nathan Kim came with his coworker Conye? (met at Kelvin’s house for the SuperBowl) as we were discussing to leave.  They decided to help out a congregant “Mike” at Maui Tacos.  We ordered dinner there at 6 pm. I got the La Perouse (chicken and steak burrito) ”wet” (meaning covered in cheese and sauce for an extra $1.00) for $7.78 (the owner apparently added a 10% discount).  The tables had the map of Hawaii on them, and the television screens were showing a lot of skateboarding, biking, and surfing feats.  Jennifer Yu (joined us for dinner), Linton, and Phoebe were discussing how funny it is that Matt and Phoebe are pretty private while Linton and Jennifer are pretty revealing and blunt in asking questions.  In fact, Jonathan leaned over and asked me if Linton reminded me of Andrew Eng.  Uh, never thought of it that way.  Jonathan was spewing facts, of course.  Jennifer Lin was really tired.  Ariel was pretty quiet, just listening and observing.  Hannah, James, Elliot, Chris and I on the other side were discussing…I don’t remember. 

Afterwards, Jennifer opened her house for us to hang out (her parents were home so I guess they opened their house).  They have an entrance camera!  I balanced on the exercise ball for a minute (more thigh than ab work).  Jennifer and Phoebe were discussing Linton and their relationship while the rest were listening (it appeared).  Linton and Chris ping ponged with Elliot and me.  It was so much fun; so many times I was laughing so hard I could barely do anything, including stand.  Linton would shuffle in and out of view while it was his turn.  At times we played off the wall.  Other times we played with our less dominant hand.  You just had to be there.  Then we played a card game where each person gets a card.  The one with the Ace starts by asking a question.  Then, the person with “2″ reveals him/herself and answers that question.  Then it goes down the line.  Obviously, the last and first people can be targeted since the second to last knows who’s remaining, and the last person knows who had the Ace.  I documented the following:

1. Amy, who has impacted your life in a large way?  Iris Leu, when she demonstrated on Jester steps her desire to really love me during my freshman year
2. Jonathan, who’s your favorite superhero and why?  Batman, because he’s more realistic than the others who gained their powers through mutation, accident, or birth
3. Jennifer Yu, if you could have chosen any school to go to, where would it be and why?  She wanted to go to Berkeley because she loves the Bay area and their business school is #3 in the nation.  However, in retrospect, she would’ve still gone to UT Austin because their business school is #5 and she never would’ve gotten together with Matt (her fiance).  Plus, they’re moving to the Bay area anyway after they get married.
4. Elliot, what’s your favorite childhood memory?  Watching Saturday morning cartoons from 5 am until X-Men at 10:30 am.
5. Hannah, what’s your favorite movie and why?  She mentioned a Filipino one, where the protagonist finds a phone in his backpack that isn’t his.  The person on the other end of the line commands the protagonist on a journey in order that the protagonist’s family (kidnapped) won’t die.
6. Linton, if you could go back and take up learning one thing, what would it be?  He would want to try everything once.  He would’ve liked to really get into dancing, such as ballet.  He would’ve wanted to persevere in playing the violin.
7. Chris, what is a strength of your family?  He says he really appreciates that he has a close family and good relations with his brothers and sister.
8. Phoebe, if you had one afternoon to burn, what would you do?  She would go to Half-Price books with Hannah, spend an hour or so with Linton, and then read the books she got from Half-Price haha!
9. Ariel, what are three characteristics you admire in a friend?  (Chris interjected with money, popularity, and status, haha.)  She says she really appreciates when a friend remembers, such as the details of her life she had mentioned, or buying her something because it reminded them of her.  She also appreciates generosity (not only with money but also time and other resources) and the ability to turn a solemn or harsh moment into laughter.
10. James, what’s one adventurous trip you would take?  A trip to China to dig deeper and understand the history of China.
11. Jennifer Lin, if you had to spend $100 (can’t save it), what would you do with it?  Initially she said she’d pay for her insurance (she said she had just recently finshed paying off her car so she said she wouldn’t do that).  When Ariel added “irresponsibly!”, she thought and said she’d buy a Wii or Rock Band for her family to play

James reported being really tired so Jonathan left as well (they carpooled).  We played a last round before heading home:

1. Phoebe, if you could go back in time to when you were ten years old, what one piece of advice would you give yourself?  “Don’t care so much about what other people think.”
2. Chris, what three words describe you?  He said laid-back, competitive (such as in sports), and thinks a lot (dwelling on things, etc.).
3. Ariel, if you could, what’s one thing you would do for the rest of your life?  “It wouldn’t be food tasting.”  Haha, that was an odd start.  She said she’d like to travel, living in each locale for a few years before moving on.
4. Jennifer Lin, what material possession do you count as very important?  She says her car because it’s the first thing she’s ever bought with her own hard-earned money.
5. Jennifer Yu, what’s a unique experience you’ve had in your life?  She said that living with her roommates Marsha and Hannah (and Matt) was unique in retrospect after hearing others’ tell their roommate stories.  She enjoyed cooking for each other, hanging out, and really getting to know each other instead of never really seeing each other.  Also, she said that she took an overseas trip to Hong Kong for school and she loved it.  Four girls and four guys stayed with Sam Mar’s family in Shaman? (one of the cleanest cities there), and it was so carefree ($12 American dollars a day but that goes far).  They’d get massages every day, fly kites, etc.
6. Amy, what’s one person you know (or knew) personally who you look up to (which does not include examples such as Gandhi or Jesus)?  My Dad, because of his past and how he is now in loving me unconditionally.
7. Linton, what’s one super power you’d like to have?  The ability to travel back in time, because it trumps all the other ones.  You could always go back to change things, or go forward in time to see how things play out (a different way to “reading minds”).
8. Hannah, what would you like to accomplish this year?  Moving out, settling down at church, find direction in life.
9. Elliot, what color describes you and why?  Black and yellow, because of Bruce Lee.  Green, because he’s ”a leaf blowing in the wind.”

Jacob Gavia

Yesterday/Sunday, I played basketball with James, Linton, Chris, Braden, and Elliot (the two tallest were playing the other three guys).  Linton had to leave, so the rest of them dispersed as well.  I looked at the time, and seeing that it was only 4:30 and that was when some BASIC people were playing volleyball at the UT Rec Fields, I realized I would be able to join them after all. 

I arrived at about the same time that Nathan Kim did.  There was already a game going on, and Alan was sitting on the grass watching.  After they finished, Nathan and I joined in.  We played sand volleyball with Aaron, Wilson, Andrew, Jesslyn, Linda, Roger…  James Hsia, Alan, and this other guy I forgot his name climbed over the fence and played baseball inside the field.

