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Not the television series season finale tonight. That’s just how I describe how I’ve been feeling for quite some time. And that’s what I’ve been telling people. Like I wrote in an email three weeks ago when asked for a prayer request: “On a personal note, I still feel lost, but it’s not this big suffocating weight and desperation, and I don’t really think it’s a bad thing either. Still, I think what was said at Bible study was right on target, I really don’t even know what to specify except that I really haven’t touched that Bible in forever. I used to read it every day. So that is a step. But just everything is on my mind really, like counseling and church and career and stuff….” Before, it was this feeling of desolation that would be the catalyst of a stampede of thoughts that no one cares (e.g. second-guessing my friends and family, perceiving past gatherings from under the shadow of a dark cloak). Just as Phoebe knows her fear of the stage is irrational, I know these thoughts are irrational, but it still doesn’t much help with untangling that knot during the deer-in-headlights moment. Depression is irrational! Or is it? I remember Hannah made a comment after watching Lifting the Veil, saying she somewhat believes that some who have depression are more in tune with reality than us “normal” people because we “ignore” the atrocities and stick with an “illusion” of rosiness in order to not go “crazy.”
“Keep Breathing”
by Ingrid MichaelsonThe storm is coming but I don’t mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.All that i know is I’m breathing now.
I want to change the world…instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.But all that I know is I’m breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.All that I know is I’m breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.
Anyway, I guess this is as good a time as any to at least sort a smidgen in my mind/heart/spirit:
COMMUNITY
Genesis 35:11
Last Thursday I drove my parents to Austin to pay a last visit before my brother left for one week (to visit his former roommate), to give him his luggage (so he can pack), and to clean out his fridge (because he can leave food on the stove and not ever eat or clean it out). My brother and I are very close. We grew up with the same parents and familial history, in the same household, went to the same school for awhile, even were in the exact class and period for a class or two in high school (personal tutor, baby!). We initially hung out with the majority of the same acquaintances (and lack thereof) and shared in the same struggles regarding church and friends and connectedness that we still discuss to this day, many times while in his room chatting up to the wee hours of the night/morn and our parents would come and say time to go to bed! We are considerably different when you meet us, no doubt, as I am more like our mother and he is more like our father. And in fact since high school we have led very different lives and rarely hang out or even talk with the same people, friends, or each other. Nonetheless, during those occasional phone calls, I would say that I still feel close and would still reveal much embarrassing/humbling/shameful things to him.
By the way, he had moved into a new apartment (from the urgings of his currently ex-girlfriend) and bought some furniture. Where did they come from? The famous Craigslist. I have never been to the site, but many many people have made references to it. From my understanding, it’s a virtual (that sometimes eventually leads to a physical) place where people can sell and exchange practically anything, from sofas and endtables to jobs, pets, and discussions. It reminds me of Facebook and Myspace, two sites which Jennifer Garcia is part of and asked me if I was as well (I’m not, and actually most people in FBCC don’t have Facebook). I’m not part of Craigslist, either, but is it something to BE a part of? But those in Facebook and Myspace are still part of that network since they are still signed up in it, right? Am I still part of Xanga if I decide I won’t write in it anymore (no activity), even if I have two blogs hosted on it? You used to need an account to leave a comment, but now you don’t. Do those who have never signed up part of Xanga if they leave a million comments on others’ Xanga blogs? What does it mean to be part of a community? What does it mean to be part of a church, and to be part of His Church?
FELLOWSHIP
Acts 2:42-47
I have been faithfully attending church services on Sundays since childhood. But this past January, since I’ve always hated it (since middle school and El Paso, and even in Austin), I made a conscious decision to just stop going. I made no effort to wake up earlier than usual, and even if I did, I didn’t even consider the possibility of perhaps attending. Not until I figure out which church to attend regularly (do I want to stick with FBCC with its new chapter?), why I feel the way I do about it (is it the environment, the specific social situation?), and my reasons for going. Three Sundays ago, I told Tiffany that though I haven’t really been communing with God lately, and though I have never ever exactly lauded FBCC, I have come to the conclusion to return to FBCC. Now I have to dissect what that entails.
Regardless of its vagueness, it was a difficult decision. Vickie is in San Antonio, so that’s why she says she continues to attend WHCC (her default). However, she says that when she returns to a more permanent stay in Houston, she’ll move to Access, which is where Phoebe and Linton are fellowshiping now. Access is starting out as a small but highly committed group. When it grows in size, how will it look like? Are people still going to connect? To start off last fall, Pastor Ted asked his congregants to read The Celtic Way of Evangelism: How Christianity Can Reach the West…Again by George G. Hurton III. In it, the key to evangelism is through understanding and living as a fellowship among the people, and in time they will open their hearts to the God who knows them. The old Roman way was for people to believe before they can belong, while the new Celtic way is for you to belong and eventually believe. In other words, the community and not an individual brings you to Christ. In many ways, it’s easier to tell someone the Gospel than it is to take someone where s/he consistently experiences the Gospel.
How do we belong? I sure feel like I belong to WHCC and HCC more than FBCC. I know I am at fault for not terribly trying much, but even though I don’t really try, I get invited to their birthday parties, their holiday celebrations, and their event gatherings. They even apologize profusely for forgetting to add me onto their list and making sure I am included next time. On the flip side, I try the hardest with FBCC (but not my hardest in general) by calling and emailing them to contact me to hang out, and instead I’ve come to expect voicemail and oh yeah, this is what we’re doing right now, if you want to come. Is it because at least one or two people keep track of me at WHCC and HCC, but no one does here at FBCC? That could make all the difference. Or is it that I expect more (and keep a record of wrongs?) because I have decided to be included at FBCC but I am nonchalant with whether I am invited to WHCC or HCC? I remember back in January there was a slew of WHCC birthdays, and then in February there was a slew of FBCC birthdays. Somehow, I ended up going to the WHCC ones but not the FBCC ones as much; I don’t remember now, but at the time was it due to scheduling conflicts or did I finally decide to attend the WHCC ones because I was more comfortable with them? What does it mean to expect the worse but hope for the best? How do you have high expectations but….?