Afterwards, I followed Nathan to the MFAH.  James asked where we were going, and we invited him, but of course it’s super last minute and we’re all sweaty, lol!  Nathan had initially wanted to go back home to shower, and I was originally going to meet up with David for dinner at Black Walnut Cafe (he changed the location last minute), but there wasn’t time.  As I was following Nathan, an ant bit my foot so I accidentally hit my horn, and he stopped, but I waved for Nathan to continue.  Anyway, we got to the museum to watch The Marines Who Never Returned at 7 pm.  I had seen it and just forwarded the list to any Korean friends I had, and David Son really wanted to see this movie since he watched it as a small boy (and had a crush on the little girl, lol).  Joanne came and sat next to Nathan and me at the beginning.  When the film ended, David and Youjung came over (they were pretty late because David waited for Youjung to come over, and I think David kind of invited her last minute? I wasn’t sure the full story) to us. 

We loitered and chatted inside and oustide the museum.  Nathan wakes up pretty early (sometimes before 5 am) to go to the gym before work.  David wakes up really early, or works long night hours, in the lab.  Youjung is going on her first one-week mission trip.  Joanne is going on a vacation with her friend.  Nathan’s mom and sister are going to the same place as Joanne is coming back, for a month-long mission trip.  Joanne asked David to show the rest of us a certain move on me.  It was pretty funny because he pushes the girl using her head, so it sort of feels he is attacking you, but after the initial shock I burst out laughing because of its nature.  Joanne said, “Thank you, I wanted to know it wasn’t just me.”

Today/Monday, I played basketball with Peter, James Wei, Linton, and Michael.  Michael left, but the rest of us went to Cafe 101.  Linton and Peter hadn’t eaten yet (Peter says he usually eats around this time, which is like 10 pm).  They seated us near the window where we could see outside into the parking lot.  Peter started looking at the Chinese newspaper, and I asked if he could read it.  No, but he says he can usually figure out the general idea from knowing the news and looking at the photographs.  James asked Peter if he knew how to read, and Peter played with him by saying yes.  Peter says his brother is quite weird (the only thing “normal” about him is his dinnertime).  We talked about other things but I can’t remember anymore.

Jacob walked past with his breakdancing buddies.  They had just finished down the street.  We talked for awhile.  I told him that I had met James Hsia and that I found out that he was James Hsia’s small group leader back at Rice.  Jacob confirms and adds that he was co-leading with John Lin.  Wow!  Jacob says he just came back from Mexico and is looking into going to China (apart from Xealot).  Hopefully we’ll bump into each other again before he leaves the States.

Freedom

That’s the name of a guy I met tonight. My aunt took me along to a potluck at Sugar Land Chinese Baptist Church off of Cash Road. We were a bit late so half of the food was gone, but there was enough (there is always enough in God’s house, haha). She ushered me in to sit with the kids. They were either in middle or high school or just finished with high school. It’s considered a small church, and I was told that most people my age see the paucity of a social life and thus attend FBCC instead.  Freedom was a very friendly guy, trying to make us newcomers feel welcome. Most of the regulars all spoke fluent Chinese.  The other “newcomers” were a girl in her senior year of high school and her two younger brothers, Abraham and..forgot. They recently (like a week ago?) moved here from Brazil (”from the Amazon”) so they speak Portuguese fluently, then English, and barely any Mandarin (their heritage is Chinese). She says she used to be in school in California, then went to Florida, then returned to her family in Brazil and settled into a Christian school but now she’s a bit irked since her family moved up here to Texas. She’s thinking her prospects of getting into a good college are now very slim, but she says she’s trusting God that this is in His plan, though she admits it’s hard for her to trust God in that.  

To celebrate Father’s Day, after dinner, they had the fathers and their children play games in the open area.  They played a game where something is stuck to their foreheads and everyone tries to get the others to do/say what is on their forehead (and thus lose).  For example, a boy had “you’re welcome” on his forehead so people would say thank you to him to hopefully prompt him to say that.  Freedom actually had “clap hands” on his forehead and so, without anyone trying to get him to do it, he inadvertently clapped his hands when someone performed well, and thus he got a new card on his forehead, haha.  My aunt cooked up some black soy bean drink to share with a friend of hers who has a little daughter and an older son (who attends the Chinese school at FBCC). The younger children played rock band in the back room; so funny with the little drum set and guitars.

Afterwards, Linton informed me that Melvin was at his house and asked if I’d like to join them.  Phoebe and Chris were already there as well when I arrived around 9:30 pm.  Melvin just caught us up with his life, about trading his dream car that his dad got him for a Fit for its fuel efficiency and hatchback usability, how he came down to ask Pei-Jean’s parents for her hand in marriage (when did Vickie and I talk about this with Jacky and Nathan Kim and Linton around?), how he’s getting ready to get his Master’s degree in teaching (for the sole purpose of a pay raise because otherwise he’s heard it’s useless), Pei-Jean’s job at CDC re: MRSA, the possibilty of finding a new school in Atlanta, GA, etc.  James showed up with his stinky tofu, then Peter, then Hannah came quite later.  Melvin then went around the room asking how we’ve been.  Chris says he hates his job, Linton says his job is okay and he’s thinking of getting a Master’s in the near future (e.g. business, engineering, or something else), I told him I just finished school and will be taking the licensing exam soon, and Phoebe talked about her social work academia.  Melvin showed us his LED flashlight, we reminisced on Melvin’s Facebook profile picture, and Melvin taught Phoebe how to work the Rubix cube.  Bubba that Phoebe bought from Hong Kong was splatted onto the ceiling that it looked like it was coming down through it!  It was also hilarious because they moved it and then later on Linton pointed it out to Phoebe, saying that it had moved by itself.  James took a group picture of us (haha, with Peter in it), then left (after we admired Melvin’s new car).  The rest of us played Loaded Questions:

• What is most important to you in a relationship: looks, humor, personality, or mutual interests? (By the way, it’s mutual interests with an “s”, so it doesn’t mean liking each other back or financial holdings hahaha.) Hannah, James, and Chris said personality, Linton said mutual interests, and Peter said humor.
• What would a tough guy never do? James said strip, Peter said cry, Chris said back off, Hannah said say “aw”, and Linton said pass up an opportunity to protect another.
• What is your most feminine quality? Peter likes Princess Bride, James is emotional, Chris has many shoes, Linton is needy, and Hannah has a motherly instinct

Afterwards they planned on going to IHOP (they ended up buying pancake mix instead), but I left for home.  Remember when I said that it was getting a little easier to say “yes” to the better over the good? Well, I am highly gullible prideful. I used to think I was a good listener, and then I gradually admitted I wasn’t all that with that skill, such as actively responding and gently prodding. Then I thought, well, at least I know I’m patient, and that was obviously not true as I found myself with a short fuse, holding things in, and taking things into my own hands when things weren’t going to turn out exactly as I wanted it to look. I never outright thought I was humble, but I thought of myself many times self-righteously superior in others, and hahahahahaha heh, that is the original sin. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself (Galatians 6:3). Actually, during Loaded Questions, one of the other people asked what is it that you don’t like to share with others (a question to that effect).  After awhile, I scribbled something about not talking about my weaknesses.  I definitely tricked myself so much, I can’t even tell anything anymore. It’s so ironic that back in the day when my classmates were incredulous about the heinous acts during the Holocaust, I spoke up and said that I knew that if I were in their place, I woudln’t be surprised if I acted in that way, either.  It would be horrendous, but not surprising.  Indeed, I am really nothing, or rather, being “found in him,” I do not have “a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith” (Philippians 3:9).  So the irony is that this previous prideful attitude actually prevents one from truly reaching the level of holiness where one thinks s/he is at.

So, I knew that it was late but wanted to finish the game (around 2 am).  I figured my mom would probably have called, but I rationalized that if I didn’t look at my cell phone, then maybe she had fallen asleep and didn’t even know I was still out.  Turns out, as I was driving out back towards the house, she had just turned into Linton’s neighborhood to get me.  In fact, she saw me turn left onto Avenue E and was in such a frantic rush to follow me that she almost got into a car accident (didn’t bother to check to see the car coming from her right) and revved up to 70 mph to follow behind me (this is a woman who normally drives 50 mph on the freeway when you can go 70).  I was wondering who was following me, hah (I actually made an extra loop to “lose” my pursuant in case, even though I didn’t know what “they” would want of me).  Then I went straight to my room.  My mom politely came in and asked me to tell her next time.  I said, “Yeah.”  Then I went to bed.  Thoughts whirled through my head, a debate really.  So I finally got out of bed, went to my mom, and apologized.  She asked if I heard her calls.  I said my cell was on silent, and was going to leave it at that, but realized that it was another excuse on my part, and added, “but I should have called you.”  My mom, as always, as a mom is, nicely accepted and forgave, and we went to sleep.

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives (1 John 1:5-10).

“My wife’s pain is my pain.”  I realize that I am the one who causes the most grief in this family.  My brother is respectful of my parents and calls them whenever he is (or we are) out when he visits from out of town.  Before he moved out, he helped wash the dishes without asking.  Now that he has, he thinks fondly of my parents and buys them gifts that are useful for certain special days.  He tells me about his relationships (or lack thereof), and I’m like, whatever.  Plus, I…do nothing for my parents.  Or rather, I do..worse for them.  If I cannot honor my parents now, I will not be able to submit to my husband in the future, and especially not to the Most High God. I know it sounds cliche, but it’s so true that the more one turns towards God, the more one knows God is, well, GOD, and that you are the dust of the earth, and the only thing fitting after finding this out is to give Him praise.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:12-14).

Freedom.  What a name.  What a promise.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free (John 8:32).

Amen.

Boys to men

This past Sunday, Jacky called me to see if anyone was playing football because Sam Tarng (”newcomer to WHCC”) wanted to check it out. So I called Wilson, and then called Timmy Yip. Timmy twisted his ankle in April so he said he’d probably won’t be available until late July. He told me next time try to catch Wilson around noon since that’s probably when they decide about the afternoon. who told me when/where and to contact Tiffany or David Zhao. Jacky called again to say that Sam was there but didn’t see anyone. Ah well, I guess I’m going then (maybe it’s because he doesn’t recognize anyone–haha, yeah right, I forgot how talkative Sam is). They all teased me when I arrived: “Where were you?” “We were waiting!” “Hurry up!” It was three on three: George Yang, Sam, and me, against Nathan Kim, Tiffany, and David.

When it comes to football, there are times when I really don’t know what to make of comments. Our team won, and Tiffany said that I must’ve secretly trained while I was out (e.g. not playing in the league). Did I really play that well? Then I sure surprised myself, because I definitely sat on my butt and not exercised, haha.

George is so flirty. During the game, he kept encouraging me (well, we were on the same team, but words they weren’t just “good going” or “you can do it” type ones, if you get my drift). Sometimes he’d burst into this all hyped-up mode and start yelling from his gut lol. When I first arrived on the scene, he asked if we had met before, and I said, “I’m 13.” When there was still no light bulb, I said that I was #13 on his brother James’ team on the Titans the season before the one that just ended. Then he realized I cut my hair and remembered. It was because back then, when James was trying to get his brother to play with us, he’d show up a bit during practices and on game day he’d call me “13″ and sometimes initiate a fist bump. So he did that again this afternoon. Afterwards, he realized he had a mosquito bite and showed it to me and talked about how it wasn’t cool because a bite on the knuckle is especially aggravating. Anyway, he’s flirty but it’s not just to me; I think it’s just how he is. I have to admit that it’s fun, even if a little awkward, for me anyway. Most people know all these sorts of teasing, etc, usually offend me or go over my head. Hannah, Phoebe, and Vickie innately respond to me and thus haven’t really done that with me. But yeah, it’s a fun thing, from a young ‘un, too.

When they left, I called Vickie back. We talked for a bit, and then I drove to the closest grocery store and bought bread and Spam, haha! I was hungry but didn’t want to leave the park, so that’s what I ate for “dinner” while I read in the car and on the bench until 8:30 pm.  While I was eating the spam, I thought of how easy it is to get fat when you’re poor.  I bought it because it was cheap, and although in the long run the cost would be more expensive (a decaying body compounded with large medical bills), when you’re desperately low in dollars at the moment and hungry, you’re going to spend it on this cheap junk.  And thus that is probably why in the United States a lot of those living in poverty also have obesity issues (whereas in third-world countries they can’t even get their hands on even edible food, let alone junk food).

Tonight, Diana invited Hannah and me to a 6-pm dinner at Ruggles. It was quite a time, for we talked until past 9 o’clock (Diana even missed her friend’s birthday party). Obviously I can’t reveal the details of our conversations, but topics covered included parents being “madly in love”, arranged marriage, Korean royalty, boys, how our parents met and fell in love and married, ambitious for ourselves but maybe not pushing others, being mothers, being wives, responding to a significant other (being passive with an aggressive one, or controlling with a passive one), the time when we felt we were really growing up and losing a part of our childhood innocence, past boy stories (eg. cheating), Asian fetishes, how we grew up in church, our current church situations, the importance of a community to let us know when we’re in a bad relationship….

Lost

Not the television series season finale tonight.  That’s just how I describe how I’ve been feeling for quite some time.  And that’s what I’ve been telling people.  Like I wrote in an email three weeks ago when asked for a prayer request:  “On a personal note, I still feel lost, but it’s not this big suffocating weight and desperation, and I don’t really think it’s a bad thing either.  Still, I think what was said at Bible study was right on target, I really don’t even know what to specify except that I really haven’t touched that Bible in forever.  I used to read it every day.  So that is a step.  But just everything is on my mind really, like counseling and church and career and stuff….”  Before, it was this feeling of desolation that would be the catalyst of a stampede of thoughts that no one cares (e.g. second-guessing my friends and family, perceiving past gatherings from under the shadow of a dark cloak).  Just as Phoebe knows her fear of the stage is irrational, I know these thoughts are irrational, but it still doesn’t much help with untangling that knot during the deer-in-headlights moment.  Depression is irrational!  Or is it?  I remember Hannah made a comment after watching Lifting the Veil, saying she somewhat believes that some who have depression are more in tune with reality than us “normal” people because we “ignore” the atrocities and stick with an “illusion” of rosiness in order to not go “crazy.”