When I entered college, I checked out a handful of Christian gatherings. I joined a small group that was part of the then-called Chinese Bible Study because it was the thing to do and everyone kept emphasizing them. Our group fell apart,one by one, until it was just the Bible study leader, me, and this girl who was highly committed and hadn’t yet accepted Jesus. I felt sorry, but that wasn’t going to cut it, so I left highly disappointed and joined CCC. Later, I learned that one of the girls who wasn’t that much of a believer became good friends with Kara and eventually made an amazing transformation through His grace. The thing is, though you can encourage group ownership, it sure can’t be forced. Anyone knows nagging doesn’t work, although we find ourselves doing it. Haven’t you noticed with some you just click instantly and with others you don’t? Some people find you dull, while others find you exciting, or at least around them somehow you light up. Even if you give all the time you can, with all the sincerity and effort, with both of you seeking, even if you lived near each other. Reminds me of that girl from Chicago: we had an affinity towards each other so we’d decide to meet up and all, but anyone can tell from our conversations that somehow we just weren’t clicking. Eventually we both decided without words to call it off. She was a smart and pretty girl; I wonder where she is now after UT Austin pre-pharm classes.
Maybe we’re defining incorrectly. Back in high school, I was elected to be the Science Club president, with a new teacher sponsor. It bothered me that our definition of a member was someone who paid the fee. There were those who were super dedicated, coming and helping at every single event, while others never showed up but they did pay the money. I didn’t enjoy being president, so for me to keep everything running was as good as it was going to get, not trying to change their pre-existing system. Magnificat has an application process but afterwards you’re in for life. Even with years of hiatus you are always wlecome to come back and use the resources. I met Annie Shen at an HCC gathering, and she says she hangs out with HCC, serves in her home Asian church, and then attends a more American (or African-American?) church on Sunday mornings. Seems fragmented and yet, is that something I want to imitate? In a way, her method demonstrates that we together are the Bride of Christ. Vickie’s always running around hanging out with all these groups because we are all interconnected (actually, if left to my own devices, I really don’t care to make new friends).
Indeed, it is impossible to know everyone, even within a single church building (”Abandon Committees, Skip Teams, and Embrace Communities” by George Bullard), so is there significance in “choosing” a church? Are we to attend, serve, and gather within one? What does the modern-day “fellowship of the believers” look like? I think my problem would be choosing, because many times events have been booked for the same weekend. Do I even it out? Or instead, focus? Still, I remember in the past when someone at FBCC needed a bone marrow transplant due to leukemia; the whole church gathered together. We have also drawn together to fundraise for missions we support. And the Chinese churches have gathered together for events as well (although it appears that FBCC does that less than the others). Our mechanic, dentist, realtor, and family physician all were borne from the network of these Chinese churches. It’s like “The New Science of Networks” by Albert-Laszlo Barabasi (who wrote it after reading “The Strength of Weak Ties“ by Mark S. Granovetter).
Still, when I went to RecWeek it was a big deal since I didn’t commit myself to InterVarsity but to CCC:EPIC (who has their own similar conference: DWC)–the IV leader went to the CCC leader to make sure they knew about me and it was okay with them! Actually, it is the close relationships I formed in EPIC, not IV, that continue to live on. I’ve still visited Josh, sent a card to Jonathan Le, had a few meals with prayers and talks of our spiritual struggles with Marie when she stops in town, and exchanged sparse emails with Iris. Which reminds me: before the birth of EPIC, Alice and I were part of a CCC cell group. The concept is that, as it grew, it would split and thus multiply. We had to decide who we wanted to go with: Ophelia or Kristen. I couldn’t decide at all. Eventually, on the Jester steps, Iris poured out her heart and tears and basically begged me to be part of the one she had chosen. I don’t remember if I had chosen one yet at this point, or if I ended up choosing the one that she asked me to be a part of, but I just remember this particular heart-wrenching moment. I’ve never felt so loved and accepted. And then, even leaving a comment on a random Xanga where they just started their own EPIC, I never would have imagined that eventually she would pray for my sins, and then point me (with Rudi) to spent one night of our two-week road trip at a stranger’s apartment. Not only did this sister in Christ open her place for us and provide hospitality, she also prayed for and over us.
FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS
Luke 15:1-7
Perhaps Josh had a better glimpse of how this all operates when he wrote his journal entry on seasonal friendships. On the snowboarding trip, not only did I reinforce previous friendships but also forged new ones. Liz prayed for me when she didn’t even know me, only because she knew I needed the spiritual support. Now we still exchange postcards and emails. I haven’t spoken to Ruth since I’ve moved back from El Paso; she was a wonderful roommate. During the student orientation at UT Austin, somehow I ended up hanging with a Hispanic girl and an African-American guy. I remember the incident when we were eating some free food in a large banquet hall, and he said that he really stood out. “Because we’re under the skylight?” “No, because I’m the only black person in this room.” It was really nice to not be alone and to share the experience with others in the same boat. I remember her waving at me later, and he visited my dorm freshman year, but now I don’t even remember his or her names (or faces….). When we graduated, Sapna gave me an old photograph of when the three of us (including Reena) were in second grade? and I had played this detective game with them by planting clues: ”It takes a long time to grow an old friend.” Back in high school, Carla Ortiz gave me this: “Thanks for being my friend & for being the caring person that you are to me. Your the GREATEST friend. Happy B-day to a friend that means ALOT to me.” I remember thinking, this is so out of nowhere! I don’t recall any conversations we’ve had in the past, and ever since I have not a clue what’s going on with her. She says I’m such a great friend to her, but how? I know many times I’m nice to those I really would prefer never to hang out with again, but with her it wasn’t even that….
I remember back in Austin, Timmy Chui wrote about The Atomic Tiers of Friendship haha; wonder where he got his ideas. Phoebe and Hannah have been gone for a week in Hong Kong and will be gone for another week. I have been contemplating our relationships since I’ve been back at my parents’ place for the time being. Phoebe and I grew close first semester of freshman year and then agreed to an accountability relationship thereafter until I moved to El Paso. Hannah and I gelled a connection after her 22nd birthday while exchanging deep, dark, familiar yet unsimilar, privacies. We’ve hung out I think usually once a week together on the weekends, but of course it’s not like before. I think other acquaintances (not “friends”) know more about them than I do at this point. I’m not exactly pining for the days gone by but rather how to take those spontaneous moments along into the future, how to cultivate the environment for our older selves in new stages, for the sake of the gospel, for our children.
I mentioned that we should be neighbors so our kids can play together. Linton said, “But you don’t even have a boyfriend!.” Indeed, I’m not even close to marrying, let alone having children. I never really got to know my neighbors, but it turns out that I know a little more (thanks to my dad) than Phoebe and Hannah do about theirs (they say they’re new). Linton has to feed their dog Missy, but it seems that in the past (or at least in media), the neighbor usually handles that role. As I drive towards Dulles Avenue, I always pass a driveway packed with boys who have grown tall and lanky! I don’t know who lives there, but I’ve seen African-American guys, Asian-American guys, and white guys all playing basketball together. When Gilmore Girls first came out, what drew me was not only the intelligent banter but the concept that they lived in a (too) close-knit town. Everyone would eat at the local Luke’s Diner, and then people could hang out on their front porches and say hello to those walking by. But they sure had a lot of gossip. (And, as Phoebe said, when Dean made love to Rory, we were shocked. So much for a clean series.) I absolutely adored the neighborhood playground my brother and I frequented as children. Okay, so maybe this concept is now dangerous in this day and age. Then you can have those “gated communities” that Jessica/Robert/Rosemery (and my brother) are in (compare with the med center condos that Alison/Wilson/Cindy live in).
MARRIAGE
Ephesians 5:22-33
I always say that I feel more comfortable around guys than girls (verus for Linton he says he grew up feeling more comfortable around girls than guys). The past few weeks I wonder how I came to that conclusion, both mentally and subconsciously in how I act. I mean, I hung out with both while in school (and senior year it was a table of all females during lunch, man I miss Arlene and oh, her birthday was this past Sunday), and at church it wasn’t like the guys in my class treated me better than the girls. I would also say that I have more guy friends than girl friends, yet if I lost my guy friends I would be sad but not as devastated as if I were to lose a friendship with a girl.
Chris is a prime example. In fact, I’m almost hesitant to call him a friend. Is he more of a…frequent acquaintance? Seriously, the only reason we hang out is through Linton (and satellite friends). I have a [funny] birthday card that he gave me freshman year. Little did I know then how rare that is. Yet he’s probably going to be one of Linton’s groomsman, and I did invite him to my birthday dinner, I guess to even it out. I also invited Nathan Kim, and we rarely talk. In fact, we just see each other at football and usually don’t even exchange words. But I know if I am in need of prayer or other help, he will respond, as he always emails back amidst his numerous activities. And then there are Andrew, Nathan, and Inch. Well, I haven’t been in contact with them for quite a long time now, but it’s okay. I think I feel closer to them than the other people I’ve met from football simply because I met them through Vickie, and somehow that changed the dynamics in how I associate with them, like sending them Christmas cards.
Haha, remember when Tina Chen thought that David Kalloor and I were dating because he’d come over so often freshman year before either of us made many new friends? It never occurred to me, and I never ever did/will have that thought concerning him. Whereas with Siwei we, I have no idea how, hit it off right off the bat (where/when/who). I could tell him everything that I tell my brother–that’s how close I felt with him. But I barely met him. At first I clung to thinking, “What does it mean to know my husband?” but like friendships, there are those you just click with and those you don’t. So I’ve let go of that. When I said no in Austin to a sweet guy who asked me out, he asked if it was because he didn’t believe in God. “No, I’m just not attracted to you.” Somehow, I didn’t feel it.
Although, I think that has to do with our current culture. If parents don’t approve of your choice nowadays, that’s usually overlooked instead of trying to reconcile. In past customs (like the dowry) and in prevailing traditions (like the father “giving away” the daughter) though, it’s really a relationship between the two families, if not also between/within churches (The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony by Pamela Paul), dating with the approval of your community, who is in the place to help you weigh in the other factors of values and also keep you accountable. That’s probably why Erwin and I are somewhat okay when thinking about arranged marriages. I think the problem occurs when they make matches due to affluence and distinguishment, etc, as all humans end up messing up good systems. My question to myself is, “If a guy I highly respect were to ask me but I just wasn’t feeling it, even after multiple extended rendezvous, would I accept?” I think this is the wisdom I need to ask God about: the ability to discern whether an obstacle is the result of the need for discipline/perseverance (hurdle) or is the result of the need for a detour/fork (wall). That’s what I’ve been trying to consider about waking up early, memorizing verses, personality in socializing, planning (using a planner works great for me, but Jennifer Lin says it doesn’t help her at all), kit with relatives, exercising, friendships as mentioned above, love languages….
PURPOSE
John 17:4
Last Wednesday, we met for FBCC Ladies’ Group. The overall concensus was, we have no idea where we are headed and how our stories will end on earth and continue in heaven. Many are figuring out whether to change to an entirely new area of study, or at least a new job within their current finished schooling. The competition rises each year it seems among valedictorians/salutatorians, and I am amazed at just how ambitious and passionate they appear to be; you wonder if they will reach it, and if they will find satisfaction in reaching it. As the dark clouds slowly dissipate, at times an epiphany or some clarity will shine through, but then it quickly disappears and I’m in a fog again, but still in a better state for seeing it. I’m usually at peace when I think that I will be married while going about the house, how I’ve always vaguely but contentedly imagined it, helping supporting supplementing whatever he endeavors. Despite that, Proverbs 31 had always bothered me, but even now the Proverbs 31 woman is now a celebration and challenge. This always-wife desire and this in-the-Bible-but-doesn’t-seem-right disenchantment is finally coming together. I guess I didn’t realize that it made me feel intimidated, incompetent, hopeless, exhausted (in my own power) like reading the goals of the graduates. Instead, as God is making us perfect, as women He is making us her (His power with our participation), in our own unique ways.