“Keep Breathing”
by Ingrid Michaelson

The storm is coming but I don’t mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that i know is I’m breathing now.

I want to change the world…instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I’m breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that I know is I’m breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

Anyway, I guess this is as good a time as any to at least sort a smidgen in my mind/heart/spirit:

COMMUNITY
Genesis 35:11

Last Thursday I drove my parents to Austin to pay a last visit before my brother left for one week (to visit his former roommate), to give him his luggage (so he can pack), and to clean out his fridge (because he can leave food on the stove and not ever eat or clean it out).  My brother and I are very close.  We grew up with the same parents and familial history, in the same household, went to the same school for awhile, even were in the exact class and period for a class or two in high school (personal tutor, baby!).  We initially hung out with the majority of the same acquaintances (and lack thereof) and shared in the same struggles regarding church and friends and connectedness that we still discuss to this day, many times while in his room chatting up to the wee hours of the night/morn and our parents would come and say time to go to bed!  We are considerably different when you meet us, no doubt, as I am more like our mother and he is more like our father.  And in fact since high school we have led very different lives and rarely hang out or even talk with the same people, friends, or each other.  Nonetheless, during those occasional phone calls, I would say that I still feel close and  would still reveal much embarrassing/humbling/shameful things to him.

By the way, he had moved into a new apartment (from the urgings of his currently ex-girlfriend) and bought some furniture.  Where did they come from?  The famous Craigslist.  I have never been to the site, but many many people have made references to it.  From my understanding, it’s a virtual (that sometimes eventually leads to a physical) place where people can sell and exchange practically anything, from sofas and endtables to jobs, pets, and discussions.  It reminds me of Facebook and Myspace, two sites which Jennifer Garcia is part of and asked me if I was as well (I’m not, and actually most people in FBCC don’t have Facebook).  I’m not part of Craigslist, either, but is it something to BE a part of?  But those in Facebook and Myspace are still part of that network since they are still signed up in it, right?  Am I still part of Xanga if I decide I won’t write in it anymore (no activity), even if I have two blogs hosted on it?  You used to need an account to leave a comment, but now you don’t.  Do those who have never signed up part of Xanga if they leave a million comments on others’ Xanga blogs?  What does it mean to be part of a community?  What does it mean to be part of a church, and to be part of His Church?

FELLOWSHIP
Acts 2:42-47

I have been faithfully attending church services on Sundays since childhood.  But this past January, since I’ve always hated it (since middle school and El Paso, and even in Austin), I made a conscious decision to just stop going.  I made no effort to wake up earlier than usual, and even if I did, I didn’t even consider the possibility of perhaps attending.  Not until I figure out which church to attend regularly (do I want to stick with FBCC with its new chapter?), why I feel the way I do about it (is it the environment, the specific social situation?), and my reasons for going.  Three Sundays ago, I told Tiffany that though I haven’t really been communing with God lately, and though I have never ever exactly lauded FBCC, I have come to the conclusion to return to FBCC.  Now I have to dissect what that entails.

Regardless of its vagueness, it was a difficult decision.  Vickie is in San Antonio, so that’s why she says she continues to attend WHCC (her default).  However, she says that when she returns to a more permanent stay in Houston, she’ll move to Access, which is where Phoebe and Linton are fellowshiping now.  Access is starting out as a small but highly committed group.  When it grows in size, how will it look like?  Are people still going to connect?  To start off last fall, Pastor Ted asked his congregants to read The Celtic Way of Evangelism: How Christianity Can Reach the West…Again by George G. Hurton III.  In it, the key to evangelism is through understanding and living as a fellowship among the people, and in time they will open their hearts to the God who knows them.  The old Roman way was for people to believe before they can belong, while the new Celtic way is for you to belong and eventually believe.  In other words, the community and not an individual brings you to Christ.  In many ways, it’s easier to tell someone the Gospel than it is to take someone where s/he consistently experiences the Gospel.

How do we belong?  I sure feel like I belong to WHCC and HCC more than FBCC.  I know I am at fault for not terribly trying much, but even though I don’t really try, I get invited to their birthday parties, their holiday celebrations, and their event gatherings.  They even apologize profusely for forgetting to add me onto their list and making sure I am included next time.  On the flip side, I try the hardest with FBCC (but not my hardest in general) by calling and emailing them to contact me to hang out, and instead I’ve come to expect voicemail and oh yeah, this is what we’re doing right now, if you want to come.  Is it because at least one or two people keep track of me at WHCC and HCC, but no one does here at FBCC?  That could make all the difference.  Or is it that I expect more (and keep a record of wrongs?) because I have decided to be included at FBCC but I am nonchalant with whether I am invited to WHCC or HCC?  I remember back in January there was a slew of WHCC birthdays, and then in February there was a slew of FBCC birthdays.  Somehow, I ended up going to the WHCC ones but not the FBCC ones as much; I don’t remember now, but at the time was it due to scheduling conflicts or did I finally decide to attend the WHCC ones because I was more comfortable with them?  What does it mean to expect the worse but hope for the best?  How do you have high expectations but….? 

When I entered college, I checked out a handful of Christian gatherings.  I joined a small group that was part of the then-called Chinese Bible Study because it was the thing to do and everyone kept emphasizing them.  Our group fell apart,one by one, until it was just the Bible study leader, me, and this girl who was highly committed and hadn’t yet accepted Jesus.  I felt sorry, but that wasn’t going to cut it, so I left highly disappointed and joined CCC.  Later, I learned that one of the girls who wasn’t that much of a believer became good friends with Kara and eventually made an amazing transformation through His grace.  The thing is, though you can encourage group ownership, it sure can’t be forced.  Anyone knows nagging doesn’t work, although we find ourselves doing it.  Haven’t you noticed with some you just click instantly and with others you don’t?  Some people find you dull, while others find you exciting, or at least around them somehow you light up.  Even if you give all the time you can, with all the sincerity and effort, with both of you seeking, even if you lived near each other.  Reminds me of that girl from Chicago: we had an affinity towards each other so we’d decide to meet up and all, but anyone can tell from our conversations that somehow we just weren’t clicking.  Eventually we both decided without words to call it off.  She was a smart and pretty girl; I wonder where she is now after UT Austin pre-pharm classes.

Maybe we’re defining incorrectly.  Back in high school, I was elected to be the Science Club president, with a new teacher sponsor.  It bothered me that our definition of a member was someone who paid the fee.  There were those who were super dedicated, coming and helping at every single event, while others never showed up but they did pay the money.  I didn’t enjoy being president, so for me to keep everything running was as good as it was going to get, not trying to change their pre-existing system.  Magnificat has an application process but afterwards you’re in for life.  Even with years of hiatus you are always wlecome to come back and use the resources.  I met Annie Shen at an HCC gathering, and she says she hangs out with HCC, serves in her home Asian church, and then attends a more American (or African-American?) church on Sunday mornings.  Seems fragmented and yet, is that something I want to imitate?  In a way, her method demonstrates that we together are the Bride of Christ.  Vickie’s always running around hanging out with all these groups because we are all interconnected (actually, if left to my own devices, I really don’t care to make new friends). 

Indeed, it is impossible to know everyone, even within a single church building (”Abandon Committees, Skip Teams, and Embrace Communities” by George Bullard), so is there significance in “choosing” a church?  Are we to attend, serve, and gather within one?  What does the modern-day “fellowship of the believers” look like?  I think my problem would be choosing, because many times events have been booked for the same weekend.  Do I even it out?  Or instead, focus?  Still, I remember in the past when someone at FBCC needed a bone marrow transplant due to leukemia; the whole church gathered together.  We have also drawn together to fundraise for missions we support.  And the Chinese churches have gathered together for events as well (although it appears that FBCC does that less than the others).  Our mechanic, dentist, realtor, and family physician all were borne from the network of these Chinese churches.  It’s like “The New Science of Networks” by Albert-Laszlo Barabasi (who wrote it after reading “The Strength of Weak Ties“ by Mark S. Granovetter).

Still, when I went to RecWeek it was a big deal since I didn’t commit myself to InterVarsity but to CCC:EPIC (who has their own similar conference: DWC)–the IV leader went to the CCC leader to make sure they knew about me and it was okay with them!  Actually, it is the close relationships I formed in EPIC, not IV, that continue to live on.  I’ve still visited Josh, sent a card to Jonathan Le, had a few meals with prayers and talks of our spiritual struggles with Marie when she stops in town, and exchanged sparse emails with Iris.  Which reminds me: before the birth of EPIC, Alice and I were part of a CCC cell group.  The concept is that, as it grew, it would split and thus multiply.  We had to decide who we wanted to go with: Ophelia or Kristen.  I couldn’t decide at all.  Eventually, on the Jester steps, Iris poured out her heart and tears and basically begged me to be part of the one she had chosen.  I don’t remember if I had chosen one yet at this point, or if I ended up choosing the one that she asked me to be a part of, but I just remember this particular heart-wrenching moment.  I’ve never felt so loved and accepted.  And then, even leaving a comment on a random Xanga where they just started their own EPIC, I never would have imagined that eventually she would pray for my sins, and then point me (with Rudi) to spent one night of our two-week road trip at a stranger’s apartment.  Not only did this sister in Christ open her place for us and provide hospitality, she also prayed for and over us.

FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS
Luke 15:1-7

Perhaps Josh had a better glimpse of how this all operates when he wrote his journal entry on seasonal friendships.  On the snowboarding trip, not only did I reinforce previous friendships but also forged new ones.  Liz prayed for me when she didn’t even know me, only because she knew I needed the spiritual support.  Now we still exchange postcards and emails.  I haven’t spoken to Ruth since I’ve moved back from El Paso; she was a wonderful roommate.  During the student orientation at UT Austin, somehow I ended up hanging with a Hispanic girl and an African-American guy.  I remember the incident when we were eating some free food in a large banquet hall, and he said that he really stood out.  “Because we’re under the skylight?”  “No, because I’m the only black person in this room.”  It was really nice to not be alone and to share the experience with others in the same boat.  I remember her waving at me later, and he visited my dorm freshman year, but now I don’t even remember his or her names (or faces….).  When we graduated, Sapna gave me an old photograph of when the three of us (including Reena) were in second grade? and I had played this detective game with them by planting clues: ”It takes a long time to grow an old friend.”  Back in high school, Carla Ortiz gave me this:  “Thanks for being my friend & for being the caring person that you are to me.  Your the GREATEST friend.  Happy B-day to a friend that means ALOT to me.”  I remember thinking, this is so out of nowhere!  I don’t recall any conversations we’ve had in the past, and ever since I have not a clue what’s going on with her.  She says I’m such a great friend to her, but how?  I know many times I’m nice to those I really would prefer never to hang out with again, but with her it wasn’t even that….

I remember back in Austin, Timmy Chui wrote about The Atomic Tiers of Friendship haha; wonder where he got his ideas.  Phoebe and Hannah have been gone for a week in Hong Kong and will be gone for another week.  I have been contemplating our relationships since I’ve been back at my parents’ place for the time being.  Phoebe and I grew close first semester of freshman year and then agreed to an accountability relationship thereafter until I moved to El Paso.  Hannah and I gelled a connection after her 22nd birthday while exchanging deep, dark, familiar yet unsimilar, privacies.  We’ve hung out I think usually once a week together on the weekends, but of course it’s not like before.  I think other acquaintances (not “friends”) know more about them than I do at this point.  I’m not exactly pining for the days gone by but rather how to take those spontaneous moments along into the future, how to cultivate the environment for our older selves in new stages, for the sake of the gospel, for our children.

I mentioned that we should be neighbors so our kids can play together.  Linton said, “But you don’t even have a boyfriend!.”  Indeed, I’m not even close to marrying, let alone having children.  I never really got to know my neighbors, but it turns out that I know a little more (thanks to my dad) than Phoebe and Hannah do about theirs (they say they’re new).  Linton has to feed their dog Missy, but it seems that in the past (or at least in media), the neighbor usually handles that role.  As I drive towards Dulles Avenue, I always pass a driveway packed with boys who have grown tall and lanky!  I don’t know who lives there, but I’ve seen African-American guys, Asian-American guys, and white guys all playing basketball together.  When Gilmore Girls first came out, what drew me was not only the intelligent banter but the concept that they lived in a (too) close-knit town.  Everyone would eat at the local Luke’s Diner, and then people could hang out on their front porches and say hello to those walking by.  But they sure had a lot of gossip.  (And, as Phoebe said, when Dean made love to Rory, we were shocked.  So much for a clean series.)  I absolutely adored the neighborhood playground my brother and I frequented as children.  Okay, so maybe this concept is now dangerous in this day and age.  Then you can have those “gated communities” that Jessica/Robert/Rosemery (and my brother) are in (compare with the med center condos that Alison/Wilson/Cindy live in).

MARRIAGE
Ephesians 5:22-33

I always say that I feel more comfortable around guys than girls (verus for Linton he says he grew up feeling more comfortable around girls than guys).  The past few weeks I wonder how I came to that conclusion, both mentally and subconsciously in how I act.  I mean, I hung out with both while in school (and senior year it was a table of all females during lunch, man I miss Arlene and oh, her birthday was this past Sunday), and at church it wasn’t like the guys in my class treated me better than the girls.  I would also say that I have more guy friends than girl friends, yet if I lost my guy friends I would be sad but not as devastated as if I were to lose a friendship with a girl. 