Of course, having “peace” doesn’t always mean I’m on the right track, but again you can’t discount it either. I get restless when I think that I have been blessed beyond what I could’ve asked or imagined and with that comes the stewardship of making great strides for His kingdom (and thus even before believing but being raised in church, missions was always attractive to my naive eyes). The thing is, ultimately we are to obey and glorify, NOT to change the world. I think it is in this that I am transitioning from abstractness into something more pragmatic, as I am slowly lifted out and glean the gems that can only be understood from coming out of trip-ups, temptations, and trials. I was all tangled up in my buzz words of community/friends/romance/vulnerability/missions/reconciliation/prayer, I’ve forgotten to “look up!” I’ve been trying to figure out what God has given me a gift in, where God has placed my passions in, and how it could all work in this current culture, but conclusively regardless of techniques and training, the umph will be from God.
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! (Philippians 3:7-16, Romans 11:36).
AMEN.
I stopped by the basketball court to shoot some hoops. I chatted with Elliot on the phone about agenda and movies. Then I dropped by Ben and Jerry’s to see David Kalloor before he left back for Austin. Chris, Hannah, Linton, and Phoebe were there. Phoebe apologized profusely to me, and I accepted. David gave hugs.
Then, I went to watch Vickie play her first and only flag football game in the tournament. She’s on Robert Hwang’s team, the Roaring Tigers. Wilson of course had his Titans going. I snuck up on Tiffany, who complimented me on my haircut. James waved hello. I sat next to Karin, who was there with her brother John and kites. I talked some with David Zhao’s girlfriend Tammy. I ended up cheering for the Tigers because Tiffany Lin, David Zhao, Annie, and Vickie were on that team, plus they had never won a game yet. Annie’s sister stood in until Cynthia showed up. Cynthia picked Jeff Tang to play for the Titans since they were missing a player (they were missing a lot, actually). Inch made some good runs. I ran/walked two laps around the park with Lisa. Then we sat on her baby-blue blanket from IKEA. Vickie asked James Hsia about his car. Ed’s wife (Kara Wong’s sister) commented on how shallow the conversation was, so James shared that he was reading/memorizing a passage, which he recited to Vickie.
I finally gave Wilson the magic cards, haha. I thought I was going to leave then, but then Vickie and Ed’s wife (Kara Wong’s sister) said they only had ten plays left. Well, the Open League’s teams played after the Closed League played (more girls). Haha, Robert Chan stepped out because he’s not that into sports. He (he says appears swollen even after two weeks) told Chi-Chi to ask me about her jammed finger. Jeff Chen, Nathan Kim, and Erin Pang were all on the Open League, too. In fact, Erin’s the only girl (Joanne Wei was, but when she realized how intense it was, she dropped out) on the team, and by the end of the day she had fractured her pinky finger. I watched as Rosemery walked their newly owned young dog (”like having to take care of a child”) who was playing with another person’s dog.
We went to Fuddruckers. Vickie and I arrived at the same time, coincidentally. She ordered the long hot dog, and I got the S’room combo (I shouldn’t have gotten the fries after all, oh well, starving since I didn’t eat lunch). I got my food fast, before those who ordered before me. As I sat down, Aaron Fu introduced himself to me (after Vickie introduced herself to him). He ended up talking much with Lindi, who sat to my right (he sat in front of her). Actually, one time he leaned over and whispered something in her ear, to which Jasmine (who sat at the head of the table to my left) asked if they would share with us. The two of them just smiled. Aaron has traveled a lot growing up. Alan Bennett sat in front of me. I think the three of us had a decent conversation going: Alan says his family celebrates Chinese holidays but not all out, Jasmine asked me about how I met Jocelyn Chen, the two of them talked about. To Lindi’s right sat Lisa, who was sitting next to Vickie, who were talking with Robert Chan, Chi-Chi, and the Jeffs. Jeff Chen shared about him leading a small group. There wasn’t enough room so Wilson, Robert Hwang, Cynthia, and Tiffany sat at a booth and James, John, and Karin sat at another booth. I left before everyone, at 9:30 because Mom called.
This morning my dad went with shiaw goo-goo to Austin (they stayed with my brother) with shiaw goo-goo’s friend. I could’ve joined/supported the NAMI Walk, but instead I drove to Jacky’s apartment to carpool to . Jocelyn, JT, and Ted were already waiting. He asked if I could drive since I was the only one with a four-door car. Jacky sat in the passenger seat, JT sat on the right, Jocelyn sat in the middle, and Ted sat on the left. We got lost briefly trying to find the Metro station, where we have permission and a permit to park for volunteering. We waited for Jacky’s co-worker Andy? then headed towards the area (man, I forgot to take a picture of the metal see-through sign over the desolate grass area). We passed an African-American with dreadlocks who was walking and also another man who was napping under the bridge but when he saw us (we were trying to take a picture of a family of ducks) he sat up and put on a shirt.
After registration and getting our Tshirts, we were put to work doing random setup. Jocelyn and I stuck together for the most part, trying to adjust/move the stage, transporting supplies to the media/vip area, transporting water. The water was initially kept in this rundown building which had cool detached drawings of buildings on the white walls with black paint (I took pictures). Shane Chen (a female), Jacky’s coworker who invited him and thus us to volunteer at this event, gave us special treatment. We also got Astros tickets (unfortunately they gave us entrance to tomorrow’s and not Tuesday’s game), baby sunscreen, water, vegetable buns for breakfast (I know, sounds nasty in English), and overall better volunteering jobs than the other volunteers I think.