Chris is a prime example.  In fact, I’m almost hesitant to call him a friend.  Is he more of a…frequent acquaintance?  Seriously, the only reason we hang out is through Linton (and satellite friends).  I have a [funny] birthday card that he gave me freshman year.  Little did I know then how rare that is.  Yet he’s probably going to be one of Linton’s groomsman, and I did invite him to my birthday dinner, I guess to even it out.  I also invited Nathan Kim, and we rarely talk.  In fact, we just see each other at football and usually don’t even exchange words.  But I know if I am in need of prayer or other help, he will respond, as he always emails back amidst his numerous activities.  And then there are Andrew, Nathan, and Inch.  Well, I haven’t been in contact with them for quite a long time now, but it’s okay.  I think I feel closer to them than the other people I’ve met from football simply because I met them through Vickie, and somehow that changed the dynamics in how I associate with them, like sending them Christmas cards.

Haha, remember when Tina Chen thought that David Kalloor and I were dating because he’d come over so often freshman year before either of us made many new friends?  It never occurred to me, and I never ever did/will have that thought concerning him.  Whereas with Siwei we, I have no idea how, hit it off right off the bat (where/when/who).  I could tell him everything that I tell my brother–that’s how close I felt with him.  But I barely met him.  At first I clung to thinking, “What does it mean to know my husband?” but like friendships, there are those you just click with and those you don’t.  So I’ve let go of that.  When I said no in Austin to a sweet guy who asked me out, he asked if it was because he didn’t believe in God.  “No, I’m just not attracted to you.”  Somehow, I didn’t feel it.  

Although, I think that has to do with our current culture.  If parents don’t approve of your choice nowadays, that’s usually overlooked instead of trying to reconcile.  In past customs (like the dowry) and in prevailing traditions (like the father “giving away” the daughter) though, it’s really a relationship between the two families, if not also between/within churches (The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony by Pamela Paul), dating with the approval of your community, who is in the place to help you weigh in the other factors of values and also keep you accountable.  That’s probably why Erwin and I are somewhat okay when thinking about arranged marriages.  I think the problem occurs when they make matches due to affluence and distinguishment, etc, as all humans end up messing up good systems.  My question to myself is, “If a guy I highly respect were to ask me but I just wasn’t feeling it, even after multiple extended rendezvous, would I accept?”  I think this is the wisdom I need to ask God about: the ability to discern whether an obstacle is the result of the need for discipline/perseverance (hurdle) or is the result of the need for a detour/fork (wall).  That’s what I’ve been trying to consider about waking up early, memorizing verses, personality in socializing, planning (using a planner works great for me, but Jennifer Lin says it doesn’t help her at all), kit with relatives, exercising, friendships as mentioned above, love languages….

PURPOSE
John 17:4

Last Wednesday, we met for FBCC Ladies’ Group.  The overall concensus was, we have no idea where we are headed and how our stories will end on earth and continue in heaven.  Many are figuring out whether to change to an entirely new area of study, or at least a new job within their current finished schooling.  The competition rises each year it seems among valedictorians/salutatorians, and I am amazed at just how ambitious and passionate they appear to be; you wonder if they will reach it, and if they will find satisfaction in reaching it.  As the dark clouds slowly dissipate, at times an epiphany or some clarity will shine through, but then it quickly disappears and I’m in a fog again, but still in a better state for seeing it.  I’m usually at peace when I think that I will be married while going about the house, how I’ve always vaguely but contentedly imagined it, helping supporting supplementing whatever he endeavors.  Despite that, Proverbs 31 had always bothered me, but even now the Proverbs 31 woman is now a celebration and challenge.  This always-wife desire and this in-the-Bible-but-doesn’t-seem-right disenchantment is finally coming together.  I guess I didn’t realize that it made me feel intimidated, incompetent, hopeless, exhausted (in my own power) like reading the goals of the graduates.  Instead, as God is making us perfect, as women He is making us her (His power with our participation), in our own unique ways. 

Of course, having “peace” doesn’t always mean I’m on the right track, but again you can’t discount it either.  I get restless when I think that I have been blessed beyond what I could’ve asked or imagined and with that comes the stewardship of making great strides for His kingdom (and thus even before believing but being raised in church, missions was always attractive to my naive eyes).  The thing is, ultimately we are to obey and glorify, NOT to change the world.  I think it is in this that I am transitioning from abstractness into something more pragmatic, as I am slowly lifted out and glean the gems that can only be understood from coming out of trip-ups, temptations, and trials.  I was all tangled up in my buzz words of community/friends/romance/vulnerability/missions/reconciliation/prayer, I’ve forgotten to “look up!”  I’ve been trying to figure out what God has given me a gift in, where God has placed my passions in, and how it could all work in this current culture, but conclusively regardless of techniques and training, the umph will be from God.  

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.  Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.  For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! (Philippians 3:7-16, Romans 11:36).

AMEN.

Unintentional

I stopped by the basketball court to shoot some hoops.  I chatted with Elliot on the phone about agenda and movies.  Then I dropped by Ben and Jerry’s to see David Kalloor before he left back for Austin.  Chris, Hannah, Linton, and Phoebe were there.  Phoebe apologized profusely to me, and I accepted.  David gave hugs.

Then, I went to watch Vickie play her first and only flag football game in the tournament.  She’s on Robert Hwang’s team, the Roaring Tigers.  Wilson of course had his Titans going.  I snuck up on Tiffany, who complimented me on my haircut.  James waved hello.  I sat next to Karin, who was there with her brother John and kites.  I talked some with David Zhao’s girlfriend Tammy.  I ended up cheering for the Tigers because Tiffany Lin, David Zhao, Annie, and Vickie were on that team, plus they had never won a game yet.  Annie’s sister stood in until Cynthia showed up.  Cynthia picked Jeff Tang to play for the Titans since they were missing a player (they were missing a lot, actually).  Inch made some good runs.  I ran/walked two laps around the park with Lisa.  Then we sat on her baby-blue blanket from IKEA.  Vickie asked James Hsia about his car.  Ed’s wife (Kara Wong’s sister) commented on how shallow the conversation was, so James shared that he was reading/memorizing a passage, which he recited to Vickie.

I finally gave Wilson the magic cards, haha.  I thought I was going to leave then, but then Vickie and Ed’s wife (Kara Wong’s sister) said they only had ten plays left.  Well, the Open League’s teams played after the Closed League played (more girls).  Haha, Robert Chan stepped out because he’s not that into sports.  He (he says appears swollen even after two weeks) told Chi-Chi to ask me about her jammed finger.  Jeff Chen, Nathan Kim, and Erin Pang were all on the Open League, too.  In fact, Erin’s the only girl (Joanne Wei was, but when she realized how intense it was, she dropped out) on the team, and by the end of the day she had fractured her pinky finger.  I watched as Rosemery walked their newly owned young dog (”like having to take care of a child”) who was playing with another person’s dog.