We went walking around to the tents so that Jocelyn could say hello to Winston and Myrtle. Myrtle is on the Houston Heat, as is Ying Yeung, my old piano teacher’s older daughter. She says later I’ll probably see her dad since he’s coming as well. Other people who I also ended up seeing were Jasmine and Annie from BASIC, John Hsieh (who gave me a large bottle of green tea with lemon as well as a bbq pork bun), Ren, Christine Fung, and Susan Zhang. Lol, Jocelyn ended up having to paddle for Lee High School. I was pulled for Silver Eagle Distributors “Team Bud Light” because I was told one paddler had austism and had changed her mind, but the boat had already gone ahead so I didn’t have to. I eventually ended up being the runner, meaning I would have to call the teams from wherever they were (usually at their assigned area under the bridge/tent) to get in line for their turn.
On one trip of mine, I saw Robert C staying a little off from the crowd, on the sidewalk not close to the water’s edge, watching the race. I went over and said hi, but he had this confused look on his face. Not until he said, “You got a haircut” did I realize he probably didn’t initially recognize me. We chatted, each telling the other why we were here. He said that Joanne Wei (met on the football field, remet more firmly at David Zhao’s Chinese New Year party) had asked him to help out. The RUCAA (Rice University Chinese Alumni Association) team consists of some current students and alumni, Joanne being one of them. Another alumni, whom Robert introduced me to, is Ben Chu. We both comment that each looks familiar to the other, but we have no idea how. He graduated from Rice in 1995. When I asked them if they were ready, Robert came up to me and said that actually they need 7 more paddlers. I wasn’t sure if they’d be able to participate or be disqualified. By the time they got their bracelets (they also forgot to register) to enter into the filtered area where current teams can be (and appropriate volunteers), they somehow could. Turned out that they grabbed Jasmine, Annie, and John, and also roped in three Rice freshmen they had spotted. One freshman came simply to watch her mom participate with the El Paso (Corporate?) Group, but now she has her own team to cheer on.
The guys (JT, Ted, Jacky, and Denver) were assigned to be dock helpers. However, they are in a restricted area (and understandably so, because the people in charge don’t want that area clogged). The girls are all running around as volunteers and as visitors. Since Robert generally has an area he keeps going back to, I kept going back there to chat in between my runs. It made my day, because he also asked me if I wanted some of their food (they were grilling hotdogs, sausages and hamburger patties on a metal portable enclosure) and man did I ever. He went and grabbed me a hot dog in a bun (Vickie pointed this out to be that this is above and beyond simply asking if I wanted to eat) and asked if I also wanted ketchup and mustard, which I didn’t want him to go through THAT much trouble so I shook my heard (I was really hungry anyway). I also ran out of the two bottles of water I had brought so I grabbed their paper cup and drank some from theirs as well (which I’m sure they desperately needed since they were rowing!).
He’s an easy guy to talk with, and always with that big grin and easygoing attitude (with a humorous streak - saying I should wear my cap this other way, which I thought was true until he jk’d). Some of the things I picked up: He is going to finally graduate from residency in…2013. I think he said he’d be 32 or something by that time. He definitely never looks tired, though (good time management, eh?). His family is in Louisiana, but they will probably move since they don’t really like it there. He wants to go to Boston, but that is unlikely since there is more supply than demand with physicians. He says there are three-digit-number of universities churning out medical graduates and a lot of people want to stay in the area. His dream is to start a private practice, probably in San Diego, with two of his friends (who are specializing in oncology and radiation). If his parents want his house, he’ll let them have it. Otherwise, he’ll rent out his house. OH yeah, and he remembered I was studying OT. Wow. The jokester again, saying that I should actually sell the projects (crafts) that the patients make during our Task Group in order to make more money.
When we were off the hook (we got to eat some of their food, but they also asked the guy to stay longer to help move the drums), we checked out some of the booths. Jocelyn took me to the Wheel of Fortune put on by Western Union. You could tell the staff wasn’t too thrilled to be there, just giving us their advertisements (and of course the prize I got from turning the wheel). We passed one selling beautiful purses, and parasols, and even a tarot reading tent. She also showed me where I could get my Chiense name written in calligraphy. I got one for myself, and then when I commented that my mom would like it, she told me I could ask the man to write my mom’s name as well, which he did. They were written on Beijing Olympics bookmarks. Jocleyn is quite the social butterfly, taking photographs and contact information with all the people she met (e.g. the teacher who helped with Lee High School). I also stood by as she talked with Caroline Long (the emcee and co-founder of the races). Caroline said that initally they hired an emcee just like they hired the DJ. However, something happened, so she ended up doing–and better. She would go interview everyone while the hired would sort of just watch because s/he didn’t know anyone.
Our last stop, right after grabbing extra white 8th Annual T-shirts as given permission by Joanne and Robert (Jacky was desperate for one), we “ordered” not food but some balloon sculptures from Smilez 4 Kids (they also paint faces). As they were making them (the guys got them for their girlfriends), I started chitchatting with the one closest to me. Turns out this grey-haired man is a missionary all over the world. The younger people (like our age) standing behind him are two of his eight? children. The guy was born in Germany? and the female making my penguin (as requested by Tedman, who personally got a Tigger tiger) was born in Italy. This is their fundraiser. Wow.
Hm…seems like I did a lot more. I guess all that running, noise, losing my neon-yellow Airshow cap, pictures with newsreporters (just Greensheet - look for the June edition), and sunshine really did me in. But with how things turned out, I am overall very happy. Check out the link in http://www.buffalobayou.org/dragonboat.html for the official website, where you can click to Channel 13’s reporting with pictures and videos as well as the results (Continental Airlines reclaimed their champion title since 2004, 2003, and 2002) and especially how to volunteer for October’s Regatta ;-).