We went to Fuddruckers.  Vickie and I arrived at the same time, coincidentally.  She ordered the long hot dog, and I got the S’room combo (I shouldn’t have gotten the fries after all, oh well, starving since I didn’t eat lunch).  I got my food fast, before those who ordered before me.  As I sat down, Aaron Fu introduced himself to me (after Vickie introduced herself to him).  He ended up talking much with Lindi, who sat to my right (he sat in front of her).  Actually, one time he leaned over and whispered something in her ear, to which Jasmine (who sat at the head of the table to my left) asked if they would share with us.  The two of them just smiled.  Aaron has traveled a lot growing up.  Alan Bennett sat in front of me.  I think the three of us had a decent conversation going: Alan says his family celebrates Chinese holidays but not all out, Jasmine asked me about how I met Jocelyn Chen, the two of them talked about.  To Lindi’s right sat Lisa, who was sitting next to Vickie, who were talking with Robert Chan, Chi-Chi, and the Jeffs.  Jeff Chen shared about him leading a small group.  There wasn’t enough room so Wilson, Robert Hwang, Cynthia, and Tiffany sat at a booth and James, John, and Karin sat at another booth.  I left before everyone, at 9:30 because Mom called.

Dragon boat racing

This morning my dad went with shiaw goo-goo to Austin (they stayed with my brother) with shiaw goo-goo’s friend.  I could’ve joined/supported the NAMI Walk, but instead I drove to Jacky’s apartment to carpool to .  Jocelyn, JT, and Ted were already waiting.  He asked if I could drive since I was the only one with a four-door car.  Jacky sat in the passenger seat, JT sat on the right, Jocelyn sat in the middle, and Ted sat on the left.  We got lost briefly trying to find the Metro station, where we have permission and a permit to park for volunteering.  We waited for Jacky’s co-worker Andy? then headed towards the area (man, I forgot to take a picture of the metal see-through sign over the desolate grass area).  We passed an African-American with dreadlocks who was walking and also another man who was napping under the bridge but when he saw us (we were trying to take a picture of a family of ducks) he sat up and put on a shirt. 

After registration and getting our Tshirts, we were put to work doing random setup.  Jocelyn and I stuck together for the most part, trying to adjust/move the stage, transporting supplies to the media/vip area, transporting water.  The water was initially kept in this rundown building which had cool detached drawings of buildings on the white walls with black paint (I took pictures).  Shane Chen (a female), Jacky’s coworker who invited him and thus us to volunteer at this event, gave us special treatment.  We also got Astros tickets (unfortunately they gave us entrance to tomorrow’s and not Tuesday’s game), baby sunscreen, water, vegetable buns for breakfast (I know, sounds nasty in English), and overall better volunteering jobs than the other volunteers I think. 

We went walking around to the tents so that Jocelyn could say hello to Winston and Myrtle.  Myrtle is on the Houston Heat, as is Ying Yeung, my old piano teacher’s older daughter.  She says later I’ll probably see her dad since he’s coming as well.  Other people who I also ended up seeing were Jasmine and Annie from BASIC, John Hsieh (who gave me a large bottle of green tea with lemon as well as a bbq pork bun), Ren, Christine Fung, and Susan Zhang.  Lol, Jocelyn ended up having to paddle for Lee High School.  I was pulled for Silver Eagle Distributors “Team Bud Light” because I was told one paddler had austism and had changed her mind, but the boat had already gone ahead so I didn’t have to.  I eventually ended up being the runner, meaning I would have to call the teams from wherever they were (usually at their assigned area under the bridge/tent) to get in line for their turn.  

On one trip of mine, I saw Robert C staying a little off from the crowd, on the sidewalk not close to the water’s edge, watching the race.  I went over and said hi, but he had this confused look on his face.  Not until he said, “You got a haircut” did I realize he probably didn’t initially recognize me.  We chatted, each telling the other why we were here.  He said that Joanne Wei (met on the football field, remet more firmly at David Zhao’s Chinese New Year party) had asked him to help out.  The RUCAA (Rice University Chinese Alumni Association) team consists of some current students and alumni, Joanne being one of them.  Another alumni, whom Robert introduced me to, is Ben Chu.  We both comment that each looks familiar to the other, but we have no idea how.  He graduated from Rice in 1995.  When I asked them if they were ready, Robert came up to me and said that actually they need 7 more paddlers.  I wasn’t sure if they’d be able to participate or be disqualified.  By the time they got their bracelets (they also forgot to register) to enter into the filtered area where current teams can be (and appropriate volunteers), they somehow could.  Turned out that they grabbed Jasmine, Annie, and John, and also roped in three Rice freshmen they had spotted.  One freshman came simply to watch her mom participate with the El Paso (Corporate?) Group, but now she has her own team to cheer on.

The guys (JT, Ted, Jacky, and Denver) were assigned to be dock helpers.  However, they are in a restricted area (and understandably so, because the people in charge don’t want that area clogged).  The girls are all running around as volunteers and as visitors.  Since Robert generally has an area he keeps going back to, I kept going back there to chat in between my runs.  It made my day, because he also asked me if I wanted some of their food (they were grilling hotdogs, sausages and hamburger patties on a metal portable enclosure) and man did I ever.  He went and grabbed me a hot dog in a bun (Vickie pointed this out to be that this is above and beyond simply asking if I wanted to eat) and asked if I also wanted ketchup and mustard, which I didn’t want him to go through THAT much trouble so I shook my heard (I was really hungry anyway).  I also ran out of the two bottles of water I had brought so I grabbed their paper cup and drank some from theirs as well (which I’m sure they desperately needed since they were rowing!). 

He’s an easy guy to talk with, and always with that big grin and easygoing attitude (with a humorous streak - saying I should wear my cap this other way, which I thought was true until he jk’d).  Some of the things I picked up:  He is going to finally graduate from residency in…2013.  I think he said he’d be 32 or something by that time.  He definitely never looks tired, though (good time management, eh?).  His family is in Louisiana, but they will probably move since they don’t really like it there.  He wants to go to Boston, but that is unlikely since there is more supply than demand with physicians.  He says there are three-digit-number of universities churning out medical graduates and a lot of people want to stay in the area.  His dream is to start a private practice, probably in San Diego, with two of his friends (who are specializing in oncology and radiation).  If his parents want his house, he’ll let them have it.  Otherwise, he’ll rent out his house.  OH yeah, and he remembered I was studying OT.  Wow.  The jokester again, saying that I should actually sell the projects (crafts) that the patients make during our Task Group in order to make more money.

When we were off the hook (we got to eat some of their food, but they also asked the guy to stay longer to help move the drums), we checked out some of the booths.  Jocelyn took me to the Wheel of Fortune put on by Western Union.  You could tell the staff wasn’t too thrilled to be there, just giving us their advertisements (and of course the prize I got from turning the wheel).  We passed one selling beautiful purses, and parasols, and even a tarot reading tent.  She also showed me where I could get my Chiense name written in calligraphy.  I got one for myself, and then when I commented that my mom would like it, she told me I could ask the man to write my mom’s name as well, which he did.  They were written on Beijing Olympics bookmarks.  Jocleyn is quite the social butterfly, taking photographs and contact information with all the people she met (e.g. the teacher who helped with Lee High School).  I also stood by as she talked with Caroline Long (the emcee and co-founder of the races).  Caroline said that initally they hired an emcee just like they hired the DJ.  However, something happened, so she ended up doing–and better.  She would go interview everyone while the hired would sort of just watch because s/he didn’t know anyone. 