In the afternoon, I could’ve participated in Hector’s Cinco de Mayo cookout, but I was way too tired. I took a nap (from 3 to 5 pm) then got up to eat dinner while watching Coyote Ugly on TV. Turns out my mom went to the same Chinese singer concert as Jocelyn did (must be since she said something to that extent and was asking for directions to the front of the Reliant Stadium). I also called Inch, Nathan Kim, who referred me to Chris Sun, and Henry (who asked Charles and Elliot who he was watching a movie with) if they wanted to go to the Astros game tomorrow. Inch says he and Sarah Kim won’t be going because church conflicts (as I suspected). Nathan is at a ASME (American Society of Mechanical Engineers) conference. Chris says he “probably won’t be going” and I didn’t press for a reason. Henry gave generally the same answer, as did Charles, but Elliot said maybe. We’ll see.
I was invited to lunch, which I thought would be a lot of people, but it turned out arriving at Yantze there was just Linton, Vickie, Chris, and Phoebe. Which I like of course (since I prefer smaller groups). As soon as I walked in Vickie exclaimed, “So cute!” LOL. I had this half-length-tie-in-front purple clothing item that I had bought awhile back (maybe even a year ago?) but never wore in public (because it’s different for me) that I finally wore over a red tank top. And I wore my plaid red cap. Yeah, I look cute ;-P I ate their leftovers (or rather, Phoebe’s leftovers, although I had eaten at home). Linton went to take Phoebe back, so Chris went to Juicebox for a drink. Vickie went there to change, and I ended up getting a parking space just as the two of them were finished. Outside the place, Vickie bumped into Cindy (used to go to WHCC now goes to Access) so we said hello.
Afterwards we went to play basketball (also with Linton and Laurie) at T. H. Rogers. Vickie left for San Antonio, then Jeannette came. I hear she’s a pretty good basketball player (on the team in middle school?), but she is also such a light-hearted person, playing around with me like sticking out her butt and waving like a maniac. I can tell when everyone isn’t playing up to par around me (like the guys), but otherwise I’d be crushed, haha. Linton had to leave around 5:30, so we ended then.
I still went to football. I pulled up just as Robert C got into his vehicle to leave. I came up to Jesslyn and James talking. I wasn’t sure if I was interrupting, but I wasn’t about to go up to Nathan Kim and the other guys surrounding Wilson (they looked like a team going over plays). I was lamenting on there not being any girls, but James pointed out that they were flying kites! So I ran to join them. The Hello Kitty one was a cinch to fly (but the winds were so strong to break off the string after awhile), but the butterfly wouldn’t go up at all. James and Alison and I tried and tried and tried. We thought maybe it was too heavy and took off some of the plastic rods. We tried flying it upside down. We tried all directions (the wind was flying all directions). Finally we headed over the main field. Lindi had bought a pack of bubbles, so we all took a bottle. They were having trouble, but I just utilized the wind - ingenius ;-) hehe. James ended up wrestling with Robert H, who ended up fixing our kite problem. It was apparently assembled to in effect not utilize the wind (instead of buoying itself on the breeze). Thanks! Yay!
Afterwards, we headed to Boston Market for dinner again. This time Alison, Lisa, Lindi, Robert, James, and I shared the chicken group combo deal. The sides we chose were garlic mashed potatoes, vegetable casserole, greens in cream, cream corn, and other creamed items. Discussion involved guys needing to take leadership, how us females need to respond (in one case you don’t want to say anything to the guy because then the guy will be nagged on and feel they have not made the decision even if the best gentlest encouragement was given), if we females need to wait/pray it out, etc. And sometimes, James admitted, he just doesn’t want to do something so he should just say he doesn’t want to do it instead of giving excuses of too busy and things like that because at the end of the day it’s, he could’ve made time to do it if he really really wanted to.
Later, I joined the others at Robert C’s house. There was already a group there playing poker. Katie Chong was there reading/studying the lecture video on her laptop while playing. Andrew, Wilson, and Chris Lu (who asked me to leave the door open as I was leaving because it was cool outside/hot inside) were also there. Robert H came because he wanted to play Nertz (and Jeff Tang had expressed interest, because he was simply watching them play - since they were really betting, even if the money was nominal). But first, we were like, where did James go? So Robert and I headed upstairs into his room. I said, “Let’s sing!” and I didn’t realize it but Robert sort of teased/imitated my hand gestures and then gave this “Um, ookay” face about my suggestion. But the three of us really did end up singing the songs we sing in church while James played his keyboard. At one point I thought, oh wait, is Robert C sleeping? But James said that Robert has told him in the past that he doesn’t hear anything since right behind the wall is the bathroom and not the bed. At times Robert Hwang and I would switch voices (I would sing low and he would sing high). David Zhao came up to take a shower, and he commented that he thought there were more girls besides me, haha! Katie asked if I could take her home, which I obliged, but then she changed her mind for some reason. She was all sunburned because she hates the texture of sunscreen (reminds me of Nathan Kim). We were all like, well, better than getting…skin cancer?
This weekend a lot of people, including Cynthia Lay but especially BASIC members, are out of town attending Ly Tran’s wedding (to Cynthia’s childhood friend) in the Dallas area. I let my brother know about that since Ly used to be a respected mentor to him.
Saturday morning I showered then returned Mod Podge to Michael’s. Then I went to Morris’s neighborhood playground to attend Jaelyn’s party to celebrate her turning two years old. They had a lot of food (spaghetti, catered sandwiches, fried eggrolls of course yum, cake, fruit, water, cookies….). Jaelyn seems to like playing by herself and not the friendliest towards others. We tried to take a picture with her, but she kept walking around. I went on the swings and she wanted so I placed her on and pushed her a little. Her mom came over and suggested maybe to play on the playground equipment again, and she complied. It was a bit windy. Someone bought Jaelyn her first “car” - I wonder if it’s battery powered, and she really can sit in it and drive it. My parents left to take grams home. I left some minutes after.
Afterwards, I drove over to Panera Bread on Westheimer (next to Fogo de Chao) and tried to enjoy the weather and use their free wi-fi, but since my computer has a glossy monitor it tired me out quite quickly. Around 5 pm, Linton called me (I had called Hannah a few times but that didn’t work) to eat at Benningan’s (they had gone rock climbing). I turned that offer down since they were in the northwest. He called me back and said they changed locations (the Benningan’s in the Galleria), so I agreed to meet them because I was quite hungry (I was going to eat at Panera but..I guess today I just leeched off of their facilities). I think they didn’t arrive until 6:30 (an hour later than expressed), so we didn’t get our food until 7:30? Most of us got the combo deal; Elliot and I split the deal because it was perfect–I got the entree and he ate the appetizer and dessert. Elliot liked my red plaid hat :-) Hannah Lin said that she doesn’t really wear accessories but when she sees others wear them she reconsiders. Jennifer Lin, Laurie, the younger sister of Darwin, and Hannah Kwan (on crutches) with her boyfriend were there, too.
The twins, Linton, and some of the others were going to attend a grassroots concert (one of Phoebe’s classmates was going to perform). Well, I felt bad that there was no one attending Karin Hsieh’s Mary Kay Makeup Party, so I replied, “Yes.” Thus I had to turn down the concert since it was at the same time (8 pm). I got there at 8:30, and then we didn’t end until 10:30ish. Karin used me as her first guinea pig to practice demonstrating the presentation (showing the different products, letting me try on the makeup, etc.). It wasn’t too bad, and she gave me some free samples (i.e. I gave my aunt the foundation). John Hsieh came back (we were at their parents’ gated community) and reported that he went to Swirll (1944A West Gray / Houston, TX 77019 / 713.523.4888) at 8:30 but no one was there so he left. I called Jessica to see what happened, and she said that they just left there (there were about a handful of people..?) - she just arrived with Derrick late around 9 pm. No big deal; I was quite tired.
And it turns out on Sunday I did end up going to Swirll after all. Oliver Huang is the manager (Jessica Ng’s family friend is the owner). They have the following flavors: Original, Tart and Icy, Passion Fruit, Raspberry, Pomegranate, Blueberry, Green Apple, Mango, Banana, Cookies and Cream, Coconut, Vanilla Classic, Vanilla (no sugar), Strawberry, Strawberry (no sugar), and Chocolate (no sugar). Another one (5000 Westhemier #608 / 77056) is supposedly opening up next weekend (free frozen yogurt!). Call 713.552.0863 to make sure.
I was at home finishing up my activity analysis project since I’m presenting it this coming Wednesday; it was my first time in my life decoupaging. Waiting is a crucial step. I didn’t arrive on Willow Park until 1845, so I was surprised people were still playing flag football. James suggested going to Boston Market to eat dinner. Charles, Henry, and Elliot loitered until we were the last ones there. Henry finally went home to shower, and then Charles (who drove Elliot) decided to just start driving and they’ll make a decision on the way. Ah, my Staffordites.
The BASIC guys shared a group meal; I was late (onto 288?) so I got the children’s plate. I ended up sitting in front of Jeff Tang?. It was a bit awkward…I wanted to join in the group conversation, but he was friendly and asked me questions about what I do and trying to relate, talking about bipolar, etc. He didn’t play football today but he comes out at times; he just joined for dinner today. Jeff Chen came later and sat at the end of the table that was moved to connect with a booth (he ended up ordering the same thing as Jeff Tang, haha). At one point, Robert C asked if I we had a policy that we could not date our patients. I figure sure, although if there wasn’t one in place, I don’t think anyone would really want to date them! Robert said that if they were your patient once in their life, then s/he could never date the doctor. Hm…. Andrew talked about having girls come watch the guys play in their basketball league on Saturdays so that they would play harder but not better - or rather, so that he (with his sprained ankle) could mingle with all the females LOL. “Will you come, Amy?” Uh….
Robert C convinced me to go to Swirll, saying it was only a few minutes away. I called Karin to let her know about it (and unfortunately she called me back late at night, and a couple more times at that, while I was dog tired - I didn’t want to be rude but I cut her off and said I had to sleep for work tomorrow). Vickie called me as I was sampling the flavors so I ended up having no idea what was good. Derrick said his favorites are Pomegranate and Mango? I may have totally made that up. The guys who came were Robert, Robert, Jeff, Jeff, Derrick, John, and Andrew if I recall correctly (Alan and James went back home). I was on the phone, so I missed something that Andrew said to/asked of me…suspicious….
As one who professes to have died and now live for the resurrected Christ, this should perhaps be the most crucial celebration. However, I did not go to church this morning to join the fellowship of my community, nor did I reflect or rejoice on my own with Him. Instead, I followed suit in being the busiest person in the world (”When we do not do the one thing we ought to do, we have no time for anything else–we are the busiest people in the world.” -Eric Hoffer). That has been my habit lately. Nonetheless, by the end of the weekend, I couldn’t but help contemplate, if only briefly:
- Romantic tensions. “Hello.”
- Changing versus challenging another
- Growing old, side by side
- Guys will be guys, after all
- Meeting the Thumball: http://www.catch32ball.com/images/Thumball_PressRelease.doc
- What makes me mad?
Saturday, March 15, 2008. This is the first of two Saturdays I have to work (half day). It wasn’t too bad (no evaluations, surprisingly). I parked at the golf course and Rick picked me up (so that I wouldn’t have to pay the $10 parking garage fee). He’s doing this Saturday and next Saturday to make up for missing days to attend Dr. Barber’s bachelor party/wedding. I’m a big help because usually Saturdays are done by only one therapist (COTA or OTR) and the OT tech Tiffani. This way, I write half of the stack and he writes the other half of progress notes. He was going to drop me off at my car, but by the afternoon due to the tourists and visitors of the area, there was a traffic cement barricade to the road so he dropped me off (he had to meet his family) at the intersection and I walked to the car (earlier we had joked that if he wasn’t finished and I was, I could leave earlier but I couldn’t since he drove me but techincally I could walk but that would take forever). Good sunny exercise.