Our last stop, right after grabbing extra white 8th Annual T-shirts as given permission by Joanne and Robert (Jacky was desperate for one), we “ordered” not food but some balloon sculptures from Smilez 4 Kids (they also paint faces).  As they were making them (the guys got them for their girlfriends), I started chitchatting with the one closest to me.  Turns out this grey-haired man is a missionary all over the world.  The younger people (like our age) standing behind him are two of his eight? children.  The guy was born in Germany? and the female making my penguin (as requested by Tedman, who personally got a Tigger tiger) was born in Italy.  This is their fundraiser.  Wow.

Hm…seems like I did a lot more.  I guess all that running, noise, losing my neon-yellow Airshow cap, pictures with newsreporters (just Greensheet - look for the June edition), and sunshine really did me in.  But with how things turned out, I am overall very happy.  Check out the link in http://www.buffalobayou.org/dragonboat.html for the official website, where you can click to Channel 13’s reporting with pictures and videos as well as the results (Continental Airlines reclaimed their champion title since 2004, 2003, and 2002) and especially how to volunteer for October’s Regatta ;-).

In the afternoon, I could’ve participated in Hector’s Cinco de Mayo cookout, but I was way too tired.  I took a nap (from 3 to 5 pm) then got up to eat dinner while watching Coyote Ugly on TV.  Turns out my mom went to the same Chinese singer concert as Jocelyn did (must be since she said something to that extent and was asking for directions to the front of the Reliant Stadium).  I also called Inch, Nathan Kim, who referred me to Chris Sun, and Henry (who asked Charles and Elliot who he was watching a movie with) if they wanted to go to the Astros game tomorrow.  Inch says he and Sarah Kim won’t be going because church conflicts (as I suspected).  Nathan is at a ASME (American Society of Mechanical Engineers) conference.  Chris says he “probably won’t be going” and I didn’t press for a reason.  Henry gave generally the same answer, as did Charles, but Elliot said maybe.  We’ll see.

Heart’s cry

The WHCC guys were at Meta retreat, and Linton apparently was taking a nap, so Elliot didn’t really come.  I met Chris at T. H. Rogers.  It was just the two of us, shooting around.  We played a game of HORSE, which he won (I was leading in the beginning, but he said what probably happened was that I kept trying to make three-pointers so my arms got tired).  At the end he sat down and rested.  I practiced some lay-ups, from both sides.  But playing by myself is even worse than just the two of us.  So I sat down in front of him, drinking my water.  I asked him if he missed Plano, to which he answered, “A little.”  He says he has lost touch with most of the people he knew from back there.  While we were walking away, Chris said that Linton was taking swing-dancing lessons.  I exclaimed that he invited me as well, except that I didn’t want to pay $40 at this time (which isn’t expensive for 4 weekly lessons, but I figure when I start I’d take more than that plus I don’t want to spend that kind of money right now without a job).  Chris said the money issue ($50 for guys I guess) was his same idea.

We went to Old Place Cafe (his choice) in Chinatown for dinner.  Jacky was napping when Chris called him for basketball, so he called back and joined us.  I got eight lamb dumplings (which were okay, not that fond of the lamb taste) and Chris always orders Dan-Dan Noodles.  He says that his friends never seem to particularly desire to come here to eat when he suggests it.  Jacky said he could understand.  He said that his Beef Noodle Soup tasted so bad that he wanted to buy a drink to wash out the flavor.  Yet he still finished it all (cleaner than Chris’s bowl, who said, “And I liked my food”); he admitted that the noodles were good because they were home-made.  Then we went over to the Dun Huang Supermarket area.  Chris got a strawberry drink from Juicebox and met Jacky at Star Snow Ice & Teriyaki.  When I went in, I saw Vivian and Christine from BASIC were sitting in the front corner eating dinner, so I went over to say hi and chat briefly.  We all forgot each other’s names, but it’s okay, we repeated them.  Then I joined Jacky and Chris.  Jason So? and Jen Chi Chen? came in.  They recognized my face (and Jacky’s) so we waved at each other.  Chris, who’s back was towards them, turned around to see who we were waving to, and they recognized him and stopped to talk with him.  Apparently, Andrea (who recently got married to Justin?) had recently moved into the same apartment that Chris had moved into.  They asked him how long he’s been in Houston, and that’s all I heard (wasn’t exactly straining to eavesdrop).

Did you know that Chris is sleeping on the ground in his apartment?  His guy friends have offered to help him move in, but you know him, naw that’s alright.  So his bed and other furniture is still in Nathan Kim’s room.  Chris is leaving his couch there.  But come on, his nice (it is a nice) bed?  Doesn’t that backfire on the purpose he got a new place so quickly?  Chris says his bedroom doesn’t have a window, so it’s really hard to tell when it’s time to wake up (circadian rhythms).  At that time when told us (in the car as we went to the Beacon last week), we were joking that he should draw a sun or something.  Anyway, he moved the smaller objects, like his television, his guitar, and his laptop (he somehow has free internet from somewhere).  I guess he doesn’t have a table either, which reminds me of what Sarah Su had said when she moved to Virginia: ”sleeping on an air mattress and having nowhere to sit other than a chair and a table makes you surprisingly stressed”–so I would imagine it would be even more unsettling to just use a box as a seat….

psi, why are we like this?  Maybe we need to check out something on http://www.baylor.edu/christianethics/index.php?id=15933.  I keep wondering if we are so desperately not going in the right direction:  http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=19fd9c84c942a08316e0 (Paul David Washer).

Just jammin’

I was invited to lunch, which I thought would be a lot of people, but it turned out arriving at Yantze there was just Linton, Vickie, Chris, and Phoebe.  Which I like of course (since I prefer smaller groups).  As soon as I walked in Vickie exclaimed, “So cute!” LOL.  I had this half-length-tie-in-front purple clothing item that I had bought awhile back (maybe even a year ago?) but never wore in public (because it’s different for me) that I finally wore over a red tank top.  And I wore my plaid red cap.  Yeah, I look cute ;-P  I ate their leftovers (or rather, Phoebe’s leftovers, although I had eaten at home).  Linton went to take Phoebe back, so Chris went to Juicebox for a drink.  Vickie went there to change, and I ended up getting a parking space just as the two of them were finished.  Outside the place, Vickie bumped into Cindy (used to go to WHCC now goes to Access) so we said hello. 

Afterwards we went to play basketball (also with Linton and Laurie) at T. H. Rogers.  Vickie left for San Antonio, then Jeannette came.  I hear she’s a pretty good basketball player (on the team in middle school?), but she is also such a light-hearted person, playi