After work, I gave the FBCC girls’ a call. No one answered. I was really frustrated because FBCC Career Group went to Project C.U.R.E. this morning. In the evite I said I couldn’t make it but that I would be available for lunch. Then, maybe they don’t read the evite replies, I emailed the girls a few days before, specifically saying that if they were eating afterwards to give me a call. And I call them after work. I began to feel very left out and that they don’t really want me there, which makes me not want to be there (let’s just say that my inclinations for FBCC isn’t exactly positive so this just adds fuel to the fire). Janet Poon finally called me back and let me know that in fact Hector was having a BBQ at his place.
I was passing by and decided to pay Henry a visit. Rick had bought me a breakfast taco but I didn’t feel so good stomach-wise in the morning so I kept it in the fridge. Turned out to be helpful because I ate that plus a sandwich from Henry (he just bought some turkey sandwich meat) for lunch. He is always so…bluntly..unapologetic. He said that he didn’t have extra food for me, but then he said that I could eat the sandwich. I swear, I don’t know how I had initially been able to look pass his “meanness”. But Henry’s Henry, as Elliot and David and Kuan can tell you. He had to go to his parents’ afterwards, so I left when he did.
I arrived as the couple who lives in Pearland left. There was a LOT of food at the BBQ (as there always is at a BBQ). One of Hector’s coworkers (now I forgot his name) struck up a conversation with me. I wasn’t particularly interested but as always I gave him my attention and talked with him (I guess with me, one, including me, cannot tell if I am genuinely interested or not - I speak the same way, and just because I can’t think of anything to say doesn’t mean I don’t want to speak with you). We talked about jobs, school, El Paso, etc. Hector grilled beef, chicken, and sausages (he uses really yummy homemade sauces). Daniel Shen baked some goat cheese with peach, I think. Charlene said it wasn’t too bad, but Howard Chiu’s reaction is a classic. Yeah, I’d prefer to not eat the two ingredients together (and was never much of a goat cheese fan, like Jamie). I left when Jason Chow and his entire van (they had carpooled this morning from FBCC) left.
I called Christina Tam to see if she knew about it, but she couldn’t make it. I offered to bring her food, which she was very appreciative about (Hector encouraged us to take some food home). I perused her apartment space (as I always like to do :) hehe), then watched Birth starring Nicole Kidman. I chose that movie because she had seen all the other movies (although she wouldn’t mind watching them again) and this movie her parents bought simply because it was on sale and had Nicole Kidman, an actress they had actually heard about (funny Chinese parents). Christina also had a whole new large set of Prismacolor colored pencils! How in the world? She said some street artist just gave it to her…? Anyway, Birth is quite…slow…and disturbing in the sense that it’s a grown women having sexual/sensual encounters with an elementary-school-age boy. Anne Heche is in it (it took me awhile to figure out where I had seen her: “Men in Trees”). It was really slow and we had fast forwarded some parts, so I don’t know if we missed anything, we were going to quit, but I just had to know the ending–we could’ve just zipped through to the ending. Ah well.
Afterwards she really wanted to show me the video game Kingdom Hearts (I had not realized just how much of a nerd she is). I was never much into video games, but it was sort of fun and interesting with the conversational bubbles asking with multiple choice questions (i.e. Are you scared of growing old?). My eye-hand coordination is to the pits, haha. Well, it DID take me awhile to learn to type, but when I finally did, I type pretty well. Then I went to Lost Creek to walk with Daniel, Hector, and Charlene. Christina lent me her younger brother’s swimming trunks, tennis shoes, and black Kempner T-shirt (BEAWARE with “Do not doubt that a small group of committed individuals can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has” Margaret Mead and “Be the change you want to see in the world” Mahatma Gandhi). She was even going to lent me her ankle splint (I keep forgetting she can’t really participate in any of this kind of exercise, thus she didn’t join us). I got home (empty) and heated up some dinner then watched random TV (The Newlyweds and The Bachelor: Special Edition). For an hour and a half I tried to vent and feel sorry for myself but instead Vickie basically said the same thing as the Tshirt, to be the change I want to see in FBCC. She sure wasn’t buying my pity. She told me about going to the rodeo this year with Jessica, Robert Chang, etc.
Sunday, March 16, 2008. I joined them for lunch (wow, big group!). There was Eveline and Michael Ng, James, Linton, Phoebe, Hannah, Jacky, Jonathan, and Vickie. I waved hello to John Hsieh and Bo, who were sitting on the opposite end of the restaurant near the window. Vickie and I also said hello to…Tedman! He’s working for…Jennifer Yu! Just kidding, for HP. He says he doesn’t really keep in touch with EPIC people except maybe Josh Winata. Vickie wanted to exercise so turned out everyone went to Willow Park except Eveline and Michael. Alan Bennett and Tiffany Lin showed up, but Wilson texted saying that the rest of them wouldn’t be there until later. Alan left, and Tiffany said goodbye to Phoebe (since they were both Grace Tow’s bridesmaids). We played ultimate football LOL. I didn’t want to get hurt again but I did end up playing (4:4) and good thing there were no potholes because I couldn’t face the wrath of my parents again about my stupid ankle. James made the decision to buy a football.
When it was time to leave, Jonathan wanted to wait to see his cousin Andrew. He called, and Andrew told Jonathan that he was actually working this Sunday so he wasn’t able to make it. I stayed behind and saw Tiffany again (she had gone back to finish up her paper/assignment). Wilson, Jesslyn, James Hsia, Leon Chen, Nathan Kim, Eric, Gabriel (Henry’s Brazilian friend), and Timmy Yip all showed up. I hate his cut shorts. I don’t think they flatter him at all.